Need Will Power

[Guest guest]

If anyone has any extra will-powerl handy, could you send some my way?

We are to go to my in-laws today for our " Christmas " with them. I am in

the middle of one of the worst flares I have had in a long while. I hurt

so bad it is not even funny, and am taking demerol to dim the pain.

Nothing seems to really phase it.

My back is nothing but spasm after spasm. I stand for awhile, then sit

when I get exhausted, but sitting just kills me. For the last week, I

have spent half my time standing behind the recliner, leaning on the

chair. It seems to be the right height to prop up on .. it can take some

of my weight, so my legs don't cramp up.

My back doctor is in EUROPE .. and his partner wont give me anything

else for pain until he sees me (first appointment with HIM .. January

22) .. like right .. that is going to do me any good. So guess I have to

muddle through till my regular doc gets back in town.

My breathing is the pits .. I feel like I am breathing through mud again

as I am holding fluid so badly. I had to have my wedding ring cut off

this week.. I woke up and my finger was purple.

This is the first time in a long time I have had a flare this bad .. and

NOT had the face rash (thank goodness) .. but of course, that means I

have no " outward sign " that I am ill. So .. I will have to endure

another round of " you don't look sick " crap from my in-laws and their

friends who will be there as well.

Gads .. I just hate this .. but will hold my tongue and go along with my

hubby to keep the peace. But I swear, on 60 mg of prednisone, keeping my

mouth shut is going to be hard. So don't be surprised if you see my name

in the headlines .. " Woman goes Berserk! Kills In-laws .. she states

" The prednisone made me do it!! "

hugs ..

" Rion "