medication and other (many) questions

[Guest guest]

Has anyone had any " luck " with anti-depressants meds OTHER than

SSRIs? I can't take SSRIs, and I am not sure I can take others, but I

think I need to try something because I am not doing very well. I

will check that damned slow email later to see if anyone writes to me

privately...

Another question. For anyone who has communication problems/is

noverbal/is noverbal some of the time... I don't actually know what

my question is.... I have stopped talking for the past few hours. I

don't WANT to talk. The last thing I did was yell at my son, in the

car, because he was making a horrible screeching noise. I then

said " I am not going to talk to you for a little while " and I have

not talked since. My mom was in the car and she was talking to me and

I was just shaking my head yes or no, or just not talking to her. I

have been noncommunicative around her before but never all that

noticeably. It was just she and I in the car. When she would say

something to me, I just did not seem to be able to say anything back.

Usually if I " go nonverbal " it is just for a few minutes or maybe an

hour.

Do people with Asperger's stop talking sometimes? Is there really any

difference between having Asperger's and not being able to talk

sometimes, and being " autistic " with " communication problems. " Is it

just a matter of degree? And when I read about Asperger's why don't I

ever see some of the things mentioned that I do, that are never

talked about in discussions of Asperger's but are talked about in

discussions of " autism, " like banging my head... and why when I wrote

about this one time before did nobody answer? (Maybe because ya'll

think I am a nut? Or maybe nobody knows...) I just don't know. Maybe

it is something depressed people do. Bang their heads and refuse to

talk. I know people have said on this list that it was a matter of

degree, we are all autistic, which I think is true, of course... but

I NEVER see ANYTHING about people with Asperger's doing some things I

do. So, is it autism or is it mental illness or both or what? (Yep, I

know nobody can diagnose me, plus I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago!

Just your opinion, please.) (I was diagnosed with Asperger's sensory

integration, major depressive disorder, (math issues) and possible

PTSD. So could be a combination.)

Rather than DOING anything about my issues, I seem to want to

endlessly sort through them and categorize them. Maybe there is

nothing to DO, other than to try to be the best mom I can to my son,

which is the main thing I care about in this world. And seem to fail

at every day.

So... gee... my son asked me something and I just pointed, and he

wanted me to play with him, so I did but I just did not say anything.

I gave him lots of hugs and smiles but that was all (not having touch

aversion today so I can hug him). Too bad the kid can't read. I wrote

a note to my husband saying I can't talk right now and asking him to

tell our son I love him, so he did that. I can write I just can't

talk.

I also can't make eye contact, even more than usual. When I handed my

husband the note I actually turned my head away from him so I

couldn't see him taking it and reading it.

I guess my question is, " Is this WEIRD? " I also have dictation

software and am supposed to use it to save my wrists, but I'll be

damned if I can talk to that thing right now. Maybe I just don't want

to hear my voice after screaming at my kid? Maybe I am a nut? Maybe

this is an autistic thing, or maybe not? I don't know. What IS

a " communcation problem " ???? Is there a good site that explains it

more? I am not nonverbal in the sense of never having talked. I can

talk your ear off if I get wound up... or I used to. I am almost

thinking of myself as " having talked in the past, but now I don't "

even though it's only been a few hours. Also I can write like a

maniac. No problem there, sorry to say... I could probably also

talk if someone threatened me with bodily harm if I did not. But I

PREFER not to right now, and seem to not be able to. I guess if I

WANTED to and could not, that would be something else again.

One thing I have a strong feeling about is that I would LIKE to not

talk much, just to sing. I like to sing. Hmmm... one thing that

happened this week was my mom telling me she didn't like something I

was singing. It's just her opinion about one song but I do recall

that was possibly the beginning of me not talking. Why am I so

sensitive to " criticism " ? Maybe when the holidays are over and I

don't have to see relatives anymore I will " improve. " But I LIKE not

talking, I must say.

Hey, there's a rufous-sided towhee right outside my window. Does

anyone do any birdwatching? I never have done much because it drives

me nuts to NOT be able to find EVERY bird I want to see. It took me

YEARS to ever see a bald eagle, and they are not unknown in these

parts.

Rhonda