Re: employment help

[Guest guest]

tte wrote:

> I just signed up for Home Health Aide training, I love medicine

> (anatomy and physiology geek) but I hope I dont screw this one

> up and waste everyones time again. I requested they put me with

> children because I relate better to them they never look at me

> judgementally and stern they are easier to read, I just dont know

> if they will have the openings for that. Does anyone have advice?

I've worked as a HHA for exactly 13 years now, so yeah, some advice

is forthcoming.

I don't think you should try to limit yourself to working with

children, for several reasons.

1. The vast majority of home care clients ARE the elderly, followed

by adults who are in some way handicapped, unable to do certain

things for themselves. I've had paraplegics, quadraplegics, those

who have had brain or spinal injury, MS, MD, amputees, whatever.

There are some clients who are children, but they are few and far

between.

2. My experience with most of them has been that they are not very

judgmental, but often genuinely appreciative, grateful for what is

done for them. Those who are bed-bound or house-bound are often

grateful just to have someone to talk with, if they are otherwise

alone. That is often the case, as their former friends have some-

how " lost touch with them " , now that they are infirm. It helps to

be cheerful, get their minds off their problems or their pain.

3. Sometimes, you will find patients (or their spouses) to be less

than appreciative. Usually, these people are from the " upper-class

strata " , who generally tend to look down on others, especially those

who are new to having home care aides in their homes. First sign

of that kind of trouble, ask to be removed from the case, as it's

only going to get worse.

4. If you do the things checked off on the individual activity

sheet, and can be cheerful and compassionate in taking care of a

client's unwritten needs, such as conversation, the normal response

of the client would be appreciation for what you do.

5. Even if you get cases with child clients, and even if you get

along famously with them, you might find that " the fly in the oint-

ment " is their mother. I'll decline to expand on that one, but

" word to the wise " . Mothers and spouses of clients are usually

the ones you'll have problems with, not the patients.

I hope that helps, and if you have any problems, feel free to ask.

Clay

[Guest guest]

--- In AutisticSpectrumTreeHouse , " Clay "

> 3. Sometimes, you will find patients (or their spouses) to be less

> than appreciative. Usually, these people are from the " upper-class

> strata " , who generally tend to look down on others, especially

> those who are new to having home care aides in their homes. First

> sign of that kind of trouble, ask to be removed from the case, as

> it's only going to get worse.

Uh... whoa.

From experience of the other end of this relationship --

The reason some of us are " less than appreciative " can be, because we

just don't get along with that particular person, or because we're

autistic and not great at social graces, or because we're in a lot of

pain that day, or because the staff person isn't doing their job very

well.

Last year, when I was living with a roommate to witness all this, I

got a staff person who was convinced it was her job to correct my manners.

I had a really bad migraine, could barely think let alone come up with

words, and she asked me something like " Do you want me to do the

dishes now? "

Yes/no question, I typed " Yes. "

She tried to prompt and prompt and prompt me until I said " please " ,

and told me that I was not only rude for not doing so, but rude for

not appreciating her efforts to " correct " my social skills. It turned

out that she thought I was supposed to make many outward signs of

appreciation for her presence throughout the day (I was not even up to

acknowledging people's presence at that point, let alone appreciating

it) and that this " personal relationship " was supposed to be her

" reward " for doing the job.

My roommate, who had been a home health aide before becoming disabled

herself, said that:

1. Personal relationships can happen between staff and clients, but

can never be forced.

2. The reward you get is actually the paycheck, additional " rewards "

are a bonus but not required.

3. Given that I wasn't on a social skills program, and hadn't asked

to be, her job was probably to do the dishes right then, not offer

manners lessons, especially not after getting a yes/no answer to a

yes/no question from an autistic person.

I meanwhile was absolutely mortified and sitting there trying to

figure out what she would come up with that I'd done " wrong " next.

Knowing that I could barely at that point react to people's presence,

I knew that anything I did manners-wise was likely to come out *way*

wrong, because I wasn't even generating words or movements or anything

well at that point, so I hid under the covers the rest of the time the

person was there (and up until that point my roommate had just been

starting to get me able to quit hiding from new staff).

From my perspective, staff are people who have massive power in my

life, and I like the ones who use it well, and not the ones who use it

badly. I'm willing to deal with nearly anyone, though, no matter how

patronizing, as long as they can safely do the job.

But if I have to -- and this goes for anyone, no matter what their

relationship to me -- come up with signs of appreciation, in order to

convince people they're doing things right, I'm always going to fail.

I'm already monitoring too many other things, to be able to reliably

come up with words and expressions a lot less complex than that.

Because of that, I don't think I could deal with staff who thought I

was looking down on them, if I either didn't show obvious overt signs

of appreciation (there's a lot of other things, by the way, that I

can't show signs of easily either, including pain), or if I just

didn't get along with someone or something.

I don't look down on you guys, I look *up* at you, generally terrified

out of my mind. I've *had* people do the " Wow you're really

unappreciative " thing, and then demand emotional expressions out of me

that I can't give them, and that's... actually one of those misuses of

power.

I hope you are able to keep in mind during your job that there are

many reasons for people seeming " unappreciative " rather than snobbery.

Sometimes the things I hear people who work in this field report

about their interpretations of client behavior, really freak me out,

because I wouldn't be able to help people thinking things like that

about me even if they're not true.

Also, learning to contradict staff can be an important skill that some

of us never learned before (especially if we've ever been

institutionalized), and a demand of constant " appreciation " can make

it impossible for some of us to do that. (But, I would be dead if I

hadn't learned it, because even in the past year I've had staff make

life-and-death mistakes on the job and demand gratitude.) There tends

to be an expectation of almost neverending and impossible levels of

gratitude for disabled people anyway, and to break out of the fear of

being branded an " ungrateful cripple " can be really difficult.

So... yeah. Lots, and lots, and lots of reasons for seeming

" unappreciativeness " that have nothing to do with snobbery.

[Guest guest]

> So... yeah. Lots, and lots, and lots of reasons for seeming

> " unappreciativeness " that have nothing to do with snobbery.

And with regard to the fear of seeming " ungrateful " , from the

perspective of people *receiving* the services, here's the best

description I've come across:

http://www.raggededgemagazine.com/life/shamespeaks4.html

That's the fourth page of something that probably makes sense if you

read it all the way through, but if you don't: The " I " in the story

is " Disability Shame, " who is, in Screwtape-esque style, describing

from a first-person perspective exactly how and in what manner it

screws with disabled people's lives.

A couple quotes from the article I linked:

> For many, the hardest thing about living in staffed facilities is

> what they perceive as the power imbalances. I often visit a young

> man who says, " The staff here says you should think and speak for

> yourself, but when you do, they get angry. They don't know what to

> do. It freaks them out and they want to remind you that they are

> the ones in control. As if you don't know that already. "

> Then he laughs to cover his frustration. It's a common way to

> express anger without appearing bitter.

> Anger is risky when you are dependent, and disabled people are easy

> scapegoats. They get angry or advocate and people blame them.

> Makes it much easier for me. Disability is big business, really,

> and power trips are a way to keep the status quo going. I thrive on

> the blame and stress. The fact that people usually think of

> disability-related things as unimportant, and even as

> inconsequential, pleases me in the most tremendous way.

> Yes, there are disabled people who begin to see that the

> devaluation of people with disabilities and their experiences is

> very similar to the devaluation that led to the civil rights

> movement. This angers them, but they know they must smile and

> express gratitude even in their most irritated states. When they

> grow tired of this, I play with their guilt, making them feel

> condemned for being human and furthering the stereotype of the

> bitter disabled person. The bad disabled people. The demanding ones

> who take advantage and aren't content, always wanting more. "

....and later on:

> It is I who will enter their homes with the county workers who

> demand to know every detail of their disabilities so that they get

> the personal care hours they need. It is I who will make them

> retreat from battles they would rather fight, making them see all

> those resentful faces in their minds' eye, all the ones who call

> them troublemakers. I will see to it that when they advocate well

> and are heard, they will be seen as pushing the boundaries of the

> client-worker relationship. And I will fill their heads with fears

> of losing their services. They know it's a delicate balance, after

> all. One whisper and I will have them convinced they overreacted. "

So please, *anyone* who takes this kind of job, be aware, that even if

you're the lowest people on the totem pole in your agency, even if

you're utterly powerless in all other areas of your life, there's

exactly one kind of person that you have immense power over, even if

you don't want it, even if you didn't ask for it, even if you'd gladly

get rid of it if you could: the clients. Wishing that power away

doesn't make it go away, doing what your client wants doesn't make it

go away, it's there.

As far as I can tell, *all* clients are aware of this (often much more

aware than staff are, because we have to be aware of it for survival

purposes, and have no incentive to not believe in it -- all of which

is one manifestation of the power imbalance right there), and some of

the extreme shows of gratitude that some of us will end up displaying,

are preventative measures borne out of pure terror. Not that we

aren't ever genuinely grateful. But... there can be a lot more to it

than that, and adding an *expectation* of displays of gratitude,

however well-intentioned on the part of staff, just adds to our fear.

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>The reason some of us are " less than appreciative " can be, because we

>just don't get along with that particular person, or because we're

>autistic and not great at social graces, or because we're in a lot of

>pain that day, or because the staff person isn't doing their job very

>well.

Very interesting (and useful-to-thsoe-who-are-or-may-become aides)

discussion of appreciation.

From a less focused POV.... I find the whole issue of appreciation

(and especially expressions thereof) perplexing. I know a woman who,

while under treatment for cancer herself, became very involved in a

support group for women with cancer. Through that, she became

acquainted with a number of women and ended up being part of the

" care committee " for a woman who was dying. The members of the care

committee took turns spending time with the dying woman, bringing in

food, keeping track of meds, etc. At one point, the woman I know went

through a crisis, almost a breakdown (even had to resort to

counseling), because she felt (strongly!) that the other members of

the care committee were not feeling as appreciative as they should

have been of her efforts to coordinate their activities.

I found that extremely odd, even though I felt sorry for the pain she

was feeling.

The place where I get appreciation expressed at me occasionally is at

work. I don't mind (in fact, I can appreciate) when people say,

" Thanks for doing that, Jane. " It suits me that those " above " me

recognize the value of the work done by people on my " level " of the

work hierarchy. But every once in a while, someone goes overboard and

starts appreciating me too much to feel reasonable to me. Sort of the

way I imagine it would be (and maybe it already is and I just don't

recognize it) if people were saying, " Oh, you typed that so well for

an autistic! Thank you so much! You're great! "

Summary: I very often just " don't get " the whole " appreciation " thing.

Jane

[Guest guest]

> From a less focused POV.... I find the whole issue of appreciation

> (and especially expressions thereof) perplexing. I know a woman

> who, while under treatment for cancer herself, became very involved

> in a support group for women with cancer. Through that, she became

> acquainted with a number of women and ended up being part of the

> " care committee " for a woman who was dying. The members of the care

> committee took turns spending time with the dying woman, bringing in

> food, keeping track of meds, etc. At one point, the woman I know

> went through a crisis, almost a breakdown (even had to resort to

> counseling), because she felt (strongly!) that the other members of

> the care committee were not feeling as appreciative as they should

> have been of her efforts to coordinate their activities.

> I found that extremely odd, even though I felt sorry for the pain

> she was feeling.

I find things like that... a bit scary. Because I never know who

(and especially, in what position of power, since it's often

simultaneously not safe to ignore their feelings, but not possible to

give them what they want) is going to freak out and claim that I don't

appreciate them enough.

Not that I don't also feel for that person, but " You don't appreciate

me enough " is something I've heard my whole life, even from people I

appreciate greatly.

And then there's showing appreciation *wrong*, a whole different (but

related) problem. I'll first get told " This is how you show

appreciation for someone, " and then soon get told " Don't you know

that's inappropriate behavior?!?!? " about what seemed like the exact

same thing to me.

And since I'm not capable of what would seem to me (if I were to be

able to do it) like a fake and saccharine level of constant sweetness,

I often get told first that I don't appreciate people, then that I

don't really *mean* whatever appreciation I express in response to

that remark.

> Sort

> of the way I imagine it would be (and maybe it already is and I

> just don't recognize it) if people were saying, " Oh, you typed that

> so well for an autistic! Thank you so much! You're great! "

I recently talked to someone who went " GOOD JOB! " every time I typed a

sentence. I rapidly quit typing and tried rudimentary gesture, at

which point she did " GOOD JOB! " at me there as well, at which point I

quit responding to her at all.

> Summary: I very often just " don't get " the whole " appreciation "

> thing.

Likewise.

[Guest guest]

> The reason some of us are " less than appreciative " can be, because

> we just don't get along with that particular person, or because

> we're autistic and not great at social graces, or because we're in

> a lot of pain that day, or because the staff person isn't doing

> their job very well.

I just remembered another one -- because we want to be alone, and know

that we need stuff done for us, but would rather not have people

around right then. Disabled people can have the same desire sometimes

to just be alone, or to not have to explain something difficult to

explain, or other things like that, as anyone else.

For people who are very much loners, this can encompass much more of

the time than just occasionally.

When that happens, any appreciativeness for the services, may be

canceled out by resenting the intrusion of someone -- anyone -- into

our lives right then.

Just like not everyone is going to be tremendously appreciative when

they're running into the store for something they need absolutely

right then but they're late for work and would rather be doing

something else. It's nothing personal against the people who work in

the store -- the person in question may even be an employee of another

store -- it's just that right then, it's an inconvenience to have to

be there.

Here's someone's description of her ( " semiloner " ) mother's need for

services and losing her ability to just do stuff alone:

http://www.annelirufus.com/atmyparty.html

A quote:

> My mother is not a loner exactly, sort of a semiloner who loves

> being around her friends during the day but craves her independence

> in the evenings. But now she has run into terrible luck, because as

> a septuagenarian in a wheelchair, with a propensity for falling,

> she can't live alone. She would rather stay in her home than move

> to a nursing home, and I support her choice wholeheartedly, but she

> can't reach high shelves or cook anymore, nor can she drive. So a

> live-in caregiver occupies the guestroom. This is pure hell for

> Mom.

> It drives her nuts that this person -- a perfectly pleasant,

> polite, compassionate young woman -- is always there. Even when the

> caregiver is out of the room, Mom seethes at the awareness that

> SOMEONE is in the house, that SOMEONE has to make and serve all her

> meals, that she can't do something as simple as get in the car and

> go grocery shopping without SOMEONE helping her into the front seat

> and doing the driving. Mom's former favorite hobbies, cruising the

> local thrift shops and ethnic vegetable markets, are now lost to

> her -- not completely, as the caregiver will take her wherever she

> wants to go, but what made these activities fun in the first place,

> the randomness and choice and spontaneity, are gone forever. Now

> there is always that awareness of the caregiver waiting, patiently

> or not, to finish up and go.

In that case, it's not because her mom's a snob, and it's not because

her mom's staff is bad in any way, it's just that the staff's

*presence* is always there.

sometimes refers to days when she's had staff all day as " having

a staff infection " because of how overloaded she gets just by the

presence of other people all day. She has nothing against the staff,

she likes most of her staff (aside from the fact that some of them are

always putting items well out of her reach and " straightening " her

cupboards in ways that make them inaccessible to her, but that's a

separate issue), but just the sheer presence of people all day makes

her want to crawl into a hole and not come out.

And some people are just overloading to be around, through no fault of

their own. The pitch of their voices, or their gregarious

personalities, or other things like that, make them (at least for both

and me) physically painful to be around.

None of this makes us unappreciative of the work they do, but on a day

when you just *really* want to be alone, and can't, or when the person

is just really overloading to be around (through nobody's particular

fault), all that can make displaying appreciation, or feeling

appreciative all the time, pretty hard as well.

I mean, think about if you had to have someone around all the time,

even when you wanted to be alone, even when they made involuntary

noises that drove you up the wall (many of my staff smack their lips

before speaking, which is a noise that I can't stand and they can't

help), etc, and there was no possible way to get rid of them. You

might become irritable, even if you didn't really want to be irritated

*at them*, you'd end up irritated *at the situation*.

What's going through our minds tends to be what's going through most

people's minds, and appreciation is only one variable in there.

(Also, a lot of us do appreciate staff, but in the same general sense

that we appreciate people who do other jobs, not in the sense of

undying and constant effusive displays of gratitude.)

[Guest guest]

alfamanda wrote:

Clay wrote:

> > 3. Sometimes, you will find patients (or their spouses) to be

> > less than appreciative. Usually, these people are from the

> > " upper-class strata " , who generally tend to look down on others,

> > especially those who are new to having home care aides in their

> > homes. First sign of that kind of trouble, ask to be removed

> > from the case, as it's only going to get worse.

> Uh... whoa.

Not a problem, . I was hoping you would " weigh in " on this.

tte, has as much or more experience at this as I do,

from the other side of the situation. This gives me the chance

to make a few more points, and I trust she will agree with them.

When I attended training, it was mentioned that " it's THEIR house,

what they say goes. They haven't lost any rights just because

they're sick, recovering, or handicapped " . I remembered that, it's

a pretty good rule for someone who is going to be working for others

in their homes. I'm usually rather quiet and unassuming, especially

while on the job.

's right, you can't *expect* appreciation. It's nice when it

happens, but it's not something you can extract, like teeth. And

she's right when she says you're not there to " exert power " over

them, although I guess some aides do. If the client is able to

communicate at all, they're going to call the agency and get some-

one else. You would only be there to help them do what they can't

do for themselves, and you need to let them direct you, do things

their way, and not insist on doing it your way. " Their house " ,

remember that. If you have an all-day case, and you've done the

personal care and house chores, you can't take over the remote and

watch what *you* want to watch, you'll sit there and watch what they

want to watch.

As for my comment above, about the upper class people looking down

on the mere " servants " , that stands. About 30 years ago, I used to

work as a general maintenance man at a ritzy private golf course.

People had built expensive houses all around it, and they were all

paid members, at $25 G per year a pop. They were mostly retired

executives of big companies, and their wives. I don't know which

was the bigger pain in the ass - the former " Captains of Industry " ,

(who had now lost CEO powers), or their pampered wives. Whatever,

it showed in the imperious attitude they displayed when talking to

" the help " . There was an implication that if you displeased them

in any way, you're out on your can. Screw that, I don't need any-

thing that bad. The agency can find me another assignment.

I prefer " real " people, people who " know how it is " to make a living

in this world, or how the circumstances of life can affect us. Have

you ever heard the song, " Rainy Day People " ? You could google it,

and find the lyrics. I like that one.

Being an HHA isn't for everyone. It really isn't a position of

" power " over anyone. You're there to help, that's it. I once had

a client who was a retired Minister of the United Methodist Church,

80 years old, and he told me about the last aide he had, who tried

to bend his ear about the Jehovah's Witnesses. That was really

unprofessional and inappropriate, and when I got home I called the

agency to report her. They already knew, though. He had already

told them about it, he was no dummy, although he was getting well

into Alzheimer's.

Clay

[Guest guest]

> Not a problem, . I was hoping you would " weigh in " on this.

> tte, has as much or more experience at this as I do,

> from the other side of the situation. This gives me the chance

> to make a few more points, and I trust she will agree with them.

Mostly.

> When I attended training, it was mentioned that " it's THEIR house,

> what they say goes. They haven't lost any rights just because

> they're sick, recovering, or handicapped " . I remembered that, it's

> a pretty good rule for someone who is going to be working for

> others in their homes. I'm usually rather quiet and unassuming,

> especially while on the job.

I agree with that in principle. In practice, it's not always what

happens. You get staff who, say, as one former staff who was now a

client described it, really want to make French toast when you want to

make bagels. Or who will put things away in places where you don't

want them. Or who will leave your food out for several hours because

they don't happen to think that you can get food poisoning that way.

And so forth.

Those may not sound like " major exertions of power, " but added up,

lots of little things like that are the exact kind of power that aides

often have in our lives. That, and deciding what they will and will

not do for us.

I once had an aide walk off the job when she realized I was

incontinent (this had been told to her). She just looked at the fact

that I was sitting in urine, said " I don't feel like cleaning it up, "

and walked out. I couldn't move.

That's power.

And it's more common than most people think.

> If the client is able to

> communicate at all, they're going to call the agency and get some-

> one else.

Actually, given that we often have to choose between several different

people, all of whom are incompetent in different ways, and given that

calling the agency too often can get you seen as a troublemaker, many

of us put up with a lot of crap.

I had an agency refuse to staff me at all after I refused to be

staffed by someone who abused me. They gave the abusive person a

promotion, and put in my record that I fire lots and lots of staff, a

reputation that made it all the way to Vermont. Despite the fact that

I tend to be the opposite, I don't fire people even if they don't do a

particularly good job, as long as they're not flagrantly abusive or

dangerous.

I tried to tell my case manager over and over, this past year, that

one man was really dangerous to me. I said, " He can't understand a

three-word sentence, spoken or written, and he does the opposite of

what I tell him half the time. He's a nice guy, but he can't do the job. "

The case manager kept sending the man to my house. He told me that I

just " didn't like " the guy and that he saw no sign of that total

incomprehension of what I was saying.

Then one night, last October I think it was, I needed ibuprofen. As

in, I was in so much pain that I was nearly crying, which is rare for

me even with severe pain. I had a bottle around somewhere. I told

him, in print, " It's a non-prescription bottle of ibuprofen. It's

white. " Tisoncik told him, out loud, the exact same thing.

He went straight for an orange prescription bottle of Phenergan, and

kept insisting it was what I wanted. Now... Phenergan is a drug I was

taking with extreme caution, at the lowest possible active dose, which

was one pill. Phenergan is a neuroleptic. I have had my throat close

up on neuroleptics before. (This January, I had my throat close up on

a normal dose of Phenergan and had to stop using it for the

uncontrolled vomiting I've been having.)

Even while reading the prescription bottle instructions out loud, he

tried to give me *three* Phenergan.

Now... this is a nice guy. He's really mellow. Really quiet. And I

think he has a severe language processing problem, which I'm no

stranger to.

But I don't care who he is, the moment he starts trying to persuade me

to take an overdose of a dangerous medication, because he seriously

believes it's ibuprofen, I'm really not going to let him back into my

house. (This was after three more minor incidents in which I'd asked

my case manager never to send him back. One of those was when he

showed up for his shift, when and I were on the streets, and

spent the whole time chatting without even telling me he was

there, asking what I needed, or saying who he was. Etc.)

I am seriously frightened by the fact that this man is the roommate

and facilitator for an autistic man. I really hope the autistic man

has no medical problems that require medications.

Anyway, I asked him " Can you go to Pharmacy and get me a bottle

of ibuprofen? "

He repeated what I said, and went off, I thought, to . But came

back with something from a totally different store off in a totally

different direction.

He'd been supposed to help me with my medications at 5 PM. He walked

out the door at 4:30 and never came back. Didn't say he was leaving,

just left.

Now... normally I think all of this, especially with witnesses (since

as a client I'm never considered a reliable witness), would be reason

to say, " You know what, this guy *really* doesn't seem to be able to

do this job very well. Maybe he ought to be doing something else that

is less dangerous to clients. And, at the very least, he ought not to

work for me anymore. "

I called my case manager, and, with 's assistance, explained

everything.

The case manager reiterated his opinion that I just randomly hate this

guy for no reason. (I don't hate him, but I do have reason to not

want him at my house doing work.)

The case manager also told me that I was allowed to " refuse services, "

but that if I kept " refusing services " (I had only " refused services "

from two people, the other of whom had a similar language

comprehension issue for different reasons and was always trying to

force me to abide by his religion), he would have to consider

" residential placement " for me.

I'm saying this to illustrate something very specific: When clients

refuse services, we're often branded bad clients. It's not taken into

account that sometimes the staff aren't doing their jobs. And because

of this, many of us will put up with nearly anything short of

life-threatening mistakes.

> As for my comment above, about the upper class people looking down

> on the mere " servants " , that stands. About 30 years ago, I used to

> work as a general maintenance man at a ritzy private golf course.

> People had built expensive houses all around it, and they were all

> paid members, at $25 G per year a pop. They were mostly retired

> executives of big companies, and their wives. I don't know which

> was the bigger pain in the ass - the former " Captains of Industry " ,

> (who had now lost CEO powers), or their pampered wives. Whatever,

> it showed in the imperious attitude they displayed when talking to

> " the help " . There was an implication that if you displeased them

> in any way, you're out on your can. Screw that, I don't need any-

> thing that bad. The agency can find me another assignment.

Oh, I totally agree with that. I know how upper class people treat

the people they view as " servants " , very well.

I just think that, in the disability system, there are a lot of

reasons for not getting along with staff, besides that.

> Being an HHA isn't for everyone. It really isn't a position of

> " power " over anyone.

Actually, it *is* a position of power over someone. It's a position

of extreme power in some ways. The question is whether you use it

well, or use it badly, and whether the agencies and so forth set

things up to prevent as many abuses of power as possible. But the

power is still there, even if it's not abused.

> I once had

> a client who was a retired Minister of the United Methodist Church,

> 80 years old, and he told me about the last aide he had, who tried

> to bend his ear about the Jehovah's Witnesses. That was really

> unprofessional and inappropriate, and when I got home I called the

> agency to report her. They already knew, though. He had already

> told them about it, he was no dummy, although he was getting well

> into Alzheimer's.

When I told my agency that a staff kept trying to be something I

didn't even know existed -- an evangelical and forceful Buddhist who

kept telling me to do things " because the Dalai Lama said so " and

trying to get me to help him with his religious activities -- my

agency repeatedly insisted that this was not happening, or would not

happen anymore, as it kept happening, and refused to honor my wish to

not have him sent to my home on the grounds of not just religious

discrimination (I'm a Quaker, I don't care what religion or lack

thereof anyone else is, I don't even mind discussing religion, but I

don't want to be told to do things because someone else's religion

said so, any more than I would tell people outside Quakerism that they

had to follow the advice of Fox) but safety issues.

As you probably know, I had to file a formal complaint, get people

writing letters to the agency, and so forth, to just get a case

manager who wouldn't do this to me.

My current case manager discusses problems I have with staff, and can

tell what's a bad match and what isn't, and encourages me to give

opinions so that he can talk to staff if things start getting out of

hand. (For instance, I right now have a staff person who's pretty

good, but she thinks she's my friend, and she's not, and my case

manager is going to have a talk with her about that.)

[Guest guest]

alfamanda wrote:

> Those may not sound like " major exertions of power, " but added up,

> lots of little things like that are the exact kind of power that

> aides often have in our lives. That, and deciding what they will

> and will not do for us.

That's something that tte, as a prospective aide, will have to

watch out for. I do try to follow instructions given by the client,

but I recall from way back a time when I questioned a client's

instruction to put a raw egg in his oatmeal, and quickly stir it

in just before removing it from the pot and serving it to him. But

I had wanted to cook it longer. (My stomach revolts at the idea of

eating raw eggs, and there is the possibility of salmonella

poisoning.) But I had only mentioned the possibility of salmonella,

to which he replied, " WTF? I'm dying anyway! Let me have it the way

I want. " He had a good point, and I shut up and made it the way he

said to. Taught me a lesson, too.

> I once had an aide walk off the job when she realized I was

> incontinent (this had been told to her). She just looked at the

> fact that I was sitting in urine, said " I don't feel like cleaning

> it up, " and walked out. I couldn't move. That's power.

And I recall that while in training, at the end of the session one

day, the instructor said, " And if there is anyone who thinks they

would actually *like* wiping other people's butts, please stay after

class, I'd like to talk with you. " Heh. The aide you mentioned

here may just have been lazy, but that was seriously unprofessional,

because it's simply *part of the job*. We're there to do things

that people can't do for themselves, for whatever reason. The way

I choose to see it is that I don't have to do anything for others

that I don't already have to do for myself, and anyway, I wouldn't

have the job if it didn't need to be done.

> Actually, given that we often have to choose between several

> different people, all of whom are incompetent in different ways,

> and given that calling the agency too often can get you seen as

> a troublemaker, many of us put up with a lot of crap.

That can be a problem, especially when the case-manager or scheduler

discounts whatever you say and sees you as the trouble-maker. Where

I work, I don't think they operate that way, and " client preference "

is all-important, if they have any other aides available. Clients

have the right to dismiss an incompetent or unpleasant aide *today*,

immediately, but if I want to drop a client for any reason, I have

to give 2 weeks notice.

I hope you can resolve whatever problems you have with your agency,

and any of the aides they send you. Maybe you could put up a sign

that says something like, " This is *my home*, please do things my

way. " I wouldn't be offended by that, but would take it as a reminder.

Clay

[Guest guest]

With many children its a matter of,

can you realistically juggle time, i.e. multi-task?

You need to be mega patient, handle all roles, spread yourself around.

Sounds like you do that now.

Can you do that even more.?

If so, ask your partner what he will give up/and contribute to make a multi

working household be a reality.

>

> Hey everyone my husband has been very pushy with me getting a

> job...totally understandable with 5 kids 2 autistic, its okay but I

> just know me I am going to quit after a few weeks. I just signed up

> for Home Health Aide training, I love medicine (anatomy and physiology

> geek) but I hope I dont screw this one up and waste everyones time

> again. I requested they put me with children because I relate better

> to them they never look at me judgementally and stern they are easier

> to read, I just dont know if they will have the openings for that.

> Does anyone have advice? I love writing I have a whole book of my

> poetry, love drawing, I like to sing too but will NEVER sing for

> anyone outside my immediate family. So all those and medical field,

> oooh and advocacy I love to stand up for people and defend them, I

> always get in trouble there...lol. sorry for all the babble 2 cups of

> coffee later and here I am.

> thanks,

> tte

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

with him being so self centered sometimes I dont know but I hope to try and get

him to realize.

To: AutisticSpectrumTreeHouse@...:

kgtconeywheel.kaye@...: Sun, 30 Apr 2006 16:48:56 -0400Subject: Re:

employment helpWith many children its a matter of,can you

realistically juggle time, i.e. multi-task?You need to be mega patient, handle

all roles, spread yourself around.Sounds like you do that now.Can you do that

even more.?If so, ask your partner what he will give up/and contribute to make a

multiworking household be a reality.On 4/29/06, pisces25fem

wrote:>> Hey everyone my husband has been very pushy with me

getting a> job...totally understandable with 5 kids 2 autistic, its okay but I>

just know me I am going to quit after a few weeks. I just signed up> for Home

Health Aide training, I love medicine (anatomy and physiology> geek) but I hope

I dont screw this one up and waste everyones time> again. I requested they put

me with children because I relate better> to them they never look at me

judgementally and stern they are easier> to read, I just dont know if they will

have the openings for that.> Does anyone have advice? I love writing I have a

whole book of my> poetry, love drawing, I like to sing too but will NEVER sing

for> anyone outside my immediate family. So all those and medical field,> oooh

and advocacy I love to stand up for people and defend them, I> always get in

trouble there...lol. sorry for all the babble 2 cups of> coffee later and here I

am.> thanks,> tte>>>>>>>

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> > There are a three primary online schools for MT, including the one where

>> I'm studying, CareerStep <http://www.careerstep.com>. The nice thing

>> about picking the right school is that some employers will hire students

> right out of those schools, without requiring 2 or 3 years of experience.

Thanks for that link, . I'm going to try to keep it somewhere I'll be

able to find it again if I need it.

Jane