----> Patinage)))))Re: KO Stockholm Syndrome

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah - " Flowers in the Attic " was the original title in the

series. That is interesting about the different nadas. I did feel I

separated with nada for awhile when I was away at college. She did

work her way back into my life once I had my first child, all under

the guise of concerned, loving, overly helpful nada. They both

turned out to be rooted in the same fear of rejection in the end, the

second nada was just more covert I think. What is that saying about

fool me once...ugh!

patinage

>

> Oh boy, did I ever love those Flowers in the Attic books.

>

> At the early part of my adulthood, I had to separate my new mother

> from my old mother. I hated the woman that raised me immensely, as

> she always seemed to hate me. So it was like I pushed old mom out of

> my mind.

>

> When I got my own place, we started talking on the phone like

friends.

> I had my own difficulties with friendships (due in part by my

> upbringing, I'm sure), so sometimes I turned to her because there

were

> not a lot of people for me to turn to. Also, I had my own too-big

> needs to be listened to. I think after I moved out my mother

started

> listening to me, where she never really did before.

>

> I started a group therapy thing and began to realize that I could be

> different and see things differently. I tried to share some of

these

> concepts with her, because I thought they could help her too. As

soon

> as she could, she would throw them back in my face in a singsongy

> voice, " I thought YOU said blah blah blah "

>

> *sigh*

>

> I tried hard to forget old mom but NEW mom was the SAME but

DIFFERENT.

> I couldn't see it. Old mom controlled with yelling, grabbing,

> staring me down, forcing me to look at her. New mom controlled with

> tears peppered with rage when I didn't give her enough attention.

>

> She needled, controlled, dominated, laughed at my pain, made me feel

> helpless. Right down to arguing with me for several minutes that I

> had a cold, not the flu, despite what my doctor thought.

>

> She went from not caring about my life to wanting to know every

> detail, then judging every detail.

>

> So yes, there was some enmeshment there for a while. I took her

side

> in family arguments. That usually went like this: " But she can't

help

> it. She was just REALLY UPSET " .

>

> As I let go of some unhealthy relationships (and felt I had to tell

> her about it), she seemed to want to swoop in and take more of my

> time. This became unbearable until I broke.

>

> It took me a long time to even see that old mom and new mom were the

> same mom. Weird.

>

> -Deanna

>