Todays the day

[Guest guest]

Well, here it is, the day I see the 5th neurologist in 5 years. I am

scared. I didn't want to see her, but everyone else had convinced me

that it was necessary and good to have a neuro in my area familiar with

my case so that if/when I have the surgery I have someone to go to if

something happens on an emergency basis and also to follow me for more

symptoms, etc. I thought it was a good idea. Now I am not so sure.

Once again I am going to walk into " gods " office. Once again I am

going to try to explain to the " all knowing one " what is wrong with me.

Once again I will show the MRI reports. Once again I will take the

preschool/drunk driving exam, (as someone here so eloquently put it),

and feel like an idiot as I stumble over my own feet. Once more I will

pray that for the few minutes I am with " god " that my symptoms will be

flaring, that I shall fall all over myself, trip atleast a half dozen

times, lose feeling in my leg and arm and be unable to open a door or

remember that she gave me a memory test. But what I fear most of all

is that once again I shall gaze into condescending eyes that seek to

mask their contempt with false sympathy and various anti-depressants

will be suggested and prescribed. Once again it will be explained that

ACM 1 is symptomless. Learn to live with the pain. Take prozac, it

will all go away, (don't they realize that I understand when they say

this that they think that I am crazy). I wish that for once we could

make a covenant with the drs where they agree to acknowledge that they

are not omniscient deity and we agree to acknowledge that they are not

omnipotent, there are limits to their ability to cure. I wish they

could understand that it is not sympathy I seek, rather solutions to my

dilemma. So once more I will walk into that office today, but today,

for the first time, I will not allow my dignity to become dented. I

will hold my head high, speak clearly and concisely. I will not even

think about what I will do if she becomes indignant. I will focus on

the solution for when I focus on the solution the solution increases,

when I focus on the problem the problem increases. I will focus on the

solution and if this dr can not focus with me then this is not the dr

for me! Forgive me for rambling but though this is only the 5th neuro

and the 5th year, I have been actually seeing drs, every kind

imaginable, for the past 14 years looking for a solution and I am

tired. I pray God opens her ears. I had my newest MRI films sent to

her office weeks ago. I pray she has examined them. I pray God give

me strength, I pray God give us all strength.

Here I go again!! Tia in Sunny SW Florida