Food Tips for Christmas (or all the Dec holidays)

[Guest guest]

Christmas

By Craig , USA TODAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass

commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's

the season when the food police come out with their

wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through

the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick

up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating

do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,

high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they

say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good

grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas

a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either.

A carrot was something you left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I

assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and

happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?

Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who

puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing

of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,

leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving

rum balls.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like

fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even

rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any

other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares

that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as

if you're going to turn into an egg- nogaholic or

something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.

Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the

whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out

of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the

volcano. Repeat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made

with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why

bother? It's like buying a sports car with an

automatic transmission.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an

effort to control your eating. The whole point of

going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's

food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between

now and New Year's. You can do that in January when

you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long

naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet

table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that

vat of eggnog.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. If you come across something really good at a

buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the

shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them

and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a

beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind.

You're not going to see them again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a

slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have

two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When

else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor

Day?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded

with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it

at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when

you leave the party or get up from the table, you

haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start

over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the

corner.

---

Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

Version: 6.0.306 / Virus Database: 166 - Release Date: 12/4/01

[Guest guest]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Tuna ... heading for those rum balls.

--- wrote:

Christmas <BR>

By Craig , USA TODAY

-------------------------------------------------------

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who

puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing

of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,

leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving

rum balls.

<BR>

=====

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca