Re: telling people

[Guest guest]

I had to tell people at work that I'm an Aspie otherwise they don't know what to

think when I don't recognise a coworker or my supervisor!

The other day I helped an (off-duty) coworker with an obscure problem in

applied statistics because I didn't recognise that he was a coworker. He was

sitting at the tables working on something like everyone else so I thought he

was someone who had come for help with their math. So I helped him. Why not?

Other times I didn't recognise my supervisor. So it's good to be able to tell

people that I'm faceblind and have Aspies otherwise they'd think I'm rude or

don't care about them or about the work.

I get away with it becasue I work in the University tutoring center and

everyone tells me I'm a genius at math. I don't feel like a genius; I feel like

my math abilities are normal and most people are a little slow at math. If it

were not for this splinter skill I would just be weird. Outside of the math lab

people don't know that I'm particularly good at anything, they just see someone

who tries to be nice and smiles for everyone even tho I'm a bit awkward and

don't always know who I'm talking to or what's going on. Lots of people know

I'm faceblind, I tell them this so they won't feel slighted when I don't know

them again.

It's good to have a name for this, I've gone the first 50 years of my life

with these quirks and no explanation, just letting people think I " m weird and

rude. I told my daughter and now she knows why I've been remote and gone away

sometimes, and also now I know why my father was so mean and weird. It's good

to have a reasonable explanation for all these things, so everyone knows it's

nobody's fault. -- Joni

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[Guest guest]

HI guys, just wanted to throw in my two cents.

We are very careful who I tell. Most NT's are very ignorant and simply do not

understand ASD.

Many think that this is the " fade " diagnosis. OR if you are not like " Rain

man " ...you may have made it up!

Unless it was my boss, best friend, educated doctor, teacher/professor,

confidant or partner....I don't think it needs to be shared. NONE of there

business. To much misunderstanding becomes a prejudice with misconceptions that

can lead to judgment that can hurt us. IT has to be someone who will take the

time to learn.

Again...most NT's do not understand ASD...explaining this to them is like

teaching them how to think ASD.....it is not going to happen unless they truly

want to spend the time to get to know you...read books about ASD and spend much

time learning. We are so different from them...that it blows their mind away

that some one could think so differently. To some, I think it honestly scares

them.

If you have something to offer a company, thanks to the disability act, a boss

has to invest time understanding you and your ways better....because of the

disability act a teacher has too also. A doctor that needs to understand

you...might want to educate himself too....if he doesn't already know. The

rest....can't make sense out of a simple word like " autism " ....or AS.... without

studying ASD they simply can't....this is why we are ignored too.

WE truly are Aliens in a way....it is easy for NT's to ignore what they do not

understand.

For an ASD person to think NT...it takes much effort. WE all know this. The

same goes for them.... For a NT person to think ASD it takes much effort and

understanding. WE may be expecting to much from our NT's friends. AS they are

not doubt also expecting to much from us at times.

Maybe we should all be careful who we share with. Anonymity is a precious gift

at times......I personally do not like dealing with ignorance or people who do

not want to learn. THEY ALWAYS END UP HURTING ME in some way. THE majority ARE

NOT GOING TO WANT to take the time...unless they have to.

Antoinette and the Bunce Zoo (four out of five of us ASD)

[Guest guest]

I just read all the posts. I am therefore in one of my highly

emotional states where in the past I would cry but now I just feel

excruciatingly dysphoric. Lately that means I feel " woozy. "

The " best friend " I told has not communicated with me. I remind

myself: " Let that be a lesson unto me! " since I thought she would

really care and be interested.

I want to be an advocate, if doing so will help and not hurt.

Sometimes I think I " need " to tell my family so that the first place

they hear about it is not on the PM news (ha! I don't think Ill ever

be THAT much of an advocate). But I've hinted to them, using the

word " Asperger's, " and it was like I had maybe sneezed or something,

No reaction. I had to check my sent items box to see if I had really

sent the emails or not. I had. I am certain that they (all three of

the ones I would consider telling) would say I was being a

hypochondriac again. That's part of why I paid to have an official

diagnosis, just so I could tell them they were wrong! But now I just

keep it to myself (for now) and think " Heh, heh, I'm an Aspie. SO

COOL! "

I have told several people I have prosopagnosia. I suppose they could

put two and two together if they read anything about it and noticed

some of my other behaviors/deficits/skills/quirks. I also told the

mom of that little boy who had the problem with his socks bothering

him that I have a similar thing, so she would know he was really

bothered by his socks and not just making it up.

But, as was pointed out, NTs are not likely to get all totally

interested in reading about autism!

I will mostly tell people I am autistic if it comes up, rather than

Asperger's. I want them to know it is a spectrum and not some little

side-shoot of autism.

And, it really does hurt me that this " friend " of mine has not even

written, called, or whatever. I did something to hurt her, it is

true, by not being exactly welcoming when she came over unannounced

after I had had 3 hours of sleep. I did NOT say anything mean to her,

just that I could not handle having a visit then. She has said things

that seemed to be INTENDED to hurt me over the years, and I have

never done that to her. So maybe I just was not reading the signs

and she was not that much of a friend anyway. I actually don't

understand what happened. I think about her a lot and get all wound

up and want to write an email that says " Don't ever write to me

again! " But that's ludicrous, as she hasn't written to me anyway!

Maybe the suspense is getting to me: will she ever write again?! I

think the more I meet other autistic people, and maybe even other NT

people, the less it will hurt. I suppose there are some advantages to

having more than one friend.

When I first learned about autism I was so excited and happy! Then I

found out that, just like usual (as I have been led to believe by

family and NTs and so forth) that I'm weird, a misfit, disordered,

etc. The whole prenatal test thing seems to me like a scary extension

of NT bullying behavior. Does that sound TOO radical to people here?

I do wonder if that's me being extreme. But selecting autistic

people out of the gene pool seems extreme, though many (most?)

people just seem to accept that it's " for the good of everyone

concerned. "

My husband, the one who racked up all the credit card debt, does seem

to be one person who accepts me a bit. I think if we did not have all

the financial strain he'd be better at acceptance. Since I am so

stressed about the finances he has been the recipient or witness of

many meltdowns due to anxiety on my part. So he's seeing me at my

worst these days. But I think he doesn't give a damn whether I am

autistic or not. He tends to think that it's nobody's business so

don't tell, but that on the other hand I should not have to lie about

myself.

I have also thought that my anonymity IS precious. I don't really

want a lot of attention of the negative sort. I prefer to be alone

and not be known, in manyt ways. But if in a situation where I think

I had better say something I think I will (unless it does not seem

safe to do so).

When I was younger I was seen, in this very neighborhood, as someone

who was " emotionally unstable. " This was due to meltdowns that I had

under high pressure from a certain situation. So, I hesitate to tell

everyone here, and there is a long history of me not talking to

people at church, for example, so why tell them now. I think I will

just be who I am (which is a bit different and in some ways more

obviously autistic, with the earplugs and sunglasses indoors and all)

and they can ASK ME for a change.

I suppose that if I put my name out in some way as connected with the

autistic community that it could get out that I am autistic. If I

write that book my husband is always wanting me to write, for

example! I told him that now I DO have a topic to write about! I

imagine the shock and dismay and embarassment of my family upon

publication of the book (I do live in a fantasy world about all the

things people MIGHT do or say...)

But my thoughts vary from day to day as I learn more.

I am very glad that I have all you people online to talk to, and I am

also very glad to have now met some autistic people IRL.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

-----Original Message-----

>

>

>

>I just read all the posts. I am therefore in one of my highly

>emotional states where in the past I would cry but now I just feel

>excruciatingly dysphoric. Lately that means I feel " woozy. "

I almost always feel 'woozy'. Why is that? I know I'm chronically sleep-deprived

(been suffering from insomnia for 25 years now) and so very achy. I take two

Excedrin every morning, but all it does is take the edge off.

>

>The " best friend " I told has not communicated with me. I remind

>myself: " Let that be a lesson unto me! " since I thought she would

>really care and be interested.

Not much of a friend... I told my friend in Germany recently, but haven't gotten

a reply back yet.

>

>I want to be an advocate, if doing so will help and not hurt.

>Sometimes I think I " need " to tell my family so that the first place

>they hear about it is not on the PM news (ha! I don't think Ill ever

>be THAT much of an advocate). But I've hinted to them, using the

>word " Asperger's, " and it was like I had maybe sneezed or something,

>No reaction. I had to check my sent items box to see if I had really

>sent the emails or not. I had. I am certain that they (all three of

>the ones I would consider telling) would say I was being a

>hypochondriac again.

I've been accused of being a hypochondriac on an another forum. These people

don't know what they're saying.

That's part of why I paid to have an official

>diagnosis, just so I could tell them they were wrong! But now I just

>keep it to myself (for now) and think " Heh, heh, I'm an Aspie. SO

>COOL! "

Not sure if it's so cool. Sometimes, yes...

>

>I have told several people I have prosopagnosia. I suppose they could

>put two and two together if they read anything about it and noticed

>some of my other behaviors/deficits/skills/quirks. I also told the

>mom of that little boy who had the problem with his socks bothering

>him that I have a similar thing, so she would know he was really

>bothered by his socks and not just making it up.

Some fabrics bother me.

>

>But, as was pointed out, NTs are not likely to get all totally

>interested in reading about autism!

>

>I will mostly tell people I am autistic if it comes up, rather than

>Asperger's. I want them to know it is a spectrum and not some little

>side-shoot of autism.

People might misunderstand.

>

>And, it really does hurt me that this " friend " of mine has not even

>written, called, or whatever. I did something to hurt her, it is

>true, by not being exactly welcoming when she came over unannounced

>after I had had 3 hours of sleep.

I wouldn't have been, either! Why can't people understand when we feel crappy

and leave us alone? I get yelled at by my daughter because I might have been

rude to her boyfriend when he came over at 9:30 pm and knocked on the door, kept

on knocking, instead of going away, after I didn't answer for a long time, and

yes I was a bit short with him. I didn't feel like having to get up from the

couch. She was in bed already, as it was a school night.

I did NOT say anything mean to her,

>just that I could not handle having a visit then. She has said things

>that seemed to be INTENDED to hurt me over the years, and I have

>never done that to her. So maybe I just was not reading the signs

>and she was not that much of a friend anyway. I actually don't

>understand what happened. I think about her a lot and get all wound

>up and want to write an email that says " Don't ever write to me

>again! " But that's ludicrous, as she hasn't written to me anyway!

Maybe it's time to just let the 'friendship' fizzle out.

>Maybe the suspense is getting to me: will she ever write again?! I

>think the more I meet other autistic people, and maybe even other NT

>people, the less it will hurt. I suppose there are some advantages to

>having more than one friend.

I have none, just acquaintances (here in the US).

>

>When I first learned about autism I was so excited and happy! Then I

>found out that, just like usual (as I have been led to believe by

>family and NTs and so forth) that I'm weird, a misfit, disordered,

I've always known that about myself.

>etc. The whole prenatal test thing seems to me like a scary extension

>of NT bullying behavior. Does that sound TOO radical to people here?

Yes, in thease of Aspergers, definitely. Deep autism has got to be a*lot* harder

on the person afflicted as well as the parents/caregivers. So if something can

be done to help them (not eliminate them) that would be good.

>I do wonder if that's me being extreme. But selecting autistic

>people out of the gene pool seems extreme, though many (most?)

>people just seem to accept that it's " for the good of everyone

>concerned. "

Who'd be next?

>

>My husband, the one who racked up all the credit card debt, does seem

>to be one person who accepts me a bit. I think if we did not have all

>the financial strain he'd be better at acceptance. Since I am so

>stressed about the finances he has been the recipient or witness of

>many meltdowns due to anxiety on my part. So he's seeing me at my

>worst these days. But I think he doesn't give a damn whether I am

>autistic or not. He tends to think that it's nobody's business so

>don't tell, but that on the other hand I should not have to lie about

>myself.

True.

>

>I have also thought that my anonymity IS precious. I don't really

>want a lot of attention of the negative sort. I prefer to be alone

>and not be known, in manyt ways.

Same here. I would make a lousy celebrity.

>When I was younger I was seen, in this very neighborhood, as someone

>who was " emotionally unstable. " This was due to meltdowns that I had

>under high pressure from a certain situation. So, I hesitate to tell

>everyone here, and there is a long history of me not talking to

>people at church, for example, so why tell them now. I think I will

>just be who I am (which is a bit different and in some ways more

>obviously autistic, with the earplugs and sunglasses indoors and all)

>and they can ASK ME for a change.

They won't.

D.

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