Guest guest Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I had a conversation with one of my room mates last night, a so-called friend, who said he thought handicapped people do not have the right to speak up for themselves, and he said that autistics who do not want to be cured are a 'joke'. I was so shocked I could not come up with anything meaningful to say to him. Now in retrospect I am very angry with him and myself (for not being able to argue my case at all). He tried to justify himself because he is manic-depressive and said he would want a cure, and so should anyone else who is different from normal. How can I make him see the difference between autism and manic- depression? I am still so shocked and angry that some one I trusted could hold such an opinion! I am still speechless over the revelation. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 I have similar frustrations. My (one of the only ones) friend is the mother of 3, and one girl is autistic. Some of her challenges at age 10 are getting out of diapers and speaking, 2 things she has never done. I was trying to be a friend by mentioning I would not march in her yrly march for a cure walk. I tried to explain why. I also suggested she was HFA or aspergers, and showed her reading material on and offline. Let me tell you I learned to back off those subjects! She's classic if I ever saw someone HFA. I told her that her tendencies (and to be honest her husband too, who BTW has two autistic cousins) make it more likely her child would be autistic, which she is. I learned to avoid her wrath of denial and self-righteousness and never bring those topics up again. If your roomate persists with his beliefs, you may find he holds stubbornly to them and nothing you say will make a difference. Its frustrating, but in your heart you know you're right. k > > I had a conversation with one of my room mates last night, a so-called > friend, who said he thought handicapped people do not have the right to > speak up for themselves, and he said that autistics who do not want to > be cured are a 'joke'. I was so shocked I could not come up with > anything meaningful to say to him. Now in retrospect I am very angry > with him and myself (for not being able to argue my case at all). He > tried to justify himself because he is manic-depressive and said he > would want a cure, and so should anyone else who is different from > normal. How can I make him see the difference between autism and manic- > depression? I am still so shocked and angry that some one I trusted > could hold such an opinion! > > I am still speechless over the revelation. > > Donna > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 > I was so shocked I could not come up with anything meaningful > to say to him. .... because it is a matter of stating what people *want*. The only documentation is almost ancedotal, such as describing parallel cultures (e.g., deaf). > very angry with him and myself (for not being able to argue my > case at all). No, not speaking until you could come up with a logical answer is the first step in a response. > How can I make him see the difference between autism and manic- > depression? Besides the obvious distinction between manic depression, and also the " no cure " equivalents among manics, there is a lot of good on-line documentation for this. In short, autism isn't something that affects or changes personality. Autism *is* a personality type. - s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2007 Report Share Posted January 7, 2007 I still have not brought the subject back up with him. I like the points you two made, though. At least he isn't the type that is going to spread his message. He doesn't even do anything about his manic-depression. Still, I want to convince him that autism is not the same as what he suffers. When I look at the NTs around me (esecially my petty and childish co- workers), I feel that Aspie is better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 Stan wrote: >Autism *is* a personality type. Which of the many personalities autistics have is " the " autistic personality? Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 It was 6 Jan 2007, when Donna commented: > I had a conversation with one of my room mates last night, a so-called > friend, who said he thought handicapped people do not have the right to > speak up for themselves, and he said that autistics who do not want to be > cured are a 'joke'. I was so shocked I could not come up with anything > meaningful to say to him. Now in retrospect I am very angry with him and > myself (for not being able to argue my case at all). He tried to justify > himself because he is manic-depressive and said he would want a cure, and > so should anyone else who is different from normal. How can I make him see > the difference between autism and manic- depression? I am still so shocked > and angry that some one I trusted could hold such an opinion! > > I am still speechless over the revelation. Could be he was in a depressive cycle, and was despairing over essentially everything, including you. And it could be at a better time you could mention how offended you were, and he might respond with an apology. Or he might not. If you don't mention it later, he'll probably won't know how to start apologizing -- that response is rational, based on my own behavior. He's inherently irrational, and while that's a reason, that's no excuse for rudeness. Dealing with rational people is hard enough. Dealing with irrational people is by definition impossible. So think of him as a force of nature, like a storm -- not much to do about it but survive it and wait for a better time. And as I said, maybe at another time, he'll be apologetic -- still irrational, but in a different way. As the Desiderata says, " Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. " In the final analysis, you can't really control his behavior -- neither can he, mostly -- you can only step over it, scrape it off the bottom of your shoe (he said, metaphorically) and go on about your business. I strongly suspect his intent was primarily to get a rise out of you. He may have a marginally valid point, in that he can't understand your perspective, which is true, he can't. But you don't have to let your feelings be controlled by his behavior or apparent attitudes. Again from the Desiderata, " You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. " I empathize. Go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2007 Report Share Posted January 8, 2007 It was 8 Jan 2007, when Jane Meyerding commented: > Stan wrote: > >Autism *is* a personality type. > > Which of the many personalities autistics have is " the " autistic > personality? Good point. Maybe a derived pattern of behavior would be more descriptive? I suppose we could swipe " lifestyle choice, " that's a popular one, and hard to argue with, up to a point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2007 Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 > Could be he was in a depressive cycle, and was despairing over essentially > everything, including you. And it could be at a better time you could > mention how offended you were, and he might respond with an apology. Or > he might not. If you don't mention it later, he'll probably won't know > how to start apologizing -- that response is rational, based on my own > behavior. Thank you for this insight. I had not thought about why he would say such a thing from this perspective (I have difficulty looking at things from another's point of view, go figure). I do not think, from past experiece with him, that he is likely to apologize, though. He does not like to admit that he was wrong even if you can put evidence of it before his eyes. > He's inherently irrational, and while that's a reason, that's no excuse > for rudeness. > > Dealing with rational people is hard enough. Dealing with irrational > people is by definition impossible. So think of him as a force of nature, > like a storm -- not much to do about it but survive it and wait for a > better time. And as I said, maybe at another time, he'll be apologetic -- > still irrational, but in a different way. > > As the Desiderata says, " Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are > vexations to the spirit. " In the final analysis, you can't really control > his behavior -- neither can he, mostly -- you can only step over it, > scrape it off the bottom of your shoe (he said, metaphorically) and go on > about your business. > > I strongly suspect his intent was primarily to get a rise out of you. He > may have a marginally valid point, in that he can't understand your > perspective, which is true, he can't. But you don't have to let your > feelings be controlled by his behavior or apparent attitudes. > > Again from the Desiderata, " You are a child of the universe, no less than > the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not > it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should. " > > I empathize. Go figure. He is also the only one I know and have told about my diagnosis that hasn't aknowledged that I have Asperger's. I will try to talk to him again if he is available. Hopefully he will be more receptive, but I am notoriously bad at judging that, too. Maybe I'll tell his wife about it instead, and she can help me address it with him. Thank you again for this insight! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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