Re: Depression/Bennie

[Guest guest]

--- bennie@... wrote:

> I went through a real depression as my life was

> over when my son graduated and I felt so bad and

thought I was worth more dead than alive. I reasoned

my son could use my insurance money to go to school

and be better off.

Hi Bennie

I am so glad that you have your second son to help

give your life more purpose. He will always remember

you, and the loving help your family has given to him.

At the very least, giving him a safe place to be is a

blessing.

Your first son, would never want to trade you for any

amount of money. I do believe you know that now.

Our thoughts think of these things, when we are sad.

Naturally, no amount of money would be enough to give

your son, if you killed yourself.

I have had an episode of that twisted logic in the

past, and completely forgot that our children wouldn't

trade us for anything.

We would only leave them with horrible guilt and heart

break for the rest of their lives. Both of my

children, have needed a lot of counseling due to this

episode.

Please be sure that your son knows that you have no

intention of leaving him. Our kids know us much better

than we think they do.

I realize how hard it is to go from being very

productive each day, to feeling like you have no

purpose.

You certainly are making a difference with both of

your boys. I hope you can help someone else, when your

second son goes to college.

Be good to yourself. Thank you for contributing so

much to the group.

Kaylene

[Guest guest]

Kaylene wrote:

>

> Please be sure that your son knows that you have no

> intention of leaving him. Our kids know us much better

> than we think they do.

>

> Be good to yourself. Thank you for contributing so

> much to the group.

Kaylene,

Thank you for the kind words and I have let my son know that and been

very honest about my recovery. My Thyroid problem really made my

condition worse. My son's teacher e-mailed me during the last of

Senior year when we had to request a extension of make up time to get

his National Junior Honor Society.

She told me that she could tell he was upset and she told me that

was so afraid of me dying and he thought I was just withering away in

the bed. He had some problems behaviorally at school which is unusual

and it stems from his inability to accept my disability.

I have also learned not to openly talk about finances except in an

objective way. Kids take the blame for everything and my son feels

responsible for out present financial situation since we are having to

pay for his college.

His grandfather had promised to do this for years and when it came down

to it, he backed out. My Father used over forty thousand dollars to

help my middle sister getting out of gambling debts. He has always

helped her since she appears needy even though her house is paid for,

her husband has a good job with over ninety thousand in savings, and

they have very minimal bills.

I have a house payment, college expenses, and our taxes are horrible.

We are waiting until my son gets out of college, to sell everything and

move on my Dad's land which is part of my inheritance.

My son has been very good lately and I had to explain to him that it

will take another six months to titer my thyroid medicine up as they

can only increase it every six weeks.

I know I share some personal things on this group, but I want members

to know, they are not alone and the thoughts I had, you had, as you are

a normal response to pain and helplessness. It is so important not to

get so far into that behavior you cannot come out.

That is why I am so antimite about standing up for yourself. It is so

hard when you are in pain. My hope that when others cannot do this for

themselves, they have someone to encourage them to do it or someone can

do it for them until they are better. My husband is very passive and

shy, so I am glad I have this group to make me snap back.

This group has been a lifesaver for me and thank you Kaylene for being

so kind. Bennie

[Guest guest]

--- bennie@... wrote:

> Kaylene,

> My son has been very good lately and I had to

> explain to him that it will take another six months

>to titer my thyroid medicine up as they can only

>increase it every six weeks.

Hi Bennie

I am so glad you are taking care of your son in an

appropriate manner. You're right, kids do feel that

problems are somehow their fault.

Your son's teacher, was very wise to pick up on it.

She also showed what an excellent teach she is, when

she called you about it.

I'm sorry your Dad chooses to help your sister,

instead of you. It's sad, and unfortunate.

It seems odd that it will take so long to titer your

thyroid medication. The doctor, is apparently being

extra careful.

I am sure that you, and your family will be very happy

when the doctor finds actually right dosage that is

just right.

Take good care of yourself. Thank you for the

compliment.

Kaylene