just need to talk/post

[Guest guest]

Dad is at a long term care facility in personal care - not a dementia unit which

is very good. He has many many friends and plays cards and does have a good

personality - he appears to have adjusted well at least in the eyes of the staff

and I truly believe he has. This month he's been angry at all of us and I

beleive it's justifiable. He wants Mom to move in now. But she's not ready.

He says people ask about his wife everyday and it makes everything awful. Mom

will only visit 1 day a week becuase that's all she can tolerate. Dad calls Mom

all the time and just yells at her and tries to force her to move there or visit

more often that will not happen because the relationship has become so strained.

Mom is tired of giving in I understand that and I support that. I also

understand that Dad wants to see her more often.

We are going to meet with the social worker at the nursing home. I don't know

what to do for either one of them any longer. I let Mom listen into the

conversation I had with Dad last night. He insisted that the marrage was over.

I said no it's not. He said he was abandon. You are there because you need full

time nursing care. Mom is not a nurse, I'm not a nurse and my sister is not a

nurse. The dementia has really gotten a grip on you and we don't know what to

do any more. This happens everyday around 3 pm so I know it's associated with

sundowners. I know my sister has had it will me. I understand that as well. I

know there is absolutley nothing else I can do. I am no longer a comfort to

anyone in the family anymore and I am not communicating effectively with any of

them. I wonder if I ever will be able to. I cannot answer all of Mom questions

or Dad's questions when I do answer them I don't give them the answers they want

or the answers are just not good enough. I have no skills in psychology or

generontology. I know there is nothing you folks can do. but having the abilty

to just post this does help. My heart goes out to all of you who have loved

ones at home who are dealing with LBD on a daily basis. It finally got the best

of us and I know that Dad is in very very good hands. I'm not sure medicating

him is the right thing - I'm not even sure there is a right or wrong thing.

Again all my best to those of you with loved ones at home living with you.

Thank you for just letting me get this out. I know I'm going to have to get

better at coping. I wish I could be of more assistance to my parents and sister

but I'm just failing misrebly. I know Mom feels the same way she said I just

feel like I'm in a hole and I can't get out. I know that the hole is the fact

DAd has dementia and nobody can get out. On top of that I feel that she has

started exhibiting signs of Altzhiemers. Loosing words, in ability to balance a

checkbook, not being able to keep things straight when she's given instructions

over the phone. I know she's not ready to acknowledge the fact she may have

this. If we could get a few months of calm she might be able to accept her own

problems but right now she just will not. Again thank you for letting me get

this out. I know there is nothing any of you can do and I know most of you are

experiencing much worse. My heart goes out to all of you. You are not alone.