Re: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety, Depression, and Waiting for the other shoe to drop

[Guest guest]

I too have a lot of symptoms of chronic post-traumatic stress

disorder; I think those of us who survived an angry, violent mentally

ill parent acquire those symptoms pretty much as a given. I spend

years as a workaholic and alcoholic, avoiding relationships,

friendships and life, really.

I'm afraid its going to take years of good therapy for those of us who

have been severely abused by our nadas (and fadas, etc.) to

overcome/heal from our damage and lead more normal, healthy lives.

Think about it: you are an infant, a child, a teen literally at the

mercy of an insane person who could and often did choose to batter

you, reject you, humiliate you, neglect you, rape you, heap guilt on

your head, or allowed a second person to do those things to you.

We had to adapt to insanity or it would be oh, so much worse.

Or, your bpd mother turned you into her parent; it was your job to

care for and nurture your own mother and your sibs until you are

sucked dry. That's abuse of a different sort, but equally damaging.

If you emerged from that hellish, gulag-like experience without any

damage, it would be a miracle.

So, if you aren't already, get into therapy and start the process of

breaking free and feeling free, independent, joyful, and grown up.

-Annie

>

> I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks,

definitely suffer from low

> grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the

ever-present " waiting for

> the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing

everything is going to be ok.

>

> Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic

stress? How do we release

> the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

>

> Peace,

> Dorian

>

[Guest guest]

I feel the same way. Whenever I try to relax, my mind brings forth things to

worry about.

I can be on vacation and find something to worry about obsessively.

 

You did mention, " knowing that everything will be okay " .

 

Sometimes when I am really stressed I tell myself " you know that everything will

be okay " .

 

Saul

Subject: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety, Depression, and Waiting

for the other shoe to drop

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:41 PM

I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks, definitely

suffer from low

grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the ever-present

" waiting for

the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing everything is going to

be ok.

Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic stress? How do we

release

the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

Peace,

Dorian

[Guest guest]

Dorian, there's a lot of things I've found that have really helped me deal with

the PTSD symptoms you mentioned. I no longer have panic attacks at all and I

don't have the hyper-vigilance like I used to, either. I'm not depressed at all

anymore.

I've done some therapy in the past -- I even found group therapy specifically

for people with PD parents -- but honestly, the work I've done on my own has

always been WAY more helpful than therapy.

What's been working for me is to create physical and emotional safety for

myself. That means taking really good care of myself physically (quitting

smoking, intense regular exercise, vitamin supplements, good diet, good sleep,

good self-care routines) and emotionally -- which means first and foremost being

NC with my nada and cutting all the toxic/troubling people out of my life. I

also read A LOT of recovery and self-help books, especially ones dealing with

codependency and PTSD. Every day I take sam-E supplements, fish oil and

valerian capsules for anxiety and depression, and I really have cured myself of

those! (I think the exercise is 50% responsible, too.)

It probably sounds pretty basic, but I've honestly eliminated most of my PTSD

symptoms. I've still got plenty of FLEAS, though! But I figure that's a

long-term, gradual process. It's the PTSD that was really crippling me....

Best,

-S

Re: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety, Depression, and

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> I too have a lot of symptoms of chronic post-traumatic stress

> disorder; I think those of us who survived an angry, violent mentally

> ill parent acquire those symptoms pretty much as a given. I spend

> years as a workaholic and alcoholic, avoiding relationships,

> friendships and life, really.

>

> I'm afraid its going to take years of good therapy for those of

> us who

> have been severely abused by our nadas (and fadas, etc.) to

> overcome/heal from our damage and lead more normal, healthy lives.

>

> Think about it: you are an infant, a child, a teen literally at the

> mercy of an insane person who could and often did choose to batter

> you, reject you, humiliate you, neglect you, rape you, heap

> guilt on

> your head, or allowed a second person to do those things to you.

> We had to adapt to insanity or it would be oh, so much worse.

>

> Or, your bpd mother turned you into her parent; it was your job to

> care for and nurture your own mother and your sibs until you are

> sucked dry. That's abuse of a different sort, but equally damaging.

>

> If you emerged from that hellish, gulag-like experience without any

> damage, it would be a miracle.

>

> So, if you aren't already, get into therapy and start the

> process of

> breaking free and feeling free, independent, joyful, and grown up.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks,

> definitely suffer from low

> > grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the

> ever-present " waiting for

> > the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing

> everything is going to be ok.

> >

> > Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic

> stress? How do we release

> > the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

> >

> > Peace,

> > Dorian

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I feel like this, too. Everytime something good happens or I feel

like I am in a really good place, I find my mind just waiting for

something bad to happen. I sometimes can even convince myself that

my husband is going to come home and announce, out of nowhere, that

he is going to leave me. No matter what the good is, I expect the

bad. One thing that I have done when I get like this is I reapeat to

myself this line I learned, " All will be well, all will be well, all

manner of things will be well. " I repeat it for as long as it takes

to get my brain out of the unhealthy place. But, I also know that I

never really fully allow myself to experience JOY, I hold something

back like I'm too afraid to let myself really go and experience it.

This is what I want to work on next.

>

>

> Subject: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety,

Depression, and Waiting for the other shoe to drop

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:41 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks,

definitely suffer from low

> grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the

ever-present " waiting for

> the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing

everything is going to be ok.

>

> Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic

stress? How do we release

> the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

>

> Peace,

> Dorian

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have always felt a low grade anxiety even in pleasant , what was supposed to

be, relaxing moments.  There is always this impending doom lurking in the back

of my thoughts no matter how much I would try to convince myself everything was

really okay (at least at that moment in time).  Even after a restful night's

sleep I would awaken wondering who's going to be angry at me today.  Too many

times in my life when everything seemed to be fine, the next moment everything

was out of control, twisted and ugly and I always sat wondering how did it get

to this?  I can never really totally relax without my thoughts racing and my

body on guard. I used to try anything I could to numb myself, take off that edge

that was just too sharp, but, all were only temporary solutions. I have tried

distracting myself when I find the anxiety is overwhelming or I just block it

out and pretend it isn't there. I think " self talk " does help and keeping busy

works for me.

However, that lingering feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is always

in the back of my thoughts.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, January 8, 2009 6:25:31 PM

Subject: Re: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety, Depression, and

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I feel the same way. Whenever I try to relax, my mind brings forth things to

worry about.

I can be on vacation and find something to worry about obsessively.

 

You did mention, " knowing that everything will be okay " .

 

Sometimes when I am really stressed I tell myself " you know that everything will

be okay " .

 

Saul

Subject: Waiting to Exhale: Anxiety, Depression, and Waiting

for the other shoe to drop

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, January 8, 2009, 8:41 PM

I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks, definitely

suffer from low

grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the ever-present

" waiting for

the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing everything is going to

be ok.

Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic stress? How do we

release

the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

Peace,

Dorian

     

[Guest guest]

I CAN RELATE!!!! It has taken me years to get in touch with myself and being

okay (although, every encounter with the nada takes me awhile to regain my

center)..and I can know recognize and articulate when I need a weekend in the

mountains, a break and not feel guilty for wanting to be alone..and (this is SO

important) being OKAY with myself! One of my coping mechanisms was a bath by

candlelight with nature music or waking up in the morning by candlelight and

just giving my mind a rest..I hope you find something that works and NOT TO FEEL

GUILTY for taking care of YOU!!!

I still have panic attacks during the night (I had a couple this week, in fact).

One thing I have found that helps immensely is a night guard (from the dentist).

The dentist I am currently seeing recognized that I clench and grind my

teeth/jaw at night (and I became more aware of during the day..all that pent up

stress of not knowing what was driving me!). I lost it in my lost luggage and it

didn't take long for my sleep to be disturbed and migraines to return.

http://windowslive.com/howitworks?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_hm_justgotbetter_howitwor\

ks_012009

[Guest guest]

Dorian,

I had a complete anxiety breakdown in 1998 after a lifetime of

" holding it together " . It took a year and a half of therapy and

apparently a lifelong daily dose of Prozac and the occasional

Xanax when I fly to keep calm.

My sister self-medicates with alcohol (a bottle of wine every

night) and looks down her nose at my Prozac. Ha!

I do yoga and relaxation exercises. Yoga helped me to understand

where in my body the tension would start when I got stressed (for

me, it's the top of my thigh muscles that get tight when I start

stressing, then the rest of my body follows). Learning WHERE on

your physical body that the stress starts is a great way to learn

how to stop it before it goes all over your body. Yoga taught me

body awareness. By calming the physical body, the mind calms down.

But I realize that my body was " trained " to be in a high state of

anxiety due to the environment I was raised in. My therapist told me

that once the body is conditioned to be in a high state of arousal

over a long period of time, it makes the stress hormone pathways

more " streamlined " and you basically can go from

calm to totally anxious in nothing flat.

All you can do is breathe and re-learn how to relax. Yoga is good

for that. Biofeedback is great as well. Just give yourself a break,

and know that Rome wasn't built in a day. Just as you have been

anxious and on edge for a long time, it will take awhile for your

body to learn how to calm down again.

>

> I deal with pretty serious anxiety, sometimes have panic attacks,

definitely suffer from low

> grade on-going depression but the biggest obstacle has been the

ever-present " waiting for

> the other shoe to drop " . Never truly relaxing and knowing

everything is going to be ok.

>

> Is this normal? Do we have symptoms similar to post traumatic

stress? How do we release

> the anxiety? How do we finally exhale?

>

> Peace,

> Dorian

>