Dying because of prostate cancer

[Guest guest]

, a good old friend of mine used to shock people by saying that he

wanted his ashes scattered under a beautiful jacaranda tree on the golf

course where he was Club Secretary. " But, " he would caution, " Make sure you

know which way the wind is blowing. I've never been out of bounds on that

hole. "

I know that many are also uneasy when my darling wife Anthea and I talk

about death and dying. Our ideal death would be to have an excellent meal in

one of those sidewalk cafes in Rome - near the Trevi Fountain perhaps - to

keel over as we sipped the last of the wine and for the restaurateur to find

that we didn't have enough to pay for the meal, having spent every last

razoo on living.

So, with that background, perhaps I am not typical in my outlook. I guess it

would be somewhat of a surprise if I was, but I do believe that it is

healthy to contemplate our end, and to discuss what fears we might have.

Death and dying is the elephant in the room as far as prostate cancer is

concerned. It is very rarely even mentioned except as a dire warning of the

awful death that awaits those who do not take immediate action to deal with

their diagnosis.

Some prostate cancer deaths can indeed be awful and I don't want to make

light of that, especially for people who have experienced the pain of losing

a loved one - father, husband, partner or son. Old timers may recall some

years back the harrowing blow by blow description of the last days of a man

in Ireland, described by his loving wife Jan - that was on another List,

long gone unfortunately so the account cannot be read in Archives. There are

other well told tales of death and dying - one of the most visited

individual pages on my Yana site is Alan Bacon's, written by his widow and

available at http://www.yananow.net/Mentors/AlanB.htm ; Young also

vividly told of the three years plus that passed from his diagnosis to his

death - you can read that at

http://www.phoenix5.org/essaysry/menuryessays.html while Ric Masten still

details his long battle - nine years and counting - with terminal disease at

http://www.ric-masten.net/Prostate.Series.html

These men battled the pain of the disease that had metastasised to the bone,

but this is not the only route which the disease takes, in fact it occurs in

a minority of cases, according Jan, the lady I mentioned above and Dr

Myers. In those cases where it does occur, Dr Glode has

this to say at at this URL http://tinyurl.com/2rmplc : <snip> It is highly

unusual to have a patient in whom pain cannot be well controlled with

radiation, opiates, NSAIDs and attentive care. <snip>

I cannot quote any studies to support these statements, but they do jell

with my personal experiences. , my old pal I mentioned above, Mike

another old pal and Reg, a colleague of mine from work all died of prostate

cancer within 18 months of my diagnosis. and Reg and I went fishing in

the Zambezi Valley three months before Reg died and twelve months before

went. Reg was on hormone therapy at that stage and was suffering badly

from hot flashes - no surprise since the ambient temperature was about 40C -

say 104F - but a bit of river water poured over him and some well chilled

beers cooled him down. We caught fish, yarned about the good old times and

despite the shadow of death that hovered over both of them, we had a great

time.

Mike lived in Cape Town, where we lived at the time. He had been diagnosed

about three years before me. He didn't know anything about his diagnosis,

but clearly it was late stage when it was diagnosed because he had an

orchidectomy and then went onto what his widow refers to as 'female hormone

drugs'- presumably some kind of estrogen therapy. He developed osteoporosis

and broke a leg, some ribs and eventually his spine was so fragile that he

had to wear a cervical collar. But none of this stopped him doing several

things that he had planned to do all his life, but was too busy to do. The

chief of these was to visit France, the Loire Valley in particular, on an

extended wine tasting tour - he was a vintner by trade.

A little over six weeks before he died, we had dinner with him at his

favourite restaurant. As ever he was bubbly and bright and had us in fits of

laughter describing the problems he had at a recent wine tasting in getting

full glasses which he needed to taste the wine - he couldn't tilt his head

back far enough to sip from a normal tasting glass because of his cervical

collar.

Shortly after that he was admitted to the hospice, where I visited him on a

frequent and regular basis. The staff of the hospice were kindness

personified and although Mike was more and more heavily sedated, he would

slip in and out of consciousness, sometimes chatting about old times,

sometimes away with the fairies. I wasn't with him when he died, but his

brother was and he said he just slipped away. That was four months after my

diagnosis.

I wouldn't mind going like that. I know it can't be guaranteed, but in the

meantime, I'm living my life to the full, making the most of every day.

All the best

Terry Herbert

I have no medical qualifications but I was diagnosed in '96: and have

learned a bit since then.

My sites are at www.yananow.net and www.prostatecancerwatchfulwaiting.co.za

Dr " Snuffy " Myers : " As a physician, I am painfully aware that most

of the decisions we make with regard to prostate cancer are made with

inadequate data "

Dying because of prostate cancer

**********

A question was recently posed to me in a personal email questioning if there

have ever been exchanges discussing just what occurs when men are unable to

arrest their prostate cancer and their advanced stage and metastases lead to

their demise. He remarked that whenever he brings this topic up at support

group meetings, it is brushed aside and no one wants to talk about it. As

he made note, we discuss every other area of prostate cancer from prevention

to the variety of treatment, even to the treatment of advanced and

metastasized disease. But we make little, if any, mention on what the

patient can expect and prepare for when all treatment options fail. I

expect this is a normal, human reaction to not want to address the issue of

dying because of prostate cancer. Yet, there is an importance to this

topic, and that is the awareness that if we, as patients, choose to put off

treatment and rather make our option one of denial to the importance of

early attention to our insid

ious disease, there can, and more likely will, be very unfortunate

complications that could result in our early demise.

I provided this gentleman my observation of a personal friend who had been

an important part of our Us TOO support group chapter leadership whose

cancer became extremely aggressive during a two year span when he had missed

just one annual PSA and DRE check. In what would be considered a short time

span, the aggressiveness of his disease developed to a Gleason 5+4/9 with

metastases having already occurred on diagnosis. He had been checked

annually but missed just one year! Complications were numerous, quality of

life became of little concern because his primary concern became life

itself. From what I witnessed and from what he described to me, the effects

of his cancer were not pleasant. He said he wished he could communicate to

men the absolute importance of annual testing for prostate cancer and serve

as a reminder of what can occur when men procrastinate when experiencing

urinary problems and miss even one annual check. His explanation to me was

graphic and honest and

all the while concerned about those following in his/our journey. And it

was his demise that served as an impetus to my eventual advocacy to help

others.

I open this topic for discussion on behalf of the patient who addressed this

concern to me and who wishes to remain anonymous. It may be unpleasant to

some, but important to others.

(Chuck) Maack

Prostate Cancer Advocate

Bio: http://www.ustoowichita.org/leaders.cfm?content=bio & id=1

Email: maack1@...