responding

[Guest guest]

A bit of rambling here...

I've been able to read through most of the emails, but there's a lot

of activity on this site and I don't seem find the time to respond as

much as I'd like to. It continues to amaze me...all the similarities

we all have! And Thank you everyone for all the responses. The

support here is tremendous to say the least.

Tony, I completely understand your teetering on whether to send

the letter or not. I always give my self a minimum of 24 hours to

sit on it before sending any of my letters. Usually, I don't end up

sending them, but keep them for myself. Your letter is very well

written in so many ways. If you are truly ready to be done with your

relationship with your BPD's, then maybe send it. I know we all have

a fear of things being used against us, however, I beleive a person

can reach a place that nothing can be used against them if actions

have been made out of truth and love.

I know all of our BPD's have used our feelings against us and have

not allowed us to have our own feelings, but I think part of the

growth process involves a realization that if there's one thing that

we " own " , if there's one thing that nobody else can get a hold

of...it's our feelings. So, after all the rambling, I guess I ask

you...Are you ready to Never Communicate again, if that's what it

takes, and are you prepared to see them at their worst?

At 31 I consider myself parentless. Even though I played the

role for many years...it's sort of official as of late to consider

myself parentless. A painful freedom. My dad died when I was 10 and

my mother was hospitalized both before and after that. After many

shock treatments, she did not know who I was, she had to ask my dad.

Even when at home, mom was in bed for a period of time with the vodka

bottle at her bedside. I was just thinking about all of this. I

don't remember how I got my meals. Did I make a sandwhich or

something else a 9-11 year old knows how to make? Anyway, I'm blessed

that I have a brother that understood things weren't right with BPD a

long time ago. I was so enmeshed (fused identity) I could only see

the world through BPD's eyes while denying any physical alarms my

body was sending me. My brother and I were always pretty close for

siblings and are now even closer due to all the " drama " in the last

year.

As for my BPD moving on to the next generation... I saw it

starting and finally made a stand that she can only see my kids with

my supervision. She has refused to see them and talk to them while

telling everyone I'm using them as pawns. I think as children of

BPD's we can really start seeing and defining bad behavior when it

involves our children. We couldn't love ourselves enough to stop it,

but with our children..well,.. I dare you!

I pray that we all continue to find our strength through our

love and truth. I know that this group is the place to start!!

Thanks, everyone, for listening and giving advice! This is about the

most normal I've ever felt

Dawn