an OT look at marriage. (today is an anniversary of sorts)

[Guest guest]

12 years ago yesterday, I met my husband in the afternoon, while we were both

decorating the bar where we worked for the New Year's Eve party.

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was taking to the store and I was

telling him he was a stupid, stupid man (even calling my mom after they left to

moan about his stupidity), I looked at him 12 years ago and said to myself,

" This is a fascinating, intelligent man. "

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was being berated by me for being a

stupid man, 12 years ago he was looking at me and thinking, " What a sweet and

fragile little thing. "

How do people manage to stay together through all of these changes? These

curves life throws at you, the things that change you so deep down to your core?

The night of December 30th, Marc and I had a huge fight. It was ended when,

talking about something in the past, I said, " ..but it was always you. It's

always been *you*. " and he looked at me and said, " It's always been *you* " And

that's the truth.

Through all these changes, through all the upheavals -- my going crazy with my

first manic episode and descent into madness; 's diagnosis; Marc's leaving

the boats after 10 years -- we've still managed to hold onto *something*.

Sometimes I mourn for and yearn for the innocence of that first meeting, for the

seeing only the good and the different about each other. But I marvel at how

even through all of the changes we've been through, we can still only imagine

being with each other. Neither of us can imagine being apart.

Sometimes we both curse that bond. Sometimes it would be so much easier to

just walk away. But I tried that 10 years ago, and even when I dated other

people I was only looking for another version of him. And he didn't date at

all.

So what am I saying? I don't know. I just have all these thoughts in my head,

and you are people that I feel comfortable sharing them with. If I had to sum

this up, I guess I would say that this year it seems to me that we all need to

find a little more of the spirit of that first meeting in the people we're

married to, and try to remember that there was a good reason that we fell in

love with them in the first place...and somewhere, beneath the hassles and the

tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons are still there. In us, too.

(except for you, Salli. It's still in you, but it's not in Lou)

That's all. The philosopher signs off.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> How do people manage to stay together through all of these changes? These

curves life throws at you, the things that change you so deep down to your core?

<

i obviously don't know the answer to this, but my grandparents must. today is

their 64th wedding anniversary.

" Why is it that everytime I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes

the questions?? " - Fox Mulder

[Guest guest]

You are so so right.

Tuna

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

If I had to sum this up, I guess I would say that this

year it seems to me that we all need to find a little

more of the spirit of that first meeting in the people

we're married to, and try to remember that there was a

good reason that we fell in love with them in the

first place...and somewhere, beneath the hassles and

the tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons are

still there. In us, too.

=====

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

So what am I saying? I don't know. I just have all these thoughts in my head,

and you are people that I feel comfortable sharing them with. If I had to sum

this up, I guess I would say that this year it seems to me that we all need to

find a little more of the spirit of that first meeting in the people we're

married to, and try to remember that there was a good reason that we fell in

love with them in the first place...and somewhere, beneath the hassles and the

tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons are still there. In us,

too.BEAUTIFULLY SAID JACQUIE

So much changes you are right. Marriage, finances, each other... We are

definitely not the same people who were hot and bothered for each other back in

college. We had our lives planned out and never did it occur to us the we would

have kids on the spectrum (we were going to teach them, not parent them), We

would have a big farm house and be able to travel, not this tiny 3 bedroom

house. Travel, well we are saving our pennies quite literally to go to WDW, But

that won't be for a few years. I have put on about 50 pounds and though my

husband isn't overweight, he now has love handles! I now take my meds to keep

me on an even keel and to help make me livable to those who have to live with

me. Alot changes over time but I think that if you keep the essence of what it

was that brought you together, you are doing alright!

an OT look at marriage. (today is an anniversary

of sorts)

12 years ago yesterday, I met my husband in the afternoon, while we were both

decorating the bar where we worked for the New Year's Eve party.

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was taking to the store and I

was telling him he was a stupid, stupid man (even calling my mom after they left

to moan about his stupidity), I looked at him 12 years ago and said to myself,

" This is a fascinating, intelligent man. "

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was being berated by me for being a

stupid man, 12 years ago he was looking at me and thinking, " What a sweet and

fragile little thing. "

How do people manage to stay together through all of these changes? These

curves life throws at you, the things that change you so deep down to your core?

The night of December 30th, Marc and I had a huge fight. It was ended when,

talking about something in the past, I said, " ..but it was always you. It's

always been *you*. " and he looked at me and said, " It's always been *you* " And

that's the truth.

Through all these changes, through all the upheavals -- my going crazy with my

first manic episode and descent into madness; 's diagnosis; Marc's leaving

the boats after 10 years -- we've still managed to hold onto *something*.

Sometimes I mourn for and yearn for the innocence of that first meeting, for the

seeing only the good and the different about each other. But I marvel at how

even through all of the changes we've been through, we can still only imagine

being with each other. Neither of us can imagine being apart.

Sometimes we both curse that bond. Sometimes it would be so much easier to

just walk away. But I tried that 10 years ago, and even when I dated other

people I was only looking for another version of him. And he didn't date at

all.

So what am I saying? I don't know. I just have all these thoughts in my

head, and you are people that I feel comfortable sharing them with. If I had to

sum this up, I guess I would say that this year it seems to me that we all need

to find a little more of the spirit of that first meeting in the people we're

married to, and try to remember that there was a good reason that we fell in

love with them in the first place...and somewhere, beneath the hassles and the

tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons are still there. In us, too.

(except for you, Salli. It's still in you, but it's not in Lou)

That's all. The philosopher signs off.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

This is so true, Jacquie..you've really said

beautifully!

Mimi

> --- The Hunny Family wrote:

>

> If I had to sum this up, I guess I would say that

> this

> year it seems to me that we all need to find a

> little

> more of the spirit of that first meeting in the

> people

> we're married to, and try to remember that there was

> a

> good reason that we fell in love with them in the

> first place...and somewhere, beneath the hassles and

> the tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons

> are

> still there. In us, too.

>

>

> =====

>

>

>

______________________________________________________

>

> Send your holiday cheer with

> http://greetings.yahoo.ca

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I think that was very well said. The daily grind of life sometimes takes

the rose colored glasses off or they get too tarnished....but you're

right...we did fall in love with this person and chose to be with them for a

reason. We just need to remember the reasoning when life gets tough. It is

very much easier to walk away than to work through the problems, but in the

end....you'd be alone.

I understand and agree with what you said here.

Tamara

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: parenting_autism

To: <parenting_autism >

Subject: an OT look at marriage. (today is an anniversary

of sorts)

Date: Tue, 1 Jan 2002 10:43:35 -0500

12 years ago yesterday, I met my husband in the afternoon, while we were

both decorating the bar where we worked for the New Year's Eve party.

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was taking to the store and I

was telling him he was a stupid, stupid man (even calling my mom after they

left to moan about his stupidity), I looked at him 12 years ago and said to

myself, " This is a fascinating, intelligent man. "

At 3pm, 1989, the time that yesterday he was being berated by me for being a

stupid man, 12 years ago he was looking at me and thinking, " What a sweet

and fragile little thing. "

How do people manage to stay together through all of these changes? These

curves life throws at you, the things that change you so deep down to your

core?

The night of December 30th, Marc and I had a huge fight. It was ended when,

talking about something in the past, I said, " ..but it was always you. It's

always been *you*. " and he looked at me and said, " It's always been *you* "

And that's the truth.

Through all these changes, through all the upheavals -- my going crazy with

my first manic episode and descent into madness; 's diagnosis; Marc's

leaving the boats after 10 years -- we've still managed to hold onto

*something*. Sometimes I mourn for and yearn for the innocence of that

first meeting, for the seeing only the good and the different about each

other. But I marvel at how even through all of the changes we've been

through, we can still only imagine being with each other. Neither of us can

imagine being apart.

Sometimes we both curse that bond. Sometimes it would be so much easier to

just walk away. But I tried that 10 years ago, and even when I dated other

people I was only looking for another version of him. And he didn't date at

all.

So what am I saying? I don't know. I just have all these thoughts in my

head, and you are people that I feel comfortable sharing them with. If I

had to sum this up, I guess I would say that this year it seems to me that

we all need to find a little more of the spirit of that first meeting in the

people we're married to, and try to remember that there was a good reason

that we fell in love with them in the first place...and somewhere, beneath

the hassles and the tiredness and the petty fights, those reasons are still

there. In us, too.

(except for you, Salli. It's still in you, but it's not in Lou)

That's all. The philosopher signs off.

Jacquie

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

> This is so true, Jacquie..you've really said

> beautifully!

>

Thanks to all the people who said that! It really made my day. :-)

Jacquie