Taking Care of Nada

[Guest guest]

I am just putting together some of the pieces again for myself, and I

have reached some conclusions for myself. I like to write them here

becuase it makes them stronger in my own mind, and I like to be as

strong as possible. Over the holidays, my nada completely violated

every boundary I had made with her. She also dominated every

conversation that went on around her. I finally realized that she

looks to me for validation--if I say it is ok, then it is. If I

don't, then it isn't. She is ok as a person based on what I do or

don't do. That is too big of a load for me to carry and I am not

going to carry it anymore. I feel like she wants me to be absorbed

into her and I don't want to be absorbed. I want to live my own

beautiful life, not hers. Also, she is extremely needy. When she

has a problem she likes to talk at me ad infinitum. She gets pissy

with me and refuses to recognize my own personhool. She also has

hidden ways to look for validation--for instance, she feels validated

if I visit her. However, no amount would ever be enough. I just saw

her at Christmas, and now she wants MLK day. Eee gads! Enough is

enough. I am so freaking tired of all of this, and I am angry. She

no longer gets to get validated from me. She no longer gets to push

me aside and think of me as a non-person to her person. I mean she

might still do that, but I am not going to do that. I am just really

upset right now.

I am fighting for my life. That's what it feels like. I want to

have my own self.