This weekend I met Capgras...

[Guest guest]

....but our meeting was brief. Still, it was creepy.

We'd gone out to get our hair done, and afterward to the restaurant next door

for lunch, as we've done so many times before. She was doing fine - or as fine

as she ever does these days - then I looked up at her and she was staring at me

with an almost panicked look on her face. I said, " Mom, are you all right? " and

she said, " You are supposed to be my daughter, and that's supposed to be Pete

(my husband, who was with us) but you aren't. You said you were but you aren't.

Where is Sherry? " and then her panic started to escalate, she looked around and

asked, " Where am I? I don't know where I am, I'm lost! Where is Sherry??? " and

continued along those lines for a few seconds. Pete said, " No, , I'm Pete

and this is your daughter Sherry... " and she clearly didn't believe him of

course...so I started talking, not dismissing her fear, but acknowledging it by

saying, " Things seem different right now don't they? " and then continuing on to

talk to her as I always would... " Thanks for coming with me to get my hair cut, I

really appreciate the moral support, do you really like it this short? Your hair

looks great, she really did a good job today! " and so on, and as I talked her

face relaxed and the moment passed. It lasted 2 minutes at the most, but she was

clearly scared to death. I'm sure as time goes on it won't be that easy to deal

with, and I know I only got a glimpse of what is to come...but it was more than

enough, and I hated it, for what it did to her...

I hate Lewy.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry you had this upsetting time with your Mom Sherry. It is not fun

at all, sad, depressing, hurtful.

My Mom is in a nursing home as of almost 4 months now, and has accepted

this is her home, her bedroom, and doing good in there, thank the Lord above,

months ago, it would of killed me to have put her in there, but things got

so crazy, out of control, her falling, trying to run away from home to be

with her make believe people in her hallicinations, that God took care of

the rest, of course, I was stressed during all these months of getting her

the help she needed, getting her medicaid approved for long term nursing

home care, and then moving her out of a really bad bad nursing home she was at

in the beginning from June and July till I moved her the end of July till

where she is at now. But I am amazed my worries are so much less now, and

she is being taken good care of, and she seems happy for the most part.

Sherry, do you take total care of your Mom at home? Has she tried to

leave the house like my Mom did at my house?

It sounds like your mom is getting real confused on who you are, how sad

for you.

Is she being monitored with her alzheimers med's, or psch med's? My Mom

was not getting help with any of these type of med's at home, and it was

getting very difficult for me to take her to the neuorologist and trying to

get her med's fixed right, which I never could get them fixed at home,

nothing was working, she was getting worse and worse and worse at home, I

almost

had a nervous breakdown, and she could of got killed here. Now I am not

worrying like I was, they have got her med's probably as good as they can get

them, but she's calm, she hasn't had any outbursts there or lost it at the

new home I got her in 2 months ago. She is on Zoloft, Seroquel, Aricept,

plus her other med's.

I pray your Mom won't get any worse, and you can continue taking care of

her at home if she is living with you for as long as you can handle and that

is safe for her too.

At my Mom's nursing home, I talked to a nice lady, her Mom is in rehab

there, and she told me she wants her mom out of there ASAP! She said she

would never let her mom live in a nursing home, her mom is 84, with severe

dementia, she puts salt and pepper, creamer in her water and tea, she has no

idea what in the world she is doing, and this woman is taking her home and

she is a social worker p/t leaving her alone while she is at work p/t. That

seems so dangerous to me, but who am I to question anyone. I did the same

thing with my Mom here at the house, I had errands to do and would leave

for an hour and come back to a disaster half the time!!

Love and HUGS!

Prayers,

In a message dated 8/29/2010 8:25:10 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

upnorth@... writes:

....but our meeting was brief. Still, it was creepy.

We'd gone out to get our hair done, and afterward to the restaurant next

door for lunch, as we've done so many times before. She was doing fine - or

as fine as she ever does these days - then I looked up at her and she was

staring at me with an almost panicked look on her face. I said, " Mom, are

you all right? " and she said, " You are supposed to be my daughter, and

that's supposed to be Pete (my husband, who was with us) but you aren't. You

said you were but you aren't. Where is Sherry? " and then her panic started to

escalate, she looked around and asked, " Where am I? I don't know where I

am, I'm lost! Where is Sherry??? " and continued along those lines for a few

seconds. Pete said, " No, , I'm Pete and this is your daughter

Sherry... " and she clearly didn't believe him of course...so I started talking,

not

dismissing her fear, but acknowledging it by saying, " Things seem different

right now don't they? " and then continuin g on to talk to her as I always

would... " Thanks for coming with me to get my hair cut, I really appreciate

the moral support, do you really like it this short? Your hair looks

great, she really did a good job today! " and so on, and as I talked her face

relaxed and the moment passed. It lasted 2 minutes at the most, but she was

clearly scared to death. I'm sure as time goes on it won't be that easy to

deal with, and I know I only got a glimpse of what is to come...but it was

more than enough, and I hated it, for what it did to her...

I hate Lewy.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherry,

My Mom always hallucinates about her millions of dollars, of course, she

had none of that, lol!

I am so sorry you went thru hell with your mom back in 2008 getting her

psch meds adjusted. I did go thru hell prior to getting those adjusted and

the first couple of weeks after, but everything settled down so far so good

for the last 3 months now.

Mom loves to get out and about too, I've only taken her out to eat a total

of about 3 or 4 times in the past almost 4 months she's been in the home,

and then for her haircut I did at my house Sat.

I pray my Mom don't have to go back to the psch hospital again, but we

never know what the future might lie ahead of us, only God knows.

When u say she lives at " Kings " , is that an ASSISTIVE LIVING PLACE OR A

NURSING HOME?

And she can come home for a full day right? At my mom's N.H. she can also

leave I think it is for 2 days, I wouldn't do that or bring her home for

the night at all to sleep.

Sounds like your mom is doing pretty good overall though:)

I'm off now to go to her nursing home for a quick visit. Some days I can o

nly stay long enough to talk to her and listen to her make believe

conversations, and then real talk, and hang her clothes up nicely and in order,

and sometimes ask the nurse how she is doing. She loves rehab and she has

been in that since last month, I guess her medicare is paying for this. I

only pay her SS check minus $60 for her stay there. Medicaid pays the rest.

As she is there on MEDICAID, not private pay or not ins. that pays for

n.h. care.

Take care of U, like I am trying to do too!

Hugs, and prayers,

In a message dated 8/30/2010 10:11:37 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

upnorth@... writes:

Hi, ,

When I read your other post, I thought to myself that your mom is about

where my mom was 2 years ago - still very high functioning, most people

didn't realize there was anything wrong, but there were certain areas where

she would have delusions and/or hallucinate - in her case, mostly about her

grand piano or her clothes or her money (of which she had none).

My mother went into a nursing home about 1/2 mile from my house in April

2008 (my intro message is #76352). The next 6 months were hell as we got

her

meds adjusted, including 2 trips (IIRC) to the psych hospital. She was out

of control much of that time, EXTREMELY depressed at the thought of living

in a nursing home, continually talking about " getting out of Dodge " (her

euphamism for suicide), etc. It was a nightmare.

Since that time we have had nearly 2 years of relative normalcy and peace

where she became content with life at King's, which includes many days

spent

at my home or " out and about " with us. She is so close that when we have

things to do it is easy to stop by and pick her up, and she loves it. She

has a " real life " , her meds have had to be adjusted a couple of times (with

short stays at the psych hospital), but for the most part she is doing

really well, seamlessly integrating into almost any social situation with

appropriate behavior (although not always appropriate speech - lol),

working

around the house when she spends the day here (at least every Sunday, and

also sometimes on other days), etc. She always knows us although forgets

the

dogs' names, repeats the same questions over and over again, tells us about

her hallucinations and delusions as if they were real, and her personality

is totally intact. Plus, she always is ready, or asks, to go back to

King's;

in fact if she is away for more than 6-7 hours she starts certain behaviors

that tell me clearly she needs the routine and structure she's used to,

and

that is definitely her home, and has been ever since the adjustment period

those first 6 months or so.

But of course the disease marches on, and a couple of months ago she asked

me who I was and if we were related, but after other than that she's been

clear about our relationship, and when away from King's is very dependent

on

me, or to a lesser degree my husband. And she is declining (very slowly,

I'm

convinced at least in part because of her perfect med regimen and the work

they do with her at King's in addition to the constant involvement of me,

my

husband, and my daughter), with this latest event just another step down in

the progression of her LBD. We handle it pretty well though, and not much

upsets me anymore...but (a) I'm not her 24/7 caregiver, and ( her decline

is very very slow at this point. I don't know that I'll be able to say the

same in the future of course .

In my case, and it certainly sounds like in yours, making a decision to

get

our mothers the kind of care that they needed was a good one. For those who

can provide it at home it can be wonderful, but living with professional

caregivers can also be wonderful; in our case, it is in our mothers best

interest by far. (My mother set her house on fire in the middle of the

night

shortly before her diagnosis; thankfully she had the presence of mind to

wake her friend who was able to put it out with only about $500

damage.)

Thanks for your note and your kind words . Only others who have

been-there-done-that can have that kind of understanding.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of

--------------------------------------------------

From: <_planomom@..._ (mailto:planomom@...) >

> I'm sorry you had this upsetting time with your Mom Sherry. It is not

> fun

> at all, sad, depressing, hurtful.

>

> My Mom is in a nursing home as of almost 4 months now, and has accepted

> this is her home, her bedroom, and doing good in there, thank the Lord

> above,

> months ago, it would of killed me to have put her in there, but things

> got

> so crazy, out of control, her falling, trying to run away from home to be

> with her make believe people in her hallicinations, that God took care of

> the rest, of course, I was stressed during all these months of getting

> her

> the help she needed, getting her medicaid approved for long term nursing

> home care, and then moving her out of a really bad bad nursing home she

> was at

> in the beginning from June and July till I moved her the end of July till

> where she is at now. But I am amazed my worries are so much less now,

> and

> she is being taken good care of, and she seems happy for the most part.

>

> Sherry, do you take total care of your Mom at home? Has she tried to

> leave the house like my Mom did at my house?

>

> It sounds like your mom is getting real confused on who you are, how sad

> for you.

>

> Is she being monitored with her alzheimers med's, or psch med's? My Mom

> was not getting help with any of these type of med's at home, and it was

> getting very difficult for me to take her to the neuorologist and trying

> to

> get her med's fixed right, which I never could get them fixed at home,

> nothing was working, she was getting worse and worse and worse at home, I

> almost

> had a nervous breakdown, and she could of got killed here. Now I am not

> worrying like I was, they have got her med's probably as good as they can

> get

> them, but she's calm, she hasn't had any outbursts there or lost it at

> the

> new home I got her in 2 months ago. She is on Zoloft, Seroquel, Aricept,

> plus her other med's.

>

> I pray your Mom won't get any worse, and you can continue taking care of

> her at home if she is living with you for as long as you can handle and

> that

> is safe for her too.

>

> At my Mom's nursing home, I talked to a nice lady, her Mom is in rehab

> there, and she told me she wants her mom out of there ASAP! She said she

> would never let her mom live in a nursing home, her mom is 84, with

> severe

> dementia, she puts salt and pepper, creamer in her water and tea, she has

> no

> idea what in the world she is doing, and this woman is taking her home

> and

> she is a social worker p/t leaving her alone while she is at work p/t.

> That

> seems so dangerous to me, but who am I to question anyone. I did the

> same

> thing with my Mom here at the house, I had errands to do and would leave

> for an hour and come back to a disaster half the time!!

[Guest guest]

Hi, ,

When I read your other post, I thought to myself that your mom is about

where my mom was 2 years ago - still very high functioning, most people

didn't realize there was anything wrong, but there were certain areas where

she would have delusions and/or hallucinate - in her case, mostly about her

grand piano or her clothes or her money (of which she had none).

My mother went into a nursing home about 1/2 mile from my house in April

2008 (my intro message is #76352). The next 6 months were hell as we got her

meds adjusted, including 2 trips (IIRC) to the psych hospital. She was out

of control much of that time, EXTREMELY depressed at the thought of living

in a nursing home, continually talking about " getting out of Dodge " (her

euphamism for suicide), etc. It was a nightmare.

Since that time we have had nearly 2 years of relative normalcy and peace

where she became content with life at King's, which includes many days spent

at my home or " out and about " with us. She is so close that when we have

things to do it is easy to stop by and pick her up, and she loves it. She

has a " real life " , her meds have had to be adjusted a couple of times (with

short stays at the psych hospital), but for the most part she is doing

really well, seamlessly integrating into almost any social situation with

appropriate behavior (although not always appropriate speech - lol), working

around the house when she spends the day here (at least every Sunday, and

also sometimes on other days), etc. She always knows us although forgets the

dogs' names, repeats the same questions over and over again, tells us about

her hallucinations and delusions as if they were real, and her personality

is totally intact. Plus, she always is ready, or asks, to go back to King's;

in fact if she is away for more than 6-7 hours she starts certain behaviors

that tell me clearly she needs the routine and structure she's used to, and

that is definitely her home, and has been ever since the adjustment period

those first 6 months or so.

But of course the disease marches on, and a couple of months ago she asked

me who I was and if we were related, but after other than that she's been

clear about our relationship, and when away from King's is very dependent on

me, or to a lesser degree my husband. And she is declining (very slowly, I'm

convinced at least in part because of her perfect med regimen and the work

they do with her at King's in addition to the constant involvement of me, my

husband, and my daughter), with this latest event just another step down in

the progression of her LBD. We handle it pretty well though, and not much

upsets me anymore...but (a) I'm not her 24/7 caregiver, and ( her decline

is very very slow at this point. I don't know that I'll be able to say the

same in the future of course .

In my case, and it certainly sounds like in yours, making a decision to get

our mothers the kind of care that they needed was a good one. For those who

can provide it at home it can be wonderful, but living with professional

caregivers can also be wonderful; in our case, it is in our mothers best

interest by far. (My mother set her house on fire in the middle of the night

shortly before her diagnosis; thankfully she had the presence of mind to

wake her friend who was able to put it out with only about $500

damage.)

Thanks for your note and your kind words . Only others who have

been-there-done-that can have that kind of understanding.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of

--------------------------------------------------

> I'm sorry you had this upsetting time with your Mom Sherry. It is not

> fun

> at all, sad, depressing, hurtful.

>

> My Mom is in a nursing home as of almost 4 months now, and has accepted

> this is her home, her bedroom, and doing good in there, thank the Lord

> above,

> months ago, it would of killed me to have put her in there, but things

> got

> so crazy, out of control, her falling, trying to run away from home to be

> with her make believe people in her hallicinations, that God took care of

> the rest, of course, I was stressed during all these months of getting

> her

> the help she needed, getting her medicaid approved for long term nursing

> home care, and then moving her out of a really bad bad nursing home she

> was at

> in the beginning from June and July till I moved her the end of July till

> where she is at now. But I am amazed my worries are so much less now,

> and

> she is being taken good care of, and she seems happy for the most part.

>

> Sherry, do you take total care of your Mom at home? Has she tried to

> leave the house like my Mom did at my house?

>

> It sounds like your mom is getting real confused on who you are, how sad

> for you.

>

> Is she being monitored with her alzheimers med's, or psch med's? My Mom

> was not getting help with any of these type of med's at home, and it was

> getting very difficult for me to take her to the neuorologist and trying

> to

> get her med's fixed right, which I never could get them fixed at home,

> nothing was working, she was getting worse and worse and worse at home, I

> almost

> had a nervous breakdown, and she could of got killed here. Now I am not

> worrying like I was, they have got her med's probably as good as they can

> get

> them, but she's calm, she hasn't had any outbursts there or lost it at

> the

> new home I got her in 2 months ago. She is on Zoloft, Seroquel, Aricept,

> plus her other med's.

>

> I pray your Mom won't get any worse, and you can continue taking care of

> her at home if she is living with you for as long as you can handle and

> that

> is safe for her too.

>

> At my Mom's nursing home, I talked to a nice lady, her Mom is in rehab

> there, and she told me she wants her mom out of there ASAP! She said she

> would never let her mom live in a nursing home, her mom is 84, with

> severe

> dementia, she puts salt and pepper, creamer in her water and tea, she has

> no

> idea what in the world she is doing, and this woman is taking her home

> and

> she is a social worker p/t leaving her alone while she is at work p/t.

> That

> seems so dangerous to me, but who am I to question anyone. I did the

> same

> thing with my Mom here at the house, I had errands to do and would leave

> for an hour and come back to a disaster half the time!!

[Guest guest]

King's is a nursing home but they also have rehab, and quite a few temporary

patients who just come for therapy and then go home again. It's very small

(65 beds I think?) and the staff is like family. They - from the aides to

the administrator - are always available for the family also, and it's a

very affectionate environment as well. If I had to stay somewhere I would

have no problem being there myself . It is way on top of a hill

overlooking " our " lake - we live at Houghton Lake, the largest inland lake

in Michigan, and from their windows they have a panoramic view of the lake.

In fact during their morning announcements they announce how many boats are

on the lake - lol.

I don't mind my mom going to the psych hospital, because it's always just

5-7 days, and that's the only way she can get her meds adjusted quickly. And

she always comes back in MUCH better shape than when she left . As her

disease has progressed she has needed several med adjustments, and I'm

thankful she can go get them done and have a better quality of life

afterward. I talk to the staff every day while she's there, and to the

psychiatrist at least a couple of times.

My mother is also on Medicaid, she gets her $60 for personal items plus I

get $60/mo. for being her guardian (which I usually spend on her anyway, her

own $60 doesn't go very far!), and the rest goes to King's with medicaid

picking up the difference. She gets so many days and/or nights she can be

away (don't remember the exact number), I could keep her here overnight but

she always wants to go home in the evening .

My mom's money delusions have stopped pretty much, and she knows she doesn't

have any now. But just yesterday she was helping me convert my former " shop "

(I had my own business for 8 years in a custom-built room attached to my

house - had to give it up due to my own health issues last year) into a

music room. We were hard at work, scrubbing and moving furniture and

organizing, and she said to me, " Isn't it great that I don't have to pay my

own bills or buy my own groceries or take care of a house anymore? All those

years, all of that money I spent, and now I don't have to do it anymore!

Plus I get to come here whenever I want to, isn't that great??? " (Some days

she calls just to ask if she can come over and hang out with my 3 little

dogs that she adores, and we run over and pick her up.)

You and I seem to lead parallel lives but thousands of miles away from each

other .

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of

--------------------------------------------------

> Hi Sherry,

> My Mom always hallucinates about her millions of dollars, of course, she

> had none of that, lol!

>

> I am so sorry you went thru hell with your mom back in 2008 getting her

> psch meds adjusted. I did go thru hell prior to getting those adjusted

> and

> the first couple of weeks after, but everything settled down so far so

> good

> for the last 3 months now.

>

> Mom loves to get out and about too, I've only taken her out to eat a

> total

> of about 3 or 4 times in the past almost 4 months she's been in the home,

> and then for her haircut I did at my house Sat.

>

> I pray my Mom don't have to go back to the psch hospital again, but we

> never know what the future might lie ahead of us, only God knows.

>

> When u say she lives at " Kings " , is that an ASSISTIVE LIVING PLACE OR A

> NURSING HOME?

>

> And she can come home for a full day right? At my mom's N.H. she can

> also

> leave I think it is for 2 days, I wouldn't do that or bring her home for

> the night at all to sleep.

>

> Sounds like your mom is doing pretty good overall though:)

>

> I'm off now to go to her nursing home for a quick visit. Some days I can

> o

> nly stay long enough to talk to her and listen to her make believe

> conversations, and then real talk, and hang her clothes up nicely and in

> order,

> and sometimes ask the nurse how she is doing. She loves rehab and she

> has

> been in that since last month, I guess her medicare is paying for this.

> I

> only pay her SS check minus $60 for her stay there. Medicaid pays the

> rest.

> As she is there on MEDICAID, not private pay or not ins. that pays for

> n.h. care.

>