Guest guest Posted December 15, 2001 Report Share Posted December 15, 2001 Be careful Salli. It sounds like he finally figured out how expensive it would be to pay support and live alone. He's not accepting blame for wanting the divorce, he blamed YOU for making him throw the bottle at you, and he's already told you his concern is the kids, not missing you. I'm not sure counceling can fix this...plus you've got the kids well being to think of. Just be very careful. Sue ---------------------------------------------------- Sign Up for NetZero Platinum Today Only $9.95 per month! http://my.netzero.net/s/signup?r=platinum & refcd=PT97 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 Will this guy ever be out of surprises?? Kerri Weird stuff Lou called me last night and he wanted to come over and talk. He did not sound particularly friendly. He said he wanted to call off the divorce. Af first I said he could come and then I got nervous about it. So I called him and we talked. He has some serious financial problems. He also says he misses the kids and wondered when he could move back in. Uh? Move back in? I do not like divorce but I rather think after a separation for such a serious matter that he will not just waltz back into the house but we will need to undergo months of counselling and even then, frankly, I may not be willing to have him move back in. He admitted that he did not miss me and it was the children he was primarily concerned with. At least he is honest, I guess. He told me that his feelings were seriously hurt from his arrest and loneliness over the past few years and that he felt I had taken an adversarial approach to the whole separation. He also asked if I would be comfortable doing counselling because as he said, " This divorce was your idea. " Huh? I filed for a legal separation when he started to write threatening letters to my parents regarding his need for equity from the house. So from that conversation, I did not feel especially thrilled by the news that he no longer wanted a divorce. Enrique had a panic attack. He does not want his father back in the house. Sophie and were cautious too; they felt that if he could be nice, it might be nice to have him back, but they seemed doubtful. He asked if he could come over and do our Advent wreath with us. I have said it might be okay, but Enrique totally panicked over it. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2001 Report Share Posted December 16, 2001 I can fully understand the counceling. However my view of it is more or less so you two can come to terms and learn to deal with each other *now* and *in the future* but not as a couple. But until Lou takes responsibility for the crap he's done to you and the kids, it will not work. Kerri Re: Weird stuff Grace: It is an interesting position to be in. I am indeed fine without him and I do not miss him though I could use some help around here. Unfortunately I do not recall him being particularly helpful. I do feel a moral obligation to do counselling with him if he wants. Whether or not we ever live together again, it seems that it would be a good idea since we have all these children. I have talked to my lawyer and she agrees that we will file for reconciliation which means nothing except, as Enrique said, that you pause the divorce action for a few months while exploring your options. That would mean that I would still have insurance which is definitely a good thing. It is quite clear to me that Lou does not love me and did not love me for most of our marriage. I cannot think of anything that I would gain from his return; my finances would actually be worse because my parents would reduce or end their support of me. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2001 Report Share Posted December 17, 2001 In a message dated 12/14/01 8:10:29 PM Eastern Standard Time, bunnytiner@... writes: > I could have coped if he had got proper meds and > behaved decently. But as it was, the separation was a huge blessed relief. > > Maybe he needs to seriously consider getting help for himself and get in check before you would even consider a reconciliation. Pam Mom to and Conor Check out our webpage and sign our guestbook <A HREF= " http://www.geocities.com/oceangirl65/index.html " >Yahoo! GeoCities - oceangirl65's Home Page</A> For all my swapboard friends...leave feedback here <A HREF= " http://209.164.119.207/55/mom2ri.html " >A1-Traders View User Feedback for MOM2RI@...</A> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2001 Report Share Posted December 18, 2001 In a message dated 12/18/01 10:54:43 AM Eastern Standard Time, bunnytiner@... writes: > > He was on anti-depressant for about two years after the separation. His > psychologist took him off them this summer, saying that he was fine. But > the way he behaved this summer, well, I thought the psych needed strong > medications too, reality meds, if such a thing exists. > > That's the tough part Salli...he could get on them and not stay on them or not take them. It is a very difficult position you are in...but you come across as so knowlegeable and intuative (sp?), especially when it comes to your kids. I know you'll know what to do. Pam Mom to and Conor Check out our webpage and sign our guestbook <A HREF= " http://www.geocities.com/oceangirl65/index.html " >Yahoo! GeoCities - oceangirl65's Home Page</A> For all my swapboard friends...leave feedback here <A HREF= " http://209.164.119.207/55/mom2ri.html " >A1-Traders View User Feedback for MOM2RI@...</A> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2001 Report Share Posted December 18, 2001 > > Maybe he needs to seriously consider getting help for himself and get in > check before you would even consider a reconciliation. > He was on anti-depressant for about two years after the separation. His psychologist took him off them this summer, saying that he was fine. But the way he behaved this summer, well, I thought the psych needed strong medications too, reality meds, if such a thing exists. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2001 Report Share Posted December 18, 2001 People like Lou are probably experts at getting arounda psych - tells them what they want to hear, and 'being' ok. After all, he's only got to pretend he's normal for 1 hour a week. Kerri Mom to: Mitchel 6, Autistic 9 - NT See the Family: http://www.johnswdwpage.com/family.htm " I thank God and America for the right to live and raise my family under the flag of tolerance, democracy and freedom. " -Walt Disney > > > > Maybe he needs to seriously consider getting help for himself and get in > > check before you would even consider a reconciliation. > > > > He was on anti-depressant for about two years after the separation. His > psychologist took him off them this summer, saying that he was fine. But > the way he behaved this summer, well, I thought the psych needed strong > medications too, reality meds, if such a thing exists. > > Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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