Re: Guilt and Life in General

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/21/99 2:05:11 AM Eastern Daylight Time, wog@...

writes:

<< I felt that I was tested

>enough already.

My thoughts are not to one person only but to everyone who has felt this

way....which I imagine is all of us. This is very long and verbose so, if

you are in a hurry, you may want to skip it.

One day I was complaining to my best friend, who's life was going pretty

well at the time,

that we seemed to have more than our share of trouble and heartache and that

I especially felt bad for . In six months, she had two major

operations, broke her foot and then broke her back. My Mom had cancer. My

finances were falling apart and the school was being plain evil...etc.

Everything that could go wrong was going wrong. It was as if God was trying

our souls to the breaking point. Why us?

She knocked me off my seat with her answer which I will never forget. " Why

not you. "

There is a lot of evil in this world and why should you be exempt from it?

There are wars and holocausts. There is sickness and death. It happens to

all of us just at different times and in different ways.

She reminded me that for the last few years her husband had lost his job,

she was near death and her children seemed to be falling apart. Now her

husband has a new job, she is in remission and all of her children are doing

outstandingly well. She told me to look around in my seemingly perfect

neighborhood and look at each house and listen to their stories.

At first, I was a little taken aback and tried to protest " no, no " I said.

This is so bad and we are so isolated and she is so sad, etc. It took me a

few days to really listen to her and then I started to really listen to my

neighbors. The couple up the street who's life seemed perfect raised two

children with diabetes at a time when no one knew anything about it. One of

their son's was now in his thirties with two small children and on constant

dialysis. The lady who owned my house traveled around the world with her two

husbands but she was so alone in life that when she died the estate was held

up for years because there were no heirs. Over and over I listened when

people were talking. Broken families, broken hearts....all hidden behind

beautiful homes and beautiful lawns in a " perfect " neighborhood. Everyone

was just trying to make it through the best that they could. For the first

time it made sense to me why superficial things were so important to so many

people and where prejudice comes from...people are running scared. If they

make things look right then maybe they will be right. Hide away the

disabled, make your body and home look as perfect as they can be, pretend

that everything is all right.....and maybe it will be.

Around this time, JFK Jr. died and everyone was saying how much bad luck

the family had. I read an article that actually laid out a time line for the

Kennedy problems including death, drugs, divorce, etc. You know what? When

you looked at how many people are in the family, they did not have any more

problems then any of us Granted their disasters are a little more glamorous

with plane and skiing accidents rather than car and bike accidents. Yes,

there were assassinations but 's father had a man who was like a

second father to him. He was a car salesman and a customer, who was mad

about the repairs on his car, came in and shot him in the back. He had

never even met this man. His wife was left with six children. Overall,

everything that happens to them happens to us. We are all the same just our

stories are different and our troubles come at different times.

Yes, having a child who is different or disabled in anyway can be draining

because you want your child to have every advantage in life but I shall never

believe that they are a punishment or that they are being punished. I also

do not believe that God just hands these children to people that can handle

it, even though it is a nice thought, because I have heard of many

situations where the people cannot and the children are abused and neglected.

My daughter was in a Romanian orphanage and I saw things in there that I

shall never forget. Life as it is handed to them and us stinks. I believe

that our bodies are a crap shoot..very fragile and destined to die. Some

people believe that this is the result of Adam and Eve's original sin. I

don't know. I do believe that it is what we do with this life that counts.

I do believe that God will intervene with prayer. It may not always be the

intervention that we expect but, when we look back years later, we will find

that it was the intervention that we needed to prepare us for the next step

in life. I do believe that there are good people in this world. I do believe

that there are angels who are waiting to help us if we ask them. I do believe

that my daughter's soul and my soul were always meant to be together. I do

believe it is how we live our lives that matters. Why God set it up this

way, I have no idea. Why God lets the devil have his way is beyond my

comprehension. For some reason, God does not feel that he needs to answer to

me. So, whenever I feel like saying " Why me? " , I now answer " Why not me " . I

am just one of God's billions of children.

This all just happened to me recently and I am still working some of it

out. At no point during all of this, did I mean to offend anyone so please

do not take any of this personally. I am not trying to diminish anyone's

pain or guilt. I am just trying to do what a friend did for me.....put it in

perspective. and I have now decided to live our lives with " joi de

vive " The other day, we had a long ride home in rush hour traffic. We saw

dark clouds and lightening coming our way very fast. We pulled over and went

into a Burger King. When we came out of the bathroom, it was raining so hard

that the water was pouring in under the doors. We got some cheeseburgers and

waited it out. We had a very nice time. By the time we left, it was a

drizzle and most of the traffic had cleared. We passed two accidents.

Everyone was in the same traffic, each of us had different goals and we each

handled it in a different way...such is life. For us, joi de vive is the way

to go. It will not always come to us naturally because we have been on

survival mode for so long but we are hoping it kicks in more naturally the

more we do it.

Please take all of this in the spirit in which it was intended. I know I

have left myself wide open. I only meant to help as a friend helped me.

Eleanor

[Guest guest]

I want to add something before anyone posts about my post. I am sorry if

it sounded pedantic. It was not meant that way. I am a work in progress and

do not mean to sound as if I have the answers.

Eleanor

[Guest guest]

Eleanor,

Your message was thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing.

Dixie

>From: LadyJane50@...

>

> I want to add something before anyone posts about my post. I am sorry if

>it sounded pedantic. It was not meant that way. I am a work in progress and

>do not mean to sound as if I have the answers.

>

>Eleanor

>

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

" Let go and let God " it seems it is so easy to forget. Thank you with all

the changes that have been going on in Adam's school and the up coming

implant it seems that I have forgotten that ultimately I am not in control of

the entire universe. It always helps to read these little bits of joy!

Thanks again,

Nikki

[Guest guest]

Eleanor

> She knocked me off my seat with her answer which I will never forget.

" Why

> not you

I agree. I, too, don't see things as " punishments " (and I've said this

before). They just " are. "

>I also do not believe that God just hands these children to people that can

handle

> it, even though it is a nice thought

Actually, when I first read it, I didn't think of it as a nice thought. In

fact, I felt betrayed and hurt. Hard to explain, but I couldn't make my

vision of a loving God match a being who would pick and choose " trials " for

an innocent child. No one else I've spoken to has seen it this way so it

must be my unique problem.

> I do believe that God will intervene with prayer. It may not always be

the

> intervention that we expect but, when we look back years later, we will

find

> that it was the intervention that we needed to prepare us for the next

step

> in life.

Yes, I often remind myself to " let go and let God " so that I can release

those worries and fears about circumstances over which I have no control.

It's tough. I get caught up in the " now " and find it difficult to release

all my anxiety. Lately, I've set up a candle in a room that is always set up

for a quick prayer. It reminds me to pray the Serenity Prayer - " God grant

me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change

the things I can (and we all need this part as our kids return to school),

and the wisdom to know the difference. "

As school begins, I pray for all of us - for our kids' happiness, for our

peace of mind, for strength to stand up for what is right, and for

understanding from others.

God bless.

Cheryl

[Guest guest]

From: LadyJane50@...

I want to add something before anyone posts about my post. I

it sounded pedantic. It was not meant that way. I am a work in progress and

do not mean to sound as if I have the answers.

Eleanor

Eleanor,

I Liked your post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Heidi

[Guest guest]

Eleanor,

Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us. It was a powerful

thing for me to read. I have occasionally asked why me or why Matt in

the past, but have learned over the years to embrace all of life, the

good and the bad, because it makes me a much better person.

Learning to find joy in it all,

Jana

[Guest guest]

Eleanor - That was great . I agree with you r opinion of things . You can

take the same situation, and it will be handled differently by different

people - bad or good, positive or negative.

I would rather try, and try is the important word = i would rather try to be

positive.

Shirley