nada and family meals

[Guest guest]

I'm interested in Nadas and family meals and I am looking to hear your

experiences. Was it a big deal to her?

My mother literally told us she hated family meals. My father and I prepared

all of the meals together (probably a good bonding experience for the two of

us). My mother refused to grocery shop at all and some of my earliest

memories are of going to get groceries with my dad.

Like Mercy's mom she would get out of bed to start getting ready when the

guests arrived (usually my dad's parents) and took 2 hours.

She would lay in bed until late afternoon/early evening when they arrived

and they would have the treat of seeing her in her god-awful nightgown

usually. She had absolutely no qualms about answering the door or going

outside in her nightgown (yes, always a floral nightgown with a lace yolk).

I also remember that she would not get me dressed until noon and my best

friend was the boy who lived next door. She would let him in while I was

either in my jammies or while she was getting me dressed. So embarassing. My

dad reports that pre-school he would come home from work to find me and my

brother in our pajamas not having been fed yet that day.

Anyone anyone? girlscout

[Guest guest]

My nada is the opposite... she had to have complete control over

everything happening in the kitchen, everything that went in the

grocery cart, everything we put in our mouths. She would spend hours

cooking, and took it pretty personally if we said we'd rather go to a

friend's house for dinner. It was one of her only sources of pride...

she was complemented by friends regularly, went to cooking school,

could never hold a chef job for more than a few months, tried to

convince my " dad " to invest in a cafe for her (but he was onto her by

then, knew she was impulsive and unreliable, so said no). She finally

opened her own cafe in a pre-existing space, it was a great project

for her decorating and coming up with a menu and impressing lots of

people, but she didn't make a dime, got sick of being accountable to

the building owner, and closed it after about 5 months.

>

> I'm interested in Nadas and family meals and I am looking to hear your

> experiences. Was it a big deal to her?

>

> My mother literally told us she hated family meals. My father and I

prepared

> all of the meals together (probably a good bonding experience for

the two of

> us). My mother refused to grocery shop at all and some of my earliest

> memories are of going to get groceries with my dad.

>

> Like Mercy's mom she would get out of bed to start getting ready

when the

> guests arrived (usually my dad's parents) and took 2 hours.

>

> She would lay in bed until late afternoon/early evening when they

arrived

> and they would have the treat of seeing her in her god-awful nightgown

> usually. She had absolutely no qualms about answering the door or going

> outside in her nightgown (yes, always a floral nightgown with a lace

yolk).

> I also remember that she would not get me dressed until noon and my best

> friend was the boy who lived next door. She would let him in while I was

> either in my jammies or while she was getting me dressed. So

embarassing. My

> dad reports that pre-school he would come home from work to find me

and my

> brother in our pajamas not having been fed yet that day.

>

> Anyone anyone? girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

GirlScout,

Nada NEVER invited extended family over for meals. Now she

did 'entertain' for her garden club ladies and their husbands;

strictly adult gatherings, dinner parties with Waterford crystal,

fine china and silver. NO children invited. It was always a huge

formal to-do and she would be a royal WITCH the week prior trying to

get it all ready. Family meals (with extended family) were usually

in a restaurant or the Country Club. I think my family did it that

way so that my nada, my Aunt and my Grandmother (somewhat Grandnada)

would be on their best behavior. Nada HATED going to family

gatherings and would rail on my Grandma and my Aunt (not to their

face, of course) for trying to get us all together. It was usually

on Sundays after posing at church, the happy family would all dine

together, ugh. It used to make me sick how she'd b@$*ch and moan all

the way there and then smile sweet and sickeningly to their faces all

through the meal. I wanted to yell and scream and tell them all what

a phony she was but I knew it would mean h*ll to pay later, so I just

played the game and sat with my cousins and said nothing. Someday I

will have my say. Breakfast was Dad's responsibility. He had to get

us up and out to school. Never saw nada in the AM. FOO dinners were

usually heat and eat Stouffers crap but we've had that discussion!

Mercy

>

> I'm interested in Nadas and family meals and I am looking to hear

your

> experiences. Was it a big deal to her?

[Guest guest]

My nada resented cooking, just like she resented doing anything for

me. One big mealtime ritual that I had forgotten about was that I was

not allowed to leave the table to use the restroom. Once I got up, I

was DONE eating. She loved controlling my bowels.

[Guest guest]

My Nada actually seemed to like to entertain and she was a very good

cook...although the older she got, the more she'd need help to do

everything. And she would call about wierd stuff when reading

recipes...once, " Can I just use vegetable oil? This recipe I've got

says it takes salad oil. " Then there was the time she inadvertently

bought Mustard Greens instead of Romaine Lettuce...she didn't

understand why the lettuce tasted so different. She said, " I bought

this Spanish Lettuce by mistake. " Spanish lettuce? My ex-husband and

I were rolling on the floor over that one.

My dad cooks way more now than he used to when we were growing up. Of

course, Nada always says, " I did it for the first 40 years, he can do

it for the next 40 years. " I don't know...seems like I started dinner

nearly every night once I was in the 8th grade...she got home in time

to make the gravy.

JJFan

>

> I'm interested in Nadas and family meals and I am looking to hear your

> experiences. Was it a big deal to her?

[Guest guest]

My dad is the bpd and he especially loved using mealtimes to embarass

and taunt me (and probably the other kids too). He made sure to call

us all by our special names (I was " bugs " because my teeth protruded,

my brother was " mama's boy " etc). We pretty much ate what he wanted to

eat, red meat ad nauseum which is probably why I can't stand it and

never eat it now. I rarely ever go out to a restaurant with my family

because of this kind of thing, he uses public events to say caustic or

embarassing things to me because he knows that I am shy and don't like

having attention called to myself.

[Guest guest]

Oh, my gosh! My ex husband BPD does that same thing to my little boy.

One evening I ended up dishing up three new plates of dinner for my

son. Because the second my son would stand up from the table, my ex

would run and throw it in the trash. I was getting so incredibly

annoyed by it...I wanted to scream. I told him to " stop throwing

Camerons' dinner away before he has eaten it. " But, he did it again.

>

> My nada resented cooking, just like she resented doing anything for

> me. One big mealtime ritual that I had forgotten about was that I was

> not allowed to leave the table to use the restroom. Once I got up, I

> was DONE eating. She loved controlling my bowels.

>

[Guest guest]

My Not A Mama has the fourth of July family party from hell.

Atleast, that is how it was for me. She wanted her yard to look

like " Better Homes and Gardens " and she'd work everyone into the

ground...not a stone unturned. So, that a few people would come and

eat hoagies and tell her it was lovely. I guess this was a needed

self esteem boost for her or something. But, there was hell to pay

prior to it. She'd threaten to have a nervous breakdown and the

whole nine yards. Please, don't have a party.

I suspect that part of her current rage problem now is that she has

her party on the horizon and hasn't been able to start in the yard

yet...bad weather...plus she's been hounding me not to grow my own

garden...that I want to have in my own yard- with my own choice of

seeds...thankyou...Because, she wants to " help " me by having it in

her yard.

I suspect that what that was really means is she is trying to

manipulate me into working toward her party. She has my nephew

living with her who is supposed to live there free and do the

yard..and he can do it. If she'd just ask nicely, though, I'd

probably help her. But, she's so darn manipulative. That I can't

stand her.

> >

> > I'm interested in Nadas and family meals and I am looking to hear

> your

> > experiences. Was it a big deal to her?

>

[Guest guest]

My dad was the BPD in my family as well and would also manipulate meal

times. If we went to a restaurant we went where he wanted all the

time. I remember once we went somewhere someone else wanted and it was

so negative and horrible that we never bothered to try to do that

again.

I got so tired of eating where he wanted, what he wanted and how fast

he wanted. Recently my mother and I have enjoyed eating out together

as if dining out were some new fad! We go where we'd like and enjoy

ourselves without those horrible feelings in your gut that dad would

lose it if the waitress were too slow or his order was wrong.