Feeling Guilty

[Guest guest]

I have not posted very much here but have read a lot of posts to learn more

about this awful disease. It seems so many of you are so strong, and seem to

handle your LBD loved one so well. My husband was diagnosed three years ago

with dementia and with LBD 1 year ago; he is now 80. We have been raising our

now 12 year old adopted grandson from birth. He is a joy, but raising kids in

this world today is so different than in the 70's and 80s. A year before my

husband was diagnosed, I started taking care of my mom and dad's affairs due to

my dads dementia (A D); my dad is 91 and we just place him in a memory center

after he took off in the car and had two separate accidents before they could

stop him. My mom has moved in with me for now. A year ago my dh could no longer

run our business and I had to take over that job, which has been extremely

difficult for me. Of course, like most caregivers, I have tried to do it all

myself. (are we really so crazy to think we can do everything?) The last 6

months he has started a rapid decline....major vision change, can no longer

dress himself, he has started what I call the stumble-shuffle walk (and yes he

has the lewy lean, some days a lot worse than others), and now he has become

incontinent. I am fortunate that the meds have worked well for him so far.

Three years ago our doctor started him on Namenda and xyprexa then a year ago

added aricept and had to put him on lasix and potassium due to swelling in his

ankles and calves. The last three months he has started waking me through the

night, so I am not able to get an adequate nights sleep and the last two weeks

his tremors have become so worse he can barely feed himself. I will be surprised

if he can do that in the next three months. I am so exhausted now that I don't

even recoup after a weeks break. I watched my mom get to the point that she

pushed herself past what she was capable of doing and her health started

failing. I am beginning to see the same happening to me. I have never been a

healthy person due to the fact that I have a hereditary disease and had my

spleen removed. I am very susceptible to viruses and often wind up in the

hospital for two or three days. I am very worried about this happening since he

has gotten so much worse. I am fortunate that my dh is still capable on a

cognitive level to see how much worse he is becoming physically and knows it is

very difficult for me to care for him in this condition. And he is willing to go

to the memory center where my dad is living. I know this is best for him and

for me. I do not have the energy to meet his physical needs and care for our

son and my mom. He can get all of his physical needs met plus mental

stimulation at the center....but I feel so guilty that I am not strong enough to

keep him home.

Does anyone have any advice on how to work through the guilt when you make this

decision?