Re: Asperger's and sexual 'dysfunction'

[Guest guest]

Okay, I'll dive into this one, lol. See, I say " dive " , because I know

that for me to discuss anything I will inevitably end up being

blatantly honest. The trick sometimes is to take the leap...and how

can I not take up this question? Because it's a damned good one, even

if I'm not sure how I'm supposed to answer it! So forgive me if I

totally miss the point... I also hope I don't say more than anyone

wants to hear, but then, hell, I don't know what those things are, and

if I hesitate one more moment I'll end up not answering at all...and

what fun would that be?

Sex. It's funny I've been thinking about autism and sex, and it seems

everywhere I read that many autistics have no interest in sex. Is this

true? Or is it just many autistics don't like having sex with other

people because it's too physically close with another or is the fear of

having to be in a relationship, even if it's only a brief one with no

attachments? Me, I like being in a relationship for the security and

because I need familiarity...but I wish society was more free about

sex. We should be able to take short vacations from our usual partners

once in a blue moon, even if only for an hour with someone you'll never

see again, or is a professional (Oh my! Thinking I should stop now????

Argh!). Okay, maybe I should post a warning: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TALK

will continue, lol...

I like sex. I knew orgasm long before I knew the " whys " regarding why

we had this wonderful thing between our legs and does anybody else know

how great it is? I knew one thing: It was forbidden, and I was

probably one of those babies that got their hands yanked out of their

diapers since I arrived. I grew up never associating love with sex

within the setting of an old fashioned white-anglo-saxon-protestant

family; my parents are now in their mid-70's, and they were raised

within the Anglican church. Sex was something that came with marriage,

but I couldn't fathom marriage or babies, or even kissing a boy until I

was in my late teens. (In fact, it turned out I could go both

ways...when I became interested in having sex with other people, I was

attracted to " individuals " who excited me on an intellectual level...it

had nothing to do with gender. Having said that, I've only experienced

one other woman...)

The only thing that kept me a technical virgin until I was 19 was fear

of disappointing my parents. Because I thought about it all the time,

that is, once I hit puberty, and it didn't coincide with wanting to

find a boyfriend. In fact, I pretty much abhorred the idea of a

boyfriend. I definitely had some hormone driven fuel added there, but

also, masturbating was something I never remember not doing. It

relieved soooo much stress. I don't think I was obsessive, but there

were a few periods in my mid-teens where I began to wonder if there

indeed was something really wrong with me, lol. But I passed that

phase and went on to the next...

I had a few " flings " and short relationships by 21, then came , my

common-law hubby. I'm not anything near a traditional wife. He cooks

because I'm helpless in the kitchen unless I've prepared myself three

days beforehand to make a nice meal. (I hate trying to come up with

WHAT to eat.) Anyway, I digress...point is, I haven't had a lot of sex

partners, and I've always been the best for me. Sometimes there just

has to be a partner, but most times not.

I don't have any fetishes really. I've experimented with positions

(have my faves) less so with toys and fancy condoms, but I get bored

easily. I have a wonderful imagination, but in my late 30's even that

has been toned down. When it does happen, it's usually good. I crave

it less and less though. I have sex with my partner more than with

just myself now, but also, it goes in phases. Depends sometimes on

whether I found something new to get me goin' again, so to speak.

Nothing too " out there " ...mostly I still seek my imagination's

talents...but in the last couple of years I've been more appreciative

of porn, for which it took me longer to shake off the teachings of my

upbringing. Occasionally I catch something interesting on the Movie

Network, lol. But I saw how fast that could get boring almost right

away...

Okay, I've never been so open about this subject on a forum

before...hopefully I haven't gone overboard!

a

> Hello all!

>

> It's taken me a while to get up the nerve to ask this. Since Asperger's

> Syndrome makes us different in so many ways, I wonder how is it when it

> comes to sex? Does anyone here have any kind of sexual dysfunction they

> think might be, at least in part, due to Asperger's? In my case, I

> can't

> deal with most sex acts, most people today see as 'standard' or

> 'mandatory',

> but I do like regular sex. I feel that most people today seem to be

> obsessed

> with a certain sex act and I just don't get why. I've been on different

> on-line fora and discussed this and when telling them I don't care for

> X

> they are incredulous... they feel like they must try to 'convert' me to

> their way of thinking and acting, like it's not okay to not like X.

> Hmmm, I

> wish I could put this into better words...

>

>

> Delila

>

> P.S. I put the word dysfunction into paranthesis, because *I* don't

> see it

> as a dysfunction at all. Others do. I just see it as not liking

> something...

> :/

[Guest guest]

-----Original Message-----

>

>

>Sex. It's funny I've been thinking about autism and sex, and it seems

>everywhere I read that many autistics have no interest in sex. Is this

>true?

Not for me.

> We should be able to take short vacations from our usual partners

Definitely.

>once in a blue moon, even if only for an hour with someone you'll never

>see again, or is a professional (Oh my! Thinking I should stop now????

> Argh!). Okay, maybe I should post a warning: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TALK

>will continue, lol...

I've tried casual sex. it's just not for me.

>

>I like sex. I knew orgasm long before I knew the " whys " regarding why

>we had this wonderful thing between our legs and does anybody else know

>how great it is? I knew one thing: It was forbidden, and I was

>probably one of those babies that got their hands yanked out of their

>diapers since I arrived.

How sad.

> (In fact, it turned out I could go both

>ways...when I became interested in having sex with other people, I was

>attracted to " individuals " who excited me on an intellectual level...it

>had nothing to do with gender. Having said that, I've only experienced

>one other woman...)

I'm 100% heterosexual.

>...point is, I haven't had a lot of sex

>partners, and I've always been the best for me.

Same here.

>...but in the last couple of years I've been more appreciative

>of porn,

I abhor porn.

>Okay, I've never been so open about this subject on a forum

>before...hopefully I haven't gone overboard!

Not at all. From what I gather from your post, you seem pretty open to various

things.

D.

________________________________________

PeoplePC Online

A better way to Internet

http://www.peoplepc.com

[Guest guest]

Personally I hate being touched. I have hated it since I was a child

and have had to condition myself not to strike out at people who

touch me- I have even managed to not flinch if I can see the person

before they touch me. This aversion to touch became much worse after

I was sexually abused between ages 7 and 11.

I also do not like to feel obligated to another person, as in

obligated to visit their relatives, attend weddings, funerals,

obligated to spend time with them on their own terms, not mine.

Friends are OK because they are not as 'demanding' as a partner (I am

not speaking of sex here).

I have always felt awkward in sexual situations with another person

because I don't know what to do. I mentioned this once to my partner

at the time and he said it would come to me like an instinct. It

didn't, I'm not sure if that is just how Asperger's affects me, but I

suspect it is in part related.

When it comes to relationships, I have always felt like a leaf

floating on a river- if a guy asks me out, I say yes because I don't

know how to say no. If he wants to have sex, I go along with it and

hope it is over quick for the same reason. I even had a sexual

experience with a woman for this reason. None feel fulfilling to me,

just awkward. Eventually I find my way out, usually by avoiding that

person and ignoring the fact that anything ever happened.

Still, I believe my problems arise from my touch issues and

difficulty relating to other people, not from a sexual dysfunction. I

have a rather active drive (I can't believe I'm actually typing

this). I enjoy fantasy and 'alone time' pretty often, probably more

than my NT room mates and friends, but I haven't asked them. A few of

the conversations I have heard/ been a part of have led me to think I

am fairly oversexed for a girl, but they may not be speaking

completely true.

On the relationship aspect, I have always thought that NT culture

seems to put a high value on finding a mate and breeding, obviously a

genetic imperative. I have never felt this drive. It surprises me how

many people seem to think success can be measured by marriage and a

kid by a certain age, which seems silly to me because it is something

most anyone could do. I do not consider myself successful, because

success to me is having the life that you want and not having

financial worries. It has nothing to do with my lack of mate or

offspring.

I hope my perspective helps you, it was difficult to share, but I'm

glad I did.

Donna

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

> Personally I hate being touched. I have hated it since I was a child

> and have had to condition myself not to strike out at people who

> touch me- I have even managed to not flinch if I can see the person

> before they touch me.

I don't mind casual touch, especially from a person I like. I do not,

generally, like hugs, though, but that could be due to the fact that I grew

up in Germany, where hugging isn't nearly as common, even among family

members.

> This aversion to touch became much worse after

> I was sexually abused between ages 7 and 11.

I was molested between ages 6 and 11, also.

>

> I also do not like to feel obligated to another person, as in

> obligated to visit their relatives, attend weddings, funerals,

> obligated to spend time with them on their own terms, not mine.

> Friends are OK because they are not as 'demanding' as a partner (I am

> not speaking of sex here).

True. That's why IF I'd ever be in a relationship again, it would have to be

a part-time one, where we see each other maybe once or twice a week, so I

still have time to be by myself.

>

> I have always felt awkward in sexual situations with another person

> because I don't know what to do. I mentioned this once to my partner

> at the time and he said it would come to me like an instinct. It

> didn't, I'm not sure if that is just how Asperger's affects me, but I

> suspect it is in part related.

I'm sort of the same, but once I'm comfortable enough with a guy, I don't

feel too awkward. Chances are, he does too.

>

> When it comes to relationships, I have always felt like a leaf

> floating on a river- if a guy asks me out, I say yes because I don't

> know how to say no.

Oh, I do. Now at least. One time a customer who was smitten with me

(the feeling was *not* mutual) came through my line (I'm a cashier) three or

four times to ask me to accompany him on some company cruise and he wouldn't

take no for an answer, LOL! I finally told him: " I do not want to go out

with you " ! I still grin when I think about that.

> If he wants to have sex, I go along with it and

> hope it is over quick for the same reason.

I was never one for marathon session. I like one good session and I'm done.

It's like a good meal, you don't want to eat again right away. Some people

go back for seconds or thirds...

I even had a sexual

> experience with a woman for this reason. None feel fulfilling to me,

> just awkward. Eventually I find my way out, usually by avoiding that

> person and ignoring the fact that anything ever happened.

That's not good.

>

> Still, I believe my problems arise from my touch issues and

> difficulty relating to other people, not from a sexual dysfunction.

I don't believe that I have a sexual dysfunction, but most others do. Just

because I don't like certain sex acts...

I

> have a rather active drive (I can't believe I'm actually typing

> this). I enjoy fantasy and 'alone time' pretty often, probably more

> than my NT room mates and friends, but I haven't asked them. A few of

> the conversations I have heard/ been a part of have led me to think I

> am fairly oversexed for a girl, but they may not be speaking

> completely true.

I don't think you are oversexed. I, too, have fantasies and always have a

crush on a celebrity guy, a guy who's unattainable for me, so he's safe. A

real guy would actually put certain demands on me, like you say above.

>

> On the relationship aspect, I have always thought that NT culture

> seems to put a high value on finding a mate and breeding, obviously a

> genetic imperative. I have never felt this drive. It surprises me how

> many people seem to think success can be measured by marriage and a

> kid by a certain age, which seems silly to me because it is something

> most anyone could do.

Oh, I thought in this culture success is measured by how much money you

make. I did get married very young, had two kids, so I did all that. Now,

finding another partner (I'm separated) isn't much of an issue for me. If it

happens, it happens...

I do not consider myself successful, because

> success to me is having the life that you want and not having

> financial worries. It has nothing to do with my lack of mate or

> offspring.

To me 'successful' is being happy and content.

>

> I hope my perspective helps you, it was difficult to share, but I'm

> glad I did.

Thank you.

D.

[Guest guest]

I have very little interest in sex, and very little sympathy for people (it

seems to be mostly men) who regard sex as a need like eating and sleeping.

Many people, shrinks, etc, have tried to convince me that there's something

wrong with me because I'm not interested in sex and don't regard it as a need.

Glad to know I'm normal for an aspie.

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__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Personally I hate being touched. I have hated it since I was a child

> and have had to condition myself not to strike out at people who

> touch me- I have even managed to not flinch if I can see the person

> before they touch me. This aversion to touch became much worse after

> I was sexually abused between ages 7 and 11.

As a child, I despised being touched. I learned to deal with it better

later on. I wasn't sexually abused (just physically by my dad, and

mostly in my teens), but my mom told me that as a baby I stiffened when

she held me, and pushed her away. I still am not comfortable with

hugs, but wish I was for those I like. I never initiate hugs, and

whenever it happens, I can feel something base inside of me trying to

push away, or freeze up. Mind you, even with some of those people I

like, some of them know better than others how to do it " right " , which

makes it much easier.

>

> I also do not like to feel obligated to another person, as in

> obligated to visit their relatives, attend weddings, funerals,

> obligated to spend time with them on their own terms, not mine.

> Friends are OK because they are not as 'demanding' as a partner (I am

> not speaking of sex here).

Argh! I hate in-law events. 's (hubby) sister is very judgmental

for one, and although we both never worried about getting married and

neither of us wanted kids (there were a couple of times I asked he

was SURE he didn't want any in my early 30's...the answer was NO), it's

MY fault we aren't married or have kids.

Luckily, 's relatives are very few. And I might see those few

during the Xmas holidays. I avoided seeing his mom and her boyfriend

this year! But ended up at his dad's where his sister was. Ugh. In

such settings, the socially reticent autie comes right to the fore.

Total discomfort.

>

> I have always felt awkward in sexual situations with another person

> because I don't know what to do. I mentioned this once to my partner

> at the time and he said it would come to me like an instinct. It

> didn't, I'm not sure if that is just how Asperger's affects me, but I

> suspect it is in part related.

>

> When it comes to relationships, I have always felt like a leaf

> floating on a river- if a guy asks me out, I say yes because I don't

> know how to say no. If he wants to have sex, I go along with it and

> hope it is over quick for the same reason. I even had a sexual

> experience with a woman for this reason. None feel fulfilling to me,

> just awkward. Eventually I find my way out, usually by avoiding that

> person and ignoring the fact that anything ever happened.

That's been the same for me. I didn't know how to say " no " either. I

just wanted to get it over with. I don't mean sex necessarily, but

usually when boys would ask me out on a date or whatever, I was always

afraid to hurt someone's feelings. If I saw a person that I knew

wanted to ask me out before they saw me, I'd run and/or hide!

>

> Still, I believe my problems arise from my touch issues and

> difficulty relating to other people, not from a sexual dysfunction. I

> have a rather active drive (I can't believe I'm actually typing

> this). I enjoy fantasy and 'alone time' pretty often, probably more

> than my NT room mates and friends, but I haven't asked them. A few of

> the conversations I have heard/ been a part of have led me to think I

> am fairly oversexed for a girl, but they may not be speaking

> completely true.

>

Solo sex is the best kind, at least for us girls! There's nothing

wrong with it, it relieves stress and no, I don't think you're

oversexed.

> On the relationship aspect, I have always thought that NT culture

> seems to put a high value on finding a mate and breeding, obviously a

> genetic imperative. I have never felt this drive. It surprises me how

> many people seem to think success can be measured by marriage and a

> kid by a certain age, which seems silly to me because it is something

> most anyone could do. I do not consider myself successful, because

> success to me is having the life that you want and not having

> financial worries. It has nothing to do with my lack of mate or

> offspring.

>

Same here, never had any drive to have offspring, etc,. The mate I'm

with chased me down. At first I was resentful, but like I said,

couldn't say " no " . In time, he grew on me, and I'm glad we're together

(most times). My grandmother and mother had to be " wooed " over a long

period of time before they settled with their mates as well. None of

us had any interest in pairing up, but every one of us had one

persistent man, luckily always a good one (good person)....lol.

> I hope my perspective helps you, it was difficult to share, but I'm

> glad I did.

>

> Donna

[Guest guest]

> Many people, shrinks, etc, have tried to convince me that there's

> something wrong with me because I'm not interested in sex and don't

> regard it as a need. Glad to know I'm normal for an aspie.

What's " normal " for an aspie? Aren't we all individuals, same as NT's

are all individuals? While I would agree that we all have social

issues in common, the rest of our " traits " can be all over the board,

some here, some there, from what I've seen and heard.

a

[Guest guest]

> > We should be able to take short vacations from our usual partners

>

> Definitely.

>

> >once in a blue moon, even if only for an hour with someone you'll

> never

> >see again, or is a professional (Oh my! Thinking I should stop

> now????

> > Argh!). Okay, maybe I should post a warning: SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TALK

> >will continue, lol...

>

> I've tried casual sex. it's just not for me.

______________________

***Not for me either. But remember, I'm 39. At 20, I was a different

person who hadn't experienced everything, plus as I said in another

post, I always had a hard time saying " no " to things. I just " went "

with it. At the same time, I didn't rue my actions if they weren't

exactly what I wanted. I just lived and learned, I guess. (Most of

what I wrote in my reply was covering several decades.) But I wish

society in general was more relaxed about sex, like a healthier

attitude, so to speak. If we look at today's marketing and obsession

with sex, one might think this society is " free " regarding sex. But

really it seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to oppression, and it goes

overboard. Societies that never made a big deal out of who's having

sex with who and when (or who aren't afraid of nudity), aren't usually

obsessed with it, in that, you don't see images of it everywhere

(discounting Western influences with their ads and commercialism in

other countries).

______________________

>

> >

> >I like sex. I knew orgasm long before I knew the " whys " regarding why

> >we had this wonderful thing between our legs and does anybody else

> know

> >how great it is? I knew one thing: It was forbidden, and I was

> >probably one of those babies that got their hands yanked out of their

> >diapers since I arrived.

>

> How sad.

______________________

**Yeah. But I spent a lot of time alone in my room (for all

activities), and my hyper sensitive ears could hear a pin drop (in

other words, I could hear them coming!).

______________________

>

> > (In fact, it turned out I could go both

> >ways...when I became interested in having sex with other people, I

> was

> >attracted to " individuals " who excited me on an intellectual

> level...it

> >had nothing to do with gender. Having said that, I've only

> experienced

> >one other woman...)

>

> I'm 100% heterosexual.

______________________

**For the most part, me too. For one thing, I don't think I could

share a house (on par) with another woman (actually, come to think,

it's hard enough sometimes living with a man!.) Plus they are missing

something...

______________________

>

> >...point is, I haven't had a lot of sex

> >partners, and I've always been the best for me.

>

> Same here.

>

> >...but in the last couple of years I've been more appreciative

> >of porn,

>

> I abhor porn.

>

> >Okay, I've never been so open about this subject on a forum

> >before...hopefully I haven't gone overboard!

>

> Not at all. From what I gather from your post, you seem pretty open

> to various things.

>

> D.

______________________

**When I wrote this, I was in the kind of mood where I say too damn

much, or feel more open about things. I wish I hadn't mentioned the

porn thing, because it's not important to me, nor do I seek it. I

guess I just have become tolerant of it (and only appreciative for a

certain kind of scene and BY MYSELF). I also have a tendency for

morbid fascination! (to a point...I hate " gore " )

Yes, I am open to things, but more so for other people, that is, I

don't care what they do to make themselves happy (even if they just

" think " it's making them happy), granted they aren't hurting another to

achieve it.

______________________

a

[Guest guest]

-----Original Message-----

>

>______________________

>***Not for me either. But remember, I'm 39. At 20, I was a different

>person who hadn't experienced everything, plus as I said in another

>post, I always had a hard time saying " no " to things.

Oh, don't think I'm criticising or judging you. I'm not. I've had casual

sex in my late 30s.

> But I wish

>society in general was more relaxed about sex, like a healthier

>attitude, so to speak. If we look at today's marketing and obsession

>with sex, one might think this society is " free " regarding sex.

I believe this over-obsession with sex is a symptom of how repressed US culture

really still is about this subject. In Europe it's not like that. People have

sex,go naked in public parks, like the English Garden in Munich, etc. but they

rarely ever tal about sex with each other the way Americans do.

But

>really it seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to oppression, and it goes

>overboard. Societies that never made a big deal out of who's having

>sex with who and when (or who aren't afraid of nudity), aren't usually

>obsessed with it, in that, you don't see images of it everywhere

>(discounting Western influences with their ads and commercialism in

>other countries).

Yep.

>**Yeah. But I spent a lot of time alone in my room (for all

>activities), and my hyper sensitive ears could hear a pin drop (in

>other words, I could hear them coming!).

Good thing, that.

>Yes, I am open to things, but more so for other people, that is, I

>don't care what they do to make themselves happy (even if they just

> " think " it's making them happy), granted they aren't hurting another to

>achieve it.

But, what I really wnted to know with my original post... Do you or anyone else

here feel squeamish about certain things? Do you have any aversions you just

can't overcome?

D.

________________________________________

PeoplePC Online

A better way to Internet

http://www.peoplepc.com

[Guest guest]

> But, what I really wnted to know with my original post... Do you or

> anyone else here feel squeamish about certain things? Do you have any

> aversions you just can't overcome?

>

> D.

Hmmm...with regards to sexual activity all I can think of is....it just

isn't " sex " to me if it involves excrement. More people seem to like

this than I ever thought possible, and when I hear of it, or catch

images of excrement within the context of sex or not, it's just, UGH!

And I can't fathom wanting to be peed or (god forbid) pooped on. Since

I was a kid (especially), I was always a little germ phobic, and that

(what I just described) is the ultimate in germ-y grotesqueness!

But if others are into it, hey, go nuts. Just don't forget to shower.

In fact, if it were me (NOT), I wouldn't leave the shower for at least

a few hours!

I'm also squeamish at the thought of anal sex. Doesn't compute, and

not something I'd think I'd like because I've always had painful issues

with that body part anyway. But I have fantasized!

What about you?

a

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

> Hmmm...with regards to sexual activity all I can think of is....it just

> isn't " sex " to me if it involves excrement. More people seem to like

> this than I ever thought possible, and when I hear of it, or catch

> images of excrement within the context of sex or not, it's just, UGH!

> And I can't fathom wanting to be peed or (god forbid) pooped on. Since

> I was a kid (especially), I was always a little germ phobic, and that

> (what I just described) is the ultimate in germ-y grotesqueness!

I'm not a germophobe, but that kind of stuff holds zero appeal for me also.

> I'm also squeamish at the thought of anal sex. Doesn't compute, and

> not something I'd think I'd like because I've always had painful issues

> with that body part anyway. But I have fantasized!

For me the issue is oral sex. I've done it, both ways, for years, but I just

don't like it and can't understand others' obsession with it.

D.

P.S. No to anal sex as well.

[Guest guest]

<<Posted by: " joni pinkney " I have very little interest in sex, and very little

sympathy for people (it seems to be mostly men) who regard sex as a need like

eating and sleeping.

Many people, shrinks, etc, have tried to convince me that there's something

wrong with me because I'm not interested in sex and don't regard it as a need.

Glad to know I'm normal for an aspie.>>

Warning: some words in post not for the uber-squeamish!

I'm not sure if I'm normal for an Aspie, but I do have some " issues " or

" problems " compared to what is stereotyped as normal. I can masturbate to

orgasm by using certain thoughts and images (not porn: porn bores me). But when

I had my one girlfriend, I was never able to climax in bed with her, despite her

patience and understanding.

I like being touched and hugged, if I expect it and I like the person, etc.

However, there was this big part of my brain that simply didn't comprehend the

connection between feeling love / affection / togetherness for this person, and

the stimulation of certain parts of my nether regions. Of course I know,

logically and scientifically, why and how they go together. But intuitively and

at a gut level, what does one have to do with the other?

So sex is definitely not the #1 thing for me in a romantic relationship. On

the other hand, I do desire to have a loving partner, if she's the right person.

(And by orientation, I'm straight as a damn arrow.) In any future relationship,

I'll probably need sex therapy if my partner _is_ someone who likes it

frequently and naturally.

Doug

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I copied in some snips from people, that I could have written myself!

<I was

probably one of those babies that got their hands yanked out of their

diapers since I arrived.>

This totally cracks me up laughing! I have actually told my husband

and one friend that I probably was in a position with my hand on my

crotch in utero. Supposedly girls don't figure out where their

genitals are until after boys do (which I've read is around age 3!)

but not me! My son is 4 and he knows where his penis is but he

doesn't play with it much other than to pull it out and say " He's

LOOKING at you! " I started getting told not to do that when I was

still wearing my diapers.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

>

> But, what I really wnted to know with my original post... Do you or

anyone else here feel squeamish about certain things? Do you have any

aversions you just can't overcome?

I don't know about aversions to sex acts (the bathroom activity

involved with sex does nothing for me), but in general I do not wish to

do any sex acts with another person. I'm not sure if that is what you

meant.

Donna

[Guest guest]

Delila wrote:

> Since Asperger's Syndrome makes us different in so many ways,

> I wonder how is it when it comes to sex? Does anyone here have

> any kind of sexual dysfunction they think might be, at least in

> part, due to Asperger's?

I'm not sure it's entirely due to Asperger's, or to being neglected

for years while my mother (divorced) went out drinking nearly every

night while carrying on her sex life. I have little desire for it,

and believe that *everyone's* genitalia are worse than butt ugly.

" Repulsed " is not too strong a term for what I feel when the under-

wear comes off. I was married for 15 years, had 2 kids, and never

really enjoyed it. Only got married because I was curious, and I'm

no longer curious.

> I feel that most people today seem to be obsessed with a certain

> sex act and I just don't get why.

I know what you're talking about, and I'd say, if you don't like it,

then don't do it. I didn't like it, either way. But do the things

you do like.

Clay

[Guest guest]

> For me the issue is oral sex. I've done it, both ways, for years, but

> I just

> don't like it and can't understand others' obsession with it

Okay...that too! I was trying to think of the most disgusting thing

possible, and could think of worse than oral and the the worst came to

mind and was written, lol, but yes, I've done that as giver or

receiver, more receiver because I just don't at all now, nor do I

expect to receive it, would rather just plain sex, with the boy

privates meeting the girl privates, nothing else really. Food being

involved in any way never sounded fun to me either, but that's probably

because I hate getting sticky, mom said I'd get upset as a baby if my

hands were sticky. And sex is " sticky " . I hate getting another's

sweat on me, or whatever else could come out of them. I like condoms

to be worn, and not just to keep from getting pregnant. Just prefer to

avoid gooey messes altogether!

a

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

> I've done that as giver or

> receiver, more receiver because I just don't at all now, nor do I

> expect to receive it,

Same here.

> would rather just plain sex, with the boy

> privates meeting the girl privates, nothing else really. Food being

> involved in any way never sounded fun to me either,

I never could understand this 'whipped cream' stuff, LOL!

D.

[Guest guest]

dysfunction is hard to define. As long as you are ok with your

expression of sexuality and nobody is hurt in a way they find

unpleasant, it does not matter what you do or do not do in a private

situation. Autistic people are lucky because they have such a huge

range of possibilities due to sensory sensitivities. This can range

from blissful odours to pleasure in the feel of plastic against the

skin. Dysfunction arises when the person or the partner is not

comfortable with the expression of sexuality.

>

>

> ----- Original Message -----

>

> >

> > I've done that as giver or

> > receiver, more receiver because I just don't at all now, nor do

I

> > expect to receive it,

>

>

> Same here.

>

>

> > would rather just plain sex, with the boy

> > privates meeting the girl privates, nothing else really. Food

being

> > involved in any way never sounded fun to me either,

>

>

> I never could understand this 'whipped cream' stuff, LOL!

>

>

>

> D.

>

[Guest guest]

> I will say that I have gleaned this from the sex discussion:

>

I know of many AC persons offlist over the yrs. who admittedly have a

tell-all mentality. I have told my life story to people after knowing them a

few days.

Someone told me to be careful not to do that and I try to follow his advice.

That is why I exercise caution here and read but do not offer any tidbits!

Its been interesting to say the least.

>

>

[Guest guest]

> dysfunction is hard to define. As long as you are ok with your

> expression of sexuality and nobody is hurt in a way they find

> unpleasant, it does not matter what you do or do not do in a private

> situation

The question was (which I didn't get right away either): " But, what I

really wanted to know with my original post... Do you or anyone else

here feel squeamish about certain things? Do you have any aversions you

just can't overcome? " (Delila)

You are right, of course (about dysfunction, what we find unpleasant,

personal choice, etc,.), but the question wanted specific personal

aversions to any particular sexual activities by anyone willing to join

in. I think " dysfunction " is the improper word in relation to the

actual content being discussed. Or maybe it got lost along the way...

Whatever the case, a question was asked , and some tried to answer from

their POV. :-)

> I know of many AC persons offlist over the yrs. who admittedly have a

> tell-all mentality. I have told my life story to people after knowing

> them a

> few days.

> Someone told me to be careful not to do that and I try to follow his

> advice.

>

> That is why I exercise caution here and read but do not offer any

> tidbits!

> Its been interesting to say the least.

As a young adult, yes, I did tend to " tell all " too (but not about my

sex life). No one told me to be careful, I just stopped on my own with

the people I meet face to face. As for here in this particular forum,

I feel it's okay to do, even though I was hesitant at first to answer

this particular (sex) question, but Delila got me on a day I felt

particularly high on life, and more open than usual. ;-) But I

honestly don't know how to answer a question (such as the one in this

thread) without digging into personal history, and making it part of

it. The question did ask for personal input (such as " do you feel

squeamish about certain things? " ), so that's what I did (although it

took awhile to understand the question!).

a