consequences of standing up to nada

[Guest guest]

Well, it hit again: about a day after the first joint therapy session

I had with my nada (by way of conference call; we live on opposite

sides of the country) I had another Meniere's attack, and was out of

commission for about 12 hours. I am allergic to my nada, I guess.

I was very blunt at the first session. I said things out loud to both

nada and the therapist that I'd only thought about silently before,

and I didn't really want to go there but the therapist was probing for

information.

Probably the most devastating thing I said was that I fear nada's

propensity to seek revenge. I am afraid that sooner or later, nada

will indulge in her desire to get back at me for the humiliating

ultimatum: go into therapy or there would be no contact.

I bluntly stated that I fear that she will do something really

horrific like accuse me of stealing money from her, or accuse me of

elder abuse when the held-back rage finally works its way out. Even

on the phone I got the sense that the therapist was a little taken

aback with my statement.

Apparently, even if she's not here physically or on the phone making

me feel bad/guilty for hurting her or letting her down, I'll just do

it to myself anyway. Here, Annie, have another nice round of blinding

migraine headache plus dizziness and wretched vomiting for a while,

then sleep away half the day.

I wonder if there are drugs that can help me with this? I guess I

need to haul my carcass into therapy here where I live, and get some

help extricating the nada-in-my-head. I can't go on like this, the

idea of having another debilitating Meniere's/migrane attack each time

nada upsets me are too depressing.

-Annie