Will I ever see this process to the end

[Guest guest]

It has been a rough weekend with withdrawals, irritable, angry,

super depressed, and major frustration. It has been so hard to get

out of bed to do anything these past few days. I actually thought

about giving up coming off these drugs today. Ugh, It's just such a

chore to push through the depression to get anything done. I hate

it! Boy, I'm furious at psychiatrists for putting me in this

miserable situation to begin with. Will I ever have joy in my life

again? Will the depression ever go away? Sometimes I just wish I

could pull the covers over my head and simply disappear. It's just

so hard to keep going some days. I feel so overwhelmed with the

smallest of tasks. I want to be able to care for my family, but I

can't and have a nanny to help with my kids and household chores.

But I feel so inadequate, like something is terribly wrong with me

that I can't hold down a household, cook, clean, and tolerate my two

children 6 and 7 yrs old. I just have so little tolerance when

interacting with my kids when they are disobedient and rebellious.

I just give up and have no Idea how to deal with them when they act

this way. I feel so stupid. I feel like something is terribly

wrong with me and I will never be my " old " self ever again since I

started these stupid psych. drugs 11 yrs ago. I feel like giving

up. I'm following all the things I've read and been told to do when

it comes to decreasing the drugs, I really don't want to go back up

with my mg. I want to stick it out until I adjust before cutting

again. I'm doing the 5%-10% decreases, but it's still hard. I see

a counselor for the first time in over one year tomorrow (Tuesday)to

see if I can start learning how to mainstream back into life being a

mom, homemaker, and wife and to do this without the drugs. I

defintiely need improvement with my parenting skills. I find

myself " reacting " to my kids instead of responding with wisdom and

calmness when they are disobedient or rebellious. I guess I just

need to vent my frustration. I wonder if I'll ever be ready to add

more responsiblities into my life and handle it with calm and

peace. Where is the Joy in my life? Can anyone attest to sticking

through the withdrawal process and actually becoming better able to

deal with life and stress with more ease and little to no

depression? Can I get my life back again if I stick to the program

given in this website and from ? Can I feel normal again.

I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later. I hope I'm

not making a mistake seeing a counselor, but I need to learn

parenting skills and how to deal with the depression I experience

due to decreasing my psych. drugs. I need to learn how to deal with

the overwhelming feelings I experience almost daily as I face " life

tasks " . I need improvement in my realtionship with my husband.

I've put him through so much and he is such a trooper about

everything thing, but after 11 yrs of this he is getting stressed

out himself. Oh well, this is a long e-mail so I will close. I

hope that joy comes back when I start playing my flute in the

community band. I've giving one concert with the band and will give

another this Tuesday so I hope that the joy will follow once I put

myself out there. Do things eventually get better emotionally and

physically once you are off the drugs? I guess I'll try and sleep

now. I've not had too much good luck with this area in my life

since I've been decreasing my Lexapro and Geodon. I'm still on full

dosage of my Klonipin. It seems like I've got such a long way to go

by decreasing the meds by 5%-10% increments. Is there gold at the

end of the rainbow? Well goodnight all. I just need to talk about

how the past few days have been for me and how I'm feeling today.

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