Pain and Intercourse

[Guest guest]

Just some thoughts.

I am a bit concerned by the fact that society leads people, specifically

women, to believe pain is " normal " when a woman first starts engaging in

vaginal intercourse. If the pain was caused by any other activity people know

something is wrong and stop. The opposite is true of intercourse. In this

case, we are told it is normal and to just grin and bare it. The problem lies

in that for women with medical problems like vaginismus, repeated exposure to

vaginal pain actually causes things to get worse. Women expect things to get

better when they are actually getting worse. Pain is bad, period. No pain, no

brain.

I am also concerned by what some of the women here have been told by their

doctor. Some of you have said your doctor has told you to go ahead and

attempt intercourse, when you have only experienced pain during recent

attempts. Do the doctors expect the problem to just mysteriously go away? Is

it wise to attempt to insert something as large as an erect penis into a

potential space that is not accustomed to it, and which may in fact resist

it? If the last time you had intercourse was painful, the last thing you

want to be doing is attempting intercourse again, without proper preparation.

Your doctor is probably the last person to seek sexual advice from. Most

receive little or no formal training in female sexuality. They likely know no

more than does a group of teenagers. The source of their information on

sexuality may in fact be locker room conversations.

If your last experience with intercourse was painful, you need to approach

your next experience slowly and cautiously. You need to crawl before you

walk, then run. If you cannot insert a lubricated finger into your vagina

without experiencing discomfort, you should not attempt intercourse. If you

cannot insert three lubricated fingers without experiencing discomfort, you

should not attempt intercourse. If you do, things will likely get worse.

The reason being, your brain will takes steps to protect you from this pain.

It may prevent you from becoming sexually aroused and as a result your vagina

will not lubricate. Your brain may contract your pelvic and vaginal muscles

to prevent penetration. If you have intercourse anyway, the pain will likely

become greater than before. Each time you do this, your body will become

conditioned to respond in a protective manner to intercourse. It will do

everything in its power to prevent it. What may start out as a medical

problem becomes a psychological one. Even is the medical problem is resolved,

you main still experience pain during intercourse. Pain is bad.

If you have a history of experiencing vaginal pain during intercourse, try

vaginal massage prior to attempting intercourse again. This basically means

using a lubricated finger(s) to massage the vaginal and pelvic muscles. This

does not mean, insert or push a finger into your vagina. You want to lightly

press against your pelvic and vaginal muscles, massaging in small circles or

back and forth. Use a very light touch to start, never using any pressure or

force. You want your vagina to open on its own, you do not want to force it

open. Use tons of lubricant; non-petroleum based products only. You start at

your vaginal orifice and slowly work your way in. If it hurts to touch the

orifice, vestibule, do not attempt to go any further. If it is uncomfortable,

just massage lightly and try to relax your pelvic muscles. If it always hurts

to touch your vestibule, or the inside of your vagina, do not have

intercourse. If you do, things will likely get worse, not better. You can do

this alone, or with a partner. If you do it with a partner, communication is

essential.

You do not need to have intercourse with your partner to have a pleasurable

and satisfying sexual relationship. Do not be afraid to tell your partner no.

There is no law that says you absolutely must have intercourse with them. You

do not have to endure pain just because you are a woman. If your relationship

is failing because you are not able to have intercourse, intercourse is not

the problem or the solution.

There is more information about this subject on my website. Look in the

sections on Orgasm, Intercourse, Dissatisfaction, Anal Sex (the advise on

this subject also applies to vaginal intercourse) and Tampon Insertion.

http://www.the-clitoris.com

Debbie