Re: Re: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

[Guest guest]

>

> Any other ideas? I have no idea which one is true; it may even be some odd

> combination of all or some of those reasons.

Lou is around a lot, like he was for 12 years of Enrique's life. While this may

be good OR bad, it is FAMILIAR.

How's that guess?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

> Lou is around a lot, like he was for 12 years of Enrique's life. While

this may be good OR bad, it is FAMILIAR.

>

> How's that guess?

Well, it sounds as true as the other ones. You know, I do kind of think all

the ideas are a bit correct.

But no one is fighting. Lou and I are hardly talking, but we are polite to

each other and occasionally we look at each other.

Little kids REALLY getting to him tonight. And suddenly I looked at him,

Robbie and Putter were screaming around the room, Enrique was talking and

was pretending to have some kind of noisy war with the cats and

Sophie danced up to Lou to tell him something and he was very impatient and

cross and I realized that he found the noise and chaos nearly unbearable.

Sensory issues!

I don't see how he can live in this crazy house without STRONG medications.

Probably it would be best if he were to keep an apartment no matter what.

Salli

Salli

[Guest guest]

My bet?

Number 1 and 4, blended.

I would also venture to guess that a LOT of the issues that are controllable

by him, are being controlled because of reasons like #1 and #4. I have

always felt that Enrique really drags you along for all that you have got,

and what you have, Salli, is just about the most patient and calm nature on

the planet. *I* know this without meeting you. You can bet your last

dollar that your brilliant son knows this too.

My guess is that Enrique can handle a LOT of his own very real issues...

without suffering huge consequences. With you, he lets the situation get

exacerbated, just because he can, just because you understand him, and just

because your nature is such that you won't hold him to his actions.

With Lou around, he controls all he can. Granted, I'm sure that all of his

issues are real. I just think that a lot of them are really exaggerated

because he knows you accept him as he is. For instance, take school. Had

Lou been living in the house, as the father figure, would Enrique have

dropped out of school so successfully this time?

What do you think? Good guess? Totally wrong guess?

Grace

Re: Re: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

> >

> >

> > Alright. No, you have not been doing all that great with Enrique, but

you

> > have been doing better with him than any other mom in the world would

be,

> so

> > that is the best possible result for Enrique. Comprende?

> > I haven't heard any Enrique meltdowns since Lou has been around.

> >

> > Why is this?

> >

>

> Grace:

>

> Ah, yes. There have not been any. Enrique has been fine. He TELLS me

he

> is terribly stressed out but he is not acting terribly stressed out. What

> does this mean?

>

> 1. He is secretly pleased about Lou developments.

> 2 He is too terrified to let his terror show

> 3. He and have formed an alliance against the common enemy Lou.

> 4. He is finding life interesting right now.

>

> Any other ideas? I have no idea which one is true; it may even be some

odd

> combination of all or some of those reasons.

>

> But he is not having meltdowns and he is not frightening little siblings.

>

> Salli

>

>

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Number 1 and 4, blended.

> I would also venture to guess that a LOT of the issues that are

controllable

> by him, are being controlled because of reasons like #1 and #4.

It's pretty common knowledge that AS kids can hold it together in school but

fall apart when they feel safe. So I don't know.

I have

> always felt that Enrique really drags you along for all that you have got,

> and what you have, Salli, is just about the most patient and calm nature

on

> the planet. *I* know this without meeting you. You can bet your last

> dollar that your brilliant son knows this too.

But he is NOT brilliant about people. So again, I don't know.

>

> My guess is that Enrique can handle a LOT of his own very real issues...

> without suffering huge consequences. With you, he lets the situation get

> exacerbated, just because he can, just because you understand him, and

just

> because your nature is such that you won't hold him to his actions.

> With Lou around, he controls all he can. Granted, I'm sure that all of

his

> issues are real. I just think that a lot of them are really exaggerated

> because he knows you accept him as he is. For instance, take school. Had

> Lou been living in the house, as the father figure, would Enrique have

> dropped out of school so successfully this time?

But Enrique chose to go to school. It was NEVER my idea. He seemed to want

to do it very badly. And he seems upset because he can't handle it. Why

would he have to go to great lengths to persuade his homeschooling mother to

let him quit school? All he needed to do was to tell me he wanted to quit.

I pulled him out because I thought that it was better for him to try when he

felt better. I came home and told him what I had done. He may well have

felt relieved, but he never asked me to take him out of school. The whole

subject upset him too much.

However, I do think that he might have continued going if Lou had driven to

the house and made him. The entire onus of Enrique's success would have

been mine though. Lou would have taken him to school and I would have had

to make it work. Then Lou would have wondered why the house was untidy and

dinner was late and nothing else was getting done.

I will not deny that I may have made the wrong decision, but I do not know

nor did any of the professionals I discussed the subject with, what the

right decision would have been.

>

> What do you think? Good guess? Totally wrong guess?

>

Don't know, Grace. Or perhaps I know too much to think I know.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> However, I do think that he might have continued going if Lou had driven

to

> the house and made him. The entire onus of Enrique's success would have

> been mine though.

Would this be the case even if Lou had lived in the house? <Just trying to

see how much of an effect Lou has on Enrique....>

> I will not deny that I may have made the wrong decision, but I do not know

> nor did any of the professionals I discussed the subject with, what the

> right decision would have been.

You most certainly did not make the wrong decision. I don't think the right

decision even existed. You did what you felt Enrique needed. The only

thing I am questioning is whether Enrique's needs are expressed to you as

accurately as they should be, or if he employs some manipulation to his

expression. You have nothing to base your decisions on except what Enrique

displays to you. Not for a minute would I question YOUR discretion when you

made these decisions. I have never seen you do anything other than what you

deem best for your kids.

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> It's pretty common knowledge that AS kids can hold it together in

> school but

> fall apart when they feel safe. So I don't know.

That's the way I was leaning, but then, wouldn't you expect meltdowns when

it was safe?

Maybe meds are helping?

Maybe there is a very major blowout around the corner?

I guess all you can do is wait and see.

> I will not deny that I may have made the wrong decision, but I do not know

> nor did any of the professionals I discussed the subject with, what the

> right decision would have been.

Salli, you did the best you could with what you have. That's all anyone can

ask.

-Sara.