Guest guest Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear Jannis, I'm sorry to hear about the time you are having. My aunt has been pulling my chain this week, too.... she'd call, and I'd get palpitations, and the rest of my day was shot.... I took this week off, and I had things to take care of when each of my kids came home, and knowing that, she pulled my chain anyhow. I finally was not so nice when I talked to her, and she backed off - but only a bit. After I talk to her, I feel like an emotional train wreck. My heart is with you.... boy, do I understand... I'm glad this doctor will get hospice reinstated. Sending you hugs, Helene > > A week ago, hospice pulled their services, with the medical director saying Mom wasn't deteriorating rapidly enough to qualify. This happened as a result of a new nurse being assigned to her by hospice, and Mom's ability to still do showtime. > > As a result, we decided that perhaps having her visit with the neurologist/neuropsychiatrist who diagnosed her with LBD would help. Dr. Ralph Richter here in Tulsa is a phenomenal doctor, and thankfully he has two residents he is mentoring, so maybe we will have a bigger base of doctors someday who at least are familiar with LBD! > > My sister took a half-day off work, and it took both of us to wrestle Mom into the car, out of the car, into her wheelchair and into the doctor's office. She weighs about 170 pounds, and has no strength in her muscles at all so there's no assisting us. Dad just stood back and let us do it. > > After running several neurological exams, the doctor sent Mom and my sister into another room, ostensibly for more testing by the residents, but actually he wanted to talk to me and Dad about Mom's care. He stated that she was " very fragile " and placement in a 24/7 skilled nursing facility was his recommendation. Of course, Dad puffed up and started yelling that he would take care of his wife and make sure she got what she needed. Dr. Richter said he understood that Dad would sacrifice everything for his wife, but asked him if he was really that willing to sacrifice me and my health. Dad just said, " whatever it takes. " You know, that really hurt. > > Mom can move her legs and feet on demand, but according to Dr. Richter, she's lost the neural connections in her brain that will allow her to walk or stand. He stated that after that happened, things begin to go downhill pretty quickly. He did say that Mom was a " bright little girl " and that's a good description of her when she's doing showtime. He said that it was probably because she was of above-average intelligence before LBD hit. Mentally, she operates on about the level of a 2- to 3-year-old child. And that's when she's lucid. > > Dr. Richter ordered another CT scan, so yesterday we did the entire loading/unloading/loading scenario, only to find out that my sister had taken us to the wrong imaging center...*LOL* So it was repeated...my back is in kinks from attempting to load and unload that heavy wheelchair. I suggested that we use a transport service here in Tulsa to do it, and Dad said, " we can do it ourselves! " And who stood back while my sister and I did everything??? Yes, I understand that Dad has a bad back, but man...he plays it to the hilt. > > I've become the family servant. Not only am I taking care of Mom, but Dad's just foisting more and more responsibility onto me and spending most of his time in a drugged-out stupor with pain meds for his back. I now have the care of the two of them. Every meal, every sandwich, every glass of water, every toileting need...I've tried to get out a little bit, and Dad calls me constantly, and the moment I get home I find out that he's gone to sleep and Mom's tried to get up and walk and has fallen. > > My sister comes over about 30 minutes once a week to do their meds, and my brother doesn't come over at all except to " borrow " money from Dad. He didn't even show up for Father's Day or Mother's Day although he only lives about 6 blocks from here. > > Dr. Richter did state he would write whatever was necessary to reinstate Mom with hospice, but he told Dad straight out that wasn't enough. Dad said " I'll handle it. " What Dad meant is that he would get me to handle it. > > I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when school starts. Dad keeps saying that he will have Dorothy come back here when I go back to work, but jeez...she comes over for 3 hours, 5 days a week, and she does NOTHING! She sits in the living room with Mom and reads or watches TV. She won't do anything else, no lifting (she's already claiming that she's hurt her back lifting Mom--potential liability suit?), and I found that she's " borrowing " money from Mom and Dad also! I can't let her back here without my being here. > > A ride? Indeed. It's beginning to be a ride straight into hell for me... > > Jannis > Redefining Normal Every Day > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Jannis, I hate to say it, but your dad is acting extremely selfishly. He is at the point where he doesn't care about what happens to you, so you must take measures to take care of yourself. Don't wait till just a few days before school starts. Announce to him that you have to go back home to get rested up before school starts, then pack your things and leave in the next few days. He will find a way to get things done without you because he has no choice. He cannot make you stay unless you knuckle under, and you don't have to do that. You have to take care of yourself because it is clear that he will keep you and use you as long as you can, and not care one bit about your back or your health in general. So leave. Please. > > A week ago, hospice pulled their services, with the medical director saying Mom wasn't deteriorating rapidly enough to qualify. This happened as a result of a new nurse being assigned to her by hospice, and Mom's ability to still do showtime. > > As a result, we decided that perhaps having her visit with the neurologist/neuropsychiatrist who diagnosed her with LBD would help. Dr. Ralph Richter here in Tulsa is a phenomenal doctor, and thankfully he has two residents he is mentoring, so maybe we will have a bigger base of doctors someday who at least are familiar with LBD! > > My sister took a half-day off work, and it took both of us to wrestle Mom into the car, out of the car, into her wheelchair and into the doctor's office. She weighs about 170 pounds, and has no strength in her muscles at all so there's no assisting us. Dad just stood back and let us do it. > > After running several neurological exams, the doctor sent Mom and my sister into another room, ostensibly for more testing by the residents, but actually he wanted to talk to me and Dad about Mom's care. He stated that she was " very fragile " and placement in a 24/7 skilled nursing facility was his recommendation. Of course, Dad puffed up and started yelling that he would take care of his wife and make sure she got what she needed. Dr. Richter said he understood that Dad would sacrifice everything for his wife, but asked him if he was really that willing to sacrifice me and my health. Dad just said, " whatever it takes. " You know, that really hurt. > > Mom can move her legs and feet on demand, but according to Dr. Richter, she's lost the neural connections in her brain that will allow her to walk or stand. He stated that after that happened, things begin to go downhill pretty quickly. He did say that Mom was a " bright little girl " and that's a good description of her when she's doing showtime. He said that it was probably because she was of above-average intelligence before LBD hit. Mentally, she operates on about the level of a 2- to 3-year-old child. And that's when she's lucid. > > Dr. Richter ordered another CT scan, so yesterday we did the entire loading/unloading/loading scenario, only to find out that my sister had taken us to the wrong imaging center...*LOL* So it was repeated...my back is in kinks from attempting to load and unload that heavy wheelchair. I suggested that we use a transport service here in Tulsa to do it, and Dad said, " we can do it ourselves! " And who stood back while my sister and I did everything??? Yes, I understand that Dad has a bad back, but man...he plays it to the hilt. > > I've become the family servant. Not only am I taking care of Mom, but Dad's just foisting more and more responsibility onto me and spending most of his time in a drugged-out stupor with pain meds for his back. I now have the care of the two of them. Every meal, every sandwich, every glass of water, every toileting need...I've tried to get out a little bit, and Dad calls me constantly, and the moment I get home I find out that he's gone to sleep and Mom's tried to get up and walk and has fallen. > > My sister comes over about 30 minutes once a week to do their meds, and my brother doesn't come over at all except to " borrow " money from Dad. He didn't even show up for Father's Day or Mother's Day although he only lives about 6 blocks from here. > > Dr. Richter did state he would write whatever was necessary to reinstate Mom with hospice, but he told Dad straight out that wasn't enough. Dad said " I'll handle it. " What Dad meant is that he would get me to handle it. > > I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when school starts. Dad keeps saying that he will have Dorothy come back here when I go back to work, but jeez...she comes over for 3 hours, 5 days a week, and she does NOTHING! She sits in the living room with Mom and reads or watches TV. She won't do anything else, no lifting (she's already claiming that she's hurt her back lifting Mom--potential liability suit?), and I found that she's " borrowing " money from Mom and Dad also! I can't let her back here without my being here. > > A ride? Indeed. It's beginning to be a ride straight into hell for me... > > Jannis > Redefining Normal Every Day > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 > > A week ago, hospice pulled their services, with the medical director saying Mom wasn't deteriorating rapidly enough to qualify. This happened as a result of a new nurse being assigned to her by hospice, and Mom's ability to still do showtime. > > As a result, we decided that perhaps having her visit with the neurologist/neuropsychiatrist who diagnosed her with LBD would help. Dr. Ralph Richter here in Tulsa is a phenomenal doctor, and thankfully he has two residents he is mentoring, so maybe we will have a bigger base of doctors someday who at least are familiar with LBD! > > My sister took a half-day off work, and it took both of us to wrestle Mom into the car, out of the car, into her wheelchair and into the doctor's office. She weighs about 170 pounds, and has no strength in her muscles at all so there's no assisting us. Dad just stood back and let us do it. > > After running several neurological exams, the doctor sent Mom and my sister into another room, ostensibly for more testing by the residents, but actually he wanted to talk to me and Dad about Mom's care. He stated that she was " very fragile " and placement in a 24/7 skilled nursing facility was his recommendation. Of course, Dad puffed up and started yelling that he would take care of his wife and make sure she got what she needed. Dr. Richter said he understood that Dad would sacrifice everything for his wife, but asked him if he was really that willing to sacrifice me and my health. Dad just said, " whatever it takes. " You know, that really hurt. > > Mom can move her legs and feet on demand, but according to Dr. Richter, she's lost the neural connections in her brain that will allow her to walk or stand. He stated that after that happened, things begin to go downhill pretty quickly. He did say that Mom was a " bright little girl " and that's a good description of her when she's doing showtime. He said that it was probably because she was of above-average intelligence before LBD hit. Mentally, she operates on about the level of a 2- to 3-year-old child. And that's when she's lucid. > > Dr. Richter ordered another CT scan, so yesterday we did the entire loading/unloading/loading scenario, only to find out that my sister had taken us to the wrong imaging center...*LOL* So it was repeated...my back is in kinks from attempting to load and unload that heavy wheelchair. I suggested that we use a transport service here in Tulsa to do it, and Dad said, " we can do it ourselves! " And who stood back while my sister and I did everything??? Yes, I understand that Dad has a bad back, but man...he plays it to the hilt. > > I've become the family servant. Not only am I taking care of Mom, but Dad's just foisting more and more responsibility onto me and spending most of his time in a drugged-out stupor with pain meds for his back. I now have the care of the two of them. Every meal, every sandwich, every glass of water, every toileting need...I've tried to get out a little bit, and Dad calls me constantly, and the moment I get home I find out that he's gone to sleep and Mom's tried to get up and walk and has fallen. > > My sister comes over about 30 minutes once a week to do their meds, and my brother doesn't come over at all except to " borrow " money from Dad. He didn't even show up for Father's Day or Mother's Day although he only lives about 6 blocks from here. > > Dr. Richter did state he would write whatever was necessary to reinstate Mom with hospice, but he told Dad straight out that wasn't enough. Dad said " I'll handle it. " What Dad meant is that he would get me to handle it. > > I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when school starts. Dad keeps saying that he will have Dorothy come back here when I go back to work, but jeez...she comes over for 3 hours, 5 days a week, and she does NOTHING! She sits in the living room with Mom and reads or watches TV. She won't do anything else, no lifting (she's already claiming that she's hurt her back lifting Mom--potential liability suit?), and I found that she's " borrowing " money from Mom and Dad also! I can't let her back here without my being here. > > A ride? Indeed. It's beginning to be a ride straight into hell for me... > > Jannis > Redefining Normal Every Day > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 I'm so sorry for that horrible ride you are on, Janis, but again I say Amen to what says: you have no choice but to leave and put all the responsibility on your Dad's shoulders. Because he's suffering for his wife, he probably doesn't even realize the harm he's causing you. You'll have to be strong and put your foot down and an end to all that abuse, whether it's conscious or unconscious. Please do it and take care of yourself! Still praying for you. Hugs, Raquel > > A week ago, hospice pulled their services, with the medical director saying Mom wasn't deteriorating rapidly enough to qualify. This happened as a result of a new nurse being assigned to her by hospice, and Mom's ability to still do showtime. > > As a result, we decided that perhaps having her visit with the neurologist/neuropsychiatrist who diagnosed her with LBD would help. Dr. Ralph Richter here in Tulsa is a phenomenal doctor, and thankfully he has two residents he is mentoring, so maybe we will have a bigger base of doctors someday who at least are familiar with LBD! > > My sister took a half-day off work, and it took both of us to wrestle Mom into the car, out of the car, into her wheelchair and into the doctor's office. She weighs about 170 pounds, and has no strength in her muscles at all so there's no assisting us. Dad just stood back and let us do it. > > After running several neurological exams, the doctor sent Mom and my sister into another room, ostensibly for more testing by the residents, but actually he wanted to talk to me and Dad about Mom's care. He stated that she was " very fragile " and placement in a 24/7 skilled nursing facility was his recommendation. Of course, Dad puffed up and started yelling that he would take care of his wife and make sure she got what she needed. Dr. Richter said he understood that Dad would sacrifice everything for his wife, but asked him if he was really that willing to sacrifice me and my health. Dad just said, " whatever it takes. " You know, that really hurt. > > Mom can move her legs and feet on demand, but according to Dr. Richter, she's lost the neural connections in her brain that will allow her to walk or stand. He stated that after that happened, things begin to go downhill pretty quickly. He did say that Mom was a " bright little girl " and that's a good description of her when she's doing showtime. He said that it was probably because she was of above-average intelligence before LBD hit. Mentally, she operates on about the level of a 2- to 3-year-old child. And that's when she's lucid. > > Dr. Richter ordered another CT scan, so yesterday we did the entire loading/unloading/loading scenario, only to find out that my sister had taken us to the wrong imaging center...*LOL* So it was repeated...my back is in kinks from attempting to load and unload that heavy wheelchair. I suggested that we use a transport service here in Tulsa to do it, and Dad said, " we can do it ourselves! " And who stood back while my sister and I did everything??? Yes, I understand that Dad has a bad back, but man...he plays it to the hilt. > > I've become the family servant. Not only am I taking care of Mom, but Dad's just foisting more and more responsibility onto me and spending most of his time in a drugged-out stupor with pain meds for his back. I now have the care of the two of them. Every meal, every sandwich, every glass of water, every toileting need...I've tried to get out a little bit, and Dad calls me constantly, and the moment I get home I find out that he's gone to sleep and Mom's tried to get up and walk and has fallen. > > My sister comes over about 30 minutes once a week to do their meds, and my brother doesn't come over at all except to " borrow " money from Dad. He didn't even show up for Father's Day or Mother's Day although he only lives about 6 blocks from here. > > Dr. Richter did state he would write whatever was necessary to reinstate Mom with hospice, but he told Dad straight out that wasn't enough. Dad said " I'll handle it. " What Dad meant is that he would get me to handle it. > > I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do when school starts. Dad keeps saying that he will have Dorothy come back here when I go back to work, but jeez...she comes over for 3 hours, 5 days a week, and she does NOTHING! She sits in the living room with Mom and reads or watches TV. She won't do anything else, no lifting (she's already claiming that she's hurt her back lifting Mom--potential liability suit?), and I found that she's " borrowing " money from Mom and Dad also! I can't let her back here without my being here. > > A ride? Indeed. It's beginning to be a ride straight into hell for me... > > Jannis > Redefining Normal Every Day > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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