Hello from new member; Question about sadness / guilt

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone!

I'm a new member. I'm a 29 year old female. I just started going

to counseling 2 months ago. And like it said in the book I'm

reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " , I didn't know it had a

name! I'm relieved and it feels good to know I can research and

learn how to respond better (it makes me feel not as powerless).

However, the book is very hard to read and puts me in a bad mood -

brings up many bad memories, so I have only been reading it in

spurts.

My counselor believes my mother has BPD, she has not been formally

diagnosed though. The traits I see the most in my mom are the

continual mood swings, rage, suicide threats, deep fear of

abandonment, addiction to spending, self-centerness, and continually

putting herself in a victim role. My childhood was chaotic...I have

only just been able to say recently that I had a bad childhood.

That was hard to admit - it was easier to deny it or not think about

it. Well anyway, I can't do that anymore. I want to live a better

life and be well.

I kind of think of my mom like a tornado. We moved about 10 times

from age 5 to 10 years old. Well anyways, my mom is freaking out

about me going to counseling - she yells at me and says " You did not

have a bad childhood. You need to get over this little pity party

you are having " .

I am pretty early in my counseling. My counselor says I still react

to my mom as a child would and she's going to help grow me up.

I'm like - finally!

I was alarmed to read that my mom may be this way due to traumatic

childhood abuse. I was not aware of anything that happened to her.

It has made me extremely sad for her. To think that she didn't have

to be this way is really hard for me. Then I start feeling guilty

when I set up boundaries because I just feel really bad for her that

I have to do this. It's really, really hard - she treats me badly,

but I feel guilty / sad if I try to stop her from doing it. It's

craziness.

How did you guys deal with / get past the sadness and related

guilt? Also, has anyone discussed with their BPD parent the

trauma / abuse the BPD person went through as a child? Did it

help? I guess I am still clinging to some hope that my mom will get

better.

Thanks for your time.