Re: I'm curious about how people behaved in school?

[Guest guest]

that is horrifying. I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

I've had twisted teachers but that is just awful. ((((((((Hugs))))))))

[Guest guest]

yeah, there were kids who would be bullies on the bus that wouldn't be

bullies at school so much, the bus brings out the worst in people for

some reason...a captive audience I guess. I don't think I'd let my kid

ride the bus to school. I kind of wonder sometimes how the people who

made life h*ll for other kids fared in life...or if they are in jail

now. Some are probably CEO's...I really don't know.

[Guest guest]

familiotypical....lololol, that completely cracked me up. I needed a

laugh, that is too funny. I wonder about how bpd's think in just about

every way. People say there is no 'normal'....but I know there is

definitely 'healthy' so I think we should shoot for that, though the

bpd would wheedle out of it somehow.

[Guest guest]

Well, it helps shut down the constant worrying and my social

anxiety. I have rarely had it (during my wedding it was prescribed

to me by my doctor when I told him what was going on), but the few

times I have used it, I felt a hell of a lot better, and more like

myself.

Don't be concerned. I have no substance abuse problems. I watched

both sides of my family torn to pieces by alcoholism, so I have

steered clear of drugs and alcohol (unless you count my college days

which ended in '01). I do think that the Xanax serves a very

beneficial purpose when necessary, and if things blow up with

stepnada (which I can feel coming), I will be talking to my doctor

again.

> >

> > Do children of bpd's act out? I personally was quiet as a mouse

> and

> > never stepped out of line at school. How common is this? I

> remember

> > one time our bus driver remarked about how 'well-behaved' we 4

> kids

> > were and how we never caused trouble. All of us have a hard time

> > standing up for ourselves and tend to be push-overs. We have a

> hard

> > time with self-confidence, and think way too highly of just about

> > every other person on the face of the earth, and think way too

> little

> > of ourselves; i.e. I've noticed a common thread with my siblings

> to

> > behave as if we think just about everyone else is better than us.

> >

> > In substance abuse recovery I have met alot of people who acted

> out as

> > children. I wonder if there is a tendency or pattern with KO's? I

> was

> > very religious growing up and never even thought about 'coloring

> > outside the lines' when it came to rebelling and bunking

> authority, at

> > least until my late teens, when I swung drastically in the other

> > direction.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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>

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate to that feeling, lol. I had a minor relapse in 2001,

after having been clean and sober almost ten years. I took two diet

pills. I had this feeling of, good lord, this is what I'd been looking

for my whole life. I had never taken any kind of ephedrine/amphetamine

whatever, before, I was mainly a drinker. my thought was 'wow, I'm

going to stay on this for the rest of my life'. then I started having

heart palpitations from the pills. I am so glad I didn't do uppers

when I was out there using, I'd be dead. I liked it that much. And I

woke up that monkey on my back, lol, and re-started the

compulsion/craving that addicts have...I was in h*ll for about 30

days. It was so not worth it, but I understand that initial euphoria

of taking something like that and loving it.

[Guest guest]

Now that is true control. You go there and recognize that it is complete shit

and you back out. Good for you.

Re: I'm curious about how people behaved in school?

I can relate to that feeling, lol. I had a minor relapse in 2001,

after having been clean and sober almost ten years. I took two diet

pills. I had this feeling of, good lord, this is what I'd been looking

for my whole life. I had never taken any kind of ephedrine/amphetami ne

whatever, before, I was mainly a drinker. my thought was 'wow, I'm

going to stay on this for the rest of my life'. then I started having

heart palpitations from the pills. I am so glad I didn't do uppers

when I was out there using, I'd be dead. I liked it that much. And I

woke up that monkey on my back, lol, and re-started the

compulsion/craving that addicts have...I was in h*ll for about 30

days. It was so not worth it, but I understand that initial euphoria

of taking something like that and loving it.

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[Guest guest]

I wish. I can't impart what that 30 days was like. I prayed my arse

off for weeks. I hadn't experienced the compulsion/obsession to use

in so long I'd forgotten what it was like. It is very real, but it's

like growing up with a bpd, if it's not part of your experience it

doesn't make any sense. Words like choice and control don't enter

into the picture. I am spiritual but not religious and I remained in

a constant state of prayer for days, I meditated the rest of the

time and did affirmations. It was one of the worst experiences of my

life, but at the same time, it reaffirmed for me that I am a true

alcoholic-addict and that I can't use *anything* and expect to live

free of obsession/ compulsion. Because my drug experience was

limited when I first got sober, I think there was a lingering doubt

about that. No more. Now I know better, any mood altering substance

will trigger it, and I will be off to the races. Eventually I will

drink and then god knows what will happen. I very nearly ran over

someone while driving drunk the first time around, and also backed

into a friend of mine with my car back then too. I feel like those

were my two strikes and I fear it will be my life or someone else's

if I drink again. That is why it didn't go any further, because I

begged every deity in the universe to help me not go further. I

can't take any credit for that at all. I truly gained understanding

of that saying in Narcotics Anon, about 'there is a monkey on your

back, just don't wake him up'. I hope mine sleeps for the rest of my

life.