Re: unpredictability and confidence

[Guest guest]

Hi Katrina,

So sorry you are having a hard time today. we are such empathic

creatures aren't we. I don't know that I have any wise words but I

can tell you you are not alone in this. Anxiety is so prevelent for

me especially in situations I can't see and get a clear visual on. I

do know that many times my fears have been unfounded even though at

the time they felt very accurate. So maybe just doing a little self

talk... he says everything is fine so everything is fine just keep

repeating it for awhile. Also I find when really worried about

something I can't fix or tend to now that going outside for a walk or

doing some hard physical activity really helps me. Or do something

you can tend to know and complete it. As far as why the gripping

fear? and why don't I believe what he has demonstrated to me...well

I don't know how old you are but I do know that I am 45 and lived with

abuse in house for 21 yrs and outside up til now in a lesser degree.

That is a lot of years being trained and reinforcing all my negative

beliefs and fears. So it will take a while of these positive feel

good relationships to be believable give yourself time. Be kind and

gentle with yourself. Sometimes I feel like I am in a Karmic lockdown

and have to work really hard to get out of it. My best to you

take good care and create a great day for yourself.

Suebee

>

> Hi all,

> I am having a rough day and struggling with uncertainty about my

> partner. He works in Switzerland for the moment, so we see each other

> every other week during the weekend. I'm normally handling this well,

> but sometimes I really panick, like today. Nothing happened, except

> that he did not reply yesterday and this morning to an sms. And I

> called him and he was a bit distant. In the mean time he already

> wrote me a mail why he could not reply, and that he was distant

> because he was with someone in a meeting. All very sensible, and I

> don't doubt he is honest. But what bugs me is the sheer panick that

> threatens to overwhelm me when I think that something is wrong. I

> imagine already the worst case scenario's: going from " he must have

> had an accident " to " he must have gotten tired of me and is going to

> break up with me " . And I search myself and scan the previous

> conversations and mails: " there must be something I have done wrong. "

> Then I feel guilty: why is my confidence so weak, so easily shaken? I

> have no reason whatsoever to think the things I am thinking about him-

> -he is wonderful and I am grateful that I met him and things work so

> well between us. But why this gripping fear, then? I should know by

> now that with him it is not the same as in my FOO, that his love will

> not change from the one moment to the other, will not be withheld

> suddenly and inexplicably, will not change to disdain and hatred

> before you can blink... Any thoughts? Any advice on how to handle

> such incidents better? Katrina

>