Re: Job evaluation -- Hey, waitaminute...

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>I'm tempted to try to explain that to my boss, why it's a problem I'm not

>likely to be able to fix after 48 years of effort. But I'm not sure this

>job is worth that much struggle -- except for that whole Being Unemployed

>thing.

Would telling make a difference in whether you got unemployment if laid off?

Jane

[Guest guest]

> Today, in a calmer moment, I went back over the eval, and I noticed

> something. Everything they'd criticized me for was Aspergers-derived

> (IMHO).

>

> I have accumulated so much information about the topic of utility

> prices,

> that I tell customers way too much and confuse the heck out of them. I

> get so involved in passing along this info, I don't notice that

> they've

> already said no several times and aren't likely to change their

> minds. In

> fact, I've sometimes given them so much information, I've changed

> their

> minds to -not- wanting the program.

Most of the jobs I've had are just whatever was available. Besides me

having some of the Asperger issues, this area I live in doesn't offer a

lot for jobs, is rather economically depressed. But when I first moved

to the country from the city with my hubby, I got a job with the Liquor

ation here, in the retail end. I was very excited and nervous,

excited because I just KNEW I could do this job because l knew me well

enough to know that I'd get right into the product, lol. No, I don't

mean I'd drink it, was never a big drinker, I mean in the sense that

the many liquor products have a lot of history (which I love) and they

all come about through what I think are fascinating processes,

especially in the wine industry. Also, this job meant good money, as

the LC pays well to start.

Any job I go into I'm apprehensive. But this was also the first time

in my life that I lived somewhere other than the city I grew up in. I

didn't know anybody or the area's " culture " , and I felt doubly out of

place. I got along with customers quite well, and because I learned so

much about the product so quick I was very helpful to them when they

needed it. I didn't find myself over-explaining (although I am

'guilty' of that often), but I was able to tell before a person even

opened their mouths what they were looking for, and I had even brought

the product to them before they had a chance to form a question! (Such

as the businessman who picked up gin, and I scooted over to the section

with the vermouth and presented it to him and he's like " how did you

know? " )

But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel secure,

was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as to

make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell. I had migraines the

whole time I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t would be

coming at me next. (For instance, there these beer can boxes that we'd

either place into piles for people who sometimes wanted them, or we

dismantled them and tied them up into piles. One day, when one of

these women was in charge, it was her turn to be at cash. So I go out

back and see what needs doing. I see boxes just sitting there waiting

to be 1) piled together intact or 2) dismantled. There was no way to

know what they were sitting there waiting for, and she was busy at

cash. So, I did what usually ends up being done, as there was already

some piles set aside for people who might want some, and I dismantled

them. Then next thing I know, she's standing there eyes all wide and

freaking out in a controlled kind of way, saying that she was saving

them for piling intact, not to dismantle them. How was I to KNOW that?

In my mind, I was just trying to help. But she made a big deal out of

it, and reported to management that'd I'd not followed orders, even

though there were no orders, no discussion about them at all! And

during the times I was in charge, I NEVER made mountains out of

molehills even though they also had obvious " slips " , and I would NEVER

try to sabotage another's job, which is what ended up happening to me.

They were the pettiest bunch I ever worked with, and they did quite the

number on my head!

It was later that I learned about Aspergers, and even though things

made a lot of sense, a lot of the time the NT world just asks for the

impossible and it's downright annoying. At the job I described I did

nothing purposely untoward and I've never had a problem following

orders. A couple of them just didn't like me and proceeded to be the

nasty, close-minded people I'm sure they had been all their lives. The

only time I could really relax was when I worked with one other lady

there, who was actually unassuming and kind.

If you think the job isn't for you, I'd look for something else more

suited. IMO they will probably keep bothering you about and it will

never end. If you find it keeps you up for endless nights or have some

other detrimental health effect, you might want to just accept it and

move one. Well, that's what I should have done. Problem was, I really

liked the job itself.

Sorry for the ramble, and maybe I'm bitter, lol. Just thinking about

my LC experience makes me tense to this day, and it's been over 2 years

since I stopped working there. So I'll stop now :-)

a

[Guest guest]

My first " job " for which I was paid was also along the lines of

telemarketer.

Similar to it- in that I was given a written speech, and had to ask specific

questions after introducing myself in a scripted way.

I thought at the time, 'weird job choice for someone 'like me,' ' and I got

accused of being a recording too.

One upside was it never ever offended me to be sworn at or hung up on. I

just didn't care enough.

>

>

>

> > Today, in a calmer moment, I went back over the eval, and I noticed

> > something. Everything they'd criticized me for was Aspergers-derived

> > (IMHO).

> >

> > I have accumulated so much information about the topic of utility

> > prices,

> > that I tell customers way too much and confuse the heck out of them. I

> > get so involved in passing along this info, I don't notice that

> > they've

> > already said no several times and aren't likely to change their

> > minds. In

> > fact, I've sometimes given them so much information, I've changed

> > their

> > minds to -not- wanting the program.

>

> Most of the jobs I've had are just whatever was available. Besides me

> having some of the Asperger issues, this area I live in doesn't offer a

> lot for jobs, is rather economically depressed. But when I first moved

> to the country from the city with my hubby, I got a job with the Liquor

> ation here, in the retail end. I was very excited and nervous,

> excited because I just KNEW I could do this job because l knew me well

> enough to know that I'd get right into the product, lol. No, I don't

> mean I'd drink it, was never a big drinker, I mean in the sense that

> the many liquor products have a lot of history (which I love) and they

> all come about through what I think are fascinating processes,

> especially in the wine industry. Also, this job meant good money, as

> the LC pays well to start.

>

> Any job I go into I'm apprehensive. But this was also the first time

> in my life that I lived somewhere other than the city I grew up in. I

> didn't know anybody or the area's " culture " , and I felt doubly out of

> place. I got along with customers quite well, and because I learned so

> much about the product so quick I was very helpful to them when they

> needed it. I didn't find myself over-explaining (although I am

> 'guilty' of that often), but I was able to tell before a person even

> opened their mouths what they were looking for, and I had even brought

> the product to them before they had a chance to form a question! (Such

> as the businessman who picked up gin, and I scooted over to the section

> with the vermouth and presented it to him and he's like " how did you

> know? " )

>

> But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel secure,

> was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

> just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as to

> make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell. I had migraines the

> whole time I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t would be

> coming at me next. (For instance, there these beer can boxes that we'd

> either place into piles for people who sometimes wanted them, or we

> dismantled them and tied them up into piles. One day, when one of

> these women was in charge, it was her turn to be at cash. So I go out

> back and see what needs doing. I see boxes just sitting there waiting

> to be 1) piled together intact or 2) dismantled. There was no way to

> know what they were sitting there waiting for, and she was busy at

> cash. So, I did what usually ends up being done, as there was already

> some piles set aside for people who might want some, and I dismantled

> them. Then next thing I know, she's standing there eyes all wide and

> freaking out in a controlled kind of way, saying that she was saving

> them for piling intact, not to dismantle them. How was I to KNOW that?

> In my mind, I was just trying to help. But she made a big deal out of

> it, and reported to management that'd I'd not followed orders, even

> though there were no orders, no discussion about them at all! And

> during the times I was in charge, I NEVER made mountains out of

> molehills even though they also had obvious " slips " , and I would NEVER

> try to sabotage another's job, which is what ended up happening to me.

> They were the pettiest bunch I ever worked with, and they did quite the

> number on my head!

>

> It was later that I learned about Aspergers, and even though things

> made a lot of sense, a lot of the time the NT world just asks for the

> impossible and it's downright annoying. At the job I described I did

> nothing purposely untoward and I've never had a problem following

> orders. A couple of them just didn't like me and proceeded to be the

> nasty, close-minded people I'm sure they had been all their lives. The

> only time I could really relax was when I worked with one other lady

> there, who was actually unassuming and kind.

>

> If you think the job isn't for you, I'd look for something else more

> suited. IMO they will probably keep bothering you about and it will

> never end. If you find it keeps you up for endless nights or have some

> other detrimental health effect, you might want to just accept it and

> move one. Well, that's what I should have done. Problem was, I really

> liked the job itself.

>

> Sorry for the ramble, and maybe I'm bitter, lol. Just thinking about

> my LC experience makes me tense to this day, and it's been over 2 years

> since I stopped working there. So I'll stop now :-)

>

> a

>

>

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

>

> But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel secure,

> was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

> just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as to

> make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell.

I've had jobs and coworkers like that. I never could figure out why they

seemed threatened by me, or if they actually were threatened, but they

seemed to act that way. I guess, I just rub some people the wrong way

without meaning to...

I had migraines the

> whole time I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t would be

> coming at me next. (For instance, there these beer can boxes that we'd

> either place into piles for people who sometimes wanted them, or we

> dismantled them and tied them up into piles. One day, when one of

> these women was in charge, it was her turn to be at cash. So I go out

> back and see what needs doing. I see boxes just sitting there waiting

> to be 1) piled together intact or 2) dismantled. There was no way to

> know what they were sitting there waiting for, and she was busy at

> cash. So, I did what usually ends up being done, as there was already

> some piles set aside for people who might want some, and I dismantled

> them. Then next thing I know, she's standing there eyes all wide and

> freaking out in a controlled kind of way, saying that she was saving

> them for piling intact, not to dismantle them. How was I to KNOW that?

Exactly! My current boss likes to throw stuff at us, 'here, do something

with that...' sort of, no precise instruction on what exactly to do with it,

how to do it or the proper tools to do it with, grrrr! Drives me nuts!

> In my mind, I was just trying to help. But she made a big deal out of

> it, and reported to management that'd I'd not followed orders, even

> though there were no orders, no discussion about them at all! And

> during the times I was in charge, I NEVER made mountains out of

> molehills even though they also had obvious " slips " , and I would NEVER

> try to sabotage another's job, which is what ended up happening to me.

> They were the pettiest bunch I ever worked with, and they did quite the

> number on my head!

I can totally relate. I figured if I have to be a neurotic, petty b**** to

work here, then I'd rather not, LOL! That place ended up closing less than

three months after I started working there, and it was a blessing in

disguise.

>

> It was later that I learned about Aspergers, and even though things

> made a lot of sense, a lot of the time the NT world just asks for the

> impossible and it's downright annoying. At the job I described I did

> nothing purposely untoward and I've never had a problem following

> orders. A couple of them just didn't like me and proceeded to be the

> nasty, close-minded people I'm sure they had been all their lives. The

> only time I could really relax was when I worked with one other lady

> there, who was actually unassuming and kind.

Yep.

>

> If you think the job isn't for you, I'd look for something else more

> suited. IMO they will probably keep bothering you about and it will

> never end. If you find it keeps you up for endless nights or have some

> other detrimental health effect, you might want to just accept it and

> move one. Well, that's what I should have done. Problem was, I really

> liked the job itself.

Did the superviser understand when you explained things to him? And why are

some people so hostile toward us?

D.

[Guest guest]

(Because I think I just make things confusing trying to respond to

these kind of posts where there's replies on top of replies on top

of...heh heh, yeah, one at a time and when I think I'll make the most

sense [not being rushed by something pressing in life helps a

LOT]...Hey, something just dawned on me, alright! ;-)...anyway, on

with the post...)

>

> >

> >

> > But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel secure,

> > was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

> > just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as

> to

> > make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell.

> I've had jobs and coworkers like that. I never could figure out why

> they

> seemed threatened by me, or if they actually were threatened, but they

> seemed to act that way. I guess, I just rub some people the wrong way

> without meaning to...

That's exactly it. Reminds me...All throughout childhood I was teased

and taunted and never wanted to hurt anybody, but everyone seemed to

want to hurt me. Then I grow up, and it's still basically the same,

but in a more subtle way, that is, the teasing and slurs, just that now

I actually DO have a few friends, not a lot, and I've lost one

recently, one that I always felt used by, but can never know if that's

what really was happening for sure, but just get a " feeling " , got tired

of it after 7 years and gave up because it was so distracting... And

yet there are times when I have to deal with people who, yes, must

perceive me as some kind of threat, but I never understood WHY. Is it

because I don't have a smiley face? I'm also tall for a girl and

somewhat clumsy (ok, a LOT clumsy, depends on the day really...maybe

more " bumbling " than clumsy), which would explain the teasing, but how

does " clumsy " and " threatening " intermix? I'm not even sure if I'm

fixating on the right question there, lol...

There are some people, and usually they are NT women, who really seem

like they would slay me if looks could kill. If I say something and

they don't agree with it, maybe it's a conversation we're having about

" stuff " other than small talk, or I'm talking to another person

(usually a guy due to the fact that, for me, the conversations usually

contain more interesting content) and the woman says something harsh

and haughty to me...It always takes me aback. Some folks can just not

care (wish I could, working on it), or not notice maybe? Or train

themselves not to notice...But I notice, and it bugs the crap out of

me. I shouldn't, because it (NT woman's reaction) seems to be coming

from some social expectation of how I should BE or hold myself or talk

and what about etc., etc., by another (NT) woman. Usually, I don't

have a clue what I did to get such a response, and I've exhausted

myself mentally and emotionally at times trying to figure them out. NT

men? Some are visibly perplexed by me, but they are usually kinder

(and will also laugh " with " you more often than laugh AT you). I

generally get along much better with men than women, especially over NT

women. I can't say for SURE I get along with autistic women, because I

don't know that many in person! But judging by what people of both

sexes talk about here, and that I never feel the " barbs " , I'm betting

we'd let each other just " be " . Which is all I expect from the other

people on this damn planet since I'll let them " be " . I remember as a

kid, " just leave me alone! " was a common retort. Still is, just not

quite as often, or I don't actually say it. (Less moments now when I

feel that way. I hated my childhood most of the time, except when I

was left alone!)

It's been asked before, if only worded differently....if it's not

hurting anyone else...why would anyone feel threatened or impelled to

make us conduct ourselves as all the other sheep do? " Sometimes I wish

I had a magic wand to make the whole wide world autistic! Okay, maybe

that would have it's own unique set of problems, but we think I could

deal with it. :-) For one thing, there'd be less of what I call

" pettiness " in regards to picking out people's weaknesses or perceived

mistakes, etc,. when no real harm is done. (Like when beer boxes are

dismantled/placed in the wrong stack! Wow, call the National Guard

already!)

a

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

>

> That's exactly it. Reminds me...All throughout childhood I was teased

> and taunted and never wanted to hurt anybody, but everyone seemed to

> want to hurt me.

Yes. I finally figured out that as kids they 'tested' me. They'd say or do

something to me, expecting a certain reply/response, and when I reacted the

'wrong' way, which I always did, the teasing continued and continued, ad

nauseum... Now, I have zero tolerance for people who want to tease me, even

in a light-hearted way.

> Then I grow up, and it's still basically the same,

> but in a more subtle way,

Yes, but that would only be a very few people. Most coworkers seem to like

me well enough. Some probably think I'm kind of ditzy, since I can come

across that way, when I'm out of my element. Retail really isn't my forte,

but I'm very limited as to where I can work, due to not driving and not

liking to take the bus (they have a tendency to break down quite a bit, and

I like to be on time), so I'm stressed a lot and then my shortcomings become

more apparent. Like I can't multitask and I'm also mildly faceblind. Add to

that the fact that I often have a hard time understanding Virginians,

especially African Americans, and it can get pretty prickly.

> that is, the teasing and slurs, just that now

> I actually DO have a few friends, not a lot,

There isn't anyone here, I'd truly call 'friend'. I have an old friend in

Germany, a woman I've known since first grade.

> And

> yet there are times when I have to deal with people who, yes, must

> perceive me as some kind of threat, but I never understood WHY.

Me neither. Maybe they sense that I don't stress over silly things like

panty-lines...??

>Is it

> because I don't have a smiley face?

I had to learn to smile. Growing up in Germany, I didn't see people smile

all the time just for the hell of it, like they do here, even sales people.

Also, strangers greeting you on the street; it's still something I'm not

comfortable with. I find it intrusive, since I'm usually deep in thought

about something while walking.

I'm also tall for a girl and

> somewhat clumsy (ok, a LOT clumsy, depends on the day really...maybe

> more " bumbling " than clumsy), which would explain the teasing, but how

> does " clumsy " and " threatening " intermix? I'm not even sure if I'm

> fixating on the right question there, lol...

We must be giving out vibes to the NTs <not like me, not like me, different

somehow, different somehow> LOL!

>

> There are some people, and usually they are NT women, who really seem

> like they would slay me if looks could kill. If I say something and

> they don't agree with it, maybe it's a conversation we're having about

> " stuff " other than small talk, or I'm talking to another person

> (usually a guy due to the fact that, for me, the conversations usually

> contain more interesting content) and the woman says something harsh

> and haughty to me...It always takes me aback. Some folks can just not

> care (wish I could, working on it), or not notice maybe? Or train

> themselves not to notice...But I notice, and it bugs the crap out of

> me. I shouldn't, because it (NT woman's reaction) seems to be coming

> from some social expectation of how I should BE or hold myself or talk

> and what about etc., etc., by another (NT) woman.

Yes, yes, yes! I don't even stress about it anymore. I treat people well and

respectfully. I'm only rude IF someone is rude to me first, unless it's a

customer and I have to let it go. I'll fume for the rest of the day,

though... There are some men who seem very uncomfortable around me and can't

wait to get away from me (I'm a cashier), sometimes not even waiting for the

receipt and change, LOL! Most men seem to be neutral or even seem to kind of

like me. I have no 'girl friends' (other than the one in Germany with whom I

keep in touch via email), but I do have a few guy friends, and we mainly

exchange email, too.

Usually, I don't

> have a clue what I did to get such a response, and I've exhausted

> myself mentally and emotionally at times trying to figure them out. NT

> men? Some are visibly perplexed by me, but they are usually kinder

> (and will also laugh " with " you more often than laugh AT you). I

> generally get along much better with men than women,

Me too. I'm replying as I'm reading, so see above.

especially over NT

> women. I can't say for SURE I get along with autistic women, because I

> don't know that many in person! But judging by what people of both

> sexes talk about here, and that I never feel the " barbs " , I'm betting

> we'd let each other just " be " . Which is all I expect from the other

> people on this damn planet since I'll let them " be " . I remember as a

> kid, " just leave me alone! " was a common retort. Still is, just not

> quite as often, or I don't actually say it. (Less moments now when I

> feel that way. I hated my childhood most of the time, except when I

> was left alone!)

Same here. I had a few good friends who stuck with me throughout my school

years, not dozens, like most kids, but that didn't bother me. I also came

from a very dysfunctional household (who didn't, right?) so when I wasn't

being abused by other kids, I was abused, berated, belittled and insulted by

my mother. Consequently, I have very low self esteem and never really made

much of myself. I got married to the first guy who treated me decently, at

18, went to a different country, etc.

>

> It's been asked before, if only worded differently....if it's not

> hurting anyone else...why would anyone feel threatened or impelled to

> make us conduct ourselves as all the other sheep do? " Sometimes I wish

> I had a magic wand to make the whole wide world autistic! Okay, maybe

> that would have it's own unique set of problems, but we think I could

> deal with it. :-) For one thing, there'd be less of what I call

> " pettiness " in regards to picking out people's weaknesses or perceived

> mistakes, etc,. when no real harm is done. (Like when beer boxes are

> dismantled/placed in the wrong stack! Wow, call the National Guard

> already!)

Yes, the pettyness and back-stabbing many NT women engage in never ceases to

amaze me. I'm so glad I joined this group.

D.

[Guest guest]

If you did tell the boss, would it guarantee you would get fired? or

do you think it would help?

How long have you had this job?

When I was officially dx'd a few weeks ago, I was in the throes of

trying to decide whether or not to tell the employer I have been

working for for 4 months. I went to someone I thought I could trust,

who has a lot of common sense, because I realized I could not figure

it out on my own, lacking the skills to know what to say and what not

to say.

Her advice was to NOT tell at this point. She thought that the longer

I remain employed, the easier it will be if it comes up at some point.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

The one telemarketer/survey job I had, I was told I talked to the

customers too much. Personally, I think it's cool that you would tell

them all that info, but that's just me, because it might be fun to

listen to all that info... (if I didn't hate talking on the phone...,

I LIKE to hear lots of info, but I also don't like being on the phone

much these days.)

Reading a's post made me a bit angry... thinking suddenly about

how many complaints I get at my new job. I both hear " You are doing a

good job " but also " You should do this and this differently " . I

started out being quite enthusiastic but every week someone complains

about something. I am supposed to have a bit of creative license

here, but it is hard to get all wound up about it when I come up with

an idea and get told why it will never work. And I have been in

places where those same ideas DID work, because it was a different

set of people who were more willing to try new things.

I don't know that I have been in a job where people tried to blame me

or make up things about me (or I was unaware of it). I have been in

two situations where people took and used my ideas, calling them

their own, and I couldn't do much about it.

Rhonda

-- Grizzly wrote:

>

> >

> > I have accumulated so much information about the topic of

utility

> > prices,

> > that I tell customers way too much and confuse the heck out of

them. I

> > get so involved in passing along this info, I don't notice that

> > they've

> > already said no several times and aren't likely to change their

> > minds. In

> > fact, I've sometimes given them so much information, I've

changed

> > their

> > minds to -not- wanting the program.

a wrote: >

> But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel

secure,

> was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

> just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as

to

> make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell. I had migraines

the

> whole time I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t would

be

> coming at me next. <snip>

[Guest guest]

My counselor says humans cannot tolerate

confusion. People with Asperger's confuse NT's so

they either put it down or make it conform in an

attempt to maintain order.

~Bonnie

=========================

....why would anyone feel

> threatened or impelled to

> make us conduct ourselves as all the other

> sheep do? "

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I have had many experiences of people at work seeming to hold my

differences against me. I am currently in the market for a new job

because my current one, which I have had for over two years, has

become simply unbearable. From what I can see, there are two factions-

either a person is 'friends' with one woman, or 'friends' with her

rival. I am not 'friends' with either, and so I am an easy target for

both sides. I often get blamed for other people's mistakes, and the

people seem to think it is ok to be outright rude to me, or talk

about me 'behind my back' where I can hear them clearly. It is

unfortunate because I like the work, and I need the insurance. What I

do not need is the stress!

Donna

>

> > But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel

> secure,

> > was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular.

They

> > just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far

as

> to

> > make stuff up to management. It was sheer hell. I had migraines

> the

> > whole time I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t

would

> be

> > coming at me next. <snip>

>

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

If you live in the US and you don't tell your employer, you are NOT

PROTECTED legally under the ADA.

I don't understand the advice of the person who told you that the

longer you are employed the easier telling will become. Maybe that

is true for others, but it was not true for me.

I totally wrecked my life by not telling my employer, by thinking the

favorable conditions at my job would continue indefinitely. I found

that the more time went by, the HARDER it was to tell anyone because

the expectations of my bosses had developed around a perception of me

as having certain abilities that I did not. This isn't even because

I faked NT (and a number of my co-workers actually " guessed " that I'm

autistic--it's not so hard to tell), but because I was not honest

with the less perceptive people in my company about my actual

limitations, and because I did not get the legal protection I needed

BEFORE I needed it.

I can provide more information on this topic, both my personal

experiences, and regarding the ADA and employment, if you would like

to know more.

Sorry, it's my " soap box. " I don't want want happened to me to

happen to other people.

-Dora

> When I was officially dx'd a few weeks ago, I was in the throes of

> trying to decide whether or not to tell the employer I have been

> working for for 4 months. I went to someone I thought I could trust,

> who has a lot of common sense, because I realized I could not figure

> it out on my own, lacking the skills to know what to say and what not

> to say.

>

> Her advice was to NOT tell at this point. She thought that the longer

> I remain employed, the easier it will be if it comes up at some point.

>

> Rhonda

>

ladyd@...

http://www.uncivilization.net

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The only war that matters is the war against the imagination -Diane

DiPrima, Rant

[Guest guest]

Re: Job evaluation -- Hey, waitaminute...

>

>I have had many experiences of people at work seeming to hold my

>differences against me. I am currently in the market for a new job

>because my current one, which I have had for over two years, has

>become simply unbearable. From what I can see, there are two factions-

> either a person is 'friends' with one woman, or 'friends' with her

>rival. I am not 'friends' with either, and so I am an easy target for

>both sides. I often get blamed for other people's mistakes, and the

>people seem to think it is ok to be outright rude to me, or talk

>about me 'behind my back' where I can hear them clearly. It is

>unfortunate because I like the work, and I need the insurance. What I

>do not need is the stress!

Donna, this kind of thing makes me furious! As dfficult as it is to live with

being different, at least I'm mature enough not to play silly, childish games in

adulthod. Somehow these women never really gew up. If this is an example of what

it means to be 'normal' then I'm glad I'm not, LOL! I know exactly what you're

talking about, having been through it myself before, but not at my current job.

There's uch to dislike about it, but at least the coworkers are fairly nice.

D.

________________________________________

PeoplePC Online

A better way to Internet

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[Guest guest]

> As dfficult as it is to live with being different, at least I'm mature

> enough not to play silly, childish games in adulthod. Somehow these

> women never really gew up. If this is an example of what it means to

> be 'normal' then I'm glad I'm not, LOL! I know exactly what you're

> talking about, having been through it myself before, but not at my

> current job. There's uch to dislike about it, but at least the

> coworkers are fairly nice.

I agree with the idea that many NT women (especially) seem childish,

still play nasty schoolyard games. I'm glad I'm not one of them

either, even with everything else I have to put up with! At least I

know I'm a good person who won't victimize anybody, and I really don't

know how some of these people can sleep at night. But then, maybe they

don't...one would hope!

For most jobs I've had, it's been okay, not too many problems related

to being the " weird one " , although there were some jobs I didn't last

long at just because they weren't for me on several levels. Of course,

it's better if the job isn't retail, but I've worked in the food

service industry and got along as fine as the others, maybe better,

have been supervisor for three years in this area, and my younger

charges liked me. (Mind you, I hate food service industry jobs!) At

the job I had 2 years ago (at the Liquor store), that was the first

time I've ever felt so persecuted on almost a daily basis, but as for

the job itself, it was the first one I actually liked in ages (I was

good at it, too, had high evaluation marks right off the bat) and that

more than anything was what was heart-breaking about it. I think the

main reason one of the NT women hated me, was because she felt I was a

threat to her advancement. She'd been there for 3 years before me and

she still hadn't passed the exam that moves one up to permanent

part-time yet. (You started off " casual " , then had to pass tests to

move up the ladder.) It was during the week that I wrote the test for

the first time (and I know I did well), that a lot of the bs started to

fly double-time.

Another thing about this job: The Liquor ation here has a

reputation for being discriminatory or for firing people for

questionable reasons. While anyone can be fired for any reason in this

province (actually, don't even have to have one within the first 6

months), the LC has been taken to task by people who worked for them

via the Board of Labour many times, including myself (due to the

pressure by people close to me to do something about it because I

wouldn't have done it otherwise). I DID win my case, by the way, but

that just meant I got 2 more weeks of pay, not the actual job back.

And also, the main woman who caused me problems? She no longer worked

for the LC after my Board of Labour case came to their attention.

Something to do with it? I'll never know for sure.

Oh, here's the kicker on the day I was fired: It was planned ahead of

time and they made it out to be some kind of meeting (which was

common). First thing that the manager said to me was that " E " (the

main NT female culprit) said that , my hubby, " gave her a dirty

look " one day. HA! By the way, never would have done such a

thing on purpose, but yeah, I can see her taking everything as having

something to do with her. 's a lot like me, he doesn't smile

easily. When he's in repose, face relaxed, he looks very grumpy. But

the fact that they actually used it to fire me was the ultimate icing

on the cake that proved just how much bs I had to put up with.

a

[Guest guest]

>

> > As dfficult as it is to live with being different, at least I'm

mature

> > enough not to play silly, childish games in adulthod. Somehow

these

> > women never really gew up. If this is an example of what it means

to

> > be 'normal' then I'm glad I'm not, LOL! I know exactly what

you're

> > talking about, having been through it myself before, but not at

my

> > current job. There's uch to dislike about it, but at least the

> > coworkers are fairly nice.

>

> I agree with the idea that many NT women (especially) seem

childish,

> still play nasty schoolyard games. I'm glad I'm not one of them

> either, even with everything else I have to put up with! At least

I

> know I'm a good person who won't victimize anybody, and I really

don't

> know how some of these people can sleep at night. But then, maybe

they

> don't...one would hope!

This childishness makes me glad I'm not normal, also. What saddens me

is all the times I was told that life gets better after high school,

yet in regards to the social behavior of other people, it is just the

same.

Donna

[Guest guest]

It was 4 Jan 2007, when P.C. MacNeil commented:

>

>

> > Today, in a calmer moment, I went back over the eval, and I noticed

> > something. Everything they'd criticized me for was Aspergers-derived

> > (IMHO).

> >

> > I have accumulated so much information about the topic of utility

> > prices,

> > that I tell customers way too much and confuse the heck out of them. I

<snip>

> Most of the jobs I've had are just whatever was available. Besides me

> having some of the Asperger issues, this area I live in doesn't offer a lot

> for jobs, is rather economically depressed. But when I first moved to the

Same here.

> country from the city with my hubby, I got a job with the Liquor

> ation here, in the retail end. I was very excited and nervous,

> excited because I just KNEW I could do this job because l knew me well

> enough to know that I'd get right into the product, lol. No, I don't mean

> I'd drink it, was never a big drinker, I mean in the sense that the many

> liquor products have a lot of history (which I love) and they all come

> about through what I think are fascinating processes, especially in the

> wine industry. Also, this job meant good money, as the LC pays well to

> start.

Good money is always motivator. <grin>

> Any job I go into I'm apprehensive. But this was also the first time in my

> life that I lived somewhere other than the city I grew up in. I didn't

> know anybody or the area's " culture " , and I felt doubly out of place. I

> got along with customers quite well, and because I learned so much about

> the product so quick I was very helpful to them when they needed it. I

> didn't find myself over-explaining (although I am 'guilty' of that often),

> but I was able to tell before a person even opened their mouths what they

> were looking for, and I had even brought the product to them before they

> had a chance to form a question! (Such as the businessman who picked up

> gin, and I scooted over to the section with the vermouth and presented it

> to him and he's like " how did you know? " )

<grin> My first venture out of my home territory was with the military.

So I know the feeling well. I've lived enough places now that it's not as

much of a problem. Most closely comparable job I've had was with a Labor

Union Local. I lasted as Staff there through six administrations, and

ended up knowing (arguably) more about the contract than some of the

elected folks. I suspect that's a natural strength of AS folks.

> But the part of it that made it impossible to relax and feel secure,

> was a couple of the other women employees, one in particular. They

> just didn't know how to take me at all, and one even went so far as to make

> stuff up to management. It was sheer hell. I had migraines the whole time

> I worked there because I didn't know what bull***t would be coming at me

Amen. Been there, done that. I may have an advantage there; I think I

scare people a bit.

<snip>

> In my mind, I was just trying to help. But she made a big deal out of

> it, and reported to management that'd I'd not followed orders, even though

> there were no orders, no discussion about them at all! And during the

> times I was in charge, I NEVER made mountains out of molehills even though

> they also had obvious " slips " , and I would NEVER try to sabotage another's

> job, which is what ended up happening to me. They were the pettiest bunch

> I ever worked with, and they did quite the number on my head!

Some people are like that, and there's nothing I've come across that'll

consistently fix the problem. Just another thing to be overcome. <sigh>

> It was later that I learned about Aspergers, and even though things

> made a lot of sense, a lot of the time the NT world just asks for the

> impossible and it's downright annoying. At the job I described I did

> nothing purposely untoward and I've never had a problem following orders.

> A couple of them just didn't like me and proceeded to be the nasty,

> close-minded people I'm sure they had been all their lives. The only time

> I could really relax was when I worked with one other lady there, who was

> actually unassuming and kind.

>

> If you think the job isn't for you, I'd look for something else more

> suited. IMO they will probably keep bothering you about and it will

> never end. If you find it keeps you up for endless nights or have some

> other detrimental health effect, you might want to just accept it and move

> one. Well, that's what I should have done. Problem was, I really liked

> the job itself.

Not necessarily possible. While I may be bad at parts of this job, I'm

even worse at job hunting and interviewing and such. But a reasonable

thought.

> Sorry for the ramble, and maybe I'm bitter, lol. Just thinking about my LC

> experience makes me tense to this day, and it's been over 2 years since I

> stopped working there. So I'll stop now :-)

No problem, that's necessry sometimes. Always seems like something you

ought to be able to fix, that people ought to be honest and decent. But

sometimes some people just won't, and there's not much to be done.

Appreciate the input, though.

[Guest guest]

It was 4 Jan 2007, when Jane Meyerding commented:

> wrote:

> >I'm tempted to try to explain that to my boss, why it's a problem I'm not

> >likely to be able to fix after 48 years of effort. But I'm not sure this

> >job is worth that much struggle -- except for that whole Being Unemployed

> >thing.

>

> Would telling make a difference in whether you got unemployment if laid

> off?

>

> Jane

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It was 4 Jan 2007, when KayeT commented:

> My first " job " for which I was paid was also along the lines of

> telemarketer.

> Similar to it- in that I was given a written speech, and had to ask

> specific questions after introducing myself in a scripted way. I thought at

> the time, 'weird job choice for someone 'like me,' ' and I got accused of

> being a recording too. One upside was it never ever offended me to be sworn

> at or hung up on. I just didn't care enough.

My first job in the late 1970s was telemarketing, selling one of those

radio station " gift book " deals. Radio blaring in the background, always

pleasant in a work environment. When I was in the middle of a call, my

supervisor walked up, put a hand on my shoulder, and started talking in my

other ear. I, er, wasn't very nice about it. I got fired the next day.

Of course, I didn't have Aspergers then... <grin>

[Guest guest]

It was 5 Jan 2007, when Bonnie commented:

> My counselor says humans cannot tolerate

> confusion. People with Asperger's confuse NT's so

> they either put it down or make it conform in an

> attempt to maintain order.

That sounds about right. At least, It's a Theory. I'm quite thoroughly

tired right now -- another day at my job -- and I'm not really in a mood

to be nice to or about the idiot NTs I work for. I still foolishly assume

that somewhere along the line they'll figure out how fouled up their

standards are. But I despair that they ever will, and it wears me out.

They Say that Aspergers Syndrome is often comorbid with clinical

depression. They seem to have a point there.

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

> It was 5 Jan 2007, when Bonnie commented:

>

>> My counselor says humans cannot tolerate

>> confusion. People with Asperger's confuse NT's so

>> they either put it down or make it conform in an

>> attempt to maintain order.

>

> That sounds about right. At least, It's a Theory. I'm quite thoroughly

> tired right now -- another day at my job -- and I'm not really in a mood

> to be nice to or about the idiot NTs I work for. I still foolishly assume

> that somewhere along the line they'll figure out how fouled up their

> standards are. But I despair that they ever will, and it wears me out.

It really can... Luckily, my coworkers right now are quite agreeable for the

most part.

>

> They Say that Aspergers Syndrome is often comorbid with clinical

> depression. They seem to have a point there.

Is it any wonder we get depressed? People don't understand us, are hostile

toward us for no good reason, etc.... Confused? Why don't all NTs act

hostile toward us then?

D.