Guest guest Posted November 24, 2007 Report Share Posted November 24, 2007 yes, I feel like I have very intense emotions but others don't always 'see' them. Sometimes I think they are much more intense than a NT emotions in what should be unemotional situations and sometimes I feel very little emotion to what should be an emotional situation. **************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest products. (http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2007 Report Share Posted November 24, 2007 I feel that it's a myth that we lack feelings and empathy. Instead, I feel that what we lack is knowledge of ways to show feelings and empathy which are appropriate to NT culture. I for one am hyper-empathic, that is, I feel what I perceive others as feeling, to the degree that sometimes this can be impairing. However, I don't know the appropriate ways to express feelings according to NT culture, so I often come off as unempathic and cold. Sometimes I see NT's express surprise when we manage to express feelings or empathy in ways that we understand. They say things like, " for an autistic, they are surprisingly empathic, insightful, etc. " What they don't realise is that we may have been empathic and insightful all along, just don't know how to show it in ways that NT's understand. Anyone else have this experience? Re: Postings on the Internet, even on some rather intellectual and cultural forums, can be as rude as junior high school food fight. That's why I find it interesting that aspies, who are supposed to be unfeeling and lacking empathy, have made such a good group as on the Tree House. --------------------------------- Be a better pen pal. Text or chat with friends inside Yahoo! Mail. See how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 thank you Delila, I am happy to see that I don't know why my posts are so offensive to most people. I don't know if its the tone I write in, or the length of the posts, or what. Someone told me once, my brother inlaw I think it was, to break my thoughts up into paragraphs, so I've been doing that for awhile, but otherwise, I don't know. I try to be brief, I really do, I just have so much to say I guess. > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: " Tom Coburn " <tcoburn@... <tcoburn%40gmail.com>> > > Your posts never come across to me that way. > > D. > > > -- http://www.tcoburn.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 Hi Kim, What you describe sounds exactally what I've been thru, except that I've never had anybody tell me that before. Usually people just get " mad " at me, and don't tell me why. See, I don't even understand what talking " at " someone really means? I know I read back some of my posts every now and then (usually after the time limit has expired) and think I'm sounding too self-centered, but even the times I can go back and edit a post, when I try to edit out the self centered parts, it comes back worse then before, usually because I end up thinking of more to say. The thing is, I don't want to solitude myself away from other people either. I like people, and want to take part in conversations with other people, so I can learn new skills, like computer skills for example, but like you said, what I've been doing lately, is making a post, then not coming back for a few months, then making another one, so on and so forth, so I don't wear out my welcome so to speak. but yeah like, I was banned from Crohns Sanity because of this, which is a crohns disease support forum, because I also have crohns disease as well and sometimes I can't deal with this illness on my own. I was also banned from The specific carbohydrate mailing lists for similar reasons also, which is a very complex diet that I can't do on my own without assistance, so its one of those things where, I have to, yet, I haven't found anyplace that makes me feel welcome, that makes me feel at home. If I could find such a place, it wouldn't bother me so much. take care, Tom > I've been away for a while. Not excatly offline, but limiting my > interactions with people in general, because interactions sometimes > become too exhausting. > > Yes, I've often been afraid to open e-mail depending on who it's from > because I've gotten myself into trouble very often, unintentionally. > This was creating such a complex within me that eventually I decided > just to shut certain places and certain people out of my life unless I > felt strong enough to deal with them. Some I don't interact with at all. > > I can't always do that, but online interactions are a little easier > because there is the safety barrier of a computer, and there is a > measure of anonymity included. > > Some forums I rarely speak in .... and when I speak, I say it as > quickly as possible, and get out, and stay away for a few days. Those > are the forums that they have me as a moderator on, despite my > discomfort with it. It's an honor thing, but I don't like chatting. > > Yes, I have dealt with internet bullies before. That's a big reason > why I don't get involved as much with forums and groups now, because > my worries over the bullies (being targeted) were interfering with my > personal life. > > One of the most hurtful times was from a woman who started a small > Yahoo group for friends. She wrote me personally and asked me why I > talk " at " people and not " with " or " to " them - why do I hold myself at > a distance. She offered her 'love and support' to 'help' me because > she felt I needed to connect with people at a deeper level. She also > told me that it made others feel uncomfortable because I didn't > interact with their posts, I only wrote my own 'at' them. > > Well .... she was right, but she said it in a very hurtful way. I left > the group, never went back (I think the group was closed later) ... > and it taught me some things about group interactions. > > I don't do well in groups. I very rarely stay 'on topic'. I tend to > talk about things that are irrelevant or that others find boring. I > often don't know when to stop talking, or I have trouble keeping a > conversation going without talking about topics that others find > boring. And I've learned that few people are interested in topics that > get involved in political debates and medical jargon. This happened > last night at a party with friends, but everyone was drinking so much > that it didn't really matter and I didn't cause as much trouble. > > I stay quiet most of the time. I have my music, and sometimes I start > drawing when I have too much inside me that needs to come out. > > But I've also found that quite a few people come to me for advice or > information about things involving " where can I find this " resources > and medical issues. I've become a " clearinghouse " for such > information, and people won't want to talk to me normally, but they'll > pick my brain for what they need. > > I've come to prefer solitude to people because it's easier. > > Kim > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 Hi Kim, I like you anyway. You need not write back for me to like you, but I would love it you do. I find certain actions exhausting as well- like trying to recognize thirty new faces, and pair them with the names that go with them-- if you have not been online in awhile, you might not know that facial recognition does not come for free to me. As a child, I could not eat certain foods if I did not feel enough energy to try that day. Kim wrote: I've been away for a while. Not excatly offline, but limiting my interactions with people in general, because interactions sometimes become too exhausting. Yes, I've often been afraid to open e-mail depending on who it's from because I've gotten myself into trouble very often, unintentionally. This was creating such a complex within me that eventually I decided just to shut certain places and certain people out of my life unless I felt strong enough to deal with them. Some I don't interact with at all. I can't always do that, but online interactions are a little easier because there is the safety barrier of a computer, and there is a measure of anonymity included. Some forums I rarely speak in .... and when I speak, I say it as quickly as possible, and get out, and stay away for a few days. Those are the forums that they have me as a moderator on, despite my discomfort with it. It's an honor thing, but I don't like chatting. Yes, I have dealt with internet bullies before. That's a big reason why I don't get involved as much with forums and groups now, because my worries over the bullies (being targeted) were interfering with my personal life. One of the most hurtful times was from a woman who started a small Yahoo group for friends. She wrote me personally and asked me why I talk " at " people and not " with " or " to " them - why do I hold myself at a distance. She offered her 'love and support' to 'help' me because she felt I needed to connect with people at a deeper level. She also told me that it made others feel uncomfortable because I didn't interact with their posts, I only wrote my own 'at' them. Well .... she was right, but she said it in a very hurtful way. I left the group, never went back (I think the group was closed later) ... and it taught me some things about group interactions. I don't do well in groups. I very rarely stay 'on topic'. I tend to talk about things that are irrelevant or that others find boring. I often don't know when to stop talking, or I have trouble keeping a conversation going without talking about topics that others find boring. And I've learned that few people are interested in topics that get involved in political debates and medical jargon. This happened last night at a party with friends, but everyone was drinking so much that it didn't really matter and I didn't cause as much trouble. I stay quiet most of the time. I have my music, and sometimes I start drawing when I have too much inside me that needs to come out. But I've also found that quite a few people come to me for advice or information about things involving " where can I find this " resources and medical issues. I've become a " clearinghouse " for such information, and people won't want to talk to me normally, but they'll pick my brain for what they need. I've come to prefer solitude to people because it's easier. Kim --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 Kim, I am sorry to perseverate but this is crazy I know, I thought I was reading a former post from myself I had forgotten I'd written since my name is also kim, since you can fool me and I didnt write this, you can perhaps fool others. Im rambling because I have a head cold. Bad week for me overall. Anyway is it out of line to suggest you use an initial or number after your first name so not to confuse me? I am easily confused like that. T > I've been away for a while. Not excatly offline, but limiting my > interactions with people in general, because interactions sometimes > become too exhausting. > > Yes, I've often been afraid to open e-mail depending on who it's from > because I've gotten myself into trouble very often, unintentionally. > This was creating such a complex within me that eventually I decided > just to shut certain places and certain people out of my life unless I > felt strong enough to deal with them. Some I don't interact with at all. > > I can't always do that, but online interactions are a little easier > because there is the safety barrier of a computer, and there is a > measure of anonymity included. > > Some forums I rarely speak in .... and when I speak, I say it as > quickly as possible, and get out, and stay away for a few days. Those > are the forums that they have me as a moderator on, despite my > discomfort with it. It's an honor thing, but I don't like chatting. > > Yes, I have dealt with internet bullies before. That's a big reason > why I don't get involved as much with forums and groups now, because > my worries over the bullies (being targeted) were interfering with my > personal life. > > One of the most hurtful times was from a woman who started a small > Yahoo group for friends. She wrote me personally and asked me why I > talk " at " people and not " with " or " to " them - why do I hold myself at > a distance. She offered her 'love and support' to 'help' me because > she felt I needed to connect with people at a deeper level. She also > told me that it made others feel uncomfortable because I didn't > interact with their posts, I only wrote my own 'at' them. > > Well .... she was right, but she said it in a very hurtful way. I left > the group, never went back (I think the group was closed later) ... > and it taught me some things about group interactions. > > I don't do well in groups. I very rarely stay 'on topic'. I tend to > talk about things that are irrelevant or that others find boring. I > often don't know when to stop talking, or I have trouble keeping a > conversation going without talking about topics that others find > boring. And I've learned that few people are interested in topics that > get involved in political debates and medical jargon. This happened > last night at a party with friends, but everyone was drinking so much > that it didn't really matter and I didn't cause as much trouble. > > I stay quiet most of the time. I have my music, and sometimes I start > drawing when I have too much inside me that needs to come out. > > But I've also found that quite a few people come to me for advice or > information about things involving " where can I find this " resources > and medical issues. I've become a " clearinghouse " for such > information, and people won't want to talk to me normally, but they'll > pick my brain for what they need. > > I've come to prefer solitude to people because it's easier. > > Kim > > > -- " You must do the very thing you think you cannot do-- " Eleanor Roosevelt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Kim-- I've been there, too. I can go for a few days without going near my email, especially when I'm under stress. In my late teens and early 20's, I was so severely agoraphobic I wouldn't leave my apartment for days. The great thing about a group like this is that we all understand. Sometimes tempers flare... we are, after all, rather intent on our own perspectives ... but it settles well. That NTs see us as talking " at " rather than " to " them, really is their problem, not ours. We learned, usually, to express ourselves in writing from books we read. This means that we write like authors... and therefore like authorities. From NT perspectives, we are " walking textbooks/encyclopedias " in our areas of interest. NTs don't like having someone sound like they know more than they do. They spend a lot of time " playing stupid " for each other, so that nobody will feel " put down " for not knowing something. They also socially lie alot to " avoid hurt feelings. " One of the reasons that we get into so much trouble, is we tend to believe everything people say, and act on it in that way. This goes on until the mistakes pile up, and somebody gets really angry at us. My emails are proofread for " social appropriateness " at my work for just this reason. The question is, should we feel bad for being honest and direct? There are many people at my work who are able to " get over " the " abruptness " of my communication, and work with me very well. Never feel bad for being who you are, and in a group like this, you should never be afraid to express yourself truthfully. We're here for you! > > I've been away for a while. Not excatly offline, but limiting my > interactions with people in general, because interactions sometimes > become too exhausting. > > Yes, I've often been afraid to open e-mail depending on who it's from > because I've gotten myself into trouble very often, unintentionally. > This was creating such a complex within me that eventually I decided > just to shut certain places and certain people out of my life unless I > felt strong enough to deal with them. Some I don't interact with at all. > > I can't always do that, but online interactions are a little easier > because there is the safety barrier of a computer, and there is a > measure of anonymity included. > > Some forums I rarely speak in .... and when I speak, I say it as > quickly as possible, and get out, and stay away for a few days. Those > are the forums that they have me as a moderator on, despite my > discomfort with it. It's an honor thing, but I don't like chatting. > > Yes, I have dealt with internet bullies before. That's a big reason > why I don't get involved as much with forums and groups now, because > my worries over the bullies (being targeted) were interfering with my > personal life. > > One of the most hurtful times was from a woman who started a small > Yahoo group for friends. She wrote me personally and asked me why I > talk " at " people and not " with " or " to " them - why do I hold myself at > a distance. She offered her 'love and support' to 'help' me because > she felt I needed to connect with people at a deeper level. She also > told me that it made others feel uncomfortable because I didn't > interact with their posts, I only wrote my own 'at' them. > > Well .... she was right, but she said it in a very hurtful way. I left > the group, never went back (I think the group was closed later) ... > and it taught me some things about group interactions. > > I don't do well in groups. I very rarely stay 'on topic'. I tend to > talk about things that are irrelevant or that others find boring. I > often don't know when to stop talking, or I have trouble keeping a > conversation going without talking about topics that others find > boring. And I've learned that few people are interested in topics that > get involved in political debates and medical jargon. This happened > last night at a party with friends, but everyone was drinking so much > that it didn't really matter and I didn't cause as much trouble. > > I stay quiet most of the time. I have my music, and sometimes I start > drawing when I have too much inside me that needs to come out. > > But I've also found that quite a few people come to me for advice or > information about things involving " where can I find this " resources > and medical issues. I've become a " clearinghouse " for such > information, and people won't want to talk to me normally, but they'll > pick my brain for what they need. > > I've come to prefer solitude to people because it's easier. > > Kim > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 ----- Original Message ----- > > > NTs don't like having someone sound like they know more than they do. > They spend a lot of time " playing stupid " for each other, so that > nobody will feel " put down " for not knowing something. They also > socially lie alot to " avoid hurt feelings. " I hate that. Are their feelings that fragile they can't handle the truth? One of the reasons that > we get into so much trouble, is we tend to believe everything people > say, and act on it in that way. This goes on until the mistakes pile > up, and somebody gets really angry at us. Yes! I can definitely identify with that. > > My emails are proofread for " social appropriateness " at my work for > just this reason. How can you be sure that an email that looks appropriate to you actually is? Know what I mean? Someone's going to take offense at something you wrote anyway at some point. > > The question is, should we feel bad for being honest and direct? > There are many people at my work who are able to " get over " > the " abruptness " of my communication, and work with me very well. It seems to me that most people in the English-speaking world are raised to lie and expect to be lied to much more so than in, say, Germany, where we do tend to say what we think most of the time. > > Never feel bad for being who you are, and in a group like this, you > should never be afraid to express yourself truthfully. We're here for > you! Hear, hear! D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 I'm supposed to be somewhere in 8 minutes, so I'll make this brief. I have a horrible fear of counseling groups because I had such a bad experience with one.? I tried to be (well, I was) honest, and ended up getting set up for all kinds of pain because the group leader, who said he wanted people to be honest (and autistic that I am, I believed him) but then turned out not to be able to deal with honesty.? My point of honesty was that I really didn't want to be in the group but would give it a good try since it was required for the degree program I was in.? The other people had been saying things like, " I have heard this is so wonderful and that X is such a great group leader, " so now thinking about it, I am sure that I deflated his ego quite a bit and he didn't appreciate it. I ended up pulling off a coup d'etat in the group--on the last session, he wanted to do a particular activity and the group told him no (and I wasn't even in the subset of people who told him no).? But it wasn't easy!!! Well, now I have five minutes.? I guess I'm going to be late.? See y'all.? I really appreciate EVERYONE on this list. Carolyn ________________________________________________________________________ More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! - http://o.aolcdn.com/cdn.webmail.aol.com/mailtour/aol/en-us/text.htm?ncid=aolcmp0\ 0050000000003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 We had someone who said the same thing " I am here because I was told I have to be for _x reason however in all honesty I don't see how it'd benefit me " If i was the leader I would appreciate the honesty. i really do not feel their ego strength is so shallow that they would " feel " deflated by such honesty. On the contrary. Its refreshing. Who wants someone even harder to draw out in the group? thats even more of a challenge for the leader. The leader will always know where he/she stands with you. thats got to be a good thing. Good for you. > I'm supposed to be somewhere in 8 minutes, so I'll make this brief. > > I have a horrible fear of counseling groups because I had such a bad > experience with one.? I tried to be (well, I was) honest, and ended up > getting set up for all kinds of pain because the group leader, who said he > wanted people to be honest (and autistic that I am, I believed him) but then > turned out not to be able to deal with honesty.? My point of honesty was > that I really didn't want to be in the group but would give it a good try > since it was required for the degree program I was in.? The other people had > been saying things like, " I have heard this is so wonderful and that X is > such a great group leader, " so now thinking about it, I am sure that I > deflated his ego quite a bit and he didn't appreciate it. > > I ended up pulling off a coup d'etat in the group--on the last session, he > wanted to do a particular activity and the group told him no (and I wasn't > even in the subset of people who told him no).? But it wasn't easy!!! > > Well, now I have five minutes.? I guess I'm going to be late.? See y'all.? > I really appreciate EVERYONE on this list. > > Carolyn > > __________________________________________________________ > More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! - > http://o.aolcdn.com/cdn.webmail.aol.com/mailtour/aol/en-us/text.htm?ncid=aolcmp0\ 0050000000003 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 WOw , that was like reading my own experience there. This is so cool, I finally figured out whats wrong with me, and this is such a relief just knowing, it really is Tom > Kim-- > > I've been there, too. I can go for a few days without going near my > email, especially when I'm under stress. In my late teens and early > 20's, I was so severely agoraphobic I wouldn't leave my apartment for > days. > > The great thing about a group like this is that we all understand. > Sometimes tempers flare... we are, after all, rather intent on our > own perspectives ... but it settles well. > > That NTs see us as talking " at " rather than " to " them, really is > their problem, not ours. > > We learned, usually, to express ourselves in writing from books we > read. This means that we write like authors... and therefore like > authorities. From NT perspectives, we are " walking > textbooks/encyclopedias " in our areas of interest. > > NTs don't like having someone sound like they know more than they do. > They spend a lot of time " playing stupid " for each other, so that > nobody will feel " put down " for not knowing something. They also > socially lie alot to " avoid hurt feelings. " One of the reasons that > we get into so much trouble, is we tend to believe everything people > say, and act on it in that way. This goes on until the mistakes pile > up, and somebody gets really angry at us. > > My emails are proofread for " social appropriateness " at my work for > just this reason. > > The question is, should we feel bad for being honest and direct? > There are many people at my work who are able to " get over " > the " abruptness " of my communication, and work with me very well. > > Never feel bad for being who you are, and in a group like this, you > should never be afraid to express yourself truthfully. We're here for > you! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Hey, Delia! > I hate that. Are their feelings that fragile they can't handle the truth? Yes, that is exactly the case. After years of not knowing why I was struggling so much with survival in school, work, and unable to maintain long-term friendships, it's only been the last few years that I've known why. I've only had confirmation and validation of my own awareness of being spectrum, over the last few months. I am now in the process of getting a formal diagnosis from a clinical psychologist, who, after a few minutes was pretty sure, and after couple of days of observation and discussion, has absolutely no doubt about my Aspergers. Suddenly, everyone ELSE's behaviors made a little more sense to me, even if I can't catch the nuances ... they are unable to cope with anyone who communicates differently than they do, or sees the world differently than they do. They need all that fake posturing and lying in order to deal with horribly fragile self-definitions based almost entirely on standing in the social pecking order. The more an NT relies on social heirarchy for sense of self-worth, rather than self-guided achievements, the more fragile they are, and the less able they are to cope with others' differences. Their demand for social structure is like ours for routine in schedule and physical environment. Unfortunately (for them), we're blind to the " subtleties " fo that social environment, just as they are often (intentionally or not) blind (or sadly, uncaring) to the existence or importance of the details we are concerned with. Knowing this, I have found so much more tolerance for NTs who are unable to " cope " with me being myself. Doesn't mean I lie for them, though. I'm just learning not to say anything, no matter how much something irritates me. If it is something I think will negatively affect my students, I go to one of my social translators, and express my concerns. > How can you be sure that an email that looks appropriate to you actually is? > Know what I mean? Someone's going to take offense at something you wrote anyway at some point. The whole point is to have the other person take my meaning and turn it into socially sweet goo. I actually can't stand to read it afterward because it is so full of social fallacies (lying to smooth the social situation) and imprecise generalities it makes me angry, nauseous, and confused. The other person then sends it out in her name rather than mine, because she knows that I just can't stand the content. Yet it does get across my meaning to the NTs, because they respond a bit more positively. > It seems to me that most people in the English-speaking world are raised to lie and expect to be lied to much more so than in, say, Germany, where we do tend to say what we think most of the time. A clear sign that social constructs are environmentally learned, and that as autistics, having not learned such social constructs in infancy like everyone else, we are actually closer to the more natural, honest sense of individual self and truth than NTs. We really are " ourselves, " rather than a bunch of penguins marching in lockstep while shouting " I am an individual! " Shhhhh.... don't tell anyone.... it's socially inappropriate, and might, oh, hurt some NT's feelings or something. Can't have that happen... ) What all this means is that we need to be aware that they get easily hurt from our non-acculturated actions, evidently, kind of a little bit like we do from their hostility toward our natural behaviors and expressions of self. I don't as " as much " because I have yet to hear of an NT who was thrown into psychiatric levels of anxiety, depression, dissociation, etc. due to interaction with autistics, while I'm hearing lots from Spectrum people who most certainly have been reduced to total emotional jello from interaction with NTs (I'm mostly recovered from a dissociative disorder, and still have clinical levels of anxiety and depression, myself). What annoys me the most is that often they expect us to accomodate them and avoid hurting their feelings, while usually our feelings being hurt are not similarly taken into consideration. After all, we're not behaving culturally/socially appropriately, now, are we.... Come, be a penguin! We have a cure for that silly tendency you have to fly... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 ----- Original Message ----- > Hey, Delia! > >> I hate that. Are their feelings that fragile they can't handle the > truth? > > Yes, that is exactly the case. Well, that's not my problem. > > After years of not knowing why I was struggling so much with survival > in school, work, and unable to maintain long-term friendships, it's > only been the last few years that I've known why. Same here. > > I've only had confirmation and validation of my own awareness of > being spectrum, over the last few months. I am now in the process of > getting a formal diagnosis from a clinical psychologist, who, after a > few minutes was pretty sure, and after couple of days of observation > and discussion, has absolutely no doubt about my Aspergers. I'm sure if I were to be observed by a knowlegable professional, he or she'd come to the same conclusion. > > Suddenly, everyone ELSE's behaviors made a little more sense to me, > even if I can't catch the nuances ... they are unable to cope with > anyone who communicates differently than they do, or sees the world > differently than they do. They need all that fake posturing and lying > in order to deal with horribly fragile self-definitions based almost > entirely on standing in the social pecking order. I refuse to play that silly game, sorry. > > The more an NT relies on social heirarchy for sense of self-worth, > rather than self-guided achievements, the more fragile they are, and > the less able they are to cope with others' differences. That's their problem, not mine. > > Their demand for social structure is like ours for routine in > schedule and physical environment. Unfortunately (for them), we're > blind to the " subtleties " fo that social environment, just as they > are often (intentionally or not) blind (or sadly, uncaring) to the > existence or importance of the details we are concerned with. > > Knowing this, I have found so much more tolerance for NTs who are > unable to " cope " with me being myself. Doesn't mean I lie for them, > though. I'm just learning not to say anything, I do try to do that. I'd never, say, lie and tell a person 'this is a very pretty dress' when I find it hideous. I'd just not say anything. > The whole point is to have the other person take my meaning and turn > it into socially sweet goo. I actually can't stand to read it > afterward because it is so full of social fallacies (lying to smooth > the social situation) and imprecise generalities it makes me angry, > nauseous, and confused. The other person then sends it out in her > name rather than mine, because she knows that I just can't stand the > content. Yet it does get across my meaning to the NTs, because they > respond a bit more positively. <sigh> > A clear sign that social constructs are environmentally learned, and > that as autistics, having not learned such social constructs in > infancy like everyone else, we are actually closer to the more > natural, honest sense of individual self and truth than NTs. We > really are " ourselves, " rather than a bunch of penguins marching in > lockstep while shouting " I am an individual! " Exactly! > > Shhhhh.... don't tell anyone.... it's socially inappropriate, and > might, oh, hurt some NT's feelings or something. Can't have that > happen... ) Oh, poor babies. > > What all this means is that we need to be aware that they get easily > hurt from our non-acculturated actions, evidently, kind of a little > bit like we do from their hostility toward our natural behaviors and > expressions of self. I don't as " as much " because I have yet to hear > of an NT who was thrown into psychiatric levels of anxiety, > depression, dissociation, etc. due to interaction with autistics, > while I'm hearing lots from Spectrum people who most certainly have > been reduced to total emotional jello from interaction with NTs (I'm > mostly recovered from a dissociative disorder, and still have > clinical levels of anxiety and depression, myself). That's why I try to avoid people as much as possible. I'd be a total hermit if I didn't have to go to work or the store. > > What annoys me the most is that often they expect us to accomodate > them and avoid hurting their feelings, while usually our feelings > being hurt are not similarly taken into consideration. After all, > we're not behaving culturally/socially appropriately, now, are we.... So to them that means that it's okay to hurt us, even intentionally, to set us right...? > > Come, be a penguin! We have a cure for that silly tendency you have > to fly... LOL! D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.