Re: I married my BPD mother

[Guest guest]

Hi Scooter,

Welcome to the Group, its a very understanding and supportive place.

I'm pretty sure my dad must have been the rescuer-type, like you.

I'm also of the opinion that rescuing is like having perfectionism:

its a desperate survival mechanism that abused kids develop. " If I am

just good enough, If I am perfect enough, If I am the hero, then there

is a chance that my mom (or dad) will eventually love me. "

It's also fairly common for an adult KO of a mentally ill parent to

end up attracted to individuals who are just like their abuser. The

behaviors are familiar, and we have been trained/brainwashed over

decades to accept that the person who is supposed to love us most in

the whole world will beat the living crap out of us, terrify us,

reject us, or gut us emotionally rather frequently. We have been

taught/programmed to accept that love=abuse.

In my opinion you are entering a kind of " Perfect Storm " scenario, a

recipe for disaster, seems to me: at a vulnerable time in your life

you are going to move back in with your abuser.

Part of you recognizes that this is not a good idea: the part that

mentioned that you feel you are the rescuer type. But another part of

you, the child inside, is hoping that if you can " rescue " your mom

from divorce you will finally be her hero, she will shower you with

praise and gratitude, and you will receive the validation from her

that you never got when you were growing up.

Frustratingly, what I've discovered is that knowing all this kind of

stuff about *myself* intellectually (my version of it) still doesn't

help me effect the changes I want to make in my day-to-day life. I

think that's going to take some major therapy.

Well, it does help a little, on some levels, to at least be aware of

the sub-text and underpinnings of what's going on in my subconscious,

but its like... the navigator knows the correct route, but the driver

is ignoring him.

So, anyway, welcome to you and the other new members. Keep posting

and sharing your experiences, and giving and getting insights.

It does help to know that other people know exactly what you are going

through, that you are not alone.

-Annie

>

> My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long as I

> can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away, managed

> to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for depression.

> I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

>

> The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> flare up later.

>

> I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand, but

> she seemed fine now.

>

> Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke around

> like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had done

> nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

>

> Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> someone close to her.

>

> We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal with.

>

> Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town where I

> will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving in

> and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> little boy on the wrong end of a split.

>

> My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at the

> end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice. My

> mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television during

> meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night before.

>

> I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way. And

> I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you all. I

> need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to share,

> ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> life back and helping others to do the same.

>

> Thanks for the opportunity to share.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome!! Its great to have you on board!! Thanks for sharing. Its

such a tough time for you right now, and I really do understand not

being able to trust another woman in your life!

Annie is right in all she said. I would like to add that reading the

suggested books has helped me a lot. I'm not sure if you've read books

on BPD in parents but I found Understanding the Borderline Mother

extremely helpful! I've yet to read walking on eggshells a lot of

people have recommended this as well, not to mention an abundant more

out there!

Keep up the therapy, take each day as it happens, and try to take

cover when the storm hits. We are here to help and support you!

All the best

Ange

>

> My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long as I

> can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away, managed

> to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for depression.

> I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

>

> The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> flare up later.

>

> I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand, but

> she seemed fine now.

>

> Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke around

> like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had done

> nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

>

> Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> someone close to her.

>

> We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal with.

>

> Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town where I

> will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving in

> and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> little boy on the wrong end of a split.

>

> My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at the

> end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice. My

> mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television during

> meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night before.

>

> I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way. And

> I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you all. I

> need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to share,

> ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> life back and helping others to do the same.

>

> Thanks for the opportunity to share.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome Scooter,

You will find this to be a place of compassion, validation and

hope.

Unfortunately some of us who were raised by an BP parent do end

with a BP spouse or a Narcissist. It is as Annie pointed out what we

are used to- that is right- not that we become comfortable with the

abuse and crazy-making, but are so familiar with it.

I also said that I married my mother- though as I learn more,

we might be a NP rather than a BP- either wayI am in a very abusive

marriage with a man- who greatly resemble my mother.

I am glad to hear you ended your relationship with your wife.

You are giving yourself a second chance on a new relationship- there

is another support group of people dealing with or recovery from a bp

partner- called Oz. The whole trusting again is not easy and keep

taking baby steps- also think about visitng OZ, I know it has really

helped me.

Now about trying to help your mother- may I say without a

doubt- NO! NO! NO!. You can not change or improve the life of anyone-

but especially a BP! If your father is done- then as painful as it is

witness the destruction of your parent's marriage- it is their dance

and their marriage. If your father is leaving, then your mother if

chooses too, she must deal with her role in all of this.

My father has taken my mother's abuse for 53 years- I use to

intervene on behalf of my father- talk to my mother about what she

was doing to him-, and I was always the bad guy. I finally told my

mother- I don't want to hear about their marriage- and their dance

together. It makes no sense to me, but it doesn't have to- it their

stuff.

Instead of focusing on your parents- who you can not change-

to focusing on you- and working through your intimacy issues and

whatever other damaged areas you are experiencing.

PLEASE take care of you!!!!

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " hondadealerads "

wrote:

>

> My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

as I

> can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

managed

> to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

depression.

> I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

>

> The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> flare up later.

>

> I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand,

but

> she seemed fine now.

>

> Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

around

> like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

done

> nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

>

> Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> someone close to her.

>

> We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

with.

>

> Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

where I

> will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving

in

> and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> little boy on the wrong end of a split.

>

> My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

the

> end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

My

> mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

during

> meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

before.

>

> I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way.

And

> I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

all. I

> need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

share,

> ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> life back and helping others to do the same.

>

> Thanks for the opportunity to share.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long as I

> > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away, managed

> > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for depression.

> > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> >

> > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> > flare up later.

> >

> > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand, but

> > she seemed fine now.

> >

> > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke around

> > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had done

> > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> >

> > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > someone close to her.

> >

> > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal with.

> >

> > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town where I

> > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving in

> > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> >

> > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at the

> > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> >

> > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice. My

> > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television during

> > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

before.

> >

> > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way. And

> > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you all. I

> > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to share,

> > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> > life back and helping others to do the same.

> >

> > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

Thank you so much! I think this is the first safe place I've found in

a long time. Thanks all of you!

[Guest guest]

> >

> > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long as I

> > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away, managed

> > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for depression.

> > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> >

> > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> > flare up later.

> >

> > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand, but

> > she seemed fine now.

> >

> > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke around

> > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had done

> > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> >

> > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > someone close to her.

> >

> > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal with.

> >

> > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town where I

> > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving in

> > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> >

> > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at the

> > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> >

> > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice. My

> > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television during

> > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

before.

> >

> > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way. And

> > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you all. I

> > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to share,

> > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> > life back and helping others to do the same.

> >

> > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

Again, thanks for the welcome. I'm starting to understand why they

call these 'support' groups! Having a NADA, support is an unfamiliar

feeling for a great many of us, I'm sure. Thanks gang.

[Guest guest]

> >

> > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

> as I

> > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> managed

> > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> depression.

> > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> >

> > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> > flare up later.

> >

> > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand,

> but

> > she seemed fine now.

> >

> > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> around

> > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

> done

> > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> >

> > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > someone close to her.

> >

> > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> with.

> >

> > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> where I

> > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving

> in

> > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> >

> > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

> the

> > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> >

> > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

> My

> > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> during

> > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> before.

> >

> > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way.

> And

> > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> all. I

> > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> share,

> > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> > life back and helping others to do the same.

> >

> > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am much

better without my wife than with when we were together. People in my

building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I was

falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with his

crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

massively more happy.

And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to see a

creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have helped me

heal and deal.

Thanks again! Take care of you.

Scooter

[Guest guest]

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage.

Not

Your

Job.

You already know that on some level. They are adults and will either

handle their own issues or not. Your only job is to learn to deal

with your own. If you like, you might start by examining that

compulsion to rescue her: where does it come from? how do you feel

about it? what are you afraid will happen to *you* if you don't get

involved? etc.

On some level, do you wish someone would come and rescue you

instead? What if you rescued yourself?

In general, people try to solve the problems we have with our parents

by entering into relationships with other people who resemble them.

One reason we on this board find ourselves in relationships with

people who have traits consistent with personality disorders--

particularly BPD and NPD--is that they feel familiar, but psychology

says that we are also trying to solve those childhood problems with

surrogates who remind us of our parents. The trouble is, we're

usually not aware of this and end up in a cycle of problematic

relationships. Others have recommended books by Harville Hendrix (I

think " Finding the Love You Want " ? or something like that...) So it

is not a big surprise that you ended up with a woman who was

trouble. I really strongly recommend you find a good therapist.

You say you are moving into a family home. Times had better be

harder than hard for you to do that. I do not recommend becoming

dependent on your parents for any reason. If it is unavoidable, it's

unavoidable...but have a plan and clearly communicate with them what

your expectations are about the arrangement. Your mother will

undoubtedly take this as a wonderful opportunity to manipulate you.

Best of luck to you,

[Guest guest]

Hi Scooter,

Welcome to the group. You've definitely found a good group here.

So many of us have been in a similar position to you. I know you'll

get a lot out of reading the board posts.

We all think we can fix our nada if we're just good enough. This

is very common amongst KO's. It's very similar to codependency,

a trait some people have who have alcoholics or addicts in their

lives. I have a BP mother and a narcissistic alcoholic fada (I

hit the jackpot, didn't I? LOL)

But in reality, no one can " fix " anyone. All we can work on is

ourselves. Your intuition about wanting to get into some therapy

is right on. You are already seeing things with your parents

differently, through adult eyes, and that is a major step. But

please try not to " rescue " your mother, even if your father seems

right on the edge of walking out on her. Please remember, their

problems have nothing to do with you, and you do not have any

responsibility for saving either one of them from their issues.

They have access to therapy and treatment just like you do. They

can make the choice to fix their lives. Because you're living with

them, it will be very easy for you to fall back into the family

pattern from years ago. I would recommend getting some kind of

hobby or volunteering or something to keep you busy & in touch

with friends & making new friends while you're transitioning to

getting your own place. Don't let yourself fall back into the

vortex. Take care of YOU!

>

> My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

as I

> can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

managed

> to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

depression.

> I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

>

> The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> flare up later.

>

> I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand,

but

> she seemed fine now.

>

> Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

around

> like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

done

> nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

>

> Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> someone close to her.

>

> We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

with.

>

> Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

where I

> will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving

in

> and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> little boy on the wrong end of a split.

>

> My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

the

> end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

My

> mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

during

> meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

before.

>

> I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way.

And

> I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

all. I

> need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

share,

> ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> life back and helping others to do the same.

>

> Thanks for the opportunity to share.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

Scooter, may I ask, do you have a pet with you at the moment at your

parents place? If so, how is your nada with pets? I know first hand,

and have heard how terrible they can be, splitting pets like they do

humans. I just wondered as I've witnessed and heard terrible things.

If you do have a pet is it safe to be at your parents place with you

(as much as you need a pet for your own comfort)? Nada may manipulate

it as much as she can. Just wondering, as a pet is a HUGE friend for

us KOs and a HUGE enemy for the BPDs....or so it seems.

> > >

> > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

> > as I

> > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > managed

> > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > depression.

> > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > >

> > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> > > flare up later.

> > >

> > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand,

> > but

> > > she seemed fine now.

> > >

> > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > around

> > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

> > done

> > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > >

> > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > someone close to her.

> > >

> > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > with.

> > >

> > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > where I

> > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving

> > in

> > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > >

> > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

> > the

> > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > >

> > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

> > My

> > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > during

> > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > before.

> > >

> > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way.

> > And

> > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > all. I

> > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > share,

> > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > >

> > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > >

> > > Scooter

> > >

> >

> Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am much

> better without my wife than with when we were together. People in my

> building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I was

> falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

> deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with his

> crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

> chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

> massively more happy.

> And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to see a

> creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have helped me

> heal and deal.

>

> Thanks again! Take care of you.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

No economic hardship is worth living back at home with Nada. Collect

cans if you have to. Sell your computer. But get thee to a better

pace to live. You can do it.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral.com

www.BPDCentral.com

* NEW! Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

>

> My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

as I

> can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this I

> have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

managed

> to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

depression.

> I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

>

> The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at work.

> She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that would

> flare up later.

>

> I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them deep. I

> asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite understand,

but

> she seemed fine now.

>

> Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and things

> soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

around

> like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

done

> nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

>

> Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag. The

> purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> someone close to her.

>

> We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

with.

>

> Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

where I

> will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my moving

in

> and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is embarrassing

> and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused, terrorized

> little boy on the wrong end of a split.

>

> My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

the

> end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

>

> The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her to

> get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she will

> not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

My

> mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

during

> meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

before.

>

> I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another way.

And

> I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

all. I

> need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

share,

> ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming my

> life back and helping others to do the same.

>

> Thanks for the opportunity to share.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

" It's not my job to fix THEM " should be tattooed to the inside

of my eyelids, I say it to myself so much.

KT you're right on. I think Scooter will discover that just like

all of us have done or are in the process of doing on our journey

out of the FOG.

> >

> > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her

to

> > get into therapy before she blows this marriage.

>

> Not

>

> Your

>

> Job.

>

>

> You already know that on some level. They are adults and will

either

> handle their own issues or not. Your only job is to learn to deal

> with your own. If you like, you might start by examining that

> compulsion to rescue her: where does it come from? how do you feel

> about it? what are you afraid will happen to *you* if you don't

get

> involved? etc.

> On some level, do you wish someone would come and rescue you

> instead? What if you rescued yourself?

>

> In general, people try to solve the problems we have with our

parents

> by entering into relationships with other people who resemble

them.

> One reason we on this board find ourselves in relationships with

> people who have traits consistent with personality disorders--

> particularly BPD and NPD--is that they feel familiar, but

psychology

> says that we are also trying to solve those childhood problems with

> surrogates who remind us of our parents. The trouble is, we're

> usually not aware of this and end up in a cycle of problematic

> relationships. Others have recommended books by Harville Hendrix

(I

> think " Finding the Love You Want " ? or something like that...) So

it

> is not a big surprise that you ended up with a woman who was

> trouble. I really strongly recommend you find a good therapist.

>

> You say you are moving into a family home. Times had better be

> harder than hard for you to do that. I do not recommend becoming

> dependent on your parents for any reason. If it is unavoidable,

it's

> unavoidable...but have a plan and clearly communicate with them

what

> your expectations are about the arrangement. Your mother will

> undoubtedly take this as a wonderful opportunity to manipulate you.

>

> Best of luck to you,

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good point ange....there was a poster here in the last year or so

whose nada killed her child's rabbit - my own cat got held hostage -

you're right on with the pet being a point of manipulation for many

of us KO's -

> > > >

> > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

long

> > > as I

> > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so

much

> > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

this I

> > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

away,

> > > managed

> > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > depression.

> > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > >

> > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

work.

> > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

that would

> > > > flare up later.

> > > >

> > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

deep. I

> > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

understand,

> > > but

> > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > >

> > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

things

> > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

joke

> > > around

> > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

occasions.

> > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

had

> > > done

> > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > >

> > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

bag. The

> > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

abuse

> > > > someone close to her.

> > > >

> > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

great

> > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

any

> > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

deal

> > > with.

> > > >

> > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

town

> > > where I

> > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

moving

> > > in

> > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

embarrassing

> > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my

past

> > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

terrorized

> > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > >

> > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

is at

> > > the

> > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > >

> > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

her to

> > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know

she will

> > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

coming. My

> > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

voice.

> > > My

> > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

television

> > > during

> > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

night

> > > before.

> > > >

> > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

way.

> > > And

> > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with

you

> > > all. I

> > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

that

> > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready

to

> > > share,

> > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

claiming my

> > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > >

> > > > Scooter

> > > >

> > >

> > Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am

much

> > better without my wife than with when we were together. People in

my

> > building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I

was

> > falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

> > deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with

his

> > crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

> > chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

> > massively more happy.

> > And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to

see a

> > creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have

helped me

> > heal and deal.

> >

> > Thanks again! Take care of you.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Trust your gut Scooter - it seems right on.

I know your nada thinks her world will cease to exist if your dad

left her and maybe that's true. But I have to tell you, I dream that

my dad would leave nada. I think her crazy would be less contained

witout him keeping her in check but I wonder if it would allow me to

have a relationship with my dad. Away from her, he is a really cool

person that I long to have a relationship with but nada has always

prevented that out of her jealousy.

I might not suggest this as a possible positive outcome if you were a

child or hadn't gone through your own divorce and seen that you are

in a better place now. I in no way want to trivialize that your

parents divorcing at any age would be hard. Just putting out another

way to look at it.

I use to get in the middle of fights with my parents and nada loved

it when she had me on her team. I now see how dysfunctional that was

of nada and really harmful to a child.

Welcome to the board!

Karin/patinage

> > >

> > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

long

> > as I

> > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

this I

> > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > managed

> > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > depression.

> > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > >

> > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

work.

> > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

would

> > > flare up later.

> > >

> > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

deep. I

> > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

understand,

> > but

> > > she seemed fine now.

> > >

> > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

things

> > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > around

> > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

occasions.

> > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

had

> > done

> > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > >

> > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

bag. The

> > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > someone close to her.

> > >

> > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

great

> > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

any

> > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > with.

> > >

> > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > where I

> > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

moving

> > in

> > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

embarrassing

> > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

terrorized

> > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > >

> > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is

at

> > the

> > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > >

> > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

her to

> > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

will

> > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming.

My

> > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

voice.

> > My

> > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > during

> > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > before.

> > >

> > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

way.

> > And

> > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > all. I

> > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

that

> > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > share,

> > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

claiming my

> > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > >

> > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > >

> > > Scooter

> > >

> >

> Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am much

> better without my wife than with when we were together. People in my

> building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I was

> falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

> deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with his

> crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

> chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

> massively more happy.

> And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to see a

> creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have helped

me

> heal and deal.

>

> Thanks again! Take care of you.

>

> Scooter

>

[Guest guest]

I'm interested in how your mother split twins.

Randi @BPDCentral.com

www.BPDCentral.com

* NEW! Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells.

Available at my web site at 20% off.

> >

> > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

> as I

> > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this

I

> > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> managed

> > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> depression.

> > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> >

> > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

work.

> > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

would

> > flare up later.

> >

> > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

deep. I

> > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

understand,

> but

> > she seemed fine now.

> >

> > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

things

> > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> around

> > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

> done

> > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> >

> > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag.

The

> > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > someone close to her.

> >

> > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> with.

> >

> > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> where I

> > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

moving

> in

> > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

embarrassing

> > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

terrorized

> > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> >

> > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

> the

> > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> >

> > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her

to

> > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

will

> > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

voice.

> My

> > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> during

> > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> before.

> >

> > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

way.

> And

> > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> all. I

> > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> share,

> > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming

my

> > life back and helping others to do the same.

> >

> > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My Dad divorced my mom 3 plus years ago after a 46 year marriage. I

was 43 at the time and blown out of the water. He simply left a note

under her pillow moved back to the town he grew up in 800 miles away

and had the divorce complete in less then 2 months. I was blind sided

and felt he had dumped his garbage on my door step Mom is BPD dad has

his issues but not like hers. I have to say I felt both terrified and

extremely relieved it was all out on the table now I found myself a

terriffic therapists and am a whole different person now. I have a

terriffic relationship with my dad who is re-married to an amazing

women. All of this was trying and uncomfortable and I got a lot of

anger out in regards to my dad but because I have a therapist I was

able to heal and develop for the first time a healthy relationship

with my dad and yes my mom had always interferred with this before.

Once the divorce was final there was 2 years of getting mom moved and

stabilized but I set really clear boundaries and told her under no

circumstances would I discuss anything about dad with her. She has

tried and I refuse. At first I was overwhelmed thinking she was now

all my responsibility but learned through therapy that she is her

responsibility and I don't have to do a damn thing I don't want to.

The truth is because my dad left my mom and changed his relationship

with her I got my life back and now have a dad and step mom that I can

actually share real experiences and feelings with. At 46 I feel like

I finally have parents I can depend on Dad and Step mom not Nada of

course. I am very LC with mom she lives an hour away and I probably

see her 1 every other month and talk maybe once a month. Sooooo

Consider not only what you have to lose but what you have to gain and

start ramping up your support systems now and let the cards fall where

they will it's their life and it may be the best thing that ever

happened to you it was for me once the fog lifted.

Namaste Suebee

> > > >

> > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> long

> > > as I

> > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> this I

> > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > > managed

> > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > depression.

> > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > >

> > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> work.

> > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

> would

> > > > flare up later.

> > > >

> > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> deep. I

> > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> understand,

> > > but

> > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > >

> > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> things

> > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > > around

> > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> occasions.

> > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> had

> > > done

> > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > >

> > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> bag. The

> > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > > someone close to her.

> > > >

> > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> great

> > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

> any

> > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > > with.

> > > >

> > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > > where I

> > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> moving

> > > in

> > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> embarrassing

> > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> terrorized

> > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > >

> > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is

> at

> > > the

> > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > >

> > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

> her to

> > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

> will

> > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming.

> My

> > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> voice.

> > > My

> > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > > during

> > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > > before.

> > > >

> > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> way.

> > > And

> > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > > all. I

> > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> that

> > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > > share,

> > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> claiming my

> > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > >

> > > > Scooter

> > > >

> > >

> > Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am much

> > better without my wife than with when we were together. People in my

> > building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I was

> > falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

> > deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with his

> > crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

> > chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

> > massively more happy.

> > And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to see a

> > creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have helped

> me

> > heal and deal.

> >

> > Thanks again! Take care of you.

> >

> > Scooter

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Randi -- I have twin siblings that are much younger that me.

After I left the house my nada made one the " slave " (my old position)

that had to do everything (cook and clean and literally run from her

room to wait on our nada who lies in bed all day and just screams from

there), was screamed at and put down constantly, held to impossible

standards, etc. The other one was " helpless. " She never had to do

anything, she was babied but at the same time told she couldn't do

anything and that she was stupid, helpless, etc. Our nada filled all

of us with alot of fear and all of us were told repeatedly that we

were not good enough, we could not do anything, etc etc. The " slave "

was expected to take the " helpless " one everywhere, do everything for

her (including speaking for her to others), include her with her

friends because the helpless one didn't have any, etc. When the slave

(who was the oldest twin and looks exactly like me and not like her

twin) grew up she became very similar to me. Which I can now see why

nada has such issues with her. Nada was always jealous of me. The

helpless one (who looks just like nada) finally learned to drive at 21

because her twin wouldn't cart her around everywhere she wanted to go

and now that she has grown up acts just like nada. She can be vicious

(just like nada) but if someone even says anything remotely negative

or stands up to her she loses it and acts deeply wounded. The

helpless one still has no friends (she has had friends but they don't

last long, she always has drama with her friends) and has replaced her

twin with a boyfriend that does everything for her including ordering

her meals at a restaurant and cutting her meat! The helpless one

can't do anything and is very manipulative in order to get her way.

She acts like a spy now for our nada and reports back anything she can

to her. The helpless one only speaks to me or the other slave if she

wants something. Otherwise she wont return calls or emails. She has

no use for us otherwise which is just like our nada!

> > >

> > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

> > as I

> > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this

> I

> > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > managed

> > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > depression.

> > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > >

> > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> work.

> > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

> would

> > > flare up later.

> > >

> > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> deep. I

> > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> understand,

> > but

> > > she seemed fine now.

> > >

> > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> things

> > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > around

> > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

> > done

> > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > >

> > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag.

> The

> > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > someone close to her.

> > >

> > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > with.

> > >

> > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > where I

> > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> moving

> > in

> > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> embarrassing

> > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> terrorized

> > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > >

> > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

> > the

> > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > >

> > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her

> to

> > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

> will

> > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> voice.

> > My

> > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > during

> > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > before.

> > >

> > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> way.

> > And

> > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > all. I

> > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > share,

> > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming

> my

> > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > >

> > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > >

> > > Scooter

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is so destructive and cruel to do that to kids. God. I wish kids

could be rescued from situations like that. I'm beginning to think

that the British have a better idea: they routinely send their small

children off to boarding schools. I've heard boarding schools can be

rough, too, but at least the child is not totally dependent on and

exposed to just the one insane, abusive mother all the time. Its that

being isolated with the mentally ill parent as the only authority

figure and care-giver that I think is so damaging.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as long

> > > as I

> > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of this

> > I

> > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > > managed

> > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > depression.

> > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > >

> > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > work.

> > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

> > would

> > > > flare up later.

> > > >

> > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > deep. I

> > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > understand,

> > > but

> > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > >

> > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > things

> > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > > around

> > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several occasions.

> > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I had

> > > done

> > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > >

> > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching bag.

> > The

> > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > > someone close to her.

> > > >

> > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several great

> > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in any

> > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > > with.

> > > >

> > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > > where I

> > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > moving

> > > in

> > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > embarrassing

> > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > terrorized

> > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > >

> > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is at

> > > the

> > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > >

> > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want her

> > to

> > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

> > will

> > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming. My

> > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > voice.

> > > My

> > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > > during

> > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > > before.

> > > >

> > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > way.

> > > And

> > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > > all. I

> > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and that

> > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > > share,

> > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in claiming

> > my

> > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > >

> > > > Scooter

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It really is! I don't know how I am not more screwed up than I

currently am. The really sad part is that I had it the hardest, by

the time my sister's came around, our nada had calmed a bit with age

(she had them at 40 and she had me at 23) and I still see major damage

done to both my sisters. I am grateful that I am in therapy and hope

that someday soon my other slave sister will get out of crazytown and

start to heal. The helpless one unfortunately I think has been raised

to be just like nada and it appears to be a role she relishes.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

long

> > > > as I

> > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

this

> > > I

> > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > > > managed

> > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > depression.

> > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > > work.

> > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

> > > would

> > > > > flare up later.

> > > > >

> > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > > deep. I

> > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > understand,

> > > > but

> > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > >

> > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > > things

> > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > > > around

> > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

occasions.

> > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

had

> > > > done

> > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > >

> > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

bag.

> > > The

> > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > >

> > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

great

> > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me

in any

> > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > > > with.

> > > > >

> > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > > > where I

> > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > > moving

> > > > in

> > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > embarrassing

> > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > terrorized

> > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

is at

> > > > the

> > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I

want her

> > > to

> > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

> > > will

> > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

coming. My

> > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > > voice.

> > > > My

> > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > > > during

> > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > > > before.

> > > > >

> > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > > way.

> > > > And

> > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > > > all. I

> > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

that

> > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > > > share,

> > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

claiming

> > > my

> > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > >

> > > > > Scooter

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Me personally, I believe the more recent research that indicates that

bpd and other personality disorders are inherited; its just the luck

of the genetic draw. You said your twin sisters don't look alike, so

they are not identical twins, they must be fraternal twins: they each

received their own separate genetic inheritance. I'm betting your

fellow " slave " sister, like you, dodged the genetic bpd bullet but

your " helpless " sister got it.

That really makes sense to me, because if being raised by a

bpd/narcissist causes bpd/narcissism then both my Sister and I would

be raging bpd/narcissists and we are not. Neither is my Sister's

now-adult son. Neither was my dad, or my bpd-mom's two sisters. My

Aunts are bewildered by their sister's/my nada's claims that they were

all three abused and beaten as children (!?) and I've recently learned

that my nada now claims that our dad used to beat her! WTF!? God,

that is SO not true: nada was the only attacker and abuser.

My Sister and I both remember dad and nada having fights all the time,

but they were always yelling matches. When things would get too

intense dad would simply leave the house. Dad *never* hit us, or nada.

Nada is totally re-writing history to make herself the victim, when

*she* was always the only one dishing out the abuse. Dear old dad

never realized (or didn't care) that nada would get so worked up that

she would often continue the fight without him, substituting us kids

for dad in his absence, screaming in our faces and whaling on us with

the belt to release her anger if we were stupid enough or unlucky

enough to get trapped in the house with her.

Of course, being raised by a mentally ill, abusive mother causes a lot

of major damage: life-long, severe damage, but it doesn't " give " you a

personality disorder. At least, that seems to be what the latest

research is showing.

I think of myself and my sister as survivors of a concentration camp

experience, mostly. We were physically battered and emotionally

tortured by nada's mind games:

" Damned if you do, damned if you don't " : whether you confess to a

wrongdoing or not, no matter what answer you give, you get beaten.

" Interrogation " : being grilled about things you have absolutely no

idea what the hell nada is even talking about, and if you say " I don't

know " or " I don't understand " you get hit.

" Bait and switch " : nada appears contrite and sad, begging tearfully,

" Come here, sweetheart, mommy loves you. " But if you believed her and

came close enough you got grabbed and smacked around.

" Do It Again " : you have not met nada's standards in performing a task,

and she makes you do it over, and over, and over while she watches you

and calls you all kinds of stupid, and hits you, and you don't even

understand why what you have done is wrong. Even more traumatic is

having this happen in public and having people stare at you but do

nothing to help.

" Stop Crying, or I'll give you something to cry about " : we had to

learn to not cry or react when we were being beaten. Flinching and

crying made nada feel bad about herself. Not a good idea.

My sister and I had to totally warp reality in order to get along with

and appease our insane primary care-giver. You think that doesn't

cause a hell of a lot of permanent damage, think again.

My Sister repeatedly tried to run away as a small child; I only tried

hiding myself a couple of times and hoped nada would go away. I didn't

want to run away from daddy, I just wanted " the woman " to go away.

It ought to become a criminal offense to allow children to be raised

by a personality disordered, mentally ill person.

-Annie

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> long

> > > > > as I

> > > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting

so much

> > > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> this

> > > > I

> > > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

away,

> > > > > managed

> > > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > > depression.

> > > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > > > work.

> > > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

that

> > > > would

> > > > > > flare up later.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > > > deep. I

> > > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > > understand,

> > > > > but

> > > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > > > things

> > > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

joke

> > > > > around

> > > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> occasions.

> > > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> had

> > > > > done

> > > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> bag.

> > > > The

> > > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

abuse

> > > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> great

> > > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me

> in any

> > > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

deal

> > > > > with.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

town

> > > > > where I

> > > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > > > moving

> > > > > in

> > > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > > embarrassing

> > > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing

my past

> > > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > > terrorized

> > > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

> is at

> > > > > the

> > > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I

> want her

> > > > to

> > > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I

know she

> > > > will

> > > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

> coming. My

> > > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > > > voice.

> > > > > My

> > > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

television

> > > > > during

> > > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

night

> > > > > before.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > > > way.

> > > > > And

> > > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing

with you

> > > > > all. I

> > > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> that

> > > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm

ready to

> > > > > share,

> > > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> claiming

> > > > my

> > > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Scooter

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> long

> > > > > as I

> > > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting

so much

> > > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> this

> > > > I

> > > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

away,

> > > > > managed

> > > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > > depression.

> > > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > > > work.

> > > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

that

> > > > would

> > > > > > flare up later.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > > > deep. I

> > > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > > understand,

> > > > > but

> > > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > > > things

> > > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

joke

> > > > > around

> > > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> occasions.

> > > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> had

> > > > > done

> > > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> bag.

> > > > The

> > > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

abuse

> > > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> great

> > > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me

> in any

> > > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

deal

> > > > > with.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

town

> > > > > where I

> > > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > > > moving

> > > > > in

> > > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > > embarrassing

> > > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing

my past

> > > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > > terrorized

> > > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

> is at

> > > > > the

> > > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I

> want her

> > > > to

> > > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I

know she

> > > > will

> > > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

> coming. My

> > > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > > > voice.

> > > > > My

> > > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

television

> > > > > during

> > > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

night

> > > > > before.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > > > way.

> > > > > And

> > > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing

with you

> > > > > all. I

> > > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> that

> > > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm

ready to

> > > > > share,

> > > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> claiming

> > > > my

> > > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Scooter

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

i am a fraternal twin. I'm the black twin, my brother is the white

twin. I have an older sister. She was the slave. My mother's treatment

of us has changed dramatically. Being on the black end of the split,

I've had it the best, ironically. My brother acts just like she does.

He's the most selfish person I ever met. But now he's married and has

a baby. Mom isn't as welcome in his business as she used to be. It

drivers her crazy so she's been acting out on my father. He's ready to

leave her after almost 40 years of marriage. Everything my brother

does, she's cool with. You can't criticize him for the most minor

things or she loses it. Me? I'm subjected to criticism from morning

until night. She tells me her mother likes me the best. Her mother,

another admitted BP, my grandmother, says that this sort of splitting

is a 'family tradition.' It's complicated but I think my mother and

her mother are the same. Her mother picked me in the split, so she

picked my brother. In the end, everyone is messed up because of this.

Although, since I'm the only one who went to therapy and takes meds,

I'm called 'the mental patient.' I don't mind though. I think it's

funny. Like a person with gravy dripping off their chin telling you

how silly you look.

As for the benefits of the Brits and boarding school. Let me dispel

that myth RIGHT NOW.

I was married to a BP British woman who went to boarding school. Not

at all the haven you'd imagine it to be. Her mother took the CAKE in

terms of nadas. Her mother is aware of sexual abuse by her father

towards her daughter and blames the daughter.

Her nada dropped her off early to boarding school. She wanted to get

away from their home and the abuse. Her mother resented it for her.

Having been dropped off early, she had to sleep in the lobby of her

school for two days before it opened.

And although wealthy, her mother refused to buy her shoes! She had

hand-me-downs. Ironically, the family runs the largest greeting card

company in the world.

I will elaborate later. There are many sad stories about my ex-wife

and her Brit family. Because that society is so polite, no one says

anything to the mother. Consequently, her daughter is profoundly

messed up. A BP who has more cuts on her arm than she has arm. In

couples therapy she admitted that when she slept with me, she felt

like she was betraying her father! SO SO sad.

So in terms of being a twin and being split, it sucks. But it's not

much different from others in the same situation. As for the Brits

having the right idea, it all depends. The thing that makes BPD such a

nightmare to deal with is that you CAN'T hide from them. They invade

your space and make it impossible to escape. Even when you go to

boarding school.

Hang in there, folks. We can get by as long as we don't take there

hurtful ways personal.

Scooter

[Guest guest]

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> > long

> > > > > > as I

> > > > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting

> so much

> > > > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> > this

> > > > > I

> > > > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

> away,

> > > > > > managed

> > > > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > > > depression.

> > > > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A

work in

> > > > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British

girl at

> > > > > work.

> > > > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

> that

> > > > > would

> > > > > > > flare up later.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of

them

> > > > > deep. I

> > > > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather

dramatic

> > > > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > > > understand,

> > > > > > but

> > > > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card

and

> > > > > things

> > > > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

> joke

> > > > > > around

> > > > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> > occasions.

> > > > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> > had

> > > > > > done

> > > > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> > bag.

> > > > > The

> > > > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

> abuse

> > > > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> > great

> > > > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious

fear of

> > > > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me

> > in any

> > > > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

> deal

> > > > > > with.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

> town

> > > > > > where I

> > > > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > > > > moving

> > > > > > in

> > > > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > > > embarrassing

> > > > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing

> my past

> > > > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > > > terrorized

> > > > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

> > is at

> > > > > > the

> > > > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them.

This has

> > > > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I

> > want her

> > > > > to

> > > > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I

> know she

> > > > > will

> > > > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

> > coming. My

> > > > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > > > > voice.

> > > > > > My

> > > > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

> television

> > > > > > during

> > > > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

> night

> > > > > > before.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in

another

> > > > > way.

> > > > > > And

> > > > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing

> with you

> > > > > > all. I

> > > > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> > that

> > > > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm

> ready to

> > > > > > share,

> > > > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> > claiming

> > > > > my

> > > > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Scooter

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

Your posting totally struck a nerve. That sounds like my house. She

would involve us in her fights with dad. We were always the bad guys.

She would rage with no regard for us kids.

It causes a lot of damage.

[Guest guest]

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> > long

> > > > as I

> > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so much

> > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> > this I

> > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far away,

> > > > managed

> > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > depression.

> > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > work.

> > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs that

> > would

> > > > > flare up later.

> > > > >

> > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > deep. I

> > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > understand,

> > > > but

> > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > >

> > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > things

> > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't joke

> > > > around

> > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> > occasions.

> > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> > had

> > > > done

> > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > >

> > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> > bag. The

> > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to abuse

> > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > >

> > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> > great

> > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

> > any

> > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to deal

> > > > with.

> > > > >

> > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home town

> > > > where I

> > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > moving

> > > > in

> > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > embarrassing

> > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my past

> > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > terrorized

> > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad is

> > at

> > > > the

> > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

> > her to

> > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know she

> > will

> > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is coming.

> > My

> > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > voice.

> > > > My

> > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches television

> > > > during

> > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the night

> > > > before.

> > > > >

> > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > way.

> > > > And

> > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with you

> > > > all. I

> > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> > that

> > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready to

> > > > share,

> > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> > claiming my

> > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > >

> > > > > Scooter

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > Thanks for the advice. I can tell you from experience that I am much

> > > better without my wife than with when we were together. People in my

> > > building noticed that I seemed happier, even though I thought I was

> > > falling apart. You MUST get out of that situation. Abusers don't

> > > deserve your time. If he was a waiter, you wouldn't put up with his

> > > crap, his attitude. Walk. Run. Disappear. Once you do you have the

> > > chance to reappear. Get away. I have much less money now, but I'm

> > > massively more happy.

> > > And AFTER you do, may I suggest getting a pet. It's amazing to see a

> > > creature that is always happy to see you. Pets rule and have helped

> > me

> > > heal and deal.

> > >

> > > Thanks again! Take care of you.

> > >

> > > Scooter

> > >

> >

>

THANKS! My God, this is such a blessing. I'm getting such insight and

strength from you all. I'm so thankful. Thanks for sharing your story

with me, with us.

All the best,

Scooter

[Guest guest]

They are fraternal twins. I think the reason that my other slave

sister is treated this way is because she looks exactly like me (I

could be her twin) and we both look like our fada. (Maybe a

subconscious thing with my nada, perhaps?) I was constantly told I

was just like fada who in nada's mind is scum of the earth and a good

for nothing. Yet they are still married (35 years)!!! Talk about

mixed messages!!! I use the term slave because that is what nada

called us. She said that when we grew up and had kids we would have

our own slaves but until then we were hers and had to do what she said.

I wonder about the genetic factor as well, my nada's sister and

brother are not like her. But my uncle is definitely a hot-head, he

has a temper for sure but is not abusive like nada with the

humiliation, name-calling, etc. My aunt is the nicest person you

could meet. My grandma died when I was young but I remember her as

being really fun and nice. She is remembered that way by all the

family. I never saw her lose her cool and have never heard anyone

else speak of that either. I didn't know my grandfather because he

died before I was born. I know nothing about him other than he died

from cancer and that it was traumatic to my nada. As far as the rest

of the family, my nada's aunts, uncles, etc. I only know very little

and have never heard of anything that would make me think of BPD. I

do know that a uncle of nada's was put into an mental institution and

lived there his whole life. But I was told that he was actually

mentally retarded and back in those days that is where someone

suffering from that would go. He died before I was born also.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs

since as

> > > long

> > > > > > > as I

> > > > > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting

> > so much

> > > > > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end.

Because of

> > > this

> > > > > > I

> > > > > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

> > away,

> > > > > > > managed

> > > > > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil

for

> > > > > > > depression.

> > > > > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A

> work in

> > > > > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British

> girl at

> > > > > > work.

> > > > > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

> > that

> > > > > > would

> > > > > > > > flare up later.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of

> them

> > > > > > deep. I

> > > > > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather

> dramatic

> > > > > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > > > > understand,

> > > > > > > but

> > > > > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card

> and

> > > > > > things

> > > > > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

> > joke

> > > > > > > around

> > > > > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> > > occasions.

> > > > > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world

when I

> > > had

> > > > > > > done

> > > > > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act

out.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her

punching

> > > bag.

> > > > > > The

> > > > > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

> > abuse

> > > > > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have

several

> > > great

> > > > > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious

> fear of

> > > > > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me

> > > in any

> > > > > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

> > deal

> > > > > > > with.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

> > town

> > > > > > > where I

> > > > > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations

delay my

> > > > > > moving

> > > > > > > in

> > > > > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > > > > embarrassing

> > > > > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing

> > my past

> > > > > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > > > > terrorized

> > > > > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that

my dad

> > > is at

> > > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them.

> This has

> > > > > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I

> > > want her

> > > > > > to

> > > > > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I

> > know she

> > > > > > will

> > > > > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

> > > coming. My

> > > > > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it

in his

> > > > > > voice.

> > > > > > > My

> > > > > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make

interesting

> > > > > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

> > television

> > > > > > > during

> > > > > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

> > night

> > > > > > > before.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in

> another

> > > > > > way.

> > > > > > > And

> > > > > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing

> > with you

> > > > > > > all. I

> > > > > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is

real and

> > > that

> > > > > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm

> > ready to

> > > > > > > share,

> > > > > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> > > claiming

> > > > > > my

> > > > > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Scooter

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> Your posting totally struck a nerve. That sounds like my house. She

> would involve us in her fights with dad. We were always the bad guys.

> She would rage with no regard for us kids.

>

> It causes a lot of damage.

>

[Guest guest]

I see. I thought one twin would be GOOD and the other would be EVIL.

But that it too much like a soap opera!

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral.com

www.BPDCentral.com

* NEW! Author, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

> > > >

> > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

long

> > > as I

> > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so

much

> > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

this

> > I

> > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

away,

> > > managed

> > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > depression.

> > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > >

> > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > work.

> > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

that

> > would

> > > > flare up later.

> > > >

> > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > deep. I

> > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > understand,

> > > but

> > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > >

> > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > things

> > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

joke

> > > around

> > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

occasions.

> > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

had

> > > done

> > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > >

> > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

bag.

> > The

> > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

abuse

> > > > someone close to her.

> > > >

> > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

great

> > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

any

> > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

deal

> > > with.

> > > >

> > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

town

> > > where I

> > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > moving

> > > in

> > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > embarrassing

> > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my

past

> > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > terrorized

> > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > >

> > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

is at

> > > the

> > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > >

> > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

her

> > to

> > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know

she

> > will

> > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

coming. My

> > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > voice.

> > > My

> > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

television

> > > during

> > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

night

> > > before.

> > > >

> > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > way.

> > > And

> > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with

you

> > > all. I

> > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

that

> > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready

to

> > > share,

> > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

claiming

> > my

> > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > >

> > > > Scooter

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Randi -- LOL. I just thought of another confusing part -- my nada

would basically make my slave sister's life miserable nothing was ever

good enough, blah blah blah and the helpless sister was then compared

to her and told that she wasn't as good as her. So I guess they were

both painted bad just in different ways? It's so hard to make sense

of all of this stuff!

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom is an undiagnosed BPD. She has all the signs since as

> long

> > > > as I

> > > > > can remember. I have a twin brother which made splitting so

> much

> > > > > easier for her. I came out on the always bad end. Because of

> this

> > > I

> > > > > have a severe lack of self esteem. Yet, after moving far

> away,

> > > > managed

> > > > > to find myself. I went to therapy and was put on Paxil for

> > > > depression.

> > > > > I also saw my own flaws and worked to correct them. A work in

> > > > > progress, mind you. But aren't we all?

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem came in 2002 when I met this cute British girl at

> > > work.

> > > > > She was amazing to me at first, although there were signs

> that

> > > would

> > > > > flare up later.

> > > > >

> > > > > I noticed she had cuts on her arm. Several, and many of them

> > > deep. I

> > > > > asked what happened and she replied she was a rather dramatic

> > > > > teenager. I brushed it off as something I didn't quite

> > > understand,

> > > > but

> > > > > she seemed fine now.

> > > > >

> > > > > Then it happened. We got married. She got her green card and

> > > things

> > > > > soured fast. She would get angry if I was happy. Wouldn't

> joke

> > > > around

> > > > > like she used to. She bit me and drew blood on several

> occasions.

> > > > > Treated me as if I were the biggest jerk in the world when I

> had

> > > > done

> > > > > nothing. I found myself apologizing when SHE would act out.

> > > > >

> > > > > Our relationship seemed like I was there to be her punching

> bag.

> > > The

> > > > > purpose I seemed to serve was to fulfill her sick need to

> abuse

> > > > > someone close to her.

> > > > >

> > > > > We divorced two years ago. I have moved on and have several

> great

> > > > > friends although I am afraid to date. I have a serious fear of

> > > > > intimacy now and don't trust females in my life to know me in

> any

> > > > > significant way. Damage I need to get back into therapy to

> deal

> > > > with.

> > > > >

> > > > > Because of economic hardship, I moved back to my old home

> town

> > > > where I

> > > > > will be living in a family owned home. Renovations delay my

> > > moving

> > > > in

> > > > > and in the mean time, I stay at my parents home. It is

> > > embarrassing

> > > > > and awkward, but it has afforded me the luxury of seeing my

> past

> > > > > through the eyes of an adult male instead of a confused,

> > > terrorized

> > > > > little boy on the wrong end of a split.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mother behaves so bad, like a spoiled child, that my dad

> is at

> > > > the

> > > > > end of his rope. I can feel the tension between them. This has

> > > > > apparently been brewing for years –35 years.

> > > > >

> > > > > The problem I have is that I want to rescue my mother. I want

> her

> > > to

> > > > > get into therapy before she blows this marriage. But I know

> she

> > > will

> > > > > not. I am afraid of the storm that is coming. And it is

> coming. My

> > > > > father is done. I can see it in his face and hear it in his

> > > voice.

> > > > My

> > > > > mother is pathetic in her daily attempts to make interesting

> > > > > conversation with him as he ignores her and watches

> television

> > > > during

> > > > > meals, still stewing from the ball busting he's taken the

> night

> > > > before.

> > > > >

> > > > > I need to hold my tongue. I need to deal with this in another

> > > way.

> > > > And

> > > > > I hope that this message board will help me by sharing with

> you

> > > > all. I

> > > > > need to know I'm not alone in this, that my pain is real and

> that

> > > > > there are people who 'get me.' Are you out there? I'm ready

> to

> > > > share,

> > > > > ready to listen and most of all ready to participate in

> claiming

> > > my

> > > > > life back and helping others to do the same.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for the opportunity to share.

> > > > >

> > > > > Scooter

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>