Re: Non-SSRI antidepressants

[Guest guest]

Seems you and I,

Rhonda have similar dxs'. What's in a label?

I have innanely " felt " my entire life that my most natural state is saying

nothing. It can put you in a vulnerable state and its scary too, saying

nothing.

Selective Mutism is a condition I was dx'ed with even before I made it in to

see a certified psychologist for the evaluation that led to

Aspergers/dysthmia, bad math skills, etc.

I was corresponding with " Sue " from Florida who runs SMA (selective mutism

foundation) and participated in a national study based in Iowa. Then it all

started to bug me; saying it can be cured, you can grow out of it. I began

to challenge Sue; I told her it was not a coincidence that myself and at the

least 2 others I know with Aspergers also have selective mutism, I asked her

if there was a correlation, if maybe some people w/ SM should be tested for

autism as well.

She was not keen to the thought, as if I'd mentioned a dreadful disease. " Oh

no SM is curable! the two are so separate- "

And yet so many people had both. I questioned whether SM could be a symptom

that typically went hand in hand in a lot of people dx'ed aspergers.

I'm here to say I've had the disappearing voice my whole life, I don't fight

it or beat myself up over it.

Its all a part of the cocktail that is me.

I say you're ok.

I see it this way- we are hardest on ourselves. We aren't a condition, it

just sometimes shines through our personality. That's all right.

Its not easy to be kind to myself.

If I have an overweight friend (society's standards) and she is unhappy, I'm

the first to say, 'listen you aren't defined by your weight. To me you are

great for this reason and that one... "

And I mean it when I say it yet if I gain weight I'll berate my self. Why

can't I be as kind to my self, to look at me and mean it that I'm all right?

I often wonder why I can't apply the same principal to myself. If my friend

says, " You are fine the way you are, whats inside is what counts "

then I'm sudden;l not able to realize she means it.

About disappearing voices, if I'm around people that don't get it, either

they'll understand or they won't. But I'll be damned if I'll berate me. Its

a struggle.

Paxil got me through a few months, I was having public craziness that others

started noticing, staring at me a lot, and after a few mths. my son said,

you always look sad. It was helping and yet the pills took away the inner

command central I have that tells me to make expressions. I wasn't making

any on the drug! Yet it got me shopping in a store without leaving the cart

full and running out.

I'm sure every drug is different on everyone. Especially on " our bodies "

being wired different.

p.s. Its been painful when I couldnt even talk to people like my father, but

its happened many times, can't say why. I am usually lying low after it,

then I make a phone call after defragmenting and I call him to make sure I

really can talk again.

I am having my first grandchild in April and I'll be on the look-out for any

of my traits.Although it can be difficult I'm kind of hoping.

[Guest guest]

>

> runs SMA (selective mutism foundation) =selective mutism ASSOCIATION

that's what I meant!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much. I never heard of selective mutism until now. I

will google it all night. Thank you for what you said. My son

asked me yesterday " Why are you sad, Mommy? " He didn't even ask IF I

was.. he is only 4. Not fair to him to have a sad mom. I do berate

myself about that and about everything else. Partly it has to do with

coming from a family that does not accept me. Hey, here's what my mom

said about my recent increase in stimming. First she flaps her hand

in imitation of me, then says, " What's this? What IS this? " Needless

to say I chickened out and did not tell her anything!

I am glad you stood up to " Sue. " Why does everything always have to

be CURED? Although I would like at least some RESPITE from

depression.

I know what you mean about kind of hoping about your grandchild. When

I went to my son's very first official parent-teacher conference, I

was secretly hoping they would say " We think he has a disorder. " Poor

kid is just about as NT as they come. In fact I am starting to think

he is SUPER-NT. Yikes!

P.S. Thank you everyone for writing because already I feel a lot

better. It's the " talking cure " in action, only instead of a

therapist it is my online autistic community.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

> http://www.autistics.org/library/inertia.html

WHOA. This inertia thing is ME. Very good article. (Also some of the

catatonia stuff and the selective mutism stuff is ME, and maybe they

are a bit similar, since they all involve not doing something, such

as moving or talking or planning.) Especially the part where she says

if something changes, or is different, then not being able to do

soemthing or make a decision. Having to be able to go through the

steps she outlines, and maybe some steps are missing. They certainly

seem to be missing quite often.

And any time I have to switch between tasks, things like going from

editing to sending the invoice... I have invoices I have not sent for

2-3 weeks and the project manager will send me a nice email asking if

I want to be paid for the work. And, with a 4-year old, who

constantly changes what he is doing, I notice I spend a lot of time

just standing there, while he does things, and not being able to do

anything but stand there or sit with him or whatever. My husband can

do all sorts of tasks, like cleaning or other housework, but I can't

do it unless I am alone, which rarely happens.

Also there is a flip side of inertia, I think. At my part time job,

my employer asked me " Do you ever slow down? " Hilarious since I spend

most of my " free time " standing still staring at the floor.. but when

I go there, in order to rev up, I guess I start moving very fast asn

so she has the impression that I am speeded up constantly. Of course,

this means that I have actually fallen into her office, as I was

going so fast I tripped over the stupid threshhold. " Be careful! " the

staff members all said in unison as I made my grand entrance.

Rhonda