New Happenings

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone.

I haven't been posting much lately....basically I've been reading

everyone else's posts, and sometimes replying to those. My life is

at a pivotal point right now, and it has been really difficult to

express my feelings lately.

Last week, I offically became a homeowner. I just turned 24 years

old, and I am financially secure enough to buy a house. This was one

of my biggest goals in life, and finally, I've achieved it. I feel

so happy about it. I am proud of myself.

But a part of me wishes my mother was around to be proud of me too.

I've been NC with her since November 15th of last year. About 4

months, to be exact.

I'm also getting married in 3 1/2 weeks. NADA doesn't know about

that either.

I guess I have just been very sad that all these wonderful things

have been happening to me, and the person who used to be most

important to me doesn't care about me, and doesn't have the

emotional capacity to be happy for me and supportive of me.

Friday, when I went and saw my home for the first time as the

official owner, I had my phone in hand, getting ready to call NADA.

But then i thought about it..what she might say. how she would

react. she probably wouldn't even have answered. but if she did, she

probalby would have been non expressive....acting like nothing I

accomplish is from my own accord. She always liked to think that my

accomplishments were her own. That I never would have been

succcessful without her, that because of her I succeeded. Well, now,

I'm taking all the credit for those things. She did serve as a

motivation however...I knew from a young age that I NEVER wanted to

depend on her for anything as an adult, because I knew she would

destroy my life for it. she motivated me not to become like her. and

her hatefullness and disapproval of me forced me to move away from

her to start my own life based on my own standards and goals.

I don't know if i should contact my NADA anytime soon. I've been

thinking about it. I just don't know what I would say/write to her.

I feel like I am approaching a mountain top in my life. Where i am

looking down at everything...determining how I'm going to handle

getting back down so I can crawl up to the next peak.

How's that for a metaphor? lol. but really, thats how I feel.

anyone else have similar experiences?

~Sara jo