What is the next step?

[Guest guest]

I am a bit confused about what I should expect next. I discovered

information about BPD in August of 2007 and realized it perfectly

described my nada--SWOE was really scary. I've been reading here ever

since. End of April 2008 my family moved to another state that made

the distance greater between us and nada. The problems and control

really escalated. I actually thought the move would bring peace

because of the distance. How wrong I was!! By the beginning of

September I realized that my only choice was to go NC with nada. I

recently read Understanding the Borderline Mother and it really

bothered me that my life could be so accurately described in a book.

My nada is the perfect queen with a bit of witch thrown in when

challenged and the All-Good Child described the first 35 years of my

life. I've even been in counseling for some of the characteristics

they describe. My nada has said the stuff in there to me my entire

life. It took me quite sometime to recover from reading this.

Fast forward to now. My marriage and my life are much better being

NC, but it still haunts me. I am doing this without professional help

and don't know how to get through this stage. Nada has started

calling about once a week leaving pitiful messages begging me to

forgive her and going on and on about how she doesn't have any idea

what she has done. I know better than to even try to discuss this

with her. My dishrag father has also changed sides and wants me back

in the family. I know that nada has turned many relatives against me

and is saying very unkind things about me.

What is next? I have forgiven her, but I would be a fool to throw

myself into that mess again so reconciliation is out of the question.

My situation is similar to many here that I had a pretty good

childhood and the problems started when I became an adult and tried to

become a separate person. I am now 35 and have been dealing with this

since I got married at the age of 23. I am also pregnant and

exhausted and feel very vulnerable right now.

Oh, I also recently read Why is it always about you? The seven deadly

sins of narcissism and it was very revealing as well. I had a very

strange conversation with nada one time about a classical conductor

that I was reading about and how amazingly brilliant he is--fluent in

numerous languages, conducts from memory, etc. Nada became very

defensive and indicated that she felt she would be equally capable of

such accomplishments if she had been granted the same opportunities.

I was shocked and realized then that something wasn't right about her.

I don't care how many opportunities most of us are given, we wouldn't

be able to match this man's accomplishments and I can happily admit

this and admire him for his abilities!!!

I am rambling, but it felt good to type this stuff. Fortunately there

is snow on the ground and my kids have been homeschooled this morning

so they are happily playing and I had time to do this.

How do I go on?

Thanks so much!

le