Re: Greetings and Salutations!

[Guest guest]

" salubrith " wrote:

>I finally decided to share my voice. I have not posted before, but I

>have been a member of the group for at least 2 months. I have

>indecision issues.

Is " salubrith " the name you want to use in this group? I find it

helpful when people put a name at the end of their posts, helps me

keep track of who's who.

>The only reason I have even considered going to a psychologist is that

>my boss and room mates tell me I need to.

Do you know why they think that?

Jane

[Guest guest]

> Is " salubrith " the name you want to use in this group? I find it

> helpful when people put a name at the end of their posts, helps me

> keep track of who's who.

Sorry, no, my real name is Donna, I would rather use that...

I forgot to sign the post.

> >The only reason I have even considered going to a psychologist is

that

> >my boss and room mates tell me I need to.

>

> Do you know why they think that?

I live with three other adults (two of them are married), and then

the married couple's two children. All of the adults are friends I

met online, and this household is the extent of my 'social circle'

with one exception. The married male room mate (Damion) has a friend

who he and his wife (Gillian) tried to fix me up with. This guy

() is really nice, and we dated for almost a year until I told

him I'd rather just be friends. I told all of them my reasons for

this- I can not stand to be touched fairly much at all (I was

molested as a child, but I hated touch even before that), and I do

not like to feel like I am obligated to another person (I mean

obligated to go to weddings, meet his family, etc). Ever since then

all three adult room mates and have been telling me I should

seek therapy.

The second reason (and why I agreed to try to find some one)- is that

Damion had an online friend (Raven) stay with us for a week, and

having a complete stranger in our house that long caused me much more

stress than I had thought it would. Just remembering the episode is

distressful! There were several factors that went into this of

course. Raven was some one I had never even talked to online and she

was the cause of marital tension between him and his wife (who I work

with, too, so there is not much chance of keeping home-stuff at home

and work-stuff at work). The third reason was that her visit was a

preview to see if the three of them (Damion, Gillian, and Raven)

could actually live the lifestyle of an open relationship, in which

case they were going to get a place together. This of course meant a

dramatic change for me as I would have to move, too. I cannot afford

this house on my own or even with just the third room mate (Tassy).

They decided against it, but still at the time Raven represented some

major changes to my life, and she was a stranger in the house for

what turned into over a week (she added 3 days to her stay). This

culminated with me having a meltdown at work. Which is the point that

my boss told me to seek therapy.

Donna

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

> This guy

> () is really nice, and we dated for almost a year until I told

> him I'd rather just be friends. I told all of them my reasons for

> this- I can not stand to be touched fairly much at all

I don't mind being touched by the 'right' person in the 'right' way, but do

not welcome unasked for hugs, for example.

> (I was

> molested as a child,

Same here.

D.

[Guest guest]

Donna, just my .02 so trash it, laugh at it, or whatever. I hope not

to make you mad at me. The whole multiple relationship thing, which I

have heard is being called " poly " these days although when I was in

my 20s it was " non-monogamy " ... that would drive ANYONE nuts! Been

there, done that, used to bang my head quite a bit. I need to have

something a bit more stable in my life. Like predictability, routine.

I wonder if they are saying you need therapy because you are not

fitting into their plans? Just wondering. Maybe you DO need therapy

aside from the comings and goings of all the online potential

partners and so forth. If I look at it from the point of being

autistic and needing some routine and stability in my life, being

with more than one partner was NOT the way to go. It was usually

my " partner " who was doing the extra relationships since I couldn't

really handle it myself. I lived in a group house once. I had my own

room and that's where I spent a lot of time. It was OK because the

person I was dating at the time didn't actually live there and

neither did any of his other partners. YEEEESH. I would rather not

remember it all! It was sort of fun, but stressful... Now that I

am 47 it seems like a BAD idea!

I once had a person who was supposedly my best friend, someone I

actually knew beforehand, stay with me a week. The friendship has

never been the same since! I think I do best living alone, but I have

a husband and kid so no chance of that. I hide out in my office here

a lot.

If YOU think you need therapy, OK... but if it's just them driving

you nuts, you could save some time and money! Supposed to be a

joke.

I've been to 15 therapist-types so far so am not an expert, but what

looks like it might work is REAL cognitive behavioral therapy. I've

been to 2 of them who said they did CBT and did NOT. CBT in my

understanding is goal-oriented, practical, looking at actual thought

processes you have and learning better ways of thinking (like If I

always think something will go wrong: " how do I know that? " and then

they work with you on it). I have yet to find someone who does CBT so

do not know if it works, but I have heard some good things since it

is supposedly on a more concrete level, which might be good for

autistic people.

I have leads on two therapists in the Washington DC area. One is the

psychologist who did my diagnosis, who also does therapy, and the

other is a name I got a recommendation for, about whom I know nothing

except that another autistic person recommended her. So if you are in

this area, I can give you those names.

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Rhonda-

I have heard is being called " poly " these days although when I was

in

> my 20s it was " non-monogamy " ... that would drive ANYONE nuts! Been

> there, done that, used to bang my head quite a bit. I need to have

> something a bit more stable in my life. Like predictability,

routine.

> I wonder if they are saying you need therapy because you are not

> fitting into their plans?

I am not actually involved in their personal choices, but she

(Gillian) likes to tell me about it. I was distressed by the visiting

stranger who, if they liked her they wanted to have her move in.

Actually, I have thought that their reasons for telling me to seek

help perhaps were self-serving, too.

>

> I once had a person who was supposedly my best friend, someone I

> actually knew beforehand, stay with me a week. The friendship has

> never been the same since! I think I do best living alone, but I

have

> a husband and kid so no chance of that. I hide out in my office

here

> a lot.

I have had that sort of experience before, too. Actually, I like

living with people because I have communication problems and I do not

drive.

> If YOU think you need therapy, OK... but if it's just them driving

> you nuts, you could save some time and money! Supposed to be a

> joke.

>

> I've been to 15 therapist-types so far so am not an expert, but

what

> looks like it might work is REAL cognitive behavioral therapy. I've

> been to 2 of them who said they did CBT and did NOT. CBT in my

> understanding is goal-oriented, practical, looking at actual

thought

> processes you have and learning better ways of thinking (like If I

> always think something will go wrong: " how do I know that? " and

then

> they work with you on it). I have yet to find someone who does CBT

so

> do not know if it works, but I have heard some good things since it

> is supposedly on a more concrete level, which might be good for

> autistic people.

>

> I have leads on two therapists in the Washington DC area. One is

the

> psychologist who did my diagnosis, who also does therapy, and the

> other is a name I got a recommendation for, about whom I know

nothing

> except that another autistic person recommended her. So if you are

in

> this area, I can give you those names.

Unfortunately I am not in your area, I live in Dubuque IA, but that

does sound like a great idea so I will have to find some one like

that.

>

> Rhonda

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> ----- Original Message -----

>

> >

> > This guy

> > () is really nice, and we dated for almost a year until I

told

> > him I'd rather just be friends. I told all of them my reasons for

> > this- I can not stand to be touched fairly much at all

>

>

> I don't mind being touched by the 'right' person in the 'right'

way, but do

> not welcome unasked for hugs, for example.

>

>

> > (I was

> > molested as a child,

>

>

> Same here.

I have found that this sort of thing happens quite a bit more than

one would think.

[Guest guest]

At 12:15 PM 12/31/2006, rhndroberts wrote:

>I have leads on two therapists in the Washington DC area. One is the

>psychologist who did my diagnosis, who also does therapy, and the

>other is a name I got a recommendation for, about whom I know nothing

>except that another autistic person recommended her. So if you are in

>this area, I can give you those names.

I personally have had very good luck with therapists who have their

master's in social work as opposed to official " psychiatrists " .

You might check the local battered women's shelter. From what I personally

have seen, while there are exceptions, many of those therapists are a lot

less likely to be wedded to a particular paradigm because they are

interested in your getting results.

*laughs* my first really effective therapist was VERY client centered, and

before we even knew I was autistic, she had observed that reading really

helped me so we had a whole thing she kiddingly called " bibliotherapy "

where she would give me suggestions for different books that might be

useful. Later, when I saw another woman therapist that I found through the

same shelter, again before I was diagnosed, my positive experience with my

first therapist made me able to tell her " I am not a strong " feeler " , I

live more in the world of the mind--it's not to say I don't feel, or that I

bury my emotions, it's just that they aren't a strong focus. "

And she understood that, and adjusted her style accordingly instead of

immediately assuming I " wasn't in touch with my feelings " . We got a lot of

excellent work done and it was a very positive experience.

Z

PS: I sought therapy, btw, because I was molested also--I saw a statistic

the other day that said it had happened to one out of four women, and it

seems to be even more common in the autistic population, which is no

surprise considering our vulnerability to people who have power over us.

I'd quote the stats for men too but I don't remember them off hand.

http://zola.livejournal.com/

" What are we going to do tonight, Brain? "

" The same thing we do every night, Pinky. We're going to try to take over

the world!! " ---Pinky and the Brain

[Guest guest]

> >I have leads on two therapists in the Washington DC area. One is

the

> >psychologist who did my diagnosis, who also does therapy, and the

> >other is a name I got a recommendation for, about whom I know

nothing

> >except that another autistic person recommended her. So if you

are in

> >this area, I can give you those names.

>

> I personally have had very good luck with therapists who have

their

> master's in social work as opposed to official " psychiatrists " .

>

> You might check the local battered women's shelter. From what I

personally

> have seen, while there are exceptions, many of those therapists

are a lot

> less likely to be wedded to a particular paradigm because they are

> interested in your getting results.

>

> *laughs* my first really effective therapist was VERY client

centered, and

> before we even knew I was autistic, she had observed that reading

really

> helped me so we had a whole thing she kiddingly

called " bibliotherapy "

> where she would give me suggestions for different books that might

be

> useful. Later, when I saw another woman therapist that I found

through the

> same shelter, again before I was diagnosed, my positive experience

with my

> first therapist made me able to tell her " I am not a

strong " feeler " , I

> live more in the world of the mind--it's not to say I don't feel,

or that I

> bury my emotions, it's just that they aren't a strong focus. "

>

> And she understood that, and adjusted her style accordingly

instead of

> immediately assuming I " wasn't in touch with my feelings " . We got

a lot of

> excellent work done and it was a very positive experience.

>

> Z

>

> PS: I sought therapy, btw, because I was molested also--I saw a

statistic

> the other day that said it had happened to one out of four women,

and it

> seems to be even more common in the autistic population, which is

no

> surprise considering our vulnerability to people who have power

over us.

> I'd quote the stats for men too but I don't remember them off hand.

>

>

> http://zola.livejournal.com/

>

Zola,

I followed your livejournal link and took the Boy-Girl Brain Online

Brain Test-

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/print/science/humanbody/sex/index_cookie.shtml)

Here are my results:

Your personal brain score: 50% Male (I'm female...)

Part 1: Angles

Your score: 14 out of 20

Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20

Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20

(I fall in the middle here.)

Part 2: Spot the difference

Your score: 36%

Average score for men: 39%

Average score for women: 46%

Part 3: Emotions and Systems

Empathising

Your empathy score: 0 out of 20

Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20

Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20

(Aspie stuff...No one seeks me out for comfort, as I don't know how

to respond. This includes family.)

Systemising

Your systemising score is: 17 out of 20

Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20

Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20

(I have worked in the IT and graphic arts fields for 20 years...)

Eyes-This tested your ability to judge people's emotions.

Your score: 5 out of 10

Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10

Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10

(I can do this better with a photo than I can in real time.

Evidently all that TV watching as a kid paid off.)

Part 4: Finger Ratios-when asked to measure ring and index fingers,

your ratios came to:

Right Hand: 0.95

Left Hand: 0.95

Average ratio for men: 0.982

Average ratio for women: 0.991

(They relate ratios closer to 1.0 to greater exposure of

testosterone in the womb. I guess that means I must have had a twin

brother who died inutero(sp?).)

Part 5: Faces

Your choices suggest that you prefer more feminine faces.

(I don't know what this means. I didn't understand their

explanation.)

Part 6: 3D Shapes

Your score: 11 out of 12

Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12

Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12

(See part 3...)

Words

Your score: You associated 1 word with grey and you named 6 words

that mean happy.

Average score for men: 11.4 words total

Average score for women: 12.4 words total

(I blanked out on this one...)

Ultimatum

This test asked you how you would divide money. If you had to split

£50 with someone, you said you would demand £25.

So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.60% of the port and

women have demanded 51.0% on average.

(A 50/50 split was the only thing that seemed fair to me. Why would

I want to cheat anyone?)

See, I scored quite similarly to you, except in the Faces and Words

section. But, is this test actually indicating anything

significant? Or is it just another Stupid Online Test to be filed

away in my " Stupid Online Tests " favorites folder?

---Janis

> " What are we going to do tonight, Brain? "

> " The same thing we do every night, Pinky. We're going to try to

take over

> the world!! " ---Pinky and the Brain

>

[Guest guest]

Donna, I was hoping I didn't go off on too much of a tangent and

impute actions to you that you weren't involved in (like

relationships)! I hope I didn't do that too badly.

I just remembered something about therapy from my days living in a

group house. I went to a therapist who was a psychiatrist. I told her

my mom was very cold to me a lot of the time. After a session or two,

the therapist seemed to be acting very cold toward me... I asked her

about it after about the 2nd time, and she said...... (no, I won;t

make you scroll down, but this is a great punch line!)..... " Well, I

AM doing my dissertation on transference. " I came home and told my

housemates and they said, " RUN! RUN! DON'T GO BACK! " I felt very

affirmed by them, and I did not go back. That was WAY too nutty for me.

Rhonda