Re: thanks everyone

[Guest guest]

I think that dredging up the old memories and feelings is a

necessary step for most people before they can move on. It helps

to make you determined enough to do what is necessary to put a

stop to it. One of the problems in dealing with a nada or fada

is that the things they do don't necessarily seem horrible when

taken individually. It is easy to let them convince you that

you're the one who isn't being reasonable if you don't look at

the whole picture. When you start putting it all together and

realizing what it adds up to, then it becomes much more obvious

that what's been happening is abusive and that's what you need

to know in order to become willing to do what is needed to put

an end to it.

At 06:01 PM 01/04/2009 bridget.tehan wrote:

>many thanks to you all for replying to my hello? post

>i have had a difficult christmsa period with my family, nada

>especially (of course)

>also i think finding this group and reading all the stories has

>

>dredged up a LOT of sadness, anger, frustration and trauma

>it's funny because i thought joining would help, but in these

>initial

>periods i'm finding what it does is send me hurtling back into

>old

>memories, repressed experiences, regrets, grief and turmoil. i

>feel

>very upset and touchy all the time, and want to cry a lot! i

>can see

>by all the posts that i will hopefully move past this first

>stage and

>onto another, maybe one where i can start to take some away

>practical

>advice, or even just know the support is out there, somewhere.

>i have come a long way with my nada - i am limited contact,

>have set

>VERY firm boundaries, basically thought i had it all under

>control. i

>forgot that maintaining that control takes an enormous effort,

>is

>hugely draining, and it is always there, an ugliness hovering

>over my

>life. i am tired, sick of being the daughter of a bpd, wish i

>had more

>people to talk to about it.

>so thanks again for your replies - it made me feel happy to

>read them

>bridget

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Hi Bridget,

I agree with Katrina. The best way I've found to move on is to move

through it. It's not always easy or pretty or fast. It can be

painful and with the right support and resources, you can do it.

It's much brighter on the other side, from the glimpses I've seen.

Your feelings are all valid and important. Let it out! Cry if you

need to, punch pillows, scream in a safe place, whatever works for

you.

Best wishes for more and more peace as you continue working through

all of this. Keep posting and reading here. I have yet to read

anything that wasn't useful. Sometimes I don't even realize how

powerful it is until later.

> >many thanks to you all for replying to my hello? post

> >i have had a difficult christmsa period with my family, nada

> >especially (of course)

> >also i think finding this group and reading all the stories has

> >

> >dredged up a LOT of sadness, anger, frustration and trauma

> >it's funny because i thought joining would help, but in these

> >initial

> >periods i'm finding what it does is send me hurtling back into

> >old

> >memories, repressed experiences, regrets, grief and turmoil. i

> >feel

> >very upset and touchy all the time, and want to cry a lot! i

> >can see

> >by all the posts that i will hopefully move past this first

> >stage and

> >onto another, maybe one where i can start to take some away

> >practical

> >advice, or even just know the support is out there, somewhere.

> >i have come a long way with my nada - i am limited contact,

> >have set

> >VERY firm boundaries, basically thought i had it all under

> >control. i

> >forgot that maintaining that control takes an enormous effort,

> >is

> >hugely draining, and it is always there, an ugliness hovering

> >over my

> >life. i am tired, sick of being the daughter of a bpd, wish i

> >had more

> >people to talk to about it.

> >so thanks again for your replies - it made me feel happy to

> >read them

> >bridget

>

> --

> Katrina

>