Re: Re:Sad and depressed today friends

[Guest guest]

I like your email, RUBY, that's my Mom's name:)

I pray my Mom won't get worse like your mom did. It will kill me. But

I've gotten to the point, I wouldn't put it past her to get worse, with

this

disease, it is always UNPREDICTABLE. I think even the stable ones

still have bad times from now and then, and could go off the deep end

at any time. I pray that don't happen!!

I toured many nursing homes, and this was during this past year. I found

the ones at the time that were PENDING MEDICAID, and those in Texas are

very

poor run, old old old, stinky, and sad sad sad, nothing much for them to

do, etc. But.... having said that, sometimes, if a patient has very bad

dementia, like you described your mom having and anyone else, if it comes to

a LOCKED DOWN unit, then so be it. I toured a couple of those locked down

places, and it was degrading, but if it has to be done, then it has to be

done, and if the staff is great, that makes all the difference.

I cried reading this, it is so sweet, I will be with my Mom till the end,

just like I know she would of been with me if I had this horrible disease.

Love and Hugs! I know u must miss her like crazy. I don't know what I

will do when my Mom is gone. I am thankful I have her now.

in Texas

In a message dated 9/3/2010 2:00:50 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

RUBY288@... writes:

,

I read your letter and felt your pain. My mother passed away 15 months

ago. I watched the same scenes unfold, witnessed the same unbelievable

behavior and had the same fear and worries that you are having now. There were

days that I didn't think I could deal with it anymore. BUT...love gets us

through it.

Although I rarely posted (didn't have the emotional energy), I always

looked to this group to help me, teach me and enable me to see that I was not

alone. I will be honest with you...my mother's behavior got MUCH worse. I

had to move her from three facilities. She was placed in a geriatric

psychiatric unit on two occasions and they called me three times to inform me

that

Mom had to be restrained. Keep in mind, my mother didn't weigh much over

100 pounds by then and was 5 ft. tall. I finally stopped fighting reality

and placed her in a " lock down " dementia unit, because there was nowhere else

for her. I swore I would not let that happen, but in the end, I had no

choice. I am here to assure you that I was wrong for prematurely judging the

facility. For it was here that I found some of the bravest, most passionate

and caring people that I have ever witnessed, caring for our elderly.

Granted there are always a few who make you wonder how they got the job, but t

hose very special employees advocated for my mother, guided me through the

final stages, supported me when things were the toughest and became my

friends.

It was also at this place that I came to peace with my mother's illness

and began to truly love and admire the elderly. Because I spent so much time

there, I came to love many of the other patients and understand that if

you stay by the side of your loved one and pay close attention, they will

show up once in a while and remind you of who they really are. The behaviors

you're watching, the words you're hearing and the actions directed at you

are NOT your mother, but the disease. My mother was a little dainty southern

lady who was kind, giving and loving. She never used bad language and was a

model of all things civil and appropriate. But before she left this earth

she spit at me, cursed me, stole things, hit people and fought many who

tried to help her. She was angry and hated everyone and everything for much of

the time. She begged to die over and over. This beautiful lady looked like

a 60 pound wild woman in her final days. I prayed she'd not understand or

remember seeing or hearing herself as she was.

If you're frozen with fear, disgust and pain, just ask yourself what your

mother would have done if this was you. That's all I had to do and I

instantly knew all the answers and pushed on. Because I knew that if it was me,

my mother would have never deserted me and would have been right there with

me until the end. , I pray for you, your mother and your family. You

have the strength and love to do what you need to do and that is only to do

the best that you can. If nothing else, I know that no matter how she felt

otherwise, my mother always knew that I loved her and that she was not

alone. You have only but to look at the lovely people on this list and how

they continue on each day, to know how important you are in your mother's

heart. And remember...it's the evil disease and not your mother.

God bless!

Donna Horbal

daughter of Anne Lankford (2/9/1931-6/1/2009)-Parkinson's and/or LBD

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