Guest guest Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 I have been seeing a therapist for 19 months now. We have been dealing with the possibility (strong and undeniable, I think) that my mom has BPD. I have journeyed down a very long road and made lots of progress. I saw my family at Christmas briefly and my mom then and in the phone calls I had with her afterwords made me so incredibly angry. Everything about it all! I told my therapist all about it, and how angry I was, and therapist told me that really, I never had a mom. I never will. That now my journey is about accepting this fact and moving through the grief. I totally get that, and I'm ready. The thing is, I just got out some old notes I had taken of conversations with my mom (I take notes because I need to remember just right because it will get twisted). I just am so pissed off right now. My husband has been nothing but peaceful, concilatory and wonderful and she has been so rude and pissy. I want to be done. So, so much. I don't even want to try anymore AT ALL. I am finished!! However, therapist thinks that I should keep some contact. Not to get validation, but to give it to myself. She would like to see me, when I talk to nada and she's complaining around about everything, say, " That sounds really hard, mom. Guess what I did? " And then tell a story about me. This is an exercise to show myself that I am a human being--even when I talk to nada. I am exhausted. My stomach has intense pains from the stress. Guess what? I DONT FRICKING WANT TO!! Sorry for the vent. Thanks for giving me the space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Well, in my opinion, if continuing contact with your bpd-mom (we tend to use the jargon " nada " for " not a mom " here) is causing you high levels of stress, anxiety and anguish, then, maybe you would want to consider taking a " time out " from contact with her and see how it goes. No Contact doesn't have to be permanent. After six months of NC with our nada, my Sister feels like she's gained some of her stamina and strength back, some patience, and some perspective, and is now willing to have limited contact with nada again. Sounds like your therapist has that " You have to get back on the horse that threw you so you won't be afraid of horses " mentality, which does have at least a little merit. On the other hand (as an earlier poster mentioned) you might ask your therapist if s/he would advise a victim of domestic abuse to stay in contact with her battering, abusive husband? Or a rape victim to stay in contact with her rapist? If your nada continues to actively abuse you, disrespect your boundaries, drain you dry emotionally, etc., is the minor point of being able to " validate yourself " in nada's presence worth it? Only you can decide that. -Annie > > I have been seeing a therapist for 19 months now. We have been dealing with the > possibility (strong and undeniable, I think) that my mom has BPD. I have journeyed down > a very long road and made lots of progress. I saw my family at Christmas briefly and my > mom then and in the phone calls I had with her afterwords made me so incredibly angry. > Everything about it all! I told my therapist all about it, and how angry I was, and therapist > told me that really, I never had a mom. I never will. That now my journey is about > accepting this fact and moving through the grief. I totally get that, and I'm ready. The > thing is, I just got out some old notes I had taken of conversations with my mom (I take > notes because I need to remember just right because it will get twisted). I just am so > pissed off right now. My husband has been nothing but peaceful, concilatory and > wonderful and she has been so rude and pissy. I want to be done. So, so much. I don't > even want to try anymore AT ALL. I am finished!! However, therapist thinks that I should > keep some contact. Not to get validation, but to give it to myself. She would like to see > me, when I talk to nada and she's complaining around about everything, say, " That sounds > really hard, mom. Guess what I did? " And then tell a story about me. This is an exercise > to show myself that I am a human being--even when I talk to nada. > > I am exhausted. My stomach has intense pains from the stress. Guess what? I DONT > FRICKING WANT TO!! > > Sorry for the vent. Thanks for giving me the space. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2009 Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 I think that you should ask your therapist if there is another exercise that can accomplish the same goals without exposing yourself to more abuse (cuz we all know what will happen if you start interrupting nada to talk about yourself). Maybe there is some explanation for this that was just not explained in a way that makes sense to you? I don't understand it myself but I think it is VERY IMPORTANT to tell your therapist when you don't understand something or if you don't agree with something and then talk about it until you feel 100% understanding. > > I have been seeing a therapist for 19 months now. We have been dealing with the > possibility (strong and undeniable, I think) that my mom has BPD. I have journeyed down > a very long road and made lots of progress. I saw my family at Christmas briefly and my > mom then and in the phone calls I had with her afterwords made me so incredibly angry. > Everything about it all! I told my therapist all about it, and how angry I was, and therapist > told me that really, I never had a mom. I never will. That now my journey is about > accepting this fact and moving through the grief. I totally get that, and I'm ready. The > thing is, I just got out some old notes I had taken of conversations with my mom (I take > notes because I need to remember just right because it will get twisted). I just am so > pissed off right now. My husband has been nothing but peaceful, concilatory and > wonderful and she has been so rude and pissy. I want to be done. So, so much. I don't > even want to try anymore AT ALL. I am finished!! However, therapist thinks that I should > keep some contact. Not to get validation, but to give it to myself. She would like to see > me, when I talk to nada and she's complaining around about everything, say, " That sounds > really hard, mom. Guess what I did? " And then tell a story about me. This is an exercise > to show myself that I am a human being--even when I talk to nada. > > I am exhausted. My stomach has intense pains from the stress. Guess what? I DONT > FRICKING WANT TO!! > > Sorry for the vent. Thanks for giving me the space. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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