Guest guest Posted February 16, 2009 Report Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hi, I'm new to this group. Been through a lot of therapies, read a lot of books, but the info on BPD matches best what's happened in our family with my mother. She wants me to go to family therapy with her to work on " family problems " (not HER problems, the FAMILY problems), which I have done twice now. Her therapist is reluctant to embrace the BPD diagnosis, and I have suggested it, but thus far it's a new idea to my mother and the therapist. So, we sit and discuss " family issues " , but it's becoming apparent that she's not really there to a certain extent. She will 'take responsibility' for the bad things she did in the past, but doesn't show any remorse or compassion for what her kids went through while she was raging, abandoning, threatening, etc. I think that anyone else would recoil in abject horror at the descriptions of some of what took place, out of compassion both for the children being tormented and for her distracted condition. But there is no sense of shame, guilt, horror, sadness or gut level revulsion from her at the perversion of it all, it's just a parlor game of who takes the blame and when. She doesn't seem able to care that she hurt us. In the past (and still) I wanted her to just understand what I was going through, get some acknowledgement for my pain. I'm starting to let go of that now. What I'm wondering is, what can reasonably be accomplished talking to a BPD in therapy who doesn't even know what it means to be a BPD? I can't make her think what I want her to think, or feel real compassion, or do anything. It's not my job to change her. But if she's locked in pre-denial (you can't deny what you can't perceive) what can we possibly accomplish in therapy? What's the point of even going? On the one hand it's good learning ground for me to discover what the messages were that I got, how I got them, how I still get them, and how to dis-identify with those bizzarre ideas. So, it's good for me and my progress. But I don't believe that any real progress can be made on relations in our family so long as there is no perception on her part about the real effects of her actions on others. Who's been here done that, and what were your thoughts? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.