Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 Wow, they don't have much of a clue do they?? Kerri Brunch. (long) This morning, we met my MIL, FIL, two SILs and their significant others for brunch in the massive dining room of a local golf course which seats about 300. When we got to the door, the hostess began leading to the table. stopped dead in his tracks and said, " I don't like dining rooms. " (he knew that word because we'd been specifically talking about finding the dining room) So Marc went to the table and I stayed at the door with , sureying the dining area over a low stone wall on which sat a beautiful snow globe containing a nativity scene. He was taken with that, so we talked about it for a while, then he said, " I want to sit with Daddy. " So we went in! When we sat down, he started checking out the room. Hundreds of people, LOTS of conversation drone, cathedral ceiling...he started to laugh. But not really laugh. That big mechanical horrible laugh that is just a stim gone morbid. Showed no signs of stopping after 4 minutes. So we got him some froot loops to eat dry, and some juice, and settled down to wait for the others. When they arrived, he buried his head in my armpit and wouldn't acknowldge anyone. For once, when I told them to back off, they did. Anyway, food went fine, but he asked to go to the bathroom. It was downstairs. When we reached the landing threee steps from the floor, he said, " Whoa. A magic carpet. " It was a muted oriental design which looked to have an area rug on top, but that was part of the design. Beautiful and ornate. Four more times during the brunch he demanded to go to the washroom, really just to savor the quiet and stim off the rug. Then Santa started making rounds. FIL *ran* to the car for his camera. Nobody listened to me when I suggested this was not a good idea. When Santa came to our table, I hit the buffet again -- they wanted it, they could deal with it. From a distance, I was amazed at what I saw. When you're right there with your kid it's one thing, but... When Santa came near to him, shoved both hands up through his shirt and out the neck, and leaned into Marc...but FIL wouldn't lay off the camera idea. The photo of , as I saw it being taken, is a pic of a Santa thinking, " what the hell is with this kid? " and of a small boy, hands flapping out his neckline, deer-in-the-headlights eyes staring off into the distance leaning away from this jolly old elf...<sigh> So SIL suddenly comes out with a book of mazes she brought for him, and a pencil. He does 43 mazes in 7 minutes, leaving her to remark, 'well, I won't spend $7 bucks on that kind of book again. " Game over, time to go home. I am EXHAUSTED. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 > Wow, they don't have much of a clue do they?? > > > Kerri OOoooooh, no. I forgot to mention that MIL tried to tell me the laughter was because he was proud of himself for coming into the room when he was afraid to, like " He did it in spite of the fear -- he was laughing maybe because he was proud that he overcame it! " (nodding encouragingly) <sigh> Nope, not even a shred of a clue. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 > Yes, it was much better than it might have been, that's for sure! > :-) He never cried, he never screamed, he never crawled under > the table...all in all, I think it was ILs who were the real pain > in the butt! ROTFL!!! Funny how our priorities change, isn't it? He stayed IN the dining room -- therefore, dinner was a success!! But I'm with you, Jacquie, the in-laws need to buy a clue. Dealing with people in that way makes a tense situation that much harder to cope with...no wonder you are exhausted from it! -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 Jacquie, All in all, it doesn't sound like too bad of a night, although I can understand why you'd be exhausted from it. I hate when people think we don't know what we're talking about when we warn them about our children!! Sue ---------------------------------------------------- Sign Up for NetZero Platinum Today Only $9.95 per month! http://my.netzero.net/s/signup?r=platinum & refcd=PT97 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 Wow , 7 minutes! You're brilliant! (and SIL should keep her comments to herself). Tuna --- The Hunny Family wrote: So SIL suddenly comes out with a book of mazes she brought for him, and a pencil. He does 43 mazes in 7 minutes, leaving her to remark, 'well, I won't spend $7 bucks on that kind of book again. Game over, time to go home. I am EXHAUSTED. Jacquie ===== ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 > When Santa came near to him, shoved both hands up through his shirt and out the neck, and leaned into Marc...but FIL wouldn't lay off the camera idea. < what an ass > So SIL suddenly comes out with a book of mazes she brought for him, and a pencil. He does 43 mazes in 7 minutes, leaving her to remark, 'well, I won't spend $7 bucks on that kind of book again. " < what a bitch damn, jacquie, no wonder you hate them " Why is it that everytime I think I know the answers, someone goes and changes the questions?? " - Fox Mulder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 Jacquie. Wow. I am not so surprised by . Actually, he did pretty well for a room that consisted of that many people. But I am impressed by you. You did great. No anger, no frustration. Just life as it is, and when you knew the sh*t would hit the fan, so to speak, you excused yourself and let it play out, however it may turn out. See, I would have been at that table, so nervous and sweating and panicking that Santa would have been wondering what was wrong with ME. And I would have made my girls so nervous that we could have probably cleared out that room pretty quickly. Yes, YOU did great. Talk about composure. As for , it was his first time there, and his behavior seems generally mild for an autistic kid in brand new loud surroundings. Too cute about the magic carpet.... hehehe. It is very cool how he knows when he needs to get out of there. He did that at the birthday party too, didn't he? Very cool. Talk about a coping mechanism.... Grace Brunch. (long) This morning, we met my MIL, FIL, two SILs and their significant others for brunch in the massive dining room of a local golf course which seats about 300. When we got to the door, the hostess began leading to the table. stopped dead in his tracks and said, " I don't like dining rooms. " (he knew that word because we'd been specifically talking about finding the dining room) So Marc went to the table and I stayed at the door with , sureying the dining area over a low stone wall on which sat a beautiful snow globe containing a nativity scene. He was taken with that, so we talked about it for a while, then he said, " I want to sit with Daddy. " So we went in! When we sat down, he started checking out the room. Hundreds of people, LOTS of conversation drone, cathedral ceiling...he started to laugh. But not really laugh. That big mechanical horrible laugh that is just a stim gone morbid. Showed no signs of stopping after 4 minutes. So we got him some froot loops to eat dry, and some juice, and settled down to wait for the others. When they arrived, he buried his head in my armpit and wouldn't acknowldge anyone. For once, when I told them to back off, they did. Anyway, food went fine, but he asked to go to the bathroom. It was downstairs. When we reached the landing threee steps from the floor, he said, " Whoa. A magic carpet. " It was a muted oriental design which looked to have an area rug on top, but that was part of the design. Beautiful and ornate. Four more times during the brunch he demanded to go to the washroom, really just to savor the quiet and stim off the rug. Then Santa started making rounds. FIL *ran* to the car for his camera. Nobody listened to me when I suggested this was not a good idea. When Santa came to our table, I hit the buffet again -- they wanted it, they could deal with it. From a distance, I was amazed at what I saw. When you're right there with your kid it's one thing, but... When Santa came near to him, shoved both hands up through his shirt and out the neck, and leaned into Marc...but FIL wouldn't lay off the camera idea. The photo of , as I saw it being taken, is a pic of a Santa thinking, " what the hell is with this kid? " and of a small boy, hands flapping out his neckline, deer-in-the-headlights eyes staring off into the distance leaning away from this jolly old elf...<sigh> So SIL suddenly comes out with a book of mazes she brought for him, and a pencil. He does 43 mazes in 7 minutes, leaving her to remark, 'well, I won't spend $7 bucks on that kind of book again. " Game over, time to go home. I am EXHAUSTED. Jacquie _________________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 hi everyone :-) poor eric and poor jacquie! :-( Why is it that some NTs can't get simple stuff like the need to respect that *santa's are scary and bad*? I have similar problems with my mother, sometimes. I used to have them with n's father (we're divorced). They'd rather see him really acting wierd, even scared trying to do things that make him seem *normal* than,...well, I guess I've done that sometimes, too. It takes a lot of work to understand *why* autistic people react in non-NT ways to santa and rugs and such, that is true. A lot of homework and trying hard to put yourself in a non-NT place. Some people just decide they aren't gonna do it. Fair enough, I guess. However, it doesn't take a genius to read 's signals and see that he didn't want to have his pic taken with Santa. Sorry your FIL couldn't respect you or enough to back off with the camera and the santa. I'm sorry Jacquie. On the bright side, at least he decided to go in on his own (good job on that one, btw)and he enjoyed the rug! happy holidays everyone, Lorraine *who has asked for more understanding NTs in her life for xmas this year* PS: I find having to explain n's behaviors to people in my family one of the most isolating and loneliest things. I know i said it was fair enough if they don't make the effort, but I changed my mind. Love my kid, find out about autism, and learn to love him as an autistic, too. Jacquie H. wrote: >The photo of , as I saw it being > taken, is a pic of a Santa thinking, " what the hell > is with this kid? " and of a small boy, hands > flapping out his neckline, deer-in-the-headlights > eyes staring off into the distance leaning away from > this jolly old elf...<sigh> ===== Lorraine, in Toronto mom to n the autistic buddha-tornado (autistic, 7 1/2),and to Fae, his PR director (NT & un-dx'd, aged 10) __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 > > PS: I find having to explain n's behaviors to > people in my family one of the most isolating and > loneliest things. I know i said it was fair enough if > they don't make the effort, but I changed my mind. > Love my kid, find out about autism, and learn to love > him as an autistic, too. Oddly enough, I, in my talkative way, enjoy giving explanations. I find the processes of the autistic mind so fascinating that I like to talk about it. Of course, that would depend on the general hostility/friendliness of the listener! Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 > However, it doesn't take a genius to read 's > signals and see that he didn't want to have his pic > taken with Santa. Sorry your FIL couldn't respect you > or enough to back off with the camera and the > santa. Thanks, Lorraine. They've NEVER respected me when it comes to . I think that they are STILL in denial. I mean, he was laughing because he was proud he overcame the fear? Come ON! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 Well I 'spose that's why you have us! Kerri Re: Brunch. (long) > Wow, they don't have much of a clue do they?? > > > Kerri OOoooooh, no. I forgot to mention that MIL tried to tell me the laughter was because he was proud of himself for coming into the room when he was afraid to, like " He did it in spite of the fear -- he was laughing maybe because he was proud that he overcame it! " (nodding encouragingly) <sigh> Nope, not even a shred of a clue. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2001 Report Share Posted December 18, 2001 > Well I 'spose that's why you have us! > Kerri EXACTLY and Amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2001 Report Share Posted December 18, 2001 > Wow. I am not so surprised by . Actually, he did pretty well for a > room that consisted of that many people. > But I am impressed by you. > You did great. No anger, no frustration. Just life as it is, and when you > knew the sh*t would hit the fan, so to speak, you excused yourself and let > it play out, however it may turn out. Thanks, Grace!!! That means A LOT to hear! See, I would have been at that table, > so nervous and sweating and panicking that Santa would have been wondering > what was wrong with ME. And I would have made my girls so nervous that we > could have probably cleared out that room pretty quickly. Two years ago, so would I have! Honestly! Two years ago I wasted SO MUCH breath trying to explain him to them, trying to make them see him clearly, trying to get them to accept that I knew what I was talking about when it came to him....and then I wasted so much energy feeling frustrated and angry and helpless as we got dragged into stupid situations like that by them... Now they STILL don't believe that I know what I'm talking about, but I'm DONE trying to make them see. Let them see the resulting deer-in-the-headlights photo and delude themselves into thinking he looks fine in it -- which they will; they will NOT see the truth in that picture. I can't change them, and it causes me too much stress when I try. So let them carry on this way. THEY'RE the ones missing out on all his gifts while they try to force him into a mold he doesn't fit. That's their loss, not mine, and not 's. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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