Re: relationships with siblings

[Guest guest]

I know I was 'split black'. My sister was split gray, I think, i.e.

she was the good sister, but still female. My brother was split

alabaster, angelic and from the heavens. My youngest brother was

innocuous, always young because of being younger and therefore

innocent by default (still to this day and he is 35).

[Guest guest]

Hey Bink,

My baby sis is a treasure. We stick together like glue. I don't know

what I'd do without her. We are both NC with nada at this point and we

are a team no matter what; she's got my back and I have hers. I wish

you all had a baby sister like mine. In many ways, she's my baby too.

I helped raise and protect her like she was mine; nada didn't.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

>

> i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their siblings.

i

> was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my middle

> sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious about

> things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split white

> and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against one

> another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted with

> their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> thwart relationships between their children.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

Oh and BTW, we are both painted black at the moment.

Mercy

>

> i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their siblings.

i

> was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my middle

> sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious about

> things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split white

> and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against one

> another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted with

> their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> thwart relationships between their children.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

this made me think!!!

my mother for example, if she were to call me and was in the car with my

sister she will always and has always said, " I am in the car with YOUR sister "

never " I am in the car with . " I always say " I am in the car with " not

" I am in the car with YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER. "

weird, I always felt like it was an accusatory way of saying who she was with

can anyone relate or understand this???

)

mercysaidno415 wrote:

Oh and BTW, we are both painted black at the moment.

Mercy

>

> i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their siblings.

i

> was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my middle

> sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious about

> things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split white

> and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against one

> another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted with

> their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> thwart relationships between their children.

>

> bink

>

Vernamonti

[Guest guest]

This one changed like the wind. And then died like the wind.

When we were little, I think my brother and I were fairly close. Then his lack

of social skills started to drive me up the wall (Asperger's) and I found myself

saying, " People don't like it when you... " all the time. He was clueless and

would basically stalk a person if he wanted to be their friend. So went off to

be a normal teen and felt like the older sister even though he is 2 years older.

At my grandparents' house (maternal), my brother was the favorite. Out of 4

grandchildren, he was the only boy. My grandfather is " borderline borderline "

when I look back over the years - and probably where a lot of my mother's issues

come from. It was a special occasion in their house when my brother graced them

with his presence. Because he would only talk about baseball, the world in my

house and my grandparents' house revolved around baseball. I hate baseball to

this day!

Now my brother lives across the country from me - he met a girl online and moved

across the country without a place to stay or anything. He lived an a creepy

motel for months just to be in the state. Now they live in rural double-wide

trailer bliss (yes, really).

He is happy in his life and I am happy in mine, so I think distance is best with

us! We see each other maybe 2 times a year for a day at a time, and that's

about all I can stand anyway. Of course when it comes to my mother, I am a

terrible sister because I don't think about him all the time and cry over the

" loss " of him. But then I have a sense of object permanence, don't I?

)

[Guest guest]

I think I have always been split whitish by nada. My two younger

sisters (in their 20s) are twins, and I think one of them has always

been split black. At least, she is the one that mum picks on the most

out of the 3 of us. Eg " you dress daggy, and your hair looks dirty.

You're not welcome in my house unless you wear better shoes than

sneakers in future " . I think my sister looks just bloody fine. I wish

nada would shut her mouth and stop putting people down. My sister has

a similar personality to nada, I wonder if that is why nada clashes so

much with her and picks on her particularly. They are both outspoken

and have the most similar appearance. My other sister and I tend to be

quieter. Not sure if that's the reason or something else.

I feel guilty for not protecting my younger sisters. I was the " happy

to sit in a corner and read a book child " , and got less of nada's

attention. My sisters were (in my opinion normal, in nada's opinion

naughty) very curious and active kids, so got into everything. (2-3

year olds lighting matches in their bedroom). I feel guilty for not

protecting them when she hit them. (I don't know whether to say she

beat them. I think that's more serious. She'd (reasonably often) hit

them with a piece of wood or a belt. I'm a pretty sensitive person so

it meant a lot to me. I guess it was common in my parent's day, so I

assume it's considered normalish. (I think both my grandads hit my

parents with a belt. And corporal punishment occurs in some schools.)

Anyway, in my opinion I consider it abuse.)

Just had to get that all out to think about it.

:-(

Anyway back to your question! I am LC and my sisters are emeshed. I

think nada considers it a poor reflection on her parenting that I am

LC. I think Nada also knows that I basically don't like her but that I

do care about my sisters. It's always my fear that she'll try and push

my sisters and I apart. She hasn't to date. Maybe because my link to

them keeps me linked to her.

Regards,

P.Bear.

>

> i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their siblings.

i

> was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my middle

> sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious about

> things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split white

> and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against one

> another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted with

> their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> thwart relationships between their children.

>

> bink

>

[Guest guest]

In WTOAdultChildren1 ,deedome62

wrote:

This is amazing topic ....

Just this week my brother who is four year younger than me phoned

from Arizona. He is in the army stationed in Japan with his wife and

children but he is studying in Arizona for a couple of weeks. On his

own, he apologized to me for some very mean bullying and " picking on "

that he did went he was younger with my mom, and her brothers (my

uncles). I was amazed it really touched my heart, and I accepted his

apology. Then, he told that when we were small children we were very

close, and he remembered how I took care of him. And, he was sorry

that as we grew older that we drifted apart, AND he wanted to become

close again like we were when we were little. I do think the world of

his wife and children. It does feel good to belong, and to have a

friend in my own family inspite of all the crazy BPD stuff with my

mother and sister. I feel so much better that I have a family member

that I can talk to about this stuff. He is very understanding, and he

remembers thinking that I don't and he really fills in the blanks. It

is quite amazing that this is all happening now. I am looking forward

to becoming more close in our brother and sister relationship. -- Deb

>

> This one changed like the wind. And then died like the wind.

>

> When we were little, I think my brother and I were fairly close.

Then his lack of social skills started to drive me up the wall

(Asperger's) and I found myself saying, " People don't like it when

you... " all the time. He was clueless and would basically stalk a

person if he wanted to be their friend. So went off to be a normal

teen and felt like the older sister even though he is 2 years older.

>

> At my grandparents' house (maternal), my brother was the favorite.

Out of 4 grandchildren, he was the only boy. My grandfather

is " borderline borderline " when I look back over the years - and

probably where a lot of my mother's issues come from. It was a

special occasion in their house when my brother graced them with his

presence. Because he would only talk about baseball, the world in my

house and my grandparents' house revolved around baseball. I hate

baseball to this day!

>

> Now my brother lives across the country from me - he met a girl

online and moved across the country without a place to stay or

anything. He lived an a creepy motel for months just to be in the

state. Now they live in rural double-wide trailer bliss (yes,

really).

>

> He is happy in his life and I am happy in mine, so I think distance

is best with us! We see each other maybe 2 times a year for a day at

a time, and that's about all I can stand anyway. Of course when it

comes to my mother, I am a terrible sister because I don't think

about him all the time and cry over the " loss " of him. But then I

have a sense of object permanence, don't I?

>

> )

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have a younger sister by 15 months. We are polar opposits as a result of our

environment. Growing up i craved attention, i was outspoken and manipulative, i

longed for boundaries and discipline and acted out as much as possible. My

sister was considered a mute the first 10 years of her life; she only talked

around us (the nuclear family) and she created her own boundaries. She did 2-4

hours of homework every night without being told, set her own breaks and her own

bedtime. She was definetly OCD as a child, counting calories, getting a perfect

part on her hair could take up to an hour... etc. As adults we have both

lessened the extremes and became much healthier but we are still very different.

I still cross boundaries, get too involved sometimes, I do too much for people,

i am an emotional eater but i love my family more than anything and i am

incredibly loyal and forgiving... my sister is 95 pounds soaking wet, she does

what she wants when she wants,

she is much more cognitive and logical than me, she can be very sarcastic and

has a sharp tongue when she is angry and when nada was acting up and we still

had contact with her she never did anything to try to help her. I took our nada

in to live with me, my sister vistited her in the psych ward once.

Anyway, I try very very hard to accept her for who she is, after all, our

siblings are all we have, right? But when we speak such different " languages " it

can be very hard sometimes. We used to be able to blame our arguments on our

nada pitting us against each other and talking about us to the other but now

that nada is out of the picture it is still so hard to maintain a healthy

relationship. I expect more from her than she is willing to give and i need to

stop that and not feel sorry for myself or play the martyr.

Re: relationships with siblings

I know I was 'split black'. My sister was split gray, I think, i.e.

she was the good sister, but still female. My brother was split

alabaster, angelic and from the heavens. My youngest brother was

innocuous, always young because of being younger and therefore

innocent by default (still to this day and he is 35).

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Looking for last minute shopping deals?

Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping

[Guest guest]

Good for you and your brother. Sometimes it takes maturity and ones own children

to bring us out of the selfish places we choose to inhabit.

Re: relationships with siblings

In WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com,deedome62 <deedome62yahoo (DOT) com>

wrote:

This is amazing topic ....

Just this week my brother who is four year younger than me phoned

from Arizona. He is in the army stationed in Japan with his wife and

children but he is studying in Arizona for a couple of weeks. On his

own, he apologized to me for some very mean bullying and " picking on "

that he did went he was younger with my mom, and her brothers (my

uncles). I was amazed it really touched my heart, and I accepted his

apology. Then, he told that when we were small children we were very

close, and he remembered how I took care of him. And, he was sorry

that as we grew older that we drifted apart, AND he wanted to become

close again like we were when we were little. I do think the world of

his wife and children. It does feel good to belong, and to have a

friend in my own family inspite of all the crazy BPD stuff with my

mother and sister. I feel so much better that I have a family member

that I can talk to about this stuff. He is very understanding, and he

remembers thinking that I don't and he really fills in the blanks. It

is quite amazing that this is all happening now. I am looking forward

to becoming more close in our brother and sister relationship. -- Deb

>

> This one changed like the wind. And then died like the wind.

>

> When we were little, I think my brother and I were fairly close.

Then his lack of social skills started to drive me up the wall

(Asperger's) and I found myself saying, " People don't like it when

you... " all the time. He was clueless and would basically stalk a

person if he wanted to be their friend. So went off to be a normal

teen and felt like the older sister even though he is 2 years older.

>

> At my grandparents' house (maternal), my brother was the favorite.

Out of 4 grandchildren, he was the only boy.. My grandfather

is " borderline borderline " when I look back over the years - and

probably where a lot of my mother's issues come from. It was a

special occasion in their house when my brother graced them with his

presence. Because he would only talk about baseball, the world in my

house and my grandparents' house revolved around baseball. I hate

baseball to this day!

>

> Now my brother lives across the country from me - he met a girl

online and moved across the country without a place to stay or

anything. He lived an a creepy motel for months just to be in the

state. Now they live in rural double-wide trailer bliss (yes,

really)..

>

> He is happy in his life and I am happy in mine, so I think distance

is best with us! We see each other maybe 2 times a year for a day at

a time, and that's about all I can stand anyway. Of course when it

comes to my mother, I am a terrible sister because I don't think

about him all the time and cry over the " loss " of him. But then I

have a sense of object permanence, don't I?

>

> )

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I think Nada also knows that I basically don't like her but that I

> do care about my sisters. It's always my fear that she'll try and

push

> my sisters and I apart. She hasn't to date. Maybe because my link

to

> them keeps me linked to her.

>

> Regards,

> P.Bear.

i never thought about it this way, but i think my mom realizes that we

deal with her to maintain a relationship with my youngest sibling

because she has OFTEN used my baby sister as bait to get people to bend

to her will.

interesting thought.

bink

[Guest guest]

that's really awesome! i took care of my little sister (8 years

younger) and we were really close until my mom got jealous and asked

me if i was molesting her. LAME. i realized that mom was crazy

enough to do something drastic, so i basically stopped taking care of

my little sister overnight. it was really hard. she was 5 and i

pretty much stopped having any physical contact with her: no hugs, no

picking up, no piggyback rides. when she complained, i told her to

go to mom. she didn't understand it and it was really hard to deal

with for me at the time, but when i moved out, she asked why things

had changed. i told her the truth and she was like,

OOoooOOOooOOOooOOOooh...mom's crazy. i was glad that i was able to

apologize to her and that she understood that mom was really bonkers.

bink

> >

> > This one changed like the wind. And then died like the wind.

> >

> > When we were little, I think my brother and I were fairly close.

> Then his lack of social skills started to drive me up the wall

> (Asperger's) and I found myself saying, " People don't like it when

> you... " all the time. He was clueless and would basically stalk a

> person if he wanted to be their friend. So went off to be a normal

> teen and felt like the older sister even though he is 2 years older.

> >

> > At my grandparents' house (maternal), my brother was the

favorite.

> Out of 4 grandchildren, he was the only boy. My grandfather

> is " borderline borderline " when I look back over the years - and

> probably where a lot of my mother's issues come from. It was a

> special occasion in their house when my brother graced them with

his

> presence. Because he would only talk about baseball, the world in

my

> house and my grandparents' house revolved around baseball. I hate

> baseball to this day!

> >

> > Now my brother lives across the country from me - he met a girl

> online and moved across the country without a place to stay or

> anything. He lived an a creepy motel for months just to be in the

> state. Now they live in rural double-wide trailer bliss (yes,

> really).

> >

> > He is happy in his life and I am happy in mine, so I think

distance

> is best with us! We see each other maybe 2 times a year for a day

at

> a time, and that's about all I can stand anyway. Of course when it

> comes to my mother, I am a terrible sister because I don't think

> about him all the time and cry over the " loss " of him. But then I

> have a sense of object permanence, don't I?

> >

> > )

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

now that is nuts, but I can believe it from these people.

>

> that's really awesome! i took care of my little sister (8 years

> younger) and we were really close until my mom got jealous and asked

> me if i was molesting her. LAME. i realized that mom was crazy

> enough to do something drastic, so i basically stopped taking care of

> my little sister overnight. it was really hard. she was 5 and i

> pretty much stopped having any physical contact with her: no hugs, no

> picking up, no piggyback rides. when she complained, i told her to

> go to mom. she didn't understand it and it was really hard to deal

> with for me at the time, but when i moved out, she asked why things

> had changed. i told her the truth and she was like,

> OOoooOOOooOOOooOOOooh...mom's crazy. i was glad that i was able to

> apologize to her and that she understood that mom was really bonkers.

>

> bink

>

>

> > >

> > > This one changed like the wind. And then died like the wind.

> > >

> > > When we were little, I think my brother and I were fairly close.

> > Then his lack of social skills started to drive me up the wall

> > (Asperger's) and I found myself saying, " People don't like it when

> > you... " all the time. He was clueless and would basically stalk a

> > person if he wanted to be their friend. So went off to be a normal

> > teen and felt like the older sister even though he is 2 years older.

> > >

> > > At my grandparents' house (maternal), my brother was the

> favorite.

> > Out of 4 grandchildren, he was the only boy. My grandfather

> > is " borderline borderline " when I look back over the years - and

> > probably where a lot of my mother's issues come from. It was a

> > special occasion in their house when my brother graced them with

> his

> > presence. Because he would only talk about baseball, the world in

> my

> > house and my grandparents' house revolved around baseball. I hate

> > baseball to this day!

> > >

> > > Now my brother lives across the country from me - he met a girl

> > online and moved across the country without a place to stay or

> > anything. He lived an a creepy motel for months just to be in the

> > state. Now they live in rural double-wide trailer bliss (yes,

> > really).

> > >

> > > He is happy in his life and I am happy in mine, so I think

> distance

> > is best with us! We see each other maybe 2 times a year for a day

> at

> > a time, and that's about all I can stand anyway. Of course when it

> > comes to my mother, I am a terrible sister because I don't think

> > about him all the time and cry over the " loss " of him. But then I

> > have a sense of object permanence, don't I?

> > >

> > > )

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

My particular situation is very abnormal. When I was about 10, my

half siblings and I were taken away from our nada. Since they had a

dad and I didn't, I went to live with our bpd grannada. My aunt who

is eleven years older than me and my cousin who is nine years younger

also lived with us. My grannada decided that she was now MY mother,

too, and that I ought to treat her as such (calling her " mom " , having

a more friend like relationship, what have you), which I was never

comfortable with. Anyway, she can't ever be on good terms with all

her children, so for years it was either me or my aunt who was split

black, my cousin never was. I think that has a lot to do with the

fact that my cousin is socially retarded and has a lot of learning

disorders in addition to doing and being anything my grannada wants

her to. Grannada's also never (to my knowledge) been happy with both

my nada and the daughter who lived there at the same time. My other

aunt, who is the middle child, never seems to do any wrong.

Anyway, I have a fantastic relationship with my siblings, and I had a

great one with their dad up until he died. I remember hearing when I

was very young that their dad wanted to adopt me, but nada

would " never let him take me away " . It's astounding to me to think

about how different my life would have been if she had just let him

adopt me.

Sorry. Went off on a tangent there.

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry that all that happened to you. Would you believe me if I said I

used to fantasize about being taken away from my bpd mother? I know being

placed with another BPD is no better, maybe worse, and I'm sorry.

It struck me that your grandnada got along with the socially retarded

cousin. I've been wondering if BPD could be related to autism or other

social disorders.

>

> My particular situation is very abnormal. When I was about 10, my

> half siblings and I were taken away from our nada. Since they had a

> dad and I didn't, I went to live with our bpd grannada. My aunt who

> is eleven years older than me and my cousin who is nine years younger

> also lived with us. My grannada decided that she was now MY mother,

> too, and that I ought to treat her as such (calling her " mom " , having

> a more friend like relationship, what have you), which I was never

> comfortable with. Anyway, she can't ever be on good terms with all

> her children, so for years it was either me or my aunt who was split

> black, my cousin never was. I think that has a lot to do with the

> fact that my cousin is socially retarded and has a lot of learning

> disorders in addition to doing and being anything my grannada wants

> her to. Grannada's also never (to my knowledge) been happy with both

> my nada and the daughter who lived there at the same time. My other

> aunt, who is the middle child, never seems to do any wrong.

>

> Anyway, I have a fantastic relationship with my siblings, and I had a

> great one with their dad up until he died. I remember hearing when I

> was very young that their dad wanted to adopt me, but nada

> would " never let him take me away " . It's astounding to me to think

> about how different my life would have been if she had just let him

> adopt me.

>

> Sorry. Went off on a tangent there.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I could relate to this:

At the airport

> she told me she hated him. Now I realize it was because he was

leaving

> her. When the prodigal son returned, he was painted white again.

This

> has become a pattern. Each time he leaves to study abroad (my little

> brother is quite the world traveler and pretty good at getting away

> from our family), nada is super hateful. For instance, when he

decided

> to go to Japan last year, the night before he left, nada threatened

to

> torture his dog while he was gone.

>

Some days before I left for half a year to study in the U.S. and after

I'd told her that I would go live on my own when I came back to

Belgium, she enacted a suicide attempt. And told me that I am totally

egoistic and ungrateful for all she's done for me.

[Guest guest]

you'd think that a mom would be proud of kids who could get it

together and have the initiative to study abroad. it's really an

amazing thing to be able to do, especially at a young age.

grrrrrrr....

bink

>

> I could relate to this:

>

> At the airport

> > she told me she hated him. Now I realize it was because he was

> leaving

> > her. When the prodigal son returned, he was painted white again.

> This

> > has become a pattern. Each time he leaves to study abroad (my little

> > brother is quite the world traveler and pretty good at getting away

> > from our family), nada is super hateful. For instance, when he

> decided

> > to go to Japan last year, the night before he left, nada threatened

> to

> > torture his dog while he was gone.

> >

>

> Some days before I left for half a year to study in the U.S. and after

> I'd told her that I would go live on my own when I came back to

> Belgium, she enacted a suicide attempt. And told me that I am totally

> egoistic and ungrateful for all she's done for me.

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Anyway, I have a fantastic relationship with my siblings, and I had a

> great one with their dad up until he died. I remember hearing when I

> was very young that their dad wanted to adopt me, but nada

> would " never let him take me away " . It's astounding to me to think

> about how different my life would have been if she had just let him

> adopt me.

I'm a serious lurker who has been nervous to post because once the

feelings start flowing regarding my own nada and BPD sister, who was

basically another nada, I fear they will never stop, but this post

just broke my heart. I don't know what else to say except " I feel your

pain. "

By the way, I'm Jan, found out about BPD about two months ago and have

been voraciously reading books and the list for a month or so. Thank

you all for the kindness and insights I find here daily!

[Guest guest]

this made me think!!!

my mother for example, if she were to call me and was in the car with

my sister she will always and has always said, " I am in the car with

YOUR sister " never " I am in the car with . " I always say " I am in

the car with " not " I am in the car with YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER. "

weird, I always felt like it was an accusatory way of saying who she

was with

can anyone relate or understand this???

)

> >

> > i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their

siblings.

> i

> > was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my

middle

> > sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious

about

> > things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split

white

> > and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against

one

> > another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> > together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted

with

> > their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> > thwart relationships between their children.

> >

> > bink

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has played us kids against one another since I can remember. I

am the youngest of 4 and no matter how injust the siblings were to me

(which is normal for siblings to tease and torture), I never got an

ounce of empathy or compassion from her; nothing! As long as we all

hated eachother and ran to her to fix whatever it was, she couldn't ask

for more. As we grew older and connected, she would find anything,

literally anything to make us mad at eachother. There are so many

examples, I cannot possibly begin to explain. The sad thing is none of

my siblings have understood or accepted her illness, I think one of my

sisters is a possible bp herself, she is a Minnie nada, she has no

identity with out my mom. She is 30, has a 10 yr old and both live at

my parents house--my poor, poor nephew. Nada has spent so many years

trying to turn us siblings on each eachother, and with one of them--it

worked! And I'm afraid permanently. My sister agrees with nada on

everything and they create resentment, crisis, ridicule, and judgment

together as a team. They work together against family, relatives,

strangers, anyone who may make them feel inferior as a person or anyone

who has an identity for themselves. The funny/sad part: as soon as

nada has one of us other siblings alone and away from Minnie nada,

she'll bad mouth Minnie nada. If I stick up for Minnie Nada, I am

" sick like her " , if I tell Minnie Nada what nada said (BTW I don't do

this anymore) she will not believe me, and then they'll go congregate

together and reassure themselves that I am in fact some kind of freak.

I could go on and on and on. I have begun to cut ties with them over

the past 2 yrs. It is the only way. I am only now beginning to reap

the plethora of rewards.

I'm new to this group and lingo. What does, NC, LC and painting

black/white mean????

Thanks so much,

--------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

She always refered to her husband as " your dad " and I think they called Ben

" your brother " my dad refered to my mom/his wife as " your mother " My mom is

very mentally sick and the way my dad said " your mother " was sort of

accusatory, like I was responsible for her in some way. I never really

thought about it before. .

>

> this made me think!!!

>

> my mother for example, if she were to call me and was in the car with

> my sister she will always and has always said, " I am in the car with

> YOUR sister " never " I am in the car with . " I always say " I am in

> the car with " not " I am in the car with YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER. "

> weird, I always felt like it was an accusatory way of saying who she

> was with

> can anyone relate or understand this???

> )

>

>

> > >

> > > i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their

> siblings.

> > i

> > > was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my

> middle

> > > sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious

> about

> > > things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split

> white

> > > and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us against

> one

> > > another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less stuck

> > > together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted

> with

> > > their siblings while living at home and what bp parents did/do to

> > > thwart relationships between their children.

> > >

> > > bink

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome!

Thanks for your post. It sounds like your childhood was a very tough

situation.

NC/LC is " no contact " or " low contact " with the bpd. As you say,

cutting ties.

Painting black/white was about the bpd in some families painting some

of the children as bad and some children as good.

Regards,

P.Bear.

[Guest guest]

Yep, its what they do but it is very difficult for a young impressionable child

to distinquish fact from the lie of Bp splitting. That is why it is so important

to heal now.

p_bear16 wrote: Hi ,

Welcome!

Thanks for your post. It sounds like your childhood was a very tough

situation.

NC/LC is " no contact " or " low contact " with the bpd. As you say,

cutting ties.

Painting black/white was about the bpd in some families painting some

of the children as bad and some children as good.

Regards,

P.Bear.

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for clarifying:)

Hi ,

>

> Welcome!

> Thanks for your post. It sounds like your childhood was a very

tough

> situation.

> NC/LC is " no contact " or " low contact " with the bpd. As you say,

> cutting ties.

> Painting black/white was about the bpd in some families painting

some

> of the children as bad and some children as good.

>

> Regards,

> P.Bear.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tag team BPDs! I cannot think of too much that could be worse.

LC-low contact

NC- NO contact

painted black or white- evil child or angelic child

Hope that helps

RE: Re: relationships with siblings

My nada has played us kids against one another since I can remember. I

am the youngest of 4 and no matter how injust the siblings were to me

(which is normal for siblings to tease and torture), I never got an

ounce of empathy or compassion from her; nothing! As long as we all

hated eachother and ran to her to fix whatever it was, she couldn't ask

for more. As we grew older and connected, she would find anything,

literally anything to make us mad at eachother. There are so many

examples, I cannot possibly begin to explain. The sad thing is none of

my siblings have understood or accepted her illness, I think one of my

sisters is a possible bp herself, she is a Minnie nada, she has no

identity with out my mom. She is 30, has a 10 yr old and both live at

my parents house--my poor, poor nephew. Nada has spent so many years

trying to turn us siblings on each eachother, and with one of them--it

worked! And I'm afraid permanently. My sister agrees with nada on

everything and they create resentment, crisis, ridicule, and judgment

together as a team. They work together against family, relatives,

strangers, anyone who may make them feel inferior as a person or anyone

who has an identity for themselves. The funny/sad part: as soon as

nada has one of us other siblings alone and away from Minnie nada,

she'll bad mouth Minnie nada. If I stick up for Minnie Nada, I am

" sick like her " , if I tell Minnie Nada what nada said (BTW I don't do

this anymore) she will not believe me, and then they'll go congregate

together and reassure themselves that I am in fact some kind of freak.

I could go on and on and on. I have begun to cut ties with them over

the past 2 yrs. It is the only way. I am only now beginning to reap

the plethora of rewards.

I'm new to this group and lingo. What does, NC, LC and painting

black/white mean????

Thanks so much,

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

[Guest guest]

I just read your post...

Isn't it weird how they do that? Why do they refer to family members

as " YOUR DAD " or " YOUR SISTER " ?

I never thought about it before I read the post and it jogged a

thought for me...however I do know that it always felt accusatory,

like I was somehow responsible for whatever my sister did.

This group is so cool bc we all have such similiarities that other

people from " normal " LOLLL families would not understand.

> > > >

> > > > i was wondering about everybody's relationships with their

> > siblings.

> > > i

> > > > was split black and my youngest sister was split white with my

> > middle

> > > > sister somehow kind of left out of the whole mess (so anxious

> > about

> > > > things that my mom left her alone). even though one was split

> > white

> > > > and the other black and my mom's attempts at pitting us

against

> > one

> > > > another (subconsciously or not, she tried), we more or less

stuck

> > > > together through stuff. i was wondering how others interacted

> > with

> > > > their siblings while living at home and what bp parents

did/do to

> > > > thwart relationships between their children.

> > > >

> > > > bink

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>