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Traumatized and afraid

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i know i have been off the grid, but things had gotten so busy for me, that now

i have time to just breathe.

dad had been placed into a care facility in July and was doing ok... i was

concerned about the patient/caregiver ratio but made sure i was around to check

on things and correct mishaps.. Even though he was in a facility, i still had to

go over and see if he needed anything, check on his clothes, make sure his meds

were properly adjusted.. etc...

last week, the facility called me saying that he was unresponsive, so i had them

call 911 and he was sent to the nearest facility. Turns out he had a bleed and

we needed to decide whether to have surgery or let him go. i was in shock..

since i had just seen him the day before. After talking with Mom we decided to

try the surgery. he came through ok.. but he hasnt opened his eyes... he moves

his legs and arms and he is reactive to light when the docs open the eyes. he

currently has an NG tube in place.

He refused to do a will ( claiming that it would jinx him).. nor did he fill out

a AD..And since he is not out of the woods yet, we might be in a position of

having to make a life/death decision.... I dont want him to go through any

pain.

Im thinking about funerals and burial plots... but i dont want to scare Mom or

make her think I've given up.. I'm just trying to prepare myself..

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