Re:Sad and depressed today friends

[Guest guest]

,

I read your letter and felt your pain. My mother passed away 15 months ago. I

watched the same scenes unfold, witnessed the same unbelievable behavior and had

the same fear and worries that you are having now. There were days that I

didn't think I could deal with it anymore. BUT...love gets us through it.

Although I rarely posted (didn't have the emotional energy), I always looked to

this group to help me, teach me and enable me to see that I was not alone. I

will be honest with you...my mother's behavior got MUCH worse. I had to move

her from three facilities. She was placed in a geriatric psychiatric unit on

two occasions and they called me three times to inform me that Mom had to be

restrained. Keep in mind, my mother didn't weigh much over 100 pounds by then

and was 5 ft. tall. I finally stopped fighting reality and placed her in a

" lock down " dementia unit, because there was nowhere else for her. I swore I

would not let that happen, but in the end, I had no choice. I am here to assure

you that I was wrong for prematurely judging the facility. For it was here that

I found some of the bravest, most passionate and caring people that I have ever

witnessed, caring for our elderly. Granted there are always a few who make you

wonder how they got the job, but those very special employees advocated for my

mother, guided me through the final stages, supported me when things were the

toughest and became my friends.

It was also at this place that I came to peace with my mother's illness and

began to truly love and admire the elderly. Because I spent so much time there,

I came to love many of the other patients and understand that if you stay by the

side of your loved one and pay close attention, they will show up once in a

while and remind you of who they really are. The behaviors you're watching, the

words you're hearing and the actions directed at you are NOT your mother, but

the disease. My mother was a little dainty southern lady who was kind, giving

and loving. She never used bad language and was a model of all things civil and

appropriate. But before she left this earth she spit at me, cursed me, stole

things, hit people and fought many who tried to help her. She was angry and

hated everyone and everything for much of the time. She begged to die over and

over. This beautiful lady looked like a 60 pound wild woman in her final days.

I prayed she'd not understand or remember seeing or hearing herself as she was.

If you're frozen with fear, disgust and pain, just ask yourself what your mother

would have done if this was you. That's all I had to do and I instantly knew

all the answers and pushed on. Because I knew that if it was me, my mother

would have never deserted me and would have been right there with me until the

end. , I pray for you, your mother and your family. You have the strength

and love to do what you need to do and that is only to do the best that you can.

If nothing else, I know that no matter how she felt otherwise, my mother always

knew that I loved her and that she was not alone. You have only but to look at

the lovely people on this list and how they continue on each day, to know how

important you are in your mother's heart. And remember...it's the evil disease

and not your mother.

God bless!

Donna Horbal

daughter of Anne Lankford (2/9/1931-6/1/2009)-Parkinson's and/or LBD

[Guest guest]

Donna H...well said...your post was beautiful and thoughtful. Thank you for

sharing.

Katy