Re: Something like this happen to you?

[Guest guest]

wow ,

My Nada did the same thing with my father. She said he left, never

paid child support or wanted anything to do with us. When I was 13 I

found a box full of letter and cards from my father. (what do you want

to bet that there was birthday money in some of them...grrrr) Once I

was older I want to social services and was given records showing that

my father always paid his child support. As for seeing my brother and

I, I still don't know the truth. There is just so much letting go

that has to be done with a Nada.

Sing louder lady, will we be seeing you on American Idol this season?

Best of luck,

dawn

>

> I have always loved to sing. My nada never complimented me on my voice

> (or anything for that matter) or encouraged me to sing. Actually she

> frequently became annoyed with my singing in the car as a teen. I

> recently reconnected with my father, who she divorced 24 yrs ago. He

> is an amazing musician, sings and plays the guitar. She didn't

> encourage me on purpose b/c of her own hangups.

>

> How awful is that? I mean as far as some of the other terrible things

> she has done, like lie to my sister and I about my father not paying

> child support all those years or the reasons why we didn't see him, it

> isn't tragic, but still, if I would've been encouraged to sing as a

> child I would have tried harder and taken it more seriously.

>

> Silver lining is now I'm going to pursue taking some voice lessons and

> my father is teaching me how to play the guitar, which I've picked up

> and really enjoy.

>

> Anyway, just wanted to vent about that. Thanks for listening.

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

Hi dawn,

I was wondering how many of us with nada's who were divorced, lied to

us about our fathers. If it happened to you and I, I'm sure there are

lots more of us out there. I just discovered her lie a few months

ago. I was SHOCKED! After giving up on her, I kind of remembered that

I have a father too. She always threatened my sister and I that if

we found our Dad she would never talk to us again. But since I care

less now, I searched to find my father on line. In August I found him

after 24 yrs of him being out of our lives.

After the first few phone conversations with my dad, it didn't make

sense what my mother had said about him not paying child support. He

had stayed at the same job for 10yrs after they divorced. I called

child support services and found out, like you did, that he had paid

all those years. AND, I confirmed it by asking him. AND, it turned

out that she demanded the divorce, she had been abusing him. AND,

she made his custody visits so awful with her rages at him that it

was upsetting to my sister and I. He decided that it was better for

us to not see him b/c he didn't want her to make us end up dreading

our visits with him. Clearly he should've been stronger and made a

mistake by choosing not to have us in his life. But if anyone can

understand not wanting to deal with her, I can, even at the price of

missing out on seeing your children grow up.

Now I'm getting to know him, and am finding out that my dad is a

really wonderful person and I have an amazing stepmom too. I never

thought I would ever have a strong connection with a parent. This

has been like a dream come true for me. He and I are so bonded b/c we

both suffered through her craziness.

Would you ever try to find your dad? Is he living?

best of luck!

> >

> > I have always loved to sing. My nada never complimented me on my

voice

> > (or anything for that matter) or encouraged me to sing.

Actually she

> > frequently became annoyed with my singing in the car as a teen.

I

> > recently reconnected with my father, who she divorced 24 yrs

ago. He

> > is an amazing musician, sings and plays the guitar. She didn't

> > encourage me on purpose b/c of her own hangups.

> >

> > How awful is that? I mean as far as some of the other terrible

things

> > she has done, like lie to my sister and I about my father not

paying

> > child support all those years or the reasons why we didn't see

him, it

> > isn't tragic, but still, if I would've been encouraged to sing as

a

> > child I would have tried harder and taken it more seriously.

> >

> > Silver lining is now I'm going to pursue taking some voice

lessons and

> > my father is teaching me how to play the guitar, which I've

picked up

> > and really enjoy.

> >

> > Anyway, just wanted to vent about that. Thanks for listening.

> >

> > -

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Dear , I am learning about narcissism a lot lately, and from this it

sounds like your

nada may have had kindof a narcissist wing. Maybe most nadas do. In the past

there have

been long threads on the board about nadas destroying prized possessions of

their

childrens'. About the npd--what I read was that npds seek to actively destroy

any

potential public success of their child's, to make sure the child does not

outshine them.

They want all of the acclaim for themselves. That may be what was happening.

Or, it may

be that your nada was jealous of your musical ability and felt 'rejected' by it,

so split it

black, and sought to punish you for having it. I was a music major myself in

college, and

when I went away to grad school, my nada actually moved my (very expensive)

instrument

OUTSIDE into the garage, and left it there for a year. It was of course

destroyed. My npd

father did not try to stop her. My parents also acted very nastily at my

required concerts,

refused to pay for my concert dresses (I had to charge them) and fussed at me

and

insulted me the entire times they would come--IF they came, which they sometimes

did

not. This was when noone was around of course--in front of people they acted

like I was

God's greatest gift, and acted like I was 'messed up' or difficult for not

having enough

confidence.

It is indeed a theme.

--Charlie

>

> I have always loved to sing. My nada never complimented me on my voice

> (or anything for that matter) or encouraged me to sing. Actually she

> frequently became annoyed with my singing in the car as a teen. I

> recently reconnected with my father, who she divorced 24 yrs ago. He

> is an amazing musician, sings and plays the guitar. She didn't

> encourage me on purpose b/c of her own hangups.

>

> How awful is that? I mean as far as some of the other terrible things

> she has done, like lie to my sister and I about my father not paying

> child support all those years or the reasons why we didn't see him, it

> isn't tragic, but still, if I would've been encouraged to sing as a

> child I would have tried harder and taken it more seriously.

>

> Silver lining is now I'm going to pursue taking some voice lessons and

> my father is teaching me how to play the guitar, which I've picked up

> and really enjoy.

>

> Anyway, just wanted to vent about that. Thanks for listening.

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

That is so great , it is wonderful that you now have a father

and someone to call yours, someone that might even like you...lol

I was not as lucky with my father, he ran form the east cost to the

west, I guess as far as he could get from Nada. I found my father and

talked to him a few times on the phone but he was not open to a

relationship with me. It was painful but I moved on. But the good

news... I did end up with a father, one of my Nada's nine husbands,

one that was around a lot when I was little and was very good to me.

I found him and he never hand children of his own. We now have each

other and it is so wonderful. He says nice thing to me like " I'm so

proud of you and you have done so good with your life' each time it

still brings me to tears. Now, he is at my table for all holidays and

we talk on the phone and he takes me out to lunch. It feels just like

the real thing and I love it. I have been nc with my nada for many

years and had to see her last week for my grandmother funeral, where

nada would be. I was a mess, thank god for this place, anyway, my new

father sat right next to me and held my hand and gave me such

strength. He is a good man and I feel very luck to have him in my life.

I'm so happy for you ,.... but don't let your nada get in the

way, You deserve to be happy and to be loved no matter what she says.

> > >

> > > I have always loved to sing. My nada never complimented me on my

> voice

> > > (or anything for that matter) or encouraged me to sing.

> Actually she

> > > frequently became annoyed with my singing in the car as a teen.

> I

> > > recently reconnected with my father, who she divorced 24 yrs

> ago. He

> > > is an amazing musician, sings and plays the guitar. She didn't

> > > encourage me on purpose b/c of her own hangups.

> > >

> > > How awful is that? I mean as far as some of the other terrible

> things

> > > she has done, like lie to my sister and I about my father not

> paying

> > > child support all those years or the reasons why we didn't see

> him, it

> > > isn't tragic, but still, if I would've been encouraged to sing as

> a

> > > child I would have tried harder and taken it more seriously.

> > >

> > > Silver lining is now I'm going to pursue taking some voice

> lessons and

> > > my father is teaching me how to play the guitar, which I've

> picked up

> > > and really enjoy.

> > >

> > > Anyway, just wanted to vent about that. Thanks for listening.

> > >

> > > -

> > >

> >

>