RE: I've never been so hurt...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/21/2002 7:39:57 PM Eastern Standard Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> god i wish i could give him a new mom but we're stuck with each other.

>

> jacquie

You are a GREAT MOM!!! We all have these days. I wanted to toss out

the window today but somehow managed not to. At least you got a love you!

That's huge progress isn't it?

BIG HUGS!!!

[Guest guest]

He doesn't need a new mom.

Dang, Jacquie. You two have such a unique relationship........That boy

loves you. and that boy can tell you how he feels.

The good, the bad and the ugly Jacquie.....

It's all a very good thing.

Penny :-)

I've never been so hurt...

Tonight has been a nightmare. At the last scene, ERic saw the full bubble

bath and announced, " I said I didn't want bubbles. " Untrue; when I asked he

never answered me. I asked three times. So I sent him to his room to get

in bed with no bath because I couldn't get all the bubbles out of the tub.

I was upset; it's been a long long day. I sat in my own room for a while

trying hard not to cry but he kept poking his head in and yelling at me. so

when I put him to bed he told me loved me and then said, " I need a new mom. "

So there I sat crying while he told me his new mom had a big tummy and long

straight hair (that's me) and that she was out buying him groceries. I

guess I should be glad he's using his imagination, but f*ck. It just cuts

like a very very sharp knife. I'm just sitting here now crying and typing,

trying not to look at all the things I threw across the room when I caem in

here.

<brief sobbing interlude>

god i wish i could give him a new mom but we're stuck with each other.

jacquie

[Guest guest]

Now Jacquie, We all know that you are a great Mom! Don't forget that!!! Sully

once told me that I was a bad Mom. I was so hurt and angry. For him to say

something like that after how I have put my all into him! How dare he??? I

stormed down the hall and sat crying. Then I thought now way! He is not

getting away with that, not without knowing how it affected me. So I marched

myself back down to his room and yelled look at my face what do you see?? Tears

he says. Yes I am crying! DO you know why I am crying. No. He says. I told

him that I was crying because of the words he said. I had him watch me cry

until I felt better. He was sorry about what he had said (it did take him a

while to get to that point). He has never said anything like that to me again.

Not that he won't but I got through to him that day.

It hurts like h*ll. Doesn't it??? And I no it is no consolation right now, but

for him to say that is very Normal!! It didn't help me to know that when Sully

said that to me either. But you do need to remember that even though he said

that he doesn't mean it. What he means is I'm angry and the safest person to be

angry with is MOM. Dear MOM.

((((HUGS)))

Chris

I've never been so hurt...

Tonight has been a nightmare. At the last scene, ERic saw the full bubble

bath and announced, " I said I didn't want bubbles. " Untrue; when I asked he

never answered me. I asked three times. So I sent him to his room to get in

bed with no bath because I couldn't get all the bubbles out of the tub. I was

upset; it's been a long long day. I sat in my own room for a while trying hard

not to cry but he kept poking his head in and yelling at me. so when I put him

to bed he told me loved me and then said, " I need a new mom. "

So there I sat crying while he told me his new mom had a big tummy and long

straight hair (that's me) and that she was out buying him groceries. I guess I

should be glad he's using his imagination, but f*ck. It just cuts like a very

very sharp knife. I'm just sitting here now crying and typing, trying not to

look at all the things I threw across the room when I caem in here.

<brief sobbing interlude>

god i wish i could give him a new mom but we're stuck with each other.

jacquie

[Guest guest]

He doesn't really want a new mom Jacquie. It's just hard to

communicate feelings for our kids. You're a great mom and loves

you. Tomorrow's another day.

[Guest guest]

Sorry Jacquie. I've been on the receiving end of that myself.

It ain't fun. But you know that kid was just frustrated about

something and lashed out in a very child-like way.

You are a great mom. You show that time and time again. We all

know it. knows it too.

Cinnamon

In parenting_autism@y..., " The Hunny Family " <vhunnius@l...> wrote:

> Tonight has been a nightmare. At the last scene, ERic saw the full

bubble bath and announced, " I said I didn't want bubbles. " Untrue;

when I asked he never answered me. I asked three times. So I sent

him to his room to get in bed with no bath because I couldn't get all

the bubbles out of the tub. I was upset; it's been a long long day.

I sat in my own room for a while trying hard not to cry but he kept

poking his head in and yelling at me. so when I put him to bed he

told me loved me and then said, " I need a new mom. "

>

> So there I sat crying while he told me his new mom had a big tummy

and long straight hair (that's me) and that she was out buying him

groceries. I guess I should be glad he's using his imagination, but

f*ck. It just cuts like a very very sharp knife. I'm just sitting

here now crying and typing, trying not to look at all the things I

threw across the room when I caem in here.

>

> <brief sobbing interlude>

>

> god i wish i could give him a new mom but we're stuck with each

other.

>

> jacquie

[Guest guest]

> It hurts like h*ll. Doesn't it??? And I no it is no consolation right now,

but for him to say that is very Normal!! It didn't help me to know that when

Sully said that to me either. But you do need to remember that even though he

said that he doesn't mean it. What he means is I'm angry and the safest person

to be angry with is MOM. Dear MOM.

>

It does hurt. Marc came home last night and asked me why I seemed so sad and I

couldn't tell him I just cried instead. <sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>>when I put him to bed he told me loved me and then said, " I need a

new mom. "

>> So there I sat crying while he told me his new mom had a big tummy

and long straight hair (that's me) and that she was out buying him

groceries.>>

Jacquie,

When my " typical " kids were quite small, they would sometimes say

things like that when they got very angry. But when you come back

and talk to them, they don't really mean it, it's just what fell out

of their mouths when they were out of control. Ross Greene calls

it " mental debris " ...and suggests taking a deep breath and ignoring

it (takes practice).

Change " I need a new mom " to " I'm worried you don't love me anymore

because I'm such a pill, Mom " , and you may get a more accurate idea

of what was really trying to get across. Maybe he just doesn't

have the communication skills to say what he was feeling.

I don't think really wants a new mom at all...I think it's just

that very concrete little autistic mind trying to give a visual image

to the things he is feeling... " I need you to do lovey 'mom' things

for me so I know that you still like me " ...he can't imagine any other

mom but you, and he doesn't want one...he's describing a calmer,

happier version of the old mom. :-)

What he doesn't understand is the impact his words have on you,

because words don't impact him that way...and that, again, is the

autism--relating to others and empathy are not his strong suits.

Raena

[Guest guest]

((Jacquie))..don't be silly, you are a super terrific

wonderful mom..if you weren't..you wouldn't care if

loved you or wanted another mom...which he

doesn't..he is just a little boy..and you know he

adores you! Everyone says silly things they don't

mean when they are upset!

Mimi

-----Original Message-----

> From: The Hunny Family

> god i wish i could give him a new mom but we're

> stuck with each other.

>

> jacquie

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