RE: Parenting - To be or not to be

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 12/30/01 11:28:25 PM Pacific Standard Time, Salli writes:

> Yes, Barb, but on the other hand refusing to accept the disability's

> limitation can sometimes mean a better outcome. It is hard to keep a

> realistic balance between recognizing the very real limitations and

> continuing to shoot for the stars. When you get one right, the other is

> usually out of whack.

>

> Parenting is one of those jobs that, if someone explained it to you fully

> before you got started, you would politely decline the honor.

>

>

How profound!

I totally agree on both counts, Salli.

(And the reason I am just now posting is

because I am on digest and didn't get it till now)

I believe that because we are constantly pushing

Aislynn, she is better for it. But when I see other

parents interact with their AS kids, I feel guilty for

not having the patience and understanding with them.

Only like my one friend who's AS 14 year old son only

eats one or two things that are unusual items. They

are kicking themselves for not being more demanding

with him.

I was surprised that in the video was apparently

not mainstreamed? I was also surprised at how much

of his odd behaviors were ignored, but he was basically

a good kid. I kept wondering how " odd " Aislynn appears

to the outside world, those who don't know her.

I am too close to tell.

The other issue is:

(Now I am being totally honest, so please do not crucify me

Salli, b/c I know how you feel about such things, but) If I

would have been told my baby was to be born with this

thing called Autism, I never would have carried her to

term. I feel awful saying that, but it is true from what

I knew about myself back then. If I had known what

I know about her progress though, I would have gladly

carried her to term. My older brother was the greatest

gift in my life, and he was a little less functioning as

Aislynn. He is what I base my life on, and my capacity

to love. My mother was prodded to give him up to an

institution to raise him, and she fought that based on

what she saw he could do.

I knew nothing about autism, and with your first baby,

all you want to be told is that it will be healthy, right?

Obviously, I would never give her back or make a

decision like that now, because I know I was blessed.

So I guess what I am saying is that if you had told me

everything about parenting, no, I wouldn't have had kids,

and if you had told me that THIS could happen, I might

have had my H neutered. LOL Not me, of course.

Barb

[Guest guest]

>>>I kept wondering how " odd " Aislynn appears

to the outside world, those who don't know her.

I am too close to tell.<<<

I think about this too, Barb. We are so " used " to our kids, that our kids

are just " our kids " to us...

What DO other people see?

Penny ?

[Guest guest]

> > (Now I am being totally honest, so please do not crucify me

> > Salli, b/c I know how you feel about such things,

Barb:

Don't worry. I don't think I ever crucify ANYBODY. Not even Lou, though

he'd be top of my list, way way way way ahead of you!

Salli

[Guest guest]

Today it is not.

[Guest guest]

> Barb, I felt exactly the same way. And I knew something of autism,

because every day when I would take the bus from high school to my job,

there was a group of autistic kids and their aides on the bus, too. All the

way through pregnancy, I kept saying, " Anything but autism. Please, don't

let my child be autistic. " But, same as you, had I known it could be like

this, I'd have kept on going. I'm GLAD there's no amniotic test for autism.

Well, my perspective on this is totally different (and I am not talking

pro-life/pro-choice stuff here so don't worry, Jacquie!)

Sometimes I think a great HUGE joke was played on me by God. Presumably He

must know I have a good sense of humor since presumably He gave it to me.

All I thought was that I did not want to have a child who was retarded.

Intellectual ability is of such great importance to me. So what do I get?

Two very smart, definitely not intellectually disabled spectrum kids.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Sometimes, truly, I find it very funny. And sometimes I do not.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> All I thought was that I did not want to have a child who was retarded.

> Intellectual ability is of such great importance to me. So what do I get?

> Two very smart, definitely not intellectually disabled spectrum kids.

I suppose that is a poetic example of " be careful what you wish for " !!!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I suppose that is a poetic example of " be careful what you wish for " !!!

>

Yeah. Good joke, God.

Salli