KATE -- Catching Up/Venting/

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I'm going to jump in here, Kate, and tell you that you aren't alone in wishing something bad to happen to your spouse. I think it's understandable to wish for an "easy way out". Some folks might not understand calling it an "easy way out".... but that way you don't have to either leave your home or try to get him to leave. And then there are all the other changes than come along with either one leaving. I used to wish every day that my husband (Challis' father) would drive off a cliff. I mean REALLY wish. (lol) He was mean and abusive and I just wanted him gone. (He actually did drive off a cliff one time but all he did was wreck my truck, but he was fine). For me it would have been the easiest for him to just disappear and never come back but I figured

if he died at least I would get his social security. I did finally make the decision to leave him when I was pregnant with my second child. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, as well as for Challis and the new baby, . That was 34 years ago. If Alanon makes it okay for you to stay then stick with Alanon. I guess my best advice (even though you didn't ask is to do what is right for you, and it will be the right thing for your kids as a result. love....Sharon If the government is big enough to give you everything you want, it is big enough to take away everything you

have. - Gerald Ford Re: Kate -- Catching Up/Venting/Chuck (Tammy)To: MSersLife@yahoogrou ps.com> {{{{{{{{Kate} }}}}}}} I am so glad to hear the Alanon meetings > are helping you. Our strength, and clarity?, can be found in > many places. ) Many years ago, during my first marriage, I > attended one of those meetings. The group wasn't quite a fit > for me, though. However, nearing the end of the meeting a man > came in and it was obvious he was well known to the group. He > was so happy, he just beamed! He was leaving his wife. He told > a story of something happening, his wife drunk yet again, some > mess about the front lawn, neighbors, police and his loving in-> laws, etc. But for him, something changed in

that moment he > described and he was out. No question, no doubts. And watching > him made a big impact on me. It was a while yet before I was in > that same place, but once there I knew it without doubt. When > that door closed behind him, I remember very clearly thinking I > should be crying. But I wasn't and it didn't come. It was > right and life was good.> > Love and prayers to you, Kate. > > Hugs,> Challis> > > katelloydkidz@ optonline. net wrote:> Well Tammy and Helen...Here is a flip side of the > coin perhaps... I WISH my husband would leave, cheat or I'd like > to say...die... oops, i just did, but I know that is not > Christian of me, which I try to be...at least most of the time, > I hope...> I know this is our MS haven to chat about, well > MS...but...my husband's alcoholism, which has been ongoing, is >

finally too much for me to take. Somebody asked me the other day-> -well, what's changed? What's different? Why after almost 20 > years, can you no longer take it/deal with it? Good > questions... I'm not totally sure why...All I can think of is > having been dx'd with MS last 12/05; the fact that is > progressing a bit faster than I would have thought in the first > year; the impact I see of his rage, drinking, sneakyness about > it....he used to drink at home...Now, because he knows i want > out...he gets more deceptive... now, he drinks and drives--at the > same time! I pray sometimes he'll get caught and pulled > over...Every day is so chaotic, so very crazy. I finally got to > an Alanon meeting--the first one since only one I went to last > year about this time.> This is NOT to say, that my heart doesn't go out to each of > you about your circumstances. ..I am so sad to

hear these > stories...What is very hard on each of us is the stress of these > situations. Our physical bodies do not do well with stress--> especially MS bodies!> I guess some of the things I'm hearing in Alanon are really > good tools--and they can be empowering in ANY situation: take > one day at a time; God, grant me the courage to change the > things I can, the serentity to know the things I cannot, and the > wisdom to know the difference. I think I wrote that right? I > have been focusing on MY responces to my husband--our entire > family has become sick from his alcoholism-- it is truly a > disease that affects the entire family--it is so pathological in > our house, so chaotic, bizarre and scary. People ask me if I'm > safe--and what they mean is--am i safe from my husband? > But...what they don't consider is--am I safe from myself? I > think of death and

suicide on a daily basis--sometimes very > often throughout the day. It is hard to imagine being in a > different place than I am.> Blessings and prayers to you, Helen and Tammy on a new > chapter, a challenging time in each of your lives....love, kate> > > > Recent Activity> > 3> New Members> > 9> New Photos> > Visit Your Group >