Re: Need encouragement, please!!

[Guest guest]

Okay, Tina, time to make a decision!

Do you like feeling the way you feel right now?

If yes, continue listing all the reasons why it's too hard to do the

things we are suggesting, and it will be easy to continue feeling this

way.

If no, then MAKE yourself take some of the actions that you know will

help, and you will be on your way to getting out of this awful

feeling-state.

It's all up to you now.

I know this probably sounds harsh, but I speak from hard personal

experience. I, too, was someone who got mired in those awful

feelings, and i would let the feelings make me come up with a thousand

different reasons why it was too difficult to do the things that would

help me feel better. In effect, i was choosing to continue to feel

miserable. It sucked, and left me feeling miserable much longer than

i needed to.

It's perfectly okay to choose to be miserable--but it's not okay to

put those feelings on other people if you're not ready to take some

kind of action to change things. I had to learn that the hard way. I

would absolutely LOVE IT if my experience with this kind of thing

could help you break out of it sooner!!!

Now to answer your post:

<<One of my problems is that I just dont have energy or ambition to

plan my meals, and it worries me that I wont get better if I dont eat

good. >>

I understand feeling that way, but it hardly takes any time or energy.

Dinner next three-four days: a family pack of chicken to be baked all

at once. (two family packs if you're also feeding your family!) a

big, big bag of broccoli, or several bags of spinach, or a whole bunch

of zucchini, etc etc. lemon juice, butter, and whatever else you want

along with it. I season it with basil or rosemary.

See? Easy. Just pick a meat and vegetable for each meal, preferably

stugg where you can cook a bunch ahead of time.

<<My family is very picky, and is so used to eating bad that to ask

them to eat good healthy stuff takes more time and energy and just

brings me more down because I have discussed this before and they act

like its going to kill them to eat right.>>

***Well, then, right now while you're in a tough space, just feed them

normally--or better yet, let them feed themselves (if you have a

partner--sorry, I can't remember--let him/her feed the kids crap if

s/he is choosing not to eat the healthy stuff you're cooking).

<< And the other problem right now is that Im so depressed right now

that I just want to die, and dont have much will to live, and feel

like Im going off the deep end. >>

***This happens during withdrawal sometimes. Are you really going to

kill yourself and leave your kids motherless and traumatized? Because

you can really feel like you want to die, while at the same time

knowing deep inside that you are NOT going to kill yourself. It's a

very uncomfortable feeling (wanting to die), but it becomes more

manageable when you realize that you're really not going to do it, no

matter how appealing it might seem.

Are you taking the supplements that were recommended? Have you

recently made a reduction? What's different that causing this? What

supplements are you taking?

Where are you in your menstrual cycle? This may be something that's

going to pass quite predictably!

<<I tried about two month ago to really start paying attention to

what I ate and tried to plan meals, and it made me even more stressed

and I just couldnt handle it. >>

Pick a meat and a veg for each meal. Do what I said above about your

family. If you want to feel better, you'll do this. If you have a

partner, send him shopping. I know everything seems hard right now,

but this really isn't that hard. You can do it. It will help you

feel better. You want to feel better, right?

<<I feel sometimes, like today, that Im just wasting peoples time

trying to get help becuase I really dont have a will to live right

now. I just pray that I could die in my sleep tonight, it would

probably make everyone else around me happier in the long run,>>

***So you would like to just passively die, but you're not going to

kill yourself. Believe me, I really do understand this. However,

it's completely unproductive. You're NOT going to die in your sleep

tonight, you're going to wake up tomorrow feeling the same way, so

it's best to face reality and start doing whatever you can do.. (

Been there, felt that, kicked and screamed my way through it and

wasted lots of energy coming up with reasons why i couldn't do things.

If I had used all that energy to actually DO things, I would've been

a lot better a lot sooner!)

<<and Im very tired of all of this suffering, and if I cant eat right

then Im doomed. >>

***You're not doomed, but you will feel better if you get in the habit

of eating right. That doesn't mean that if you slip up, you'll be

damaged for life. It means that if you slip up, then you will have to

remind yourself that any symptoms that arise from the poor food

choices are because of the poor food choices, and not react

emotionally to them. See what I mean?

<< Its hard to find good food when the only place to buy groceries

around here is Wal-Mart. I just feel like Im doomed to fail since I

cant handle the stress that comes with eating right, and no one around

me seems to care.Sorry for this negative message, I just dont want to

go anymore like this. You think the people around you care about you

until something like this happens, then you find out that your not

really loved after all.

>>

***This is the crux of the matter. Someone in your life is not being

supportive in the way you want them to be supportive. have you told

them? have you told them what you need and why? have they told you

why they're acting the way they're acting? Did they say they don't

love you? Or are they not reading your minds and meeting your

unspoken needs? believe me, even if you think your needs are really

obvious, you still have to speak them clearly because they might not

be obvious AT ALL to someone else. Weird, but true.

I know this can be really painful, but in the end, the only person

whose actions you can control is YOU. So sometimes you just have to

focus on you and forget about what you want from someone else. If

they are actively hurting you, get away from them immediately, of

course. Otherwise, just focus on you and what you need.

It's okay to shop at Wal-Mart if that's easiest. Their fresh food is

still food.

Are you taking any Bach flower essences? Can you get them locally or

by ordering? There is one that will help with this state you're

in....let me know and I'll give you the name.

You're right, all the advice in the world won't do any good if you've

decided you can't possibly act on it. That doesn't mean we're gonna

shut you off here . Nope, you're more than welcome to stick around

and keep reading and posting. But it's all in your hands, my dear.

You DO have the power to get yourself through this. I know you do. I

have every faith that you will come through this with flying colors.

Just kick yourself in the butt, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and

do it. I just know you can.

Hugs,

Kim

co-moderator

[Guest guest]

,

Your hubbie sounds a real Gem, can we borrow him!!! LOL

Does he read these messages, just wondered if it would help him a bit?

How's your flute going??

You are doing great, don't give up, love and trust are all you need.

Thinking of you

x

[Guest guest]

,

Has recommended any supplements for you? What are you

taking right now? Did you have a consultation?

Please refresh my memory about your withdrawal...where are you at

with it, how much have you reduced, what drug(s), what has been your

schedule. Sorry, but with so many people going through such similar

processes, it's hard to keep track.

If you are using Aconitum napellus for anxiety and fear, it won't

work. It is only for panic attacks--the kind where you feel like

you're dying.

There are a number of things that help with anxiety. Take a look at

the article in the FILES, under Supplements, called Supplements for

Anxiety.

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Hang in there, it will pass.

Warmly,

Kim

co-moderator

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I wish I could meet everyone here to, if only someone would invent a

teleport!

I totally understand the anxiety and feelings of dread, since my Dad

died, my panic attacks and anxiety have been a bit worse, yesterday I

had to go see the GP and I had a panic attack all through it. So now I

feel dread about going to the podiatrist this afternoon.

I seem OK indoors , its just going out! ( opposite to you!)

Are you in the US?

Hope today is OK for you.

With Love Always

x

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am going to have to get my map of the US out and find out where

you guys all are in relation to one another.

You are right, the drugs numb everything, so I guess it is logical

that you are having feelings again.

OK, gonna put my neck on the line, why should you feel disgust,

shame and guilt for something some B****** did to you. At that age

hun, I very much doubt there was anything you could have done to

prevent the situation - so you should feel no guilt. You can only

feel guilty if realistically there was something you could have done

to stop the abuse happening? The only person that should feel shame

is the abuser.

I am certain and Kim, have better words than me to help

you really heal from this, I know there is a way for you to stop

feeling what happened to you, you will never forget, but I am sure

there is a way that you can see it unemotionally, as an event that

happen, but that no longer needs to effect you emotionally?

Does this make sense?

I know Cath and Kim, will have the words that will help you to heal

further from this.

Wouldn't it be fantastic, to no longer feel creepy feelings,

fantastic to not feel ashamed over it? You can allow yourself to

feel fantastic .

Keep playing!

With Love

x

[Guest guest]

<<I was way to young to have any control over the situation, one

counselor said it's like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you keep re-

experiencing the trauma long after the event actually happened.>>

***It's not like PTSD, it IS PTSD. That's why it's " stuck " in your

head in that state, andthe drugs just froze it there for you.

<<I've been told that Rapid Eye Movement Treatment (not sure how to

explain it cause I don't know much about it) helps a person to deal

with sexual abuse and bring relief from flashbacks and memories, but

I haven't really looked into it, maybe I should start considering the

possibility of looking into what it's all about. I just want to try

and forget, but I guess this is not working.>>

***EMDR is one the only treatments that have been proven successful

for healing traumas of all types. It is certainly worth looking into!

<<I was in treatment for the sexual abuse back 1 1/2 years ago while

living in Virginia and found out I had Mutiple Personality Disorder.

We moved to New Jersey and I just never continued with therapy about

it. At some point I may go back into therapy to deal with it if I

have to. I was told I had 15 different personalities and there were

weriod things going on with me at the time with other personalities

taking control at different times.>>

***Beware the dissociative disorders people! While they are caring

compassionate people, they also really love the drama of

dissociations and tend to unwittingly encourage it.

It's very normal for people to have different personalities within

them. People with trauma histories can develop more separation among

their parts, but I think it's quite interesting that these don't

really emerge (except in very rare cases) until the person is in

treatment. While in treatment, of course, they're on some kind of

psychotropic drug.

But we all have different parts. Every one of us has said at one

time, " Part of me want to do this, but part of me wants to do that. "

And we've all had the experience of becoming aware that we've just

driven the last 5 miles without any awareness of having done so.

That's normal dissociation.

We all have different facets of our personality that handle

different facets of our lives. The part of me that paints pictures

is very different from the part of me that greets customers at work.

Of course, all of me is aware of what all my parts are doing...it

only becomes problematic when people lose that full awareness. In my

opinion, however, the treatment and its emphasis on the separateness

of all these parts does more harm than good most of the time.

<<However, I had a spiritual experience a few months back with a

group from my church praying over me and these 15 personalities

finally disappeared. So I don't have any evidence of there being any

15 personalities left to posess me now. I believe I am now one whole

person and have prayer daily and Bible Study as well. I'm working on

developing my spirituality right now and attend church every Sunday.

I get my strength to face each day from God, without Him I would

still be a mess.>>

***This is great. You were not possessed--these were just facets of

you that got separated a bit too much. but I'm glad you found a way

to heal it through faith. Faith is an application of will as well.

<<I stopped self-injuring one year ago and I'm working on trying not

to use suicidal thinking patterns as another to way escape my

uncomfortable feelings. >>

***Did you self-injure or have suicidal ideation before psychotropic

drugs? Most people find that the drugs cause these things, or make

them worse if they're already present. You may find yourself greatly

freed from these things once you're done with withdrawal and recovery.

<<I try to take things one day at a time. Each day that I make it

through I feel is an accomplishment. Each day I successfully make it

through the withdrawal symptoms and manage to keep going on is also

an accomplishment.>>

***ABSOLUTELY! You're accomplishing a lot.

<<I haven't played my flute in a week now, so I do need the

encouragement to get back to doing that atleast 30 minutes daily. I

am part of a community band now so I play with an orchestra and when

I'm playing I forget my troubles, so I really need to keep up with

practicing. It's hard for me to find the motivation to get me

started, but once I start I'm okay with playing.>>

***It's good that you recognize this. Definitely get yourself busy.

I think part of your problem is that you have a lot of emotional

energy that you're not expending in any creative/productive way, and

so that energy is available to be poured into the emotional symptoms

when they pop up. I know this--as a creative person, it happens to

me too.

You've had some great realizations--keep up the good work!

Regards,

Kim

co-moderator

[Guest guest]

,

Maybe its worth considering the EMDR, I know Bo said she was having

some.

I have a friend that was really badly sexually abused and she had alot

of success with EMDR, we did poke fun of it to start with, because she

just kept saying all she does is follow a red dot with her eyes!!!

With Love x

[Guest guest]

" I had terrible creepy-crawly bizarre body

sensations while in withdrawal, "

Me to , well mine were in my head, it felt like worms were crawling

all over my head. Weird isnt it.

[Guest guest]

<<Oops, I just reallized I need to decrease my Lexapro from 1mg

to .75mg and not .5mg. I wasn't thinking when I wrote the e-mail.>>

That's still a 25% drop. Very big. You are having a lot of

withdrawal symptoms as it is--if I were you, I would make a much

smaller drop.

Did you see what I said about waiting a while before making any more

changes?

Kim

co-moderator