Why do we triangulate???

[Guest guest]

I clearly know that at times I am guilty of triangulation.- with-

nada and my abusive husband.

It happens so much less now- and at first I wasn't even aware I

was doing- but I definitely did. It happens especially when my

husband is being extremely hurtful- and my parents are being normal-

and the exact opposite nada is acting crazy, and my husband is in a

good stage.

Then I feel guilty for what I have done- sharing with it feels

like talking about the enemy with the enemy. Those of you that have a

consistent loving partner- are maybe not even aware what I am saying-

but for anyone that has an abusive partner and a nada or fada- maybe

you know.

Anybody have any feedback or what to do- I rarely triangulate

anymore- but I still do it. I know this further destroys- their

relationships to each(other-my husband to my parents). Sometimes I

feel so screwed up inside doing this dance. I also just lately want

to sit down and just cry about this all- and the tears- just won't

come. It is like I am stuffed and jammed up nothing will escape- or

maybe I am afraid to unleash this all- I just don't know.

Any feedback greatly appreciated...I still don't totally

understand why I triangulate- maybe it was my (our)training- as Randi

wrote and I just don't totally get healthy boundaries???

Malinda